Friday, May 15, 2015

Friendship

Thought for the day:  Friendship is not a big thing... it's a million little things. 


Okay, so maybe friendship doesn't need words. I guess it's perfectly possible to maintain a comfortable silence when hanging out with good friends, and it wouldn't kill us to keep our mouths shut once in a while. Not that Smarticus and I are ever likely to know, mind you, because for the most part, when we're hanging out with any of our friends, we're with a group of talkers, story-swappers, and laugh-until-our-sides-hurt kinda people.

Laughter is the shortest distance between friends. 

We'll be hanging out with our besties for the next four or five days, (Woo-HOO! which means I won't be online for a while.) and in anticipation of all the fun we're gonna have, it got me to thinking about friendship. What does it mean to be a friend? What does friendship mean to you? And do our expectations and criteria change over the years? (What a stupid question. Of course they do! When I was a kid, everybody was my best friend.)

Friends are the bacon bits in the salad bowl of life. 


That's a good way to put it, isn't it? Delightfully savory bacon bits. Friends are also the decadent frosting on our cake, the people we can depend on, and who can depend on us. Together, we double all our joys and halve all our sorrows. We get each other.

Good friends don't let you do stupid things... alone.

 Remember the pinkie swears of youth, the shared secrets, and the oh-so-serious ritual of becoming blood sisters and brothers?  I must confess, my girlfriend Caryl and I weren't all that keen about cutting ourselves, though. We were practically joined at the hip since we met in first grade, loved to sing together, and got into all kinds of fun mischief together for many years. So, by golly, we wanted to be blood sisters! But cut ourselves? Uh... no thanks. The guys could play mumblety-peg (Anybody remember that?) and slice themselves in the name of friendship with their ever-present pocket knives all they wanted, but us? Nuh-uh. We simply picked at our scabs until we got enough of a trickle to mix. (Hush! Same principle, right?)

No more pinkie swears as adults, but we do still share confidences and keep secrets. No more blood brothers and sisters, either. (I still have an aversion to cutting myself, and it's been decades years months days since I've had a ready supply of scabs on my knees.) But after all these years, my childhood blood sister and I still keep in touch, especially since she had some experimental (and successful!) chemotherapy a few years ago. As a side effect, she lost many of her childhood memories, so she asked me to help her fill in the blanks with her, an undertaking that's brought us both a lot of pleasure.

Friends are people who know the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you forget the words.

[morguefile]
When I was eleven years old or so, I learned a little something about friendship. It happened on a beautiful warm evening in late spring, when the scent of lilacs filled the air. My neighbor friend Diane and I were chatting, giggling, and strolling to the elementary school so we could attend a pre-teen dance there, and as was fairly common in our neighborhood, seagulls were providing background music by soaring majestically above us, and squawking their familiar cries.

BOMBS AWAY! [morguefile]
And then one of the seagulls zeroed in on us. Or to be more precise, it zeroed in on Diane. Like a miniature dive bomber, that squawking bird swooped down, and FWOP! splatted a big ol' load of multi-colored poop all over her. Unless you've experienced it, you have no idea how much poop a seagull can fwop. Or how colorful it can be. Trust me, it was a lot. And colorful. On her. On the shoulder of her shirt, and all down the front of her. I'm telling you, the expression on her face was priceless, and I, her dear sweet friend, wiped most of that nasty stuff off with my bare hands, and then oh-so-gently wrapped my lightweight jacket around her shoulders. "There, there," I crooned. "It'll be all right."

[morguefile]
Yeah, right. You guys don't know me at all, do ya?

So sue me. I laughed. I laughed my silly arse off. And then I laughed some more. Diane, alas, failed to see the humor in the situation, and insisted on going back home. So, no dance. We went back home and watched TV. I learned right there and then how important it is for friends to laugh... together.

Now, before you judge me too harshly for laughing, this is the same Diane who helped break my parents' bed, and then took off like a scared rabbit and left me to deal with the mess by myself. Besides, if the seagull had pooped on me? I would have laughed just as hard. (Come on... it was funny!)

We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up... after I finish laughing.


Whether you have one or two good friends, or so many you can't keep count, nothing's more wonderful than spending time with people who get you, no matter how weird you can be. If you're very very lucky, you might even be married to one of them. (Yes, I am very very lucky.)

Best friends know how weird you are, but still choose to be seen with you in public.



[morguefile]

No matter how old we are, whether we're very young and fervently declaring our status as best friends forever five minutes after we meet...



