Friday, June 21, 2013

Cheers, Y'All!

Thought for the day:  Whiskey is, by far, the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. [Jerry Vale]


In 1952, Armon M. Sweat, Jr., a member of the Texas House of Representatives, was asked for his opinion of whiskey. Being the true politician that he was, this was his response, as recorded in the Political Archives of Texas:

"If you mean whiskey, the devil's brew, the poison scourge, the bloody monster that defiles innocence, dethrones reason, destroys the home, creates misery and poverty, yea, literally takes the bread from the mouths of little children; if you mean that evil drink that topples Christian men and women from the pinnacles of righteous and gracious living into the bottomless pit of degradation, shame, despair, helplessness, and hopelessness, then, my friend, I am opposed to it with every fiber of my being.

"However, if by whiskey you mean the lubricant of conversation, the philosophic juice, the elixir of life, the liquid that is consumed when good fellows get together, that puts a song in their hearts and the warm glow of contentment in their eyes; if you mean Christmas cheer, the stimulating sip that puts a little spring in the step of an elderly gentleman on a frosty morning; if you mean that drink that enables man to magnify his joy, and to forget life's great tragedies and heartbreaks and sorrow; if you mean that drink the sale of which pours into Texas treasuries untold millions of dollars each year, that provides tender care for our little crippled children, our blind, our deaf, our dumb, our pitifully aged and infirm, to build the finest highways, hospitals, universities, and community colleges in this nation, then my friend, I am absolutely, unequivocally in favor of it.

"This is my position, and as always, I refuse to compromise on matters of principle."

You've gotta love a politician who can speak so articulately out of both sides of his mouth, but he's right, ya know. The abuse of alcohol can lead to all kinds of horrors, but as a social lubricant, it can also be quite... delightful.

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. [Ben Franklin]

Whoever drinks beer, he is quick to sleep;
Whoever sleeps long, does not sin;
Whoever does not sin, enters Heaven!
Thus, let us drink beer!   [Martin Luther]



While Smarticus and I were in Dahlonega, we went to a wine tasting... in broad daylight even. How decadent! I must admit, I'm a lightweight when it comes to alcohol, so those little bitty glasses of delight put a giddy little giddy-up in my step and made the world look even rosier.

Here's to alcohol, the rose-colored glasses of life. [F.Scott Fitzgerald]

While in that wine-tasting shop, I took pictures of some stuff that tickled my funny bone. So this post is gonna take a look at the funny side of drinking. Yeah, like the good politician Sweat from Texas, I know alcohol has a nasty underbelly, but who wants to write... or read... about a nasty underbelly? Far better to share a smile or two.


A cute bar towel, huh? Not that it's at all applicable to any women I know.

I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food.  [W.C. Fields]



I should've bought some of these napkins, darn it.

I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three, I'm under the table,
After four, I'm under the host.
[Dorothy Parker]




Another bar towel.

I knew I was drunk. I felt sophisticated and couldn't pronounce it. [anonymous]


Yet another towel.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.  [Ben Franklin]



My personal favorite. This sign was next to the cash register.


Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. [Ernest Hemingway]

This sign was at an antique shop we visited after the wine tasting. It cracked me up. Of course, after three teensy weensy glasses of wine, everything cracked me up.

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.  [Dave Barry]

Here's one of those fun make-believe billboards from the fine folks at dribbleglass (Which reminds me, we're overdue for one of those road trip posts, aren't we?)

Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth.  [George Burns]


One must always respect one's beverage.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.  [Henny Youngman]

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample, it had an olive in it.  [Rodney Dangerfield]

Don't try to join the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms. It turns out they're apparently against all three.  [Wiley Post]

Wine is sunlight, held together by water. [Galileo]

The mouth of a perfectly happy man is filled with beer. [Ancient Egyptian proverb, circa 2200 B.C.!!!]




The following video is just over nine minutes long, which may be longer than you want to hang around. No problem. But if you have time, I think you'll get a kick out of Bill Cosby's 30+ year-old take on drinking...


And one final clip. A short one, which I could hardly believe I found. This is one of the folk songs my cousin Phyllis and I used to sing when we were teenagers. Anybody else ever hear of it before?




