Friday, January 30, 2015

Signs of the Times

Thought for the day:  Words are but the signs of ideas.  [Samuel Johnson]

This past weekend, Smarticus and I took advantage of the gorgeous weather by visiting Jones Bridge Park to enjoy a walk through the woods and beside the Chattahoochee River. Like a dimwit, I forgot my camera, but my brother took this picture at the park the last time he was there. Talk about a gnarly tree, right? And we had a...  narly time.

We didn't have the park to ourselves, but it wasn't too crowded, either. Unless you count the Canadian geese. Lots of them around. (Yes, before you ask, I DID ask to see their IDs, so I'm sure they were from Canada...) It was a hoot watching how some of the geese interacted.  It looked like one gal was giving her mate a serious chewing-out; he kept trying to power swim away from her, but she stayed right on his butt with her wings flapping, giving him what for. Loudly. You didn't have to understand the language to know he was in deep doodoo. There were two mallards in the mix, too, who tried to blend in. There was also a heron, who didn't try to blend it at all. He was more interested in staying close to one of the fly fishermen, who was standing in the (cold!) water in his waders, leisurely whipping his line back and forth. The heron was watching the guy's every move like a beagle watching someone eat a burger, so I think maybe he was hoping for some too-small-to-keep trout getting tossed his way. In spite of seeing more fishermen in the (cold!) water than usual, we didn't see anyone catch anything. No problem. They all seemed to be content with catching the experience and a few rays. (Sun, that is, no mantas around here.)

[morguefile image]

We crossed paths with one fella walking a pit bull. Smarticus said, "Pretty boy!" You know, just trying to be nice. We didn't like offer the powerful-looking dog a taste of our hands or anything.

The guy... not the dog... the guy snarled, "She's a GIRL!"

Smarticus apologized, but Mr. Surly didn't even crack a smile. After we walked a ways away, I told Smarticus in a breathy voice, "You shoulda told him, I was talking to YOU!"

Yeah, we crack ourselves up.

Something else we noticed at the park. There were signs warning people to pooper scoop after their dogs. There were also signs warning of the dangers of rapidly rising water when the dam did its thing,  signs saying no alcoholic beverages were allowed, and others showing where to place hot coals after BBQing. But we didn't see a single sign saying anything about no smoking, much to our surprise. Also, nothing about no nudity, or no fornication. Um, not that we were looking to do any of those things. I mean, it WAS a little chilly.

But here's the thing. There was a sign citing an ordinance against making annoying noises. Which, the sign assured us, would be enforced.

Huh? How exactly, does one define an annoying noise? Someone singing or whistling off-key? A barking dog? A toddler pitching a tantrum? Loud stomach rumblings? Persistent toots and brrrrps of flatulence? (Since the sign didn't say anything about a ban on offensive odors, I presume flatulence in the silent but deadly category would be okay.) What kind of noise do you think should be banned from a park?

****

Okay, how about some other signs we didn't see at the park, not that it would have mattered. Remember? This flake forgot her camera...

Gray hairs are signs of wisdom if you hold your tongue; speak and they are but hairs, as in the young. [Rabindranath Tagore]

(RATS! As if I'm ever gonna hold my tongue...)

I've done numerous posts in the past featuring some reeeeeeally funny signs. If you want to take a peek at some of them, just click on the funny signs tag in the sidebar.

In the meantime, how about some of these funnies:
  • On a septic tank:   We're #1 in the #2 business.  
  • Over a gynecologist's office:   Dr. Jones, at your cervix.     
  • At a proctologist's door:   To expedite your visit, please back in.
  • On a plumber's truck:   We repair what your husband fixed.
  • On another plumber's truck:   Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.
  • On an electrician's truck:  Let us remove your shorts.
  • On a dry cleaner's window:   Grime doesn't pay.
  • On a maternity room door:   Push. Push. Push.
  • On a taxidermist's window:  We know our stuff.    
  • On a music shop window:   Gone Chopin. Be Bach in a minuet.
  • Outside a muffler shop:   No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.
  • In front of a funeral parlor:   Drive carefully. We'll wait.
  • At a propane filling station:   Tank heaven for little grills.                                                                                                                                   
***************

So what's your sign? You know, the funniest sign you've ever seen? For me, the laundromat near our dormitory had a sign in its window, saying, Grime doesn't pay. And then, there's this one:

[seniorark]

(In case you can't make it out, the sign at the back of this pooper scooper truck says, YESTERDAY'S MEALS ON WHEELS.) Hey, I guess any job can have a funny side with the right outlook.