[morguefile]

















or teenagers filled with insecurities, and learning more about ourselves and the world, bonding over common interests and shared secrets...


[morguefile]





or old codgers who've shared a lifetime of memories, and a lifetime of priceless friendship...

friendship is a vital part of our lives. As tasty as they may be, we don't need bacon bits on our salads, but we do need friends.

The friends we're gonna be with for the next four or five days? The bestest. We all get along; we all get each other. We'll play a lot of games, swap a lot of lies, and boyohboy, will we ever laugh. Forget sleep, though. We aren't likely to get a lot of that, because we always squeeze as much as we can out of our time together. Like the Mertzes and the Ricardos... (Guess I'm Ethel!)


Oh, and in case you're wondering, if a bird happens to poop on any of us, you can count on me. I'm gonna laugh. And even better? So will the other three...

How about you? When you hear the word friend, is there anyone in particular who immediately comes to mind? A childhood friend... a current friend...  a blogging pal... a writing partner... or best of all... someone who's been your friend forever? Wanta tell us a little bit about that person?

               Good friends are hard to find, harder to keep, and impossible to forget.

                   I'll be back to respond to you comments next week. (If I can stay awake...)



                                        Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.

60 comments:

  1. Well , I have some friends who are friends forever, I consider myself lucky to have them in my life .Enjoyed reading your post as usual :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Forever friends are the best, and I'll bet they consider themselves lucky to have you in their lives, too. Thank you. :)

      Delete
  2. Ah Susan, so many of my little friends wandered away since those days of growing up but I'm sure we wish the best for one another --and oh those who passed away, I recall the conversations, their minds like enchanted pools. But still, I have friends --even beyond the ones we literally made ourselves (offspring who in turn made friendly grandchildren)-- and we laugh together. Maybe it comes down to that: real communication is often accompanied by laughter. You sure wrote a good post here. Now I'm thinking of my old English teacher, Willie, who I still phone every week and who still corrects my grammar. "Use the damn cane!" I tell him. He does. Then says, "damned, not damn". We laugh.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love the way you put that... "the ones we literally made ourselves." It really IS wonderful when our children and grandchildren grow up to be the kinda people we genuinely enjoy spending time with, isn't it?

      Laughter is key. I truly believe that. (I'm thinking grumpy ol' sourpusses don't have a whole lotta friends...)

      Delete
  3. Love and laughter are the foundations of my world. And I am so very grateful.
    I have friends I haven't seen in years, and may not see again, but their place in my heart is reserved.
    Have a wonderful few days away. Revel in it. Which I know you will..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They're the foundations of mine, too. I hope we're always able to appreciate the humorous side of life.

      Yes, out of sight does NOT mean out of mind or heart. Some friends are so dear, their places in our hearts are permanent, whether we see them or not.

      Delete
  4. The quality of friends is much more important to me than the quantity. A true friend is someone with whom you can always be yourself and feel totally comfortable. Someone who is willing to share ups and downs, laughter or tears, someone who is reliable, compassionate, and non-judgmental.
    The subject of friendship is complex. I've tried to simplify.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your "simplification" was just right, cowboy. It's a real blessing when we have friends like that in our lives, and I agree with you about quality over quantity. We may be acquainted with, and genuinely like, many many people, but true friends are much more rare.

      Delete
  5. When I was young we moved house too often for me to establish life-long friends but those I gathered in later years were so important to me. We had so much fun dancing, yachting, swimming and yes, even just going for walks. Unfortunately they have all now passed away but the memories I have will stay with me forever. I am just so thankful they were part of my life.
    Enjoy your short break and your friends. I somehow know you will.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's wonderful that our friends who are no longer with us can live on in our memories, but I really wish I'd taken more photos when they were still here.

      Delete
  6. Susan I've had some good friends over the years... no one as good and close as my D...if we could ever work out our misunderstanding I know we'd laugh for hours.. that was the always the best and what I treasured.

    Even if we never speak again, he'll always be my best friend... I'll have other friends but no one I'll ever be that close to or open to again.

    Have a great time with your friends xox ♡

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hope you're wrong, Launna. I truly hope you find at least one other person who's even more dear to you than D ever was, and you open your heart and life to friendship and love again.

      Delete
  7. My friends, new and old, complete me. They are as important to my life and joy as my family. When I have lost any of these dear ones to death, my heart never quite heals but the laughter and the good times we shared are always with me.

