Tuesday, August 6, 2013

How to Cure a Cold

Thought for the day:  Doctors are men who prescribe medicines of which they know little, to cure diseases of which they know less, in human beings of whom they know nothing.  [Voltaire]

Actually, I have a lot of respect for the medical profession. However, some of the cures foisted upon us peons over the years? Not so much. You've probably seen ads on TV about the possible side effects of various medications (described soothingly in a well-modulated mellow voice, of course) that are horrifyingly worse than the ailment they're intended to treat. Um, yeah. I think I'll suffer through a little discomfort as opposed to risking that oh-so-dainty-sounding anal leakage or the (Pbbbt! Don't worry about it!) occasional heart stoppage. 

But consider for a moment what treatments looked like in Voltaire's time. No wonder Monsieur Voltaire spoke so disparagingly about doctors. After all, docs of his day thought it was a swell idea to drill holes in their patients' skulls. And I'm not talking about a little postmortem artistic creativity here, either. No sirree, those people weren't done using those skulls yet. Yep, back then if someone yelled, "You idiot! Do you have a hole in your head?" the answer was very likely to be, "Why, yes... yes, I do."


Doctors back then also had a thing about removing some of that pesky blood from their patients' bodies. If  leeches didn't do the job quickly enough, the medicos could always count on a judiciously-applied cutting instrument. ("The patient looks to be anemic. Quick... hand me the knife! Her blood is killing her...")

But as fascinating as skull-drilling and blood-letting may be, we're gonna consider another kind of treatment altogether. Let's just say... it ain't prune juice.



Here we have a sketch of a simple portable device commonly used in those days. (Heck, you never can tell when ya might need a shot up the arse when you're away from home, right?) The largest part (A) was made from a pig's bladder. Parts D and E are a mouthpiece and tap. (Wait! Wait! A mouthpiece???) We all know where that nefarious part K goes, and FG? It's a smoking pipe. (A pipe? Back up.. a mouthpiece?) What can I say? This handy-dandy take-anywhere device was for blowing tobacco smoke up... well... you know exactly where they blew it.

1776 textbook drawing of a tobacco smoke enema
Yep, tobacco was considered medicinal, and its smoke, practically a panacea. Would you believe Hippocrates recommended smoke inhalation to treat female diseases, and Pliny the Elder even recommended it to get rid of coughs? (That seems a bit counter-intuitive, doesn't it?) Later on, Spanish botanist and physician Nicolas Monardes (1493-1588) practically waxed poetic about the miraculous healing powers of tobacco smoke, and he advocated using it to treat the common cold, cancer, headaches, respiratory problems, stomach cramps, gout, intestinal worms, and the aforementioned female diseases. What's more, in the good old days, doctors believed tobacco smoke worked equally well whether you sucked it in one end or had it blown up the other.

Glyster is just a fancy old-fashioned name for enema, and a Dr. Houlston wrote the following poem in 1774 as a catchy little guide on how to resuscitate a patient :

Tobacco glyster, breath and bleed
Keep warm and rub till you succeed.
And spare no pains for what you do;
May one day be repaid to you.


You can shove that cure...
Tobacco smoke enemas became even trendier when Europeans found out natives in the New World used 'em, too. Betcha didn't know Indians didn't just use smoke signals to communicate, didja?

It may be hard to believe today, but tobacco and tobacco smoke was widely recognized as having medicinal properties until the early 19th century. That's about the time scientists decided nicotine was actually a poison, which kicked the whole smoke enema treatment in the keister. So to speak.

Dr. Houlston's poem is all well and good, (which is more than we could say about his patients) but I think it's time for a more modern take on the subject. It's time for (ahem) my take on smoke enemas...

She regretted eating the extra fiber beans. 

A call girl once had a cold
And went to her doctor, I'm told.
He blew smoke up her butt
And into her gut—
In two weeks, she felt good as gold.

Then few called on her for a fling,
For she developed a peculiar thing:
When she coughed or passed gas,
Smoke puffed out her ass
In a perfect, but smelly, smoke ring.

Turns out, like some other early medical practices, smoke enemas weren't all they were cracked up to be... so now you know where the expression, Don't blow smoke up my ass originated. See what delightful things you learn chez moi? (I don't know about you, but as for me? I'd rather let the cold go away by itself.)