Have a super weekend, y'all. Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.

I share the opinion of those of broader vision, who see in the signs of the time hope of humanity for peace.  [Frank B. Kellogg]

Oh yeah, a final reminder. Two signed copies of Hot Flashes and Cold Lemonade will be given away on February 2 through a Goodreads giveaway. Interested? Just click on that handy-dandy badge in the sidebar. (Sorry, only open to entrants from Canada, Great Britain and the U.S. this time around.)

Got time for a fun video? Remember this song by the Five Man Electrical Band? 



90 comments:

  1. Funny post, Susan--loved the video!!

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    1. Thanks. Coming from you, the queen of funny, I'll take that as a compliment. Glad ya liked the video.

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  2. Yesterdays Meals on Wheels is a classic. My superficial self is always drawn to clever word play. Grime doesn't pay would get my patronage before a more mainstream title.

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    1. I've got quite a few pooper scooper truck pictures, and they all have funny signs on them. Maybe I'll post some of the others someday.

      Hey, not superficial at all! You just have a keenly well-developed sense of humor... a sure sign of intelligence. :-)

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  3. I recall a sign in America saying 'no liotering' so my friend and I hung about trying to look liotery but really we were just giggling. (Both over 60, too)

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    1. Oh, that's funny! I can totally imagine my friend and me doing the same thing.

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  4. I love that song at the end... it's so true. I sometimes think we have too many signs, especially the ones that are obvious...

    Yes, what noise can we make in the park?... geesh... it is a little bit of overkill ... oh well, there are many that make me smile and so many you included here that made me laugh..xox

    I hope you are doing well... and have a wonderful weekend xox

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    1. Yeah, I think you're right. There's entirely too many signs around... until ya need one. (Ever notice how scarce street signs become when you get the teensiest bit lost...?)

      You have a super weekend, too.

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  5. The video is so funny, you made me lol ,thank you so much Susan :)

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    1. I'm glad you enjoyed it, Aunt Mary. It always makes me happy to make someone smile.

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  6. I would think annoying noise in a park would be revving motors and blasting music. After all, you're there to enjoy nature, right?

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    1. Yeah, loud music can be pretty darned annoying, especially when its pounding window-rattling bass is cranked way up. Or it's that nasty rap crap. That stuff's annoying at any volume. Revving motors, on the other hand, don't bother me. I guess that's because I'm married to a car guy.

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  7. Thanks for the laughs! I love the Asian restaurant signs. So many directions one can go with these.

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    1. My pleasure, dear sir. Yeah, some of the "Engrish" translation signs are my favorites.

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  8. Today I should be wearing a sign that reads: "Stay Back! I'm in a Rotten Mood!" Thanks for brightening my morning with humor.

    We are definitely trapped in an era of perpetual warnings. Annoying (and often pointless) signs are posted everywhere, telling us what to do. Warning labels annoy me just as much as signs.

    I'll reluctantly admit that I occasionally use a blow dryer on my wild and unmanageable-but-irresistible blonde hair (my hair has my personality). I noticed that the dryer has a warning label: "Do not use while in water".
    I plan to use it in the shower next time......it will speed up the process of getting ready in the morning.....

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    1. Uh-oh. I hope the mood-brightener lasts for ya.

      Yeah, that typical hair dryer warning always gets to me, too. It's right up there with the one on the back of claymore mines, telling soldiers not to eat it.