Okay, that's it for now. Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.


98 comments:

  1. Fun post, Susan! Have always been allergic to whiskey. When filling out forms in doctors' offices, I've been tempted to write "whiskey" in the "medicine allergies" blank. But I write "Guaifenesin" instead because it took me years to learn to spell it.

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    1. Thanks. You got me, dude. I never heard of that word before. (Neither have my antique dictionaries.)

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  2. Armon M. Sweat was far too articulate to have been from Texas. I'll bet he was born somewhere else (my innocent speculation....). He had a perfectly appropriate name for a TX resident, however. All we do is sweat here, it's so damn hot.

    I drink whiskey solely to forget that I'm in the Lone Star State. I've never been to a wine-tasting event. Once you drink enough of it - - it all tastes the same, anyway.

    I've never heard of the "Away With Rum" song. Until now.

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    1. Mr. Sweat sure knew how to play both sides, didn't he? I reckon he was an Independent.

      Your reminded me of an old joke:
      "I drink to forget."
      "What are you trying to forget?"
      "That I have a drinking problem."

      I'm not sure how popular "Away With Rum" was, but it was from the days of hootenannies. We had fun sitting around a campfire with our guitars and singing all kinds of folk songs.

      Delete
  3. Wine o'clock is welcomed here. While himself was in hospital last time his sister and I shared his glass. Then as things got more and more tense we started having TWO glasses each, not one and a half. So we told him he was drinking too much. He was not amused. We were.

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    1. HA! I love it! I would have been very amused, too. (Sometimes, men have no sense of humor...)

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  4. Alcohol is great for helping you to forget your woes... while you are drinking :)

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    1. Yeah, but I imagine a hangover can bring them right back with a vengeance

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  5. LOL Armon Sweat's quote had me laughing out loud. NO waffling there e? I am not personally a drinker but I see nothing wrong at all with a cup of cheer!

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    1. Yeah, he sounds like a pretty typical politician. Maybe a little more adept than some. Yes, a cup of cheer. Good way to put it.

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  6. Hubby and I enjoy going to wine tastings, and although I do enjoy a sip of the grape, drinking different sorts of wine can make me woozy. Hard liquor is not my thing, and although I have been persuaded (ahem), into a Cosmo from time to time (only at weddings, funerals, family celebrations, or a Wednesday in the middle of the week), I stick to just a glass of fine white wine (leaves no stains).

    I am off on vacation and am reading your book. I just started it and already can relate to what you write. So far - really good.

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    1. This was our first wine tasting, and I must admit, I had more fun looking around the shop than I did drinking the wine. Not that it wasn't delicious; it was. A Cosmo? I thought you liked whiskey sours. This time of year, I like light fruity drinks. Like orange juice, pineapple juice, and coconut milk, with a splash of demon rum. Too bad I don't like white wines very much. As klutzy as I am, the no-stain factor should be a big selling point for me.

      Enjoy your vacation! If nothing else about my book, at least you can honestly say... "The price was right!"

      Delete
  7. Great post. Going to a wine tasting sounds like fun and who doesn't want to be just a little giddy for a while?

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    1. Thanks. Glad ya liked it. The wine-tasting was fun, but I have to be real careful about the giddy part. I'm a little giddy WITHOUT wine. (Silly should have been my middle name.)

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  8. Spank me when I'm born
    And toast me when I die.
    Breakfast in the morn
    And a snort when evening's nigh...

    I'll spare you the rest of the "poem". Suffice it to say, I really enjoyed this post.

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    1. HA! That's terrific. My grandfather from Scotland was a big believer in having a snort in the evening. And in reciting poetry, especially when he was under the influence of a few pints or a snort...

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  9. I think the old saw "moderation in all things" should resolve most reasonable objections to alcohol and everything else. Of course it doesn't in many people's minds.

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    1. Yeah, that old saw SHOULD resolve most situations, but unfortunately, in today's world, "moderation" is practically a dirty word.

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  10. Our local wine tasting shop has some funny sayings on towels and aprons and signs, too. But I still prefer a martini!

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    1. Shaken, not stirred?