He has been a doctor for a year now and has had two patients, no three, I think — yes, three; I attended their funerals.  [Mark Twain]

You may not be able to read a doctor's handwriting and prescription, but you'll notice his bills are neatly typewritten.  [Earl Wilson]

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill, he gave me six more. [Walter Matthau]

When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch up my X-rays. [Henny Youngman]

                                Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.




124 comments:

  1. I think the most frightening part is that bellows attachment in the 1776 illustration. Please don't tell me it was culled from the unabridged Declaration Of Independence.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aye, 'tis a most frightening thought. But I shall declare my independence from said bellows forthwith. I'm sure the intake of nicely spiced Thai food already stokes my innards quite sufficiently.

      Delete
  2. That smoke blowing machine looks like something de Sade would have owned. This sort of thing could appeal to a certain sort, those looking for esoteric thrills. Think of the dentist in Little Shop of Horrors.

    I lost my reverence for doctors when I worked in a small hospital where I went to college. Interesting observations, Susan.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, I'm sure de Sade must have owned several of those machines. And not because he gave a good diddle about any so-called curative powers, either.

      I hear what you're saying about your opinion of doctors changing after you worked with some of them. I worked in a couple hospitals, too, and learned all doctors aren't created equal, and they aren't all altruistic or the brightest bulbs in the pack. (SOMEBODY has to graduate "last in the class".) The worst I worked with was a sadist. (I don't know if he had one of those smoke-blowing enemas at home, though... I stayed far away from him after hours.)

      Delete
  3. My late uncle was a research chemist with a large pharmaceutical co. He occasionally sent questionnaires to doctors concerning what medications they were giving for certain ailments. I won't even bother to tell you about his findings!!!!

    My only advice about doctors is KEEP WELL AWAY.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh yeah, scary stuff, I'll bet. Sometimes we're better off not knowing...

      Delete
  4. Loved the fact about tobacco and it's smoke, really hard to believe, very nice post :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Aunt Mary. Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction. And the truth is, I'd rather drink a glass of orange juice or take a cold pill.

      Delete
  5. There were a number of horrendous 'cures' about. Chilblains were to be whipped with a thistle until they bled. Hiccups (and bed wetting) could be cured by swallowing a live mouse. Eeeeuw.
    And relatively recently (less than twenty years ago) the brother of a friend of mine was prescribed caffeine enemas for his leukemia.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, you're right. Some of the cures that used to be considered commonplace make us scratch our heads now. A caffeine enema? Yuk. Maybe the doc was trying to "wake up" his immune system? Weird. You've probably run into some unusual cures for MS, too. I volunteered with an MS support group for several years, and one of the gals was undergoing bee sting treatments. I don't know if that's used any more, but I do know it didn't help her at all.

      Delete
  6. I generally respect and admire doctors. Then again I haven't been to one in over a year and I easily forget their worst aspects in a short amount of time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Keeping people at a respectful distance makes it much easier to respect them, eh? I don't know why, but that reminds me of a saying: "I LOVE humanity; it's PEOPLE I can't stand..."

      Delete
  7. Oh my Susan, you always find the funny in everything... great way to be.

    I too hear those extra side effects of medication on TV and think... well... it would be better to keep what I have than to chance those...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I do TRY to find the funny in everything. I may not always succeed, but I keep myself amused, anyway.

      Yeah, those side effects mentioned on TV are something else, and what really gets me is the mellow "all is well" voice delivering that horrid information. (They should be playing New Age flute music in the background.)

      Delete
  8. You can bet your bottom dollar that I would rather be chugging prune juice than blowing smoke rings from my nether regions.

    Many doctors today seem to have lost their integrity and the ability to humanize their patients. They rely FAR too much on pills, medications, and unecessary procedures.

    Your poem is priceless!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HA! Yeah, me too. Prune juice isn't half bad. Blowing anal smoke rings? ALL bad. (Unless you're a contestant on "America's Got Talent"... )

      Yeah, the ol' Doctor Welby ideal is getting harder and harder to find these days.

      Thanks! I had a lot of fun with it.

      Delete
  9. Hi Susan .. honestly - just wonderful!! There was a medical exhibition based on the times of Napoleon at the local Redoubt .. I never made it ..

    Knew that I should have gone! Thankgoodness I'm practical and healthy .. so don't waste my money or my time .. and I'm so glad I live today .. those smoky things look monstrous!