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  9. lol can go smoke drugs and run around bare but you can't make annoying noises, hmmm can you go after the annoying sign maker for being annoying?

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    1. HA! Nah, I don't think you can go after the sign-maker for doing his job, but maybe the person who hired him to make that stupid sign could use a quick slap upside the head.

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  10. I'm still smiling at the comment about the dog owner. :-) Pretty boy! :-)

    Greetings from London.

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    1. Thanks. I'm glad that comment about the surly dog owner tickled your funny bone.

      Greetings back atcha!

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  11. I doubt politicians are allowed into Jones Bridge Park since the "no annoying noise" rule.

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    1. Yep, politicians are quite skilled at making annoying (empty) noises. If they were allowed in the park, though, one of those pooper scooper trucks would have to come with them to tote off their smelly "promises."

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  12. LOL and groan on that truck sign!! There was a church marquee I used to pass a few years back when my 2nd oldest was in high school. It had some really f(p)unny lines on it, always. I wish I'd have thought to take some pictures. :)

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    1. Woo HOO! I made ya laugh and groan with the same post. My mission has been a success.

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  13. as always you tickle the Friday bone. Funny stuff. My favorite sign was in Australia and a young lad was reading it to his father - so get your best Aussie voice in your head and say "If the fall doesn't kill you, the crocodile will."

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    1. Thanks. Glad ya liked it.

      One of my favorite international signs was one my co-workers encountered in Japan some years back. So they wouldn't get lost while exploring, they diligently copied the Japanese writing at their stop so they could ask for directions, if need be. It turned out, the characters they'd copied down said, "You are here."

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  14. Why do people get so snippy about a critter's sex? It's not like the dog is ever offended.

    I took my kids to a park in Baltimore one time, and they needed one of those "no fornicating" signs. It was summer...there was no chill to stop this couple! Oh my. Fortunately, my kids were young enough to think they were wrestling.

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    1. I don't know why so many people get upset about the gender of their pet, but a lot of them do. So silly.

      Oy, good thing your kids were young. When we took ours to the Atlanta zoo years ago, the giant tortoises were doing some serious fornicating. Some very LOUD and serious fornicating. Their groans could be heard all over the zoo. When our daughter wanted to know what they were doing, her big brothers assured her that they were... playing football.

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  15. I love this post! And beautiful dog!!

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  16. I love to read the bumper stickers that people put on the back of their cars. You can tell a lot about a person by what he/she chooses to advocate. I tend to move back a little when I read some of them. However, that might be the what they intended.

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    1. We like to read the bumper stickers, too. And the vanity license plates people pay big bucks to have on their vehicles. Some are pretty clever, but the ones that really get me are the ones that make no sense to us. If they're undecipherable, what's the point of having them?

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  17. Susan, there's a plumber in town who has a truck with this on the back: "You're behind the brain who can unclog your drain." Bwahahaha.

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    1. Good one! Given a choice, I'd go with the company with the clever slogan every time.

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  18. I think the screams of someone being murdered should be banned. It's good you can amuse yourselves. I don't even need Willy Dunne Wooters to be able to amuse myself.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. Yeah, good point. People should be more considerate than to scream while other people are trying to grab some peace and quiet.

      It takes a special person to be self-amusing. (I crack myself up, too...)

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  19. No signs about no fornication? So quiet sex is allowed, huh?

    We have a septic tank company around here with signs on their trucks: We want your stinking business.

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    1. HA! Apparently so...

      Love it! If I had any stinking business, I'd wanta give it to that company.

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  20. Anyone who gets snarly that strangers can't identify the gender of his/her dog has MUCH bigger problems than the gender of the dog, imho.

    "In front of a funeral parlor: Drive carefully. We'll wait." -- That one is my favorite!

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    1. Yeah, you're right. Snarly people, in general, make me nervous, but when they get bent out of shape over something so ridiculous, that's just nuts.

      GREAT sign!

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  21. Enjoyed the video, it's been a while since I did a funny sign search, they're always good for a laugh.