      I've never had a martini. They just seem too sophisticated for the likes of me. My hubby used to drink them for a brief while before we were married, though. (To impress me, I think.) (And it did. HA!)

      Delete
  11. That was the best yet...and I LOVE Bill Cosby.

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    1. Woo HOO! Glad ya liked it. Bill Cosby is one of my favorites, too. That clip is from his stand-up movie called, "Himself". If you've never seen it, try to get a copy. Hilarious!

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  12. I hadn't heard the song on the bottom. I hadn't seen that Cosby clip either, but it was cute. :)

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    1. That song was semi-popular in the early sixties, and the Cosby clip is from a stand-up routine Cosby did in the mid-eighties. All before your time, right? HA!

      Delete
  13. LOL he sure was grand
    At taking both sides of the stand
    Yeah it can do so much to many who refuse to see
    Until it is too late and they are living alone in a shack in a tree

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    1. Well, hey, Mr. Pat,
      I'll drink to that!
      But just a wee touch...
      I don't want too much,
      For slurring can ruin a chat.

      Delete
  14. Ha! Great post! I love all the drinking humor, all so true too! Sounds like you had a great time. Here's to a great weekend *cheers* :)

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    1. Thanks. I'm glad you liked it. And a great big "Cheers!" to you, too. Happy weekend.

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  15. LOL Great post Susan. "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy!" or how about... "I'm not an alcoholic, alcoholics go to meetings. I'm a drunk."

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    1. HA! Good ones. Then there's the writer who doesn't think he has a drinking problem... he calls himself a drinker with a writing problem. Salut!

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  16. I like the videos. I'm not a drinker anymore. I've discovered that a single glass of wine can give me a headache, and I don't want to drink enough to forget the headache because I'll wake up with a worse headache. I'm reading Hot Flashes & Cold Lemonade and loving it.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. I've never been a heavy drinker, because I have a low tolerance for alcohol. (Or as Smarticus puts it, I'm a "cheap" drunk.)

      Woo HOO!! I'm glad to hear you're enjoying it so far. (That put a big smile on my face.)

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  17. That's so funny and, of course, the most important saying is "All things in moderation." I can't listen to those clips right now because the rest of the family are watching the TV. I shall return.

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    1. How inconsiderate of them to watch the TV when you're trying to watch clips on the computer. HA!

      Happy weekend!

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  18. very fun post. I might have to pour a glass of wine and read it again. Have a great weekend

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    1. Why yes, why don't you? A few sips of wine can make fun... MORE fun. You have a great weekend, too.

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  19. I'd never read that Martin Luther quote before. :)

    And I LOVED the "file missing" photo--my computer's been giving me fits. I'd be more forgiving if it offered me wine.

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    1. I was surprised by that Martin Luther quote, too. (He was a bit of a rebel...)

      Yes, all persnickety computers should definitely come with a wine dispenser option.

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  20. Your post had me giggling, as always :) Love all the pictures! Hope you have a wonderful weekend and enjoy a glass!

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    1. Good. I love to make people giggle. (Especially if it's BEFORE they've opened a bottle of wine!)

      You have a wonderful weekend, too. Cheers!

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  21. I like your post but I still like you and Pat Hatt's stuff... HAHaaa...

    I was quite the drinker in m'youth ... now? if I smell it as with sugar ... it permeates my cells. yes it does.

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    1. I'm glad Pat and I amuse you. (Sounds like we're alike... doesn't take much to make ya laugh.)

      Since I don't drink much, I could easily give that up, but I hope to never forsake my beloved sweet tooth. Life's too darned short to give up cheesecake.

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    2. well shoot I see an error ... like your and Pat ...

      and yes ... thank the whatevers ... I do laugh a lot and it doesn't take much ... just genuineness

      I did a cleanse in February ... while making up my mind to do whatever it was I was going to do ... so sugar had to go.

      Maple and lemon are my things .... pies~ cookies ... ice cream... BUT Splenda is ok when I can't stand it any longer. Just got some sugar free Klondike bars last night ... that'll work for m'supper

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    3. Hmmmm, lemon meringue pie is probably my most favorite dessert in the world.