    Cheers Hilary

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oooh, too bad you didn't make it to that exhibit. I find medical museums and historical writing absolutely fascinating. It's hard to believe some of the things that were once considered "treatment"... or even how long it took the medical profession to realize the importance of hand-washing and cleanliness, in general. At one time, the blood and gore on a surgeon's gown were like badges of honor, and the nastier it was, the more pride and prestige the doctor had. So they wouldn't change it after surgery. They'd wear the same disgusting gown to treat and operate on patient after patient.

      Delete
  10. Sorry, still chuckling over the Voltaire quote. Witty and humourous. You're right about certain medicines and their side effects. Sometimes I don't know if they're meant to fix you up or kill you off. :-)

    Greetings from London.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Greetings back at you. Thank you so much for stopping by and leaving a comment. I'll be returning the favor asap.

      Glad you liked the Voltaire quote. It was made-to-order for this post. Some medicines seem to be like the hard knocks in life: what doesn't kill you may make your stronger.

      Delete
  11. For all it's problems I'm still grateful for modern medicine.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, absolutely. We've come a loooooong way, but I suspect medical science still has a long way to go and grow.

      Delete
  12. ...Now, why do I think of a line from an alternate-history-cum-science-fiction book, set eighty years ahead of the present, that had this line:

    "You're talking about the EIGHTIES, right? Hah! That's the decade when they thought that cholesterol was BAD for you!"

    ;D

    Diana at About Myself By Myself

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Why? Because you have a delightful sense of imagination. (And you're probably right!)

      Some years ago, my hubby and I went to a Renaissance festival. After walking around for a while, we were getting hungry, so he was considering a big ol' turkey leg, and I was eye-balling the decadent fully loaded baked potatoes. I said something to him about how good it looked, but oy! so much cholesterol! One of the gals, in full Renaissance garb, turned to me and said, "Oh no, mildady. Cholesterol hasn't been invented yet!"

      Delete
  13. Tobacco smoke enemas...damn I've heard it all now. I am always interested in phraase origins but this takes the cake :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, this one takes the cake... but I bet you'll never forget the origins of the expression "blowing smoke"!

      Delete
  14. I know quite a few folks who blow smoke outta their butts on a daily basis.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I actually thought that drawing was of an enema bag until I read about the smoke. It really seems like an odd place to put smoke, I can't see how it would help at all. I can see how smoke was thought to be medicinal, it seemed to calm a person down when he or she sat and smoked, and people didn't get ill from it until modern cigarettes with all the additives and preservatives were invented. Have you read the list of additives contained in cigarettes?? when tobacco was first smoked, that's all it was, just tobacco leaves rolled into cigars, or dried and cut into pipe tobacco.
    Doctors had some strange ideas way back then, but they've learned a lot since. Which makes me wonder why so many of them smoke, drink and are overweight. Physician heal thyself, indeed.
    Hope your cold goes away toot-sweet.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, you're right about all the chemical additives that go into manufactured cigarettes. To save money, my hubby has been making his own cigarettes the past few years. I wish he'd quit smoking, but at least his cigarettes are made of nothing but tobacco.

      Thanks, but actually, I don't HAVE a cold. I was, uh, just blowing a little smoke... ya know...

      Delete
  16. Is that really where "don't blow smoke up my ass" came from?!!? AHHHHHH I DON'T WANT DOCTORS TO DO ANY OF THESE THINGS TO ME.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, ma'am, that's where it came from. Thanks for the chuckle... I guess you'll have to to fill out the proper forms to make sure your doctor knows you're opting out of holes in the head, blood-letting, and smoke enemas. (Just in case any of those treatment options ever comes up...)

      Delete
  17. Having been given a boatload of prescriptions over the past ten years and finding many of the affects of these worse than the disease, I feel quite a bit of smoke has been blown up my ass also. I weaned myself off most of these pills and now only take the "take or die" ones.

    Joke:
    Doc to patient, "There is no doubt, you have been poisoned."

    Patient, "For goodness sakes, with what, Doc?"

    Doc, "Don't worry, we'll find out during the autopsy."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, some of us have had quite a bit of smoke blown up our asses by the medical profession... without the enema.

      Great joke! (But frighteningly close to what happens in some cases.) Then there's the good news-bad news scenario, where the guy comes home from the doctor and tells his wife the good news is they're gonna be naming a new disease after him...

