Monday, April 25, 2011

The Ups and Downs of Technology

Thought for the day: In the Bowling Alley of Tomorrow, there will even be machines that wear rental shoes and throw the ball for you. Your sole function will be to drink beer.  Dave Barry

(Crap. Just my luck. I HATE beer.)

Modern technology is amazing, isn't it? Ohhhhh, the things science and technology can do for us! The amazing things computers can do! The wonders of the Internet ... the joys of meeting people from all parts of the world through blogging. Then again, on the other hand, as C.P. Snow wrote in the New York Times in March of 1971: Technology ... is a queer thing. It brings you great gifts with one hand, and it stabs you in the back with the other.

In other words, my problem with Blogger didn't miraculously "cure" itself over the weekend. I still can't post a picture, dadgum it. Sincere thanks to all of you who offered suggestions and/or commiserations. I really appreciate it. Alas, no time to monkey around with the template right now, so I'll simply have to settle for writing another post without pictures.

So.

I find it mind-boggling and a tiny bit freaky that some automobiles can actually parallel park at the curb all by themselves, don't you? But what happens, I ask you, when the technology-dependent driver is reading the newspaper or putting on fresh make-up, or whatever the heck it is a person is supposed to be doing while the car is allegedly working its magic, and the magic doesn't work? What if the car refuses to take its proper place at the side of the road, and the poor hapless driver, who never learned how to parallel park, is stranded in the middle of the road, and has to fend for himself? (The horror of it all!) Fear not, my friends, for I offer you (Ta-DA!) plan B. Curb feelers! Remember them? They were simple metal thingamajiggies that stuck out from the lower side of the car, allowing the less-than-talented parallel parker to tell by the scraping sound that he was close enough to the curb. (Worked like a charm for my mother in '58.)

Do you rely on a PDA? I suggest you have a back-up plan for that, too. Like a good old-fashioned PAD and pencil. And don't you think it'd be a swimmingly grand idea if all cashiers actually knew how to add and subtract? It isn't so much that technology provides pitfalls; I think we trip ourselves and risk falling flat on our faces when we become so dependent on those technologies that we can no longer function without them. We let the machines do for us, and lose the ability to do for ourselves.

I like my new telephone;
My computer works just fine.
My calculator is perfect,
But Lord, I miss my mind!

Can you think of any times that technology stabbed you in the back ... or bit you in the butt?

I hope y'all had a glorious weekend. We did. It's always a joy to spend time with our grandchildren, and even though my body is sitting here in front of my computer, I'm afraid my head is still is Alabama, running around the back yard with the kiddies. I'm not sure who was happier to see us: the grandkids when we got to Alabama, or our cats when we got back home. So I'm gonna close today's blog by listing some of the things that our smart cats (and yours) have to remember:

  • Screaming at a can of food won't make it open itself.
  • I should not assume the patio door is open when I race outside to chase leaves.
  • If I put a live mouse in my food bowl, I should not expect it to stay there until I get hungry.
  • If I bite the cactus, it will bite back.
  • I shouldn't stand on the bathroom counter, stare down the hall, and growl at nothing right after my human watches X Files.
  • Television and computer screens do not exist just to backlight my lovely derriere.
  • No matter how shiny and dangly they are, my human's earrings aren't cat toys.
  • If I keep playing dead cat on the stairs while people are trying to bring in groceries, one of these days it will really come true.
  • My human is capable of cooking bacon and eggs without my help.
  • Canned cat food is already dead. No need to swat chunks of it all over the floor.
  • I'm a carnivore. Potted plants aren't meat.
  • I will never be able to walk on the ceiling, and staring up at it and screaming won't bring it any closer.
  • It is not a good idea to try to lap up the powdered creamer before it all dissolves in the boiling coffee.
  • The goldfish likes living in water and must be allowed to remain in its bowl.
  • If my human wants to share her sandwich with me, she'll give me a piece. She will notice if I start eating it from the other end.
  • I cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside.
  • I am a neutered cat, not a peacock, and prancing around with my tail fluffed up will not make my balls grow back.
  • If I must give a present to my human's overnight guests, my toy mouse is much more socially acceptable than a live cockroach, even if it isn't as tasty.
  • Just because I hear voices in my head, I don't have to answer them.
Well, that's about it for now. Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.

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No trees were killed in the sending of this message. However, a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.
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10 comments:

  1. LOL-ing at the list of reminders for cats. Very timely, as my grand-kitties are visiting right now, and can be...entertaining. ;)

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  2. I had problems with blogger most of today. Wouldn't let me access other blogs or leave comments. Grrrr. Technology is great, when it works.
    Glad you had a great weekend. I did, too.
    Karen

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  3. Love that cat list!
    (And it makes me miss my cat, boo hoo.)

    Technology is a blessing and a curse, that's for sure. I've become fairly efficient at the things I use regularly, but my learning curve is really bumpy.

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  4. Love these lists of yours - the cat one is hilarious :-) An old man I once knew had the equivalent of kerb feelers, well, traffic feelers, really. When he heard his wing mirrors scrape on parked cars, or passing vehicles, he knew he'd got too close!
    Thanks for a jolly start to my day.

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  5. Tell me oh wise one of the cats (and after I read through your cat list, I spit soda out of my nose) why does my cat sprawl on the kitchen table like it's a sofa? I understand she wants to be with us, but what is it about the kitchen table? We don't eat at it so there's never food there.

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  6. Hi, Ladies. Thanks so much for your comments.

    Linda- Glad to hear I made you laugh. It appears my work here is done. Enjoy those grandkitties. Kinda like grandkiddies: you can spoil the crap out of them and then send them home.

    Karen- Sorry to hear Blogger was messing with you, too. But since you were able to leave a message, hopefully, your problem has been solved. It appears that a ton of people are having a problem posting pictures to their blogs right now. Oh well. At least I'm not alone.

    Dianne- Sorry the list made you miss your cat. After our Persian died, we waited a few months and then went to the shelter and adopted two kittens. Only thing better than one cat is TWO of 'em. Only problem is, when something gets broken, now we don't know which one of 'em did it!

    Karla- HA! I like the story about your old neighbor's traffic feelers, but I have a feeling his ways weren't too popular with the other drivers in town.

    Anne- Why do cats do anything? Because they can. They love to get anywhere that provides them with a good view of their kingdom. (Don't kid yourself ... eveything in your house belongs to the cat!) One of our cats is an explorer, and she climbs up and into everything. The higher, the better. Woke up one morning to find her on top of the wooden cornice above one of our bedroom windows!

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  7. I like your traffic feelers idea. I still have trouble parallel parking. At least you have a good reason not to post picures. I need a village to help me do it. Very nicely written! Julie

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  8. Great little piece of verse there...I've been looking for my mind for quite some time now.
    Thanks for dropping in on thefeatherednest

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  9. This is such a great post full of so many goodies that I don't know where to start! Let me just say I agree totally on the subject of technology, and your pearls of cat wisdom had me cracking up.

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  10. Hi, Julie- Would you believe I have NEVER parallel parked? (and for the sake of my little red car, I hope I never HAVE to!)

    Karla- Thanks for stopping by. I know what you mean about the mind. I'm so afraid of forgetting how to do math, I rarely use a calculator.

    Kara- Thanks. Glad you enjoyed it.

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