      My hubby is a diabetic, so I have to be careful about what I prepare him, Poor thing, he has a sweet tooth, too. But I reeeeeally like Truvia as a sweetener. I can even make a decent sugar-free cheesecake with a sugar-free strawberry topping with that stuff, and it tastes GOOD. No nasty aftertaste like a lot of other non-sugar sweeteners. But it's very very sweet. A little teeny bit goes a long way.

      A Klondike bar for supper, huh? And a salad for dessert? We're gonna be decadent tonight... crab legs, steamed shrimp, Cajun sausage, corn on the cob and new potatoes. Maybe some watermelon for dessert.

      Take care. Here's to a wonderful weekend!

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  22. I have heard Away with Rum! I believe it was actually a song from the Temperance Movement. If I am not mistaken, it was from 1921, but I do not know the author. I used it in Pop Culture course I was teaching.

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    1. You could be right, but I think it actually originated in England in the 1890s as a kind of bawdy dance hall song. (Some of the lyrics are over the top!) It would fit... sort of... with the Temperance movement, but the lyrics are pretty tongue-in-cheek. I became familiar with it when the Chad Mitchell Trio sang it in 1960 or '61, somewhere in there.

      Neat that you taught Pop Culture. With a song like this one, that must have been a fun course to take... and to teach.

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  23. Haha!! That's beautiful doubletalk! As AbFab's Patsy says. "I quit drinking once. It was the worst 8 hours of my life!" Cheers!

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    1. HA! AbFab was too funny. That show didn't give a good diddle about being politically correct. Cheers to you, too! Happy weekend.

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  24. What a funny post! I rarely drink, but I do cook with wine.

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    1. Glad ya liked it. I like to cook with wine, too... especially marsala. And sherry. (Really, I'm not name-dropping here!)

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  25. I loved Ernst Hemingway's quote! Everything in moderation...right?

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    1. Yep, everything in moderation. (Even so, it's best to only give me access to a small amount of chocolate at one time...)

      I like that Hemingway quote, too, and something tells me he learned that the hard way.

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  26. I drank wine as the French do in Paris, a side of water with your wine. One drink of wine, followed by a chaser of water. Worked for me. Keeps you from getting as drunk, and no headache. Two glasses of wine is my limit.

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    1. That's a smart way to go about it. I usually have a big mug of ice water next to me, no matter what I'm eating or drinking.

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  27. Congressman Sweat: hilarious. That was the perfect answer. Things like alcohol aren't evil all by themselves. It is how they are used. You can sub in most things just like and make the same case. LOL. Those bar towels were awesome. I quit drinking because of my migraine, but back when I still did, I was also a lightweight. A few drinks and I am GONE.

    I only watched about five minutes of the Cosby video because I was eating dinner and watching at the same time. When he got to the people who drink and vomit, I had to call it. I was afraid that my sympathetic vomit reflex might kick in. That would have been Ugly. However, the video reminded me what a Funny, Funny Man he is/was.

    And the song was new to me...

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    1. Yeah, it was the perfect answer. (I wonder if anyone ever asked him what he thought about guns?)

      Oops. Sorry. I guess that Cosby clip wasn't the most optimal accompaniment to a meal, huh? But he IS funny. The rest of that video ("Himself") is really good, too. He talks about things like going to the dentist, going through childbirth with his wife, how kids are all "brain-damaged", etc. Really good stuff.

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  28. Oh how fun, I love the pics from the wine tasting. I'm a total lightweight when it comes to wine so I've always been kind of chicken to go to a wine tasting. It's just setting myself up to make a fool of myself.

    Now off to watch the Cosby video, his old stand-ups were so funny.

    Happy weekend, Susan!

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    1. Well, the cool thing about a wine tasting (ahem... I've been to ONE now, so that makes me an "expert," right?) is you only get a teensy amount of wine to taste. And you don't have to taste a lot of different wines if you don't want to. Nobody was doing all that smelling, swirling, swishing wine stuff when we were there, thank goodness. THAT would have been intimidating.

      Happy weekend to you, too, Julie!

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  29. Love the Cosby video...LOL at "...a place that never was built for your face..." Hehehe.