      Delete
  18. When my father was a lad the remedy for ear ache was to blow smoke in the ear. He said it felt strangely comforting. Of course, then you had to deal with the nictotine stains on your ear.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can believe it! When I got an earache as a kid, my parents put hot olive oil in my ear. It felt kinda good... except for the time they let the oil get too hot. I screamed so loud, you probably heard me in Canada. But at least, I never had to contend with nicotine stains in my ear.

      Delete
  19. Whoa! This post makes me even more glad that I didn't live back then. Of course, it also makes me wonder which of our currently accepted medical practices will be looked upon with horror a hundred years from now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. For sure. No doubt, years from now, some smart ass blogger will be making fun of today's medical atrocities.

      Delete
  20. You know, I can't help but wonder what medical treatments we use now will be thought of as stupid and/or barbaric one hundred years from now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Absolutely. Hopefully, at some point in the future there will be less invasive means to carry out some of today's more painful procedures. Consider what future women may think of the sadistic procedure of squeezing women's breasts between metal plates to perform mammograms.

      Delete
  21. Some of the medical treatments in history are pretty darn freakin' scary. I'm happy to be living in this era, thank you very much! Although I'm sure some of the things we do today will be frowned upon in the future.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Absolutely. Medical treatments are much better now than they used to be, but hopefully, they'll be better yet in the future.

      Delete
  22. True confessions: I'm wary of the medical establishment. Just look at the comment above mine.

    I tend to be an herbal, praying kitchen witch (with a small w and a capital P.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I tend to put off getting medical treatment, too, but that isn't always the smartest route to take. I like to believe that whatever came by itself is perfectly capable of going away by itself, too, but that isn't always the case. I darned near died waiting for a ruptured appendix to cure itself.

      Delete
  23. Just think of the smoke rings...perfect!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know! With enough practice, I'll bet you could learn to keep time with a selection of background music. "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes" might be nice. Or "Bad Moon Rising"... (Darn you! Now my mind is off on a whole new tangent...)

      Delete
  24. I don't have to wait a hundred years to run from what the allopathic doctors do now. Their chemical/drugs scare the bejebbers out of me. I think a little smoke up the butt would be a lot safer than one of their big pharma cocktails.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good point. The last time I was an inpatient, they hooked me up to what they honest-to-goodness called an antibiotic cocktail. (Didn't even make me tipsy!)

      Delete
    2. Hahaha
      And here I thought I was being original with that term. I guess everything is already invented. You should have, at least, had a little glow from that.

      Delete
    3. Not even a little glow. Felt too lousy.

      Delete
  25. Eeeeeeew. That diagram of the device has me picturing the procedure involved ...

    You know, I was going to say it's too early in the morning for that mental image. But I can't think of a time of day that it would be any more welcome.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sorry to start your day out with an Eeeeew. No, wait. I just engaged in a little smoke-blowing there.. I'm not reeeeally sorry. I had fun writing this post. I AM sorry if it grossed you out, though. But I predict, after you've had time to think about the derivation of that phrase, you'll eventually be telling other people about it. (And grossing THEM out!) See, this is the post that'll keep on giving...

      Delete
  26. I may never complain about the medical profession again. O_O

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HA! I know what ya mean, but we still have to pay attention to what and why docs are doing whatever they're doing to us. ("No, doc! I do NOT need a prostate exam!")

      Delete
  27. SUSAN ~
    Classic Poem (Robert Frost, eat your ___ out!)

    Diseases don't kill, Doctors do! We need more Doc Control.

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, I dunno about "classic", but if the poem made you smile, that's good enough for me.

      Doc control, huh? Maybe something like Quack-B-Gone?

      Delete
  28. There is a reason they call it practicing medicine. It is why every person really needs to be very attentive to their own bodies. When something is not working right and you go to your doctor, if you don't like their idea for treatment, go somewhere else. After all, this is your health at stake. People put too much blind faith in doctors.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, you've got a point about them "practicing" medicine. You'd think, after all these years, they'd finally be prepared to play the game for real, wouldn't ya?

      I think most of us are more aware of the fallibility of the medical profession nowadays. Even fifty years ago, the doc was like a benevolent dictator, and his word was rarely questioned.

      Delete
  29. So smoke comes out their ass
    When they fart in mass
    Now that is good to know
    As second hand smoke from an ass would be a bad way to go
    And I have 0 respect for 99.9999% of those medical wankers
    Them and big pharma are more greedy than bankers

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. In spite of this post, I have a confession:
      I've still got respect for the medical profession.
      For they've saved the life
      Of Smarticus' wife
      More times than I'd care to mention.

