Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Care for a Crapcake Sandwich?

Thought for the day:  What we've got here is a failure to communicate. [Paul Newman, in Cool Hand Luke.]

Remember our pal Chopsticks? He's been waiting in the back of that truck for some time now, just a-waiting for us to take off to look for some more of those bizarre Chinese-to-English translations he enjoys so much.

So, whattaya say we humor him?

As always, thanks to the fine folks at engrish who so graciously granted me permission to share their fun stuff with you.

So, ready? And awaaaaay we go...













Okay, Chopsticks is getting a little too excited at the thought of that huge crap seafood, so I think we'd better call it a day for now. He wants to go out back and find something disgusting to roll around in... his idea of grooming, I believe.

                                Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.

61 comments:

  1. You know, there are times when I can really use a hot cup of Defecation Tea! I'll bet it's equally effective over ice! Could I request a bulk order?
    Julie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But of course, my dear. Bulk is especially important for anyone in need of that particular tea's medicinal magic.

      Delete
  2. Susan, these are hilarious, delightful. Where does one get those garden plaques?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I dunno, but I'll bet you could make them as a DIY project. You'd be the absolute hit of your neighborhood!

      Delete
  3. Oh, these things are so funny.

    "HUGE CRAP SEAFOOD RESTAURENT"

    I guess that's just their way of saying you'll get your money's worth?

    I think the funniest one I've ever seen (my Brother and I both occasionally quote it and laugh about it) was from several years ago. It was an assembly booklet for something (a bicycle, an air conditioning unit?) that had obviously been manufactured in China and the booklet was written by an English-challenged Chinese person.

    When referring to some small, fragile piece, the assembly instructions said: "NO FUHK WITH THIS!" (Only the H was a C, of course.)

    I'm still laughing about that one.

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. These fractured translations always crack me up. Not terribly PC, but terribly funny.

      We once bought a box of "original dill bits" at a tool sale, which we thought was pretty funny, but if we'd come across that line you saw in that manual, I think we would've kept it just for laughs. Heck, we mighta FRAMED it. (Another conspiracy?) My hubby was repairing an N gauge locomotive recently, and lost three (THREE!) itty bitty little springs. Too bad the train didn't come with "your" assembly warning on it.

      Delete
  4. Lamb raisin ice cream? No thank you!
    And I'll pass on the crapmeat sandwich too.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I think that final Chinese eatery is in my home town

    ReplyDelete
  6. I got lots of laughs out of these. I think I've had a few crapmeat tortillas here in Texas. I'll definitely steer clear of the defecation tea and fried enema......

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, I think most of us have had crapmeat before. They used to serve it regularly in the school cafeteria... only we called it "mystery meat" back then.

      Delete
  7. Piss make me die ... lol

    Oh, and I didn't know that bidets could be that dangerous!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad to make ya laugh. Listen, you just never know about bidets... I never HAVE trusted them things.

      Delete
  8. Dear Susan,
    I think you out did even yourself this time and that is a hard one to beat. I was howling at each one and my cat and dog think I'm having some kind of an attack. I am, a laugh attack. That icon of the guy on the strong water power is soooo funny. The Gulliver Travels in techicolon reminds me of when we were teenagers and technicolor just came out so we called it
    testiclecolor. Not so funny but that was as smutty as we ever got. Thanks for the morning laugh.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm glad these messed up translations started your day with a laugh. (My favorite kind of exercise.)

      You and your friends came up with the perfect word for technicolor. Totally hysterical. I'll bet you were a real hoot as a teenager. Never mind... what am I saying? You still ARE.

      Delete
  9. Oh, my gosh! I think I just bust a gut. Too funny!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Replies
    1. I know whatcha mean. (It made my face flush!)

      Delete
  11. Ouch, a fried enema you say
    That would sure clear things out at ones bay
    May that is why one needs to eat crap
    To fill the ever emptying gap haha

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Defecation tea provides the push
      And keeps fried enema away from one's tush,
      But eating crapmeat is another way
      To make one bawl on that bodacious bidet.