    I definitely would have laughed if a bird pooped on a friend; I also would have laughed if it happened to me (it has, and it came from a large pelican). We have all been pooped on at some time and isn't it better when a friend is there to share that moment. It's the stories that bind us.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your comments are always such a delight to me. Thank you.

      Delete
  8. Our families(bless them!) are what we get and are friends are who we choose. I've been lucky with both, but friends are particularly precious. I don't have lots but the ones I count as best have been through thick and thin with me. We laugh until we cry - and we have cried together too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think we all need someone we can share both laughter and tears with, because it isn't quite the same doing either alone.

      Delete
  9. Had many friends that moved away and some blogging friends indeed pop in when I think of the word. Cats count too, right? lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Absolutely! Both dogs and cats count, but they don't always get our jokes...

      Delete
  10. This is a lovely post. Made me miss my bestie...she lives across the state and I haven't seen her in a long time.

    I remember pinky swearing. That was fun! ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If you miss your bestie, I hope you gave her a call, because I'll betcha she misses you just as much.

      Delete
  11. I have friends from junior high days. They are in PA, I'm in TX but we can get together and start off right where we left off. I have very good friends in TX but they don't have the old reference point. There's something about gals that have known your folks, your old house, etc. And laughter is key.
    New friends add fresh bacon bits and I include the blog friend connection. You make me laugh - I think we'd crack up and have a great time in person. So, enjoy your friends and have a great visit.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Isn't that cool how that works??? It can be years between visits, and yet somehow, we can pick right up as though no time has passed at all.

      I think we'd get along really well, too. :)

      Delete
  12. Lovely post with good timing for me. I had a friend for dinner last weekend (I know, I know, that sounds so "Hannibal Lecter" :-D) and we had a lovely conversation. It'd been a long time since we had last since each other. Have a great weekend.

    Greetings from London.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HA! I love how you started this comment. My kinda humor.

      I'm glad you and your friend had such a good time together.

      Greetings back atcha.

      Delete
  13. Beautiful post. I actually had a lump in my throat whilst reading this. Apart from that bit about the scabs. Eww!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm glad you liked it. Oh, come ON! Don't tell me you weren't a scabby-kneed girl at one time...

      Delete
  14. My friends seem to be scattered over two continents, but I know when I meet them in person, we'll pick up right where we left off. I think it's a sad sign of our times that we get so busy with work and activities and kids that friendships often take a back seat. It really takes some work and effort to maintain friendships!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. With your background, I'm not surprised that your friends are spread all over the place. Not surprised about the ability to pick right up where you left off, either. (Isn't it great to be able to do that?!)

      Yes, friendships and marriage both require some work, but the payoff if well worth it.

      Delete
  15. awww you have done it again. A wonderful post. I teared up while reading it.
    Just from reading your blog I know you would be a great friend to have.
    Have a great weekend.

    cheers, parsnip

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks. I'm glad you liked it. Sorry to make your eyes leak, though.

      We had a SUPER weekend. (I'm still in recovery mode.)

      Cheers!

      Delete
  16. Throughout life, I've always been shy and held back from joining in, being part of the group, making friends, so there aren't any people who "get" me, no forever best friends from child hood or later years.
    On the internet is a different story. Here I have many friends who "get" me and I proud to call them all friend even though I have not met more than a few of them in real life.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I had no idea you were shy, but it's totally cool you've made so many friends within the online community. That gives me a whole new perspective on the value of blogging. :)

      Delete
  17. A friend is somebody you love unconditionally and who loves you unconditionally. I can count my true friends with the fingers of one hand.
    Good post.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Great description! A handful of people like that in your life is a real blessing.

      Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

      Delete
  18. Good friends don't let you do stupid things... alone. ~~~ I love this! When I was a kid, I never had a bestie. Really. Never had a best friend. I was the left-out kid.

    So, it's a darn good thing I met him when I grew up and married him, huh?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Me, too.It's funny how stupid stuff doesn't seem nearly as stupid when considering doing it with an old friend.

      It's hard to believe you were a left-out kinda kid, but if you were, I'll bet that helped you relate better to your students. Might even be how you came to be such a good writer for kids.

      And yes, it's great you married your bestie. Nothing better.

      Delete
  19. Loved this post. My circle is small, but I can depend on my friends and enjoy their company immensely. It's also nice to say things in confidence to blow off some steam.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

      We don't need a "big" circle. Even having one special friend to laugh with and confide in makes life more enjoyable.