      Delete
  30. Re old vs. new ways in medicine: I'm reminded of an old Woody Allen movie where he is rescued, unconscious, by doctors (in the future) from a spaceship. Their emergency treatment? An injection of deep fat!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HA! Sounds like I'm way ahead of my time...

      Delete
  31. Ha! I'm reading a book about Voltaire at the moment and he was a complete hypochondriac. Suffered from dysentery a lot too because of the bad water in Paris, so I imagine he actually did have a lot of interaction with doctors and received some poor treatments.

    Anyway, I'm pretty sure nothing has changed over the centuries. Just like big pharmaceuticals, tobacco was an industry, and you gotta sell, sell, sell to make money. Even if you have to make stuff up about the good it will do people.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dysentery, huh? Well then, that explains a lot. No wonder Voltaire became a philosopher... sitting on the commode can be very conducive to deep thoughts.

      Indeed. I wonder how many of the doctors of days gone by were also tobacco growers.

      Delete
  32. OMG! This kind of thing is one of the reasons I love visiting your blog. I never know what I'm going to find - and I always love all of it. Even when you blow smoke up my -$$ :)

    ReplyDelete
  33. Well THANK you! I'll take that as a compliment.

    ReplyDelete
  34. I was just watching a commercial for an arthritis medication (and for the life of me can't remember the name) and they were sweetly listing the very long list of side effects--including stomach bleeding and death and calmly added that the sudden bleeding and death stuff was more likely in the elderly. Who is most likely to be taking arthritis medication, eh?

    Now I know where the term blowing smoke up your ass came from. Obviously they didn't think it was worth much, either. LOL! Great post!! :):)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly! And how about the diabetes medication that "may elevate your blood sugar"?

      That's right. Now ya know, so don't say you never learned anything worthwhile here. Okay, okay... so don't say you never learned anything here at all. Better?

      Thanks! I'm glad you liked it.

      Delete
  35. You just kill me! This is just too funny. I know I'm always going to learn something when I visit here and laugh the whole time too :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe a smoke enema would revive you? Thanks. Gee, maybe I should try to get a teaching job at the clown school.

      Delete
  36. ah, if we could use that handy dandy enema device on politicians, they would probably poop much less over our heads ....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nah, they're too full of it. It's gonna take more than an enema to change that.

      Delete
  37. Susan! I'm so glad I'm reading this after my medical procedure! And, you know, there are some people on the blogs that come up with the most weird and interesting things to blog about. You are definitely one of them. I admire you for it so much.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HA! I never thought I'd chuckle at someone calling me "weird"...

      Delete
  38. Not to make light of conditions that require prune juice or enemas, but your post has me laughing and wincing today.

    Luckily, I get along well with my doctors (one always tells me about the books he's currently reading). I can't remember the last time I had a cold, and as far as that scary portable device is concerned, I'll go and put some Metamucil in my drink right now.

    You can put Metamucil in wine, can't you?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No, go ahead. Make light of them! (I did!)

      Oh absolutely. You put some Metamucil in there. Heck, you might even start a trend. A brand new mixed drink. They could call it Go-go juice.

      Delete
  39. hahaaa.... I had your blog on a tab ~ could have sworn I commented but then that comes with age ... we swear we remember a lot of stuff ... which is true but not pertinent stuff. ha

    This must be medical day! I read one blog where mummy dust was used medicinally! The people who sniffed the mummy dust got sick from strange diseases because don't you see the mummies were dead people who died from all manner of thises and thats. They were ground up and made into dust and sniffed

    that blood letting business and leech sucking stuff of the 18th century or is it 19th ~ surely not ...

    blowing smoke out her butt... hahaa love Henny Youngman too

    fun

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, I know what you mean. I have a brain filled with useless information, which make me pretty good at trivia games, but don't ask me where the heck the deed to our house is.

      Mummy dust? Kinda makes ya wonder what those folks were smoking to come up with that one. Oh, they were probably sniffing mummy dust. Never mind.

      Believe it or not, leeches are still used today in some circumstances. Let's hope we're never IN those circumstances.

      Delete
  40. Great Post!! I know at lest one of these cures work... The Tobacco!! They use it to get rid of parasites in horses... or they used to use it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! Now that one doesn't surprise me too much. It makes sense that smoke (any smoke, really) could smother intestinal worms. But a cough? Not so much.