    Love your photos from the wine-tasting shop!

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    1. Isn't he hilarious? That is part of a stand-up routine he did in about '85 or so. It's called "Himself", and if you've never seen it, I highly recommend it.

      Thanks! That wine-tasting place was pretty cool. Maybe next time, we'll have to visit one of the vineyards in north Georgia. There are quite a few of them.

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  30. Hi Susan, thank you for you lovely comment on my blog. I am your latest follower now. I am not a drinker but I found this post interesting and funny. Hugs.

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    1. Thanks for stopping by, Julia. I do appreciate it. Thanks for signing on as a follower. Welcome aboard! (We can celebrate with a nice cup of tea...)

      Delete
  31. Susan, I love, love, loved this post. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time - and the jokes just kept coming. The Ben Franklin ones were hysterical, and the one from Ernest Hemingway is the only one by him I ever agreed with! I especially liked the label on the wine bottle about grapes giving up their lives. I could go on and on about the ones I loved -- Oh! And the W.C.Fields ones were awesome, too! *pant, pant* Okay, I over-excited myself and now have to find a glass of wine to calm down. Thank goodness it's the weekend! :-)

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    1. Thanks, Lexa. I'm glad this tickled your funny bone. Your comment tickled MINE. Take care, and have a super weekend.

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  32. This post said it all. Nothing left to say except I am a fan of WC Fields. He collected midgets as friends and people with odd names. A useless tid-bit of information. I often make wine but I don't drink it. Figure that one.

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    1. I like WC Fields, too, but didn't know he collected "unusual" friends. That's a very cool tidbit of information... not useless at all!

      It isn't so odd that you make wine, but don't drink it. I've cook things for other people that I don't eat. They like those things; I don't.

      Happy weekend, Manzie. I hope all is well with you.

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  33. Hahaha...this post was hilarious! The Bill Cosby video was so funny. You gotta love that man's sense of humour.

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    1. I'm glad you liked it, Martha. Yeah, I really do love Cosby's brand of humor. That clip is from a stand-up routine called "Himself" that he did in the mid-sixties. Lots of funny stuff on it. If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it. (We still have it on VHS!)

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  34. some of those quotes (and bar towels) are just too funny. :)

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  35. Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. [Ben Franklin]

    A nice sentiment but I believe it is only true when substitute tequila for beer.

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  36. Replies
    1. Me, too, but I'm such a dork, I didn't buy any of them; I just took pictures! (I have a feeling the shop owner wasn't exactly thrilled with me.)

      Delete
  37. These quotes are fun. Although I've never been a big drinker, I enjoy a drink every now and then.

    http://joycelansky.blogspot.com/2013/06/happy-birthday-judy.html

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    1. Glad ya liked them. Like several others have already said, moderation is the key. (Besides, big drinkers end up with big hangovers.)

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  38. SUSAN ~
    This was a great post! The Armon M. Sweat, Jr. quote had me literally laughing out loud!

    As you know, I myself have played up the drinking bit on my blogs. A woman once insinuated that she thought I shouldn’t be doing that. She wrote:

    “One of my favorite people is Dean Martin, a funny, generous man, but not many people knew that he wasn't an alcoholic or drunk. He rarely drank, yet that's how he's remembered. Wonder if that's what he really wanted?”

    I replied in part:

    “When a person finds a shtick that works for them, they shtick with it.”

    I’d seen the Bill Cosby bit before but watched it again anyway because he is so funny. Jackie Mason once did a brief but very funny stand-up bit about gentile drinkers, too. I have it on DVD but couldn’t find it posted at YouTube.

    So, here are a few more of my favorite jokes and quotes about drinking:

    This Irishman goes into a bar and orders three separate shot glasses of Irish whiskey, and drinks all three. He does this day after day until the bartender finally says, "You know, I can put all three shots into one glass for you." The guy says, "No, I prefer it like this. I have two brothers still in Ireland, and this way I can feel like we're all here together having a drink."

    So this continues for several more weeks, and then one day the Irishman orders just two shots. Concerned, the bartender asks him, "What's wrong? Did something happen to one of your brothers?" And the guy says, "No, they're both fine, but my doctor said I had to quit drinking."