      Delete
  12. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The Lip and Eye Remover is labelled as "Light Balance" and "Lightly Gel Type". I shudder to think what the heavy stuff might do.

      Very funny.

      Delete
    2. You betcha! It might take off the whole darned face!

      Delete
  13. You used one of my all-time favorite movie lines!

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Woo HOO! Lucky choice. I happen to know you've got a lotta favorites, though.

      Delete
  14. I NEVER order the fried enema.

    Now the BAKED enema...

    Pearl

    ReplyDelete
  15. "The hurted ass man." I'm going to be repeating that all day. LOL. These are hilarious.

    ReplyDelete
  16. It wasn't Paul Newman, it was Struther Martin, the Captain.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You smartie.

      Actually, we're both right. The Captain was the first one in the movie to say the line, but Paul Newman said it later on.

      Delete
    2. Yes you're right. Paul Newman said it as he was imitating/mocking the Captain.

      Delete
  17. Thank you. I normally despise observational humor surrounding translation issues (ask me about Finnish sometime) and yet today, this is what I needed.

    It's been a crappy day and the big crap seafood made me smile despite myself. Notice, I read to the end of the post.

    Lovely mirth. Thanks.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi-ya. Thanks for stopping by. I'm, um, glad you didn't hate it.

      Glad to make ya smile. A smile can fix (almost) anything.

      Delete
  18. The skinny and the hurted ass man. Piss make like this. Piss make me die. AHAHAHAHAHAH! Gad I love bathroom translation humor!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And THAT is one of the reasons we get along so well...

      Delete
  19. My wife is constipated after her recent surgery. Maybe I should track down some defecation tea for her? :)

    ReplyDelete
  20. I'm laughing out loud here...my husband is beginning to wonder about me.

    Thanks - I needed that today.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Ah Susan,

    Humble apologies for my late arrival to the festivities. Although being gone three in the morning in lil' ol' England, I reckon I should get some kind of award or honourable (honorable) mention! No? Oh well.

    Me thinks those signs remind me of a certain Chinese restaurant I go to. I'm going to now have a cup of tea before I actually do something weird like sleep. And no, not that type of tea! Nice one, Susan :)

    Gary

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But of course you get an honourable mention. What OTHER kind of mention would you get, my friend?

      And tea sounds like a mighty good idea about now. I think I'll put this computer to bed and fix myself a cuppa.

      Take care.

      Delete
  22. Fried enemas!?!?

    Oh boy, now that is something that needs correcting.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Why? I'm sure they're unused. And they could slather them with lots of garlic butter...

      Delete
  23. These are funny! Lip and Eye Remover? I'll pass.

    Kathy M.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You and me both. Age is already reducing their size quite handily without any additional assistance.

      Delete
  24. Hilarious. I wonder what it would say if I tried to write in Chinese though.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wouldn't even want to TRY! (And I wonder how many of those trendy tattoos written in Chinese characters actually say what the people sporting them THINK they say.)

      Delete
  25. Man, I could use some of that Defecation Tea!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HA! Might be safer to try prunes... or a crapcake sandwich.

      Delete
  26. Too funny! I just read the kite one below, too. Awesome video. That guy has dedication and talent.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Doesn't he? And in his eighties, yet. Maybe flying a kite helps keep him young. It sure seems to help his coordination.

      Delete
  27. Thanks for sharing great article

    Inilah cara memasak capcay dengan cita rasa yang khas, cocok dihidangkan untuk keluarga anda. Jika anda ingan yang lebih enak sebaiknya belajar juga cara memasak cumi karena cita rasa cumi sangat menggoda. Untuk anda yang suka dengan olahan daging sebaiknya belajar cara memasak rendang dengan bumbu khas. Dan untuk masakan simpel anda bisa belajar cara memasak nasi goreng praktis dengan langkah yang sangat mudah sekali.

    ReplyDelete