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    1. Cool. I'm glad you enjoyed the video. Some of the funniest signs are the ones whose misspellings and grammatical errors put a whole new spin on what they're supposed to be saying.

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  22. Oh that would have been a hilarious comeback. ::snort:: People can be so weird about stuff like that.

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    1. Yeah, WE think it would've been a hilarious comeback, but that guy might not have agreed...

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  23. I totally judge other people by their bumper stickers :)

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  24. Oh I laughed out loud at your header picture and the list of signs.

    My favourite is one above a Chinese bookstore.

    I guess if you can't find the book that you want, then you must be at the "Wong Fook Hing book store".

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    1. I'm glad you liked 'em. (Laughter's a cure way to get rid of the miseries of the flu, if only for a little while.)

      That's a great sign. Even better than the one in front of a Chinese restaurant saying, "No, we don't know where your cat is, so stop asking!"

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  25. Hilarious signs. They crack me up, whether they're intentional, full of errors, or done as a prank.

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    1. Yeah, they all crack me up, too.

      Happy weekend!

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  26. Love the heading photo the best !

    cheers, parsnip


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    1. Yeah, that header picture is a real classic.

      Cheers back atcha!

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  27. Love the signs, hilarious! The Massachusetts Department of Transportation has electronic highway signs that mimic the local accent, which I think is pretty awesome. A few I've seen: Use Yah Blinkah, Make Yah Ma Proud Wear Yah Seatbelt, and last week's Wicked Big Storm Coming! Park Ya Cah!. Very funny. I don't recall DOTs in California, Washington or Georgia having a sense of humor.

    VR Barkowski

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    1. Those DOT signs are great. No, we don't see much indication of a sense of humor in Georgia's DOT. The way the powers that be behave around here, they ARE the joke.

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  28. Hilarious! As to that dog: owners often resemble their dogs (we say in Germany, but I think each country has found out. I saw a Lady with a pug - they looked so much alike :-)
    Yesterday I did what I only once in my life did before: I spoke to a pair whose dog had pooped just in front of the entrance of a little boutique. And then: it wasn't their dog! We talked to the lady owner who followed - unwillingly she did it away - and said: "Both my dogs are vegetarians - they have to shit three times a day." Well, that's no excuse... And then: first time in my life I met a vegetarian dog (it was tall and meagre).

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    1. Dear Britta,

      Yes, you're right, there really is a striking resemblance between some people and their pets. (Soooo funny!)

      HA! A vegetarian dog??? Now I've heard it all. But to use the dog's frequent potty habits as an "excuse" for not immediately cleaning up after him is hilarious. Good for you for getting to handle the business of cleaning up his business.

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  29. Once again, you found the perfect header for this post, though I'm sure you could find even more uses for it! Glad you and your hubby had fun watching the geese squabble. I can only imagine what they said about Pretty Boy/Girl's owner! Lots of fun signs to choose from, but my favorite was from the funeral parlor! The video was cute too! Thanks for the laughs, Susan!

    Julie

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    1. Thanks. I figured that header pic kinda set the tone.

      Hey, may we both always be good for a laugh...

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  30. Smarticus apologized, but Mr. Surly didn't even crack a smile.

    I stopped taking Sparky the Dog to the local dog park. He acted like an ass around other dogs and when I apologized the other owners weren't much better.

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    1. You should take Sparky to the beach... you'd both enjoy it more.

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  31. Since I work FOR a senior center, all I had to do was see your first pic to laugh. But you got me on all the other signs too. (And NO, I am not a senior...yet!)

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    1. I'm glad you got a kick out of the header. With your job, I guess it hit kinda close to home.

      I may be a senior, but I still haven't grown up.

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  32. Wow, what a header for your post...not a senior yet...still slightly overgrown child!

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    1. Hey, being a senior doesn't mean my inner child doesn't still have free reign.

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  33. This was hilarious, and it even included a fart joke - after our own hearts. The most annoying noise that I want banned? My old coworker chewing with his mouth open over my shoulder while breathing like a fat kid that just ran up a hill. That beats 'shrill dog bark' and 'screaming baby' any day.