      Delete
  20. What's weird is to see a long lost friend and reconnect. While the usual perfunctory greeting is to say they haven't changed it boggles the mind when you realize a person you would have once risked your life for has changed into something you don't recognize.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can imagine. Not that we shouldn't expect people to change a little in fifty or sixty years, but I haven't encountered that kinda situation yet. It would be very unsettling.

      Delete
  21. I loved the bird poop story. Figures I'd zone in on the poop.

    One of the greatest joys in this life is laughing with our friends. Seriously, I think it's better than medicine.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HA! The fact that you zoned in on the poop story means we'd get along just fine...

      Yes, they do say laughter is the best medicine, and sometimes "they" are actually right.

      Delete
  22. I love the seagull story, and trust me, no matter who it happened to, we'd both be laughing our asses off. And then we'd probably blog about it. Life is all about good friends and good humor. I'm just lucky that in our little circle of friends those two qualities both run hand in hand.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cool. I reckon the world is divided into people who think getting pooped on is funny, and those who don't. Those of us in that first category are also more likely to think farts are hilarious. (Such class!)

      Delete
  23. Friendship is sacred, indeed.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Many years ago, my uncle was watching seagulls flying over us. He had his mouth open. It was a direct hit. I laughed my buttocks off. We all did!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Patooie, patooie! I MIGHT have tried to suppress my laughter over a direct in-the-mouth hit... but probably not.

      Delete
  25. I've got just a few honest to goodness forever friends, but I cherish them like nobody's business. More and more true too, the older I get. :)

    and p.s. I'd have laughed at the bird poo too... and gone home w/her to watch TV. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Like the Nigerian proverb say, "Hold a true friend with both hands." (But not under water...) We've got to cherish them, because we never know what could happen tomorrow.

      P.S. Good to know. :)

      Delete
  26. I recall being in a very stuffy, elegant restaurant in the UK with my best friend. I said something to her, which she misheard. Suddenly the conversation was completely off the wall. Finally, we realized we were both having different conversations, and we couldn’t stop laughing. The very staid English waiter appeared and we waved him away because we couldn’t speak. He came back a few minutes later. We waved him away again. Finally he sees we’re composed so he approaches the table. My friend and I looked at each other and, well, you can guess the rest. The best part was, the waiter started to laugh, too. Laughter is contagious.

    VR Barkowski

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Geez, I can easily imagine my friend Pam and I doing that. We were laughing so hard in Red Lobster one day, it's a wonder they didn't kick us out on our keisters. It helps to have a server with a sense of humor, doesn't it?

      Yes, laughter really is contagious.

      Delete
  27. The bird pooping incident reminded me of a scene out of Mel Brooks' "High Anxiety." It was a take off on Hitchcock's "The Birds," only these birds were trained at the same seagull dive-bombing academy! Hope you're having a great time with your 'besties!' I'm very lucky to have you for a friend, Susan!

    Julie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm not sure if we've ever seen that Mel Brooks movie... how in the world could we have missed it? Sounds right up our alley.

      I'm happy to have you for a friend, too. It was a lot of fun working with you on our poetry book. :)

      Delete
  28. Your seagull story reminded me of my trip to San Francisco when a seagull zeroed in on ME when my sister was standing right next to me. Of course, she laughed her butt off too. I consider my sisters my best friends but sometimes.... :D
    Love the photos and quotes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi-ya, Julie! It's great to hear from you.

      So you've been a target before, too, eh? Sorry, but I would have laughed right along with your sister.

      Thanks. I'm glad you liked 'em.

      Delete
  29. Children know so much more about friendship. Had the best friend in high school, sadly we drifted apart. I still miss her and have tried via FB to find her but no luck. I swear people can find anything and anyone with FB, but me. LOL

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't know if I agree with that or not... about kids knowing more about friendship, that is. At least for myself, I had absolutely no filters in place, so I'd be just as friendly with a wonderful person as I would with someone who treated me badly. At some point, we have to learn that it's okay to choose who we want to be friends with based on more than them being alive.

      Sorry you weren't able to find your old pal through FB. Have you tried doing a simple Google search? Sometimes, that works.

      Delete
  30. Friends are treasures indeed. I'm late in commenting here, but I'm glad to hear you had a good time with your friends. Friends truly make our lives so much better.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey, no such thing as being "late." If there were, you could say I'm "late" in responding to your comment... (Sorry about that. Your comment didn't show up via email.)

      Yep, friends are truly the whipped cream and cherries on top of our sundaes.

      Delete