    An alcoholic is someone you don’t like who drinks as much as you do.
    ~ Dylan Thomas

    I called a detox center, just to see how much it would cost: $13,000 for three and a half weeks. My friends, if you can come up with thirteen thousand grand, you don’t have a problem yet!
    ~ Sam Kinison

    Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
    ~W.C. Fields

    The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.
    ~ W.C. Fields

    I never drank to forget nor forgot to drink.
    ~ Stephen T. McCarthy

    A great and very entertaining blog bit, Susan!

    ~ D-FensDogg
    ‘Loyal American Underground’

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    1. Thanks, Stephen. I'm glad you liked it. To tell the truth, I was a teensy bit worried that a post about booze might offend some people, but I decided to go with it, anyway, because I thought it was funny. (And it's my darned blog!)

      As for that gal saying you shouldn't be writing about drinking, and that Dean Martin wasn't a drunk, I don't know what one thing had to do with the other. I thought all the rat pack guys were pretty heavy drinkers, but it never seemed to hurt their careers. As for you... it's your darned blog!

      Love all the jokes, especially the one about the Irishman who had to give up drinking. I know a bunch of Irish jokes, but I only tell jokes after... a couple drinks. HA!

      Delete
  39. :) That last label was my favorite of the bunch.

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    1. I've known some people who should have heeded that label. Betcha you have, too.

      Delete
  40. Hi Susan,

    Very good and thanks for reminding me why I don't drink. Hic hic, hooray :)

    Thank you, Susan. At least now that I don't drink, I never have to worry about getting my metters lixed.

    Happy Sunday.

    Gary :)

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    1. My pleasure, dear sir. Better to remind you of why you don't drink than to drive you to it, eh? And a happy Sunday to you, too.

      Delete
  41. I think there should be more wine bottles with that warning label about your ex. When my ex gets plastered he phones me and I just put the phone down somewhere and occasionally make noises in its general direction. Other times I'll tell him I'm going to hang up, then I do, but never without warning because his rage is quite something to behold.

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    1. Yipes. It sounds as though you should toast the fact that your ex is an ex. Rage isn't very conducive to happy ever after.

      Delete
  42. Now after reading all the other comments, I'm going to have to hunt up that Bill Cosby video, my local JBHiFi should have it and hopefully on DVD. I loved the joke about the Irishman with the three shots.

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    1. I hope you can find it. There are other clips on You Tube, but it's much more enjoyable to watch the whole thing at one time.

      Yeah, that was a super joke.

      Take care.

      Delete
  43. Great quotes, and I loved the warning on the wine label. For some reason, I couldn't download the Cosby video, but I remember the classic episode where he played a drinking game with his children.

    Julie

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    1. Bummer. I'm sorry you couldn't download the Cosby video. It's a hoot. I don't remember the episode of the drinking game. Darn! I must've missed one. (Surely, my memory can't be failing me, right?)

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  44. Love the post! Fun! Thanks for sharing the photos!

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    1. Hi-ya, Nas. Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

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  45. Don't know anybody who doesn't enjoy a glass of wine or two (or whiskey for that matter). It appears I'm in fine company :)

    Cheers. Great post. As always!

    Oh, and I loved the label on that bottle of wine. Priceless!

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    1. Why yes, fine company indeed. (Too bad we can't all get together and have a party...)

      Thanks. I'm glad you liked it.

      Delete
  46. Hi Susan .. how you put all these things together I'll never know .. loved the politician's take on booze .. wish I had that way with words and arguments as in putting both sides of a case! Great fun thoughts here ... but I will say cheers all the same!! Hilary

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    1. That politician's take was something else, wasn't it? I can't imagine being able to argue that effectively on both sides of an issue. I guess we'll have to leave that to the lawyers and politicians of the world.

      Cheers to you, too!

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  47. A lot of these quotes made me smile but it was Rodney Dangerfield's that made me laugh out loud. I'm stealing that one.

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    1. That's a good one, isn't it? I hope you find the perfect opportunity to use it.

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  48. Great post. I had a big smile all the time going through it. Lovely quotes!

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