      Delete
  41. unrelated....I got a reply from our botanic Gardens PR person about the mosaiculture post you did. I directed him/them to your site and got this today:
    "Thanks for sharing the link - it certainly looks like a fun exhibition. I have forwarded this through to our Events Management Team for future reference should this artistic proposal hit our shores!

    I have also attached the link to our main page for your interest and future reference"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's fantastic! I'll keep my fingers crossed for you that your Gardens will be able to host a similar exhibition there. (If they do, you'll post pics on your blog, right?)

      Delete
  42. You never cease to enlighten...and entertain! Loved the jokes at the end.

    ReplyDelete
  43. It's bizarre how things change - I wonder what people in a couple of hundred years will be laughing at us about! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If they have access to it, I think people a hundred years from now would be dumbfounded by some of our idiotic "reality" TV shows. Those shows would provide them with irrefutable evidence of the absence of intelligent creativity during our times. (Especially prime time!)

      Delete
  44. Amazing what we do to our bodies! I too crack up when I hear the the commercials talk about their meds side effects. In some cases I am blown away that they would even bother paying or an ad. haha
    Susan been wanting to contact you for a few weeks now about your book. I ordered it from Amazon and it ended up at my daughters house in Austin for a month. Finally she came for a visit and returned it to me. I had left it on her night stand.
    I loved loved it. Pearlie is quite the character and could not help but relate to her in so many ways. You have a beautiful gift of writing and I hope your book sells out.
    If you would like to be a Blogazine Guest on my site I would love to have you, You just write a post about yourself and of course promote your book.
    Just email me at maggiemallard888@yahoo.com if this is something you have time for. Doesn't have to be long but would love for all my blogging buddies to get to know you and to hopefully visit Amazon for Hot Flashes and Cool Lemonade,
    Love
    Maggie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow, it's official, Maggie. You just made my day!

      I'm thrilled you enjoyed my book, and would be honored to be your guest. (You WILL have cake, right?)

      I'll email you asap. Thanks!

      Delete
  45. First, let me say that I am against smoking and I think it is generally extremely harmful to you in a myriad of ways. As always though, there is a ying to the the yang. Cigarette smokers are 50% less likely to have Parkinson's or Alzheimer's than are age and gender matched nonsmokers. Also nicotine is therapeutic for things like ulcerative colitis.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Interesting about the "advantages" to smoking. Forgive me for not mentioning them to my hubby, though; I really want him to QUIT before repercussions from all the disadvantages bite him in the butt.

      Especially interesting about the colitis, though. Nicotine can be extremely calming... maybe that's why. Lower stress equals lower gut pain, I guess.

      Delete
  46. Wow, on smoke enemas.

    And yes, the side effect of leukemia is something that makes me shake my head every time I hear it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, wow's a good word for it.

      There's a wide gap between the drug companies' concept of side effects and the consumers' concept.

      Delete
  47. OMG, you killed me with the smoke up the as$ & jokes!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, dear. Quick, bend over... I have just the thing to revive you...

      Delete
  48. Not only is this a fascinating and unique post, I had no idea you had such a way with poetry, Susan. Dr. Houlston had nothing you. Dare I ask ask what inspired this topic? Wait… never mind. Don't think I want to know. :)

    VR Barkowski

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Geez, who knows? I saw a picture of the tobacco smoke enema, and one thing led to another. Yep, unique. That's me. I'm glad you have an appreciation for my sophisticated poetry.

      Delete
  49. Oh my, I am laughing at your poem about the smoke ring. It's hilarious! I appreciate your ability to turn a yucky topic into playful humor. Walter Matthau's quote is great too.

    I'm so glad you have my book. Thanks again for making the purchase. I'll have yours soon; it's on its way! Can't wait!

    xoRobyn

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks. I'm glad it made ya laugh. Yeah, I've got a long history of making fun of sick situations. (You should have heard some of the banter when a co-worker and I had to pick up a sample from the hospital morgue...)

      I must confess: I haven't started reading your book yet, but it looks like it'll be a fast read. I hope to get to it today.

      Delete
  50. So glad I stopped by! I learned something new. Science is awesome, but it's always best to use good sense too. Maybe let the treatment of the day be tested on others a while before jumping in?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah. Ya gotta wonder about the first person who agreed to have botulism bacteria injected into her face...

      Delete
  51. wow...very "interesting" post girl!! susan, you are a charmer aren't you! talking that sexy bowel smoke ring butt talk :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, that's me... "interesting!" And a little charming, once ya get to know me.