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    1. Isn't that ridiculous? Even at my age, I still think fart jokes are hysterical...

      Yeah, chewing sounds in your ear would score pretty high on the annoy-o-meter. Off-key singing is one of the worst noises to me... even worse than fingernails scraping a blackboard.

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  34. Hilarious post! I love it. Just to help you out, I will define annoying noise for you: The 2014 Super Bowl Halftime Show.

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    1. HA! Great definition. I totally ignored the half-time show.

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  35. Annoying noises can be a bit subjective. Just ask any couple who has lived together for more than ten years. People often think my dog is a girl. Neither one of us gets insulted. It might be the long coat I put on him in the winter. It kinda looks like a dress, but he has bad hips so it helps keep him warm.

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    1. Yeah, you're right about annoying noises being subjective, but what's funny for Smarticus and me is after all these years together, we mostly think our noises are funny. Other people, however, may thing we're annoying...

      Aw, a coat for your dog? How sweet. Years ago, we had a toy manchester/chihuahua mix who hated to go out in the rain, so my mother made a little raincoat and boots for her. Soooo adorable.

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  36. "I was talking to YOU!" Hahaha! Great post, Susan. Thanks for the chuckles today. :)

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    1. Thanks, Daisy. I'm glad it tickled your funny bone.

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  37. LOL! Those signs are hilarious. My favorite was one we saw near our daughter's college campus: "Chinese Food--Coming Up Soon." Er, I hope not ...

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    1. HA! With the rash of failing health department scores some of the Chinese buffets have been getting around here, that "coming up soon" sign could be rather appropriate.

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  38. Fun stuff! Unfortunately, I'm blanking on funny signs I've seen.

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  39. I never remember such things, honest today, I'm lucky to remember my last name, old age is creeping up fast! Loved the post - don't you just hate forgetting the camera - I'm waiting for the next snowfall so I can get some new snow pics - don't know why, just want to! LOL
    I'm going to start hoping for craziness - maybe then peace will have a chance. Hasn't worked the other way!

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  40. Oh, piffle.You're nowhere near "old"... maybe just a little weary of winter.

    Yeah, it's annoying to forget the camera.Seems like there's always SOMETHING that'd make a funny picture.

    Crazy? I can do crazy...

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    1. You made me happy - but oh yeah, I'm old, and weary of winter!
      LOL

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    2. I think the name of this month should officially be changed to "Febru-weary."

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  41. LOL I cracked up at the grumpy dog walker. I wish your husband had said what you suggested. What the heck is wrong with people?
    Always love your sign posts. :D

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    1. Maybe. Ya never can tell. That grumpy dog walker was kinda... grumpy. Not sure he would have appreciated our attempt at humor.

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  42. I love the signs but I'm coming up blank on any to add. I do laugh when I drive by the office of a local Obstetrician, Dr. Bang. And I enjoyed taking a walk through the park with you.

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    1. HA! Dr. Bang is a funny name for an obstetrician, but I can top that. Years ago, my father's oncologist, who was treating him for colon cancer? His name was Seymour Weiner. (I kid you not!)

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  43. Ha! I know where Jones Bridge Park is! I'm in the metro area, too. The Chattahoochee runs along the east edge of my county. Thanks for dropping by my blog on Blitz Day!

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    1. Well, very cool! Howdy, neighbor!

      It was my pleasure. I hope you got a bazillion good wishes that day.

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  44. Enjoyed the post. You do know how to crack up an audience.

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  45. Eewwww "meals yesterday" seriously! hahaha Love all those signs. Only if you had a pic of every sign, they'd make a great post on the link up Signs. Your finds are hilarious.

    The pitbull's scary, he or SHE must have learned it frim someone :)

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    1. Thanks! I'm glad ya like them.

      Lots of people who have pitbulls swear they're the sweetest dogs, but I dunno. I've heard about a lot of people being attacked by them, so yeah, they look a little scary to me, too.

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