      Delete
  52. Gah! I have to say, even though I don't trust doctors, I'm glad I'm born into today's world ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HA! Sorry if this grossed you out. You're right; even with its flaws, today's medical treatments are a lot better than those from the "good old days."

      Delete
  53. Loved your Smoke Enemas poem! You must file this away in your "best of" collection!

    Julie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! I'm glad you liked it. I may have to do just that.

      Delete
  54. Well now that's why they call it a practice, right? That's what my hubby always tells me. I actually have a natural distrust of doctors. They rarely solve anything for me or other people I know, but then again, great strides have been made and many people today alive because of doctors. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, you've got that right. And we'd all rather they did their "practicing" on somebody else, and take care of us after they know how to do it right.

      Delete
  55. Dear Susan,
    now that interesting post cured my summer-lethargy instantly, though I nearly broke my ankle falling from the beach chair, laughing too hard, thankfully not from a very huge height. :-)
    Yes, the dear doctors. I only know the success of tobacco for killing aphids. Come to think of Eliza Doolittle, they didn'only blew smoke into the ass - for horses they used pepper, to make them more lively. Ah, and potassium cyanide, to make the hair shiny (a lot of people used that too, in little doses). And the Chinese Barefoot doctors still use moxibustion till today. See: it might work :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, I'm glad this post perked you up a bit. Oh, those poor horses. I bet WE'D step a little livelier if someone blew pepper up our butts, too. Not that I want to be livelier all THAT much. I'm in no hurry...

      Delete
  56. lol!! I've heard about this before (I come from a family of medical people, with very random and entertaining dinner conversations), but still get a kick out of someone actually submitting to this kind of treatment! (Of course, the ancient Maya did something similar, only with corn beer...um, ew!) Thanks for the good giggle!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, I'll bet your dinner table conversations are verrrrry interesting. Corn beer? Yuk. Wouldn't want to drink it, and I sure as heck... never mind. You get the drift.

      My pleasure. Giggling is like exercise on the inside.

      Delete
  57. I've seen some doctors who were great, and worked with some doctors who were . . . I can't think of anything that isn't X-rated.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
  58. *Cough!* *Cough!* To think that I can experience the wonders of doctors for free. Maybe that didn't sound right. I think this post has cured me of something. Will also have another read of the side-effects of my medicine. Always fun to read the side-effects.

    I hope you have the patients, um patience, to read my comment.

    Take extremely good care of yourself and each other.

    Gary :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. (Aren't you clever? I like how your wrote *cough!* Neat!)

      Got no patients, but lotsa patience. (I got it from all that time sitting in doctors' waiting rooms over the years!)

      You, too. Cheers!

      Delete
  59. Oh my gosh! Now I know where that expression came from! That's awesome. Sort of. LOL

    ReplyDelete
  60. My favorite side effect [and you know I know them all] is "May cause death."

    Really? Since when is dying preferable to treating the ailment the med are supposed to help? BAH.

    And I am not advocating smoke as a cure all, but I suspect that since tobacco was in a much pure form *back in the day* and not pumped full of addictive crap by cigarette companies a little moderation might have helped some of the stuff they spoke of. Don't know. Wouldn't try it now.

    But I do love the "don't blow smoke up my ass" and your limerick. I can NOT wait until the family gets home. Mom's gonna be all share-y. That is IF I can stop laughing.

    Oh, and thanks for the yummylicious pic' of Hugh Laurie. And no, I did NOT lick your blog. Much.

    heehee Love ya sis! xo [nice job on the bazillion comments too] JG

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, death is pretty much the side effect to end all side effects. (Personally, I'd rather just put up with the insomnia.)

      Absolutely, there's no comparison between the once-upon-a-time tobacco that people used to smoke and the stuff treated with chemicals and additives and sold as ready-made cigarettes today.

      See what weird stuff ya learn here? I'm glad ya liked it, and it makes me giggle just to imagine you citing that limerick around the dinner table tonight.

      Hey, little sis, you can lick my blog any time you'd like. So to speak. Love ya.

      Happy weekend! 12:34

      Delete
  61. I read this post a few days ago but I didn't comment.
    I enjoyed it and I believe anybody who believes in "absolute truths" should read it...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Julia. I'm glad you enjoyed it. (Even if my silly little poem DID smell bad.)

      Delete