Friday, August 28, 2015

Who Needs a Rooster?

Thought for the day:  In ancient times, cats were worshiped as gods; they have not forgotten this. [Terry Patchett]

Dash
It's hard to believe, but next month, it'll be six years since we rescued our kitties from the shelter. Or to be more accurate, maybe they rescued us... because those little critters sure have added lots of grins and giggles to our lives.

Dash, our calico, was just a little bit of a thing when we brought her home, and she's still kinda petite. That little princess has us wrapped right around her bunny-soft little paw.

Dot




Dot, our gray tabby, is the younger of the two, but she quickly grew to become the larger. And the more vocal, too. (She's our pushy cat.) Now I wish I'd named them something like Tinkerbell and Tankerbell to reflect the differences in their sizes. Or since Dash is the zany explorer, and Dot the more staid and gabby queen, maybe, Lucy and Ethel, to reflect their personalities.

What can I say? No matter what we call them, they are a teensy bit... spoiled.

Ever since she was big enough to get onto our king-sized bed, that's where Dash has spent almost every night. Usually somewhere on top of me. On my stomach, on my chest, on my neck, on my face. Doesn't matter, because she doesn't usually stay in one place for very long. See, she likes to... hop around. Explore. Crawl under the covers, lie still for five minutes, and then ta-DA! pop back out. Knead me with her paws, and lick me with her tongue. Lots of head-butting, purring and nose-kisses, too. My favorite is when she climbs up on the headboard and jumps down on my face...

And I... let her. Which is why she still does it. Dot, on the other hand, may occasionally join us on the bed, but when she does, she's a bit more polite about it. Just lies close to my side, and stays there most of the night.

But as anyone who has a cat well knows, what a cat always does or always likes is always changing. Their favorite place to nap is never constant, and the food they gobble one day is the same food they turn their noses up at the next. They follow a strict routine for a while, only to change it for a whole new routine. I guess they're trying to keep us on our toes.

Mostly, the cats used to leave Smarticus alone during the night, but recently, Dash has been sharing some of the love with him, too. (He calls her The Stomper.) I'm used to her waking me up before the butt crack of dawn every day, but recently, after she woke me up, she pranced over to Smarticus to say hello to him, too. She only went over to him a couple times before concentrating her efforts on me, but nonetheless, what popped into my sleepy head as she bounced back and forth between the two of us was, Hello, muddah! Hello, faddah! (Which is totally ridiculous, because our cats have always called us Mama and Papa...with the accents on the second syllables.)


Anyhow, that old Allan Sherman song bugged me for the rest of the day, so natch, I did what any weird cat-owner writer would do... I wrote a parody of the song. Of course.

And here it is:


Hello Muddah, hello Faddah.
Here I am now, right beside ya.
Time to open up your eyes now;
Get your butt out of that bed and fix me chow now.

 I tried bouncing on your belly;
You're so fat, it feels like jelly.
You were so still, thought you were dead;
So I did CPR by jumping on your head. 

Come on, Muddah, time is ticking,
And your face I now am licking.
I must meow loudly in your ear,
Because if you don't get up soon, I'll starve, I fear.

With my claws, your cheek I'm gripping,
And my nose on you is dripping.
Come on, let's play and have some fun;
In only three more hours, we'll see the rising sun. 

Please get up, oh muddah, faddah, please get up, don't be a bother.
Starting your day's such an endeavor; sometimes it takes me forever.
Please get up, I promise I will be your friend and love you 'til the bitter end,
So why this cruel wait to get food upon my plate? 


Hurry, hurry, dearest muddah,
One foot down, and then the other.
I will lead you to the kitchen;
It is almost five o'clock, so quit yer bitchin'.

Wait a sec! What's that you're pouring?
Same as yesterday? How boring!
Pardon my French; it smells like crap...
It's time for me to join dear Faddah for a nap.



(Gotta love 'em!)

It occurred to me that the Allan Sherman song was out in the early sixties, so some of you may not remember it. Heck, some of you weren't even born yet! (sigh)



So here it is, in all its silly glory:


Okay, ready to hear the results of last week's giveaway for the nifty-neato package of Shakespearean Insult Bandages? (Insert drum roll here.) The winner is the lovely Pixel Peeper, who left this gem: The advantage of intelligence is that you can easily play dumb. The opposite is a bit more difficult. [Kurt Tucholsky] Dontcha love it? Clever... but not offensive. So, Ms. B, if you would be so kind, email me your mailing address, and I'll get your little care package off in the mail. (If you don't still have my address, you can use that handy-dandy email me badge in the sidebar.)

                                    Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.



Cats are the ultimate narcissists. You can tell this because of all the time they spend on personal grooming. A dog's idea of personal grooming is to roll on a dead fish. [James Gorman]














74 comments:

  1. OK truthful... do you get any sleep ?
    Adore this post today so wonderful, so much fun.
    I love Hello Muddah.... I use to sing it all the time one summer. I am sure I (might) sang it a bit to much.
    That said, your parody of the song is outstanding.
    Talented person who takes very good care of your Over Lords.

    cheers, parsnip

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    1. OK, truthful... I get SOME. Sometimes, much to my husband's amusement, I even manage to sleep through her walking all over me.

      Thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I think all of us of... a certain age... used to sing that song a lot. :)

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  2. Your spoof on "Hello Muddah" is absolutely priceless - - and the photos of your kitty kids are adorable.

    As a fellow hardcore cat lover, I could relate to every word of this post. I seldom get a good night's sleep because of my two youngest cats - who love to share my bed.

    Bosco was such a tiny, frail kitten that I thought he wouldn't survive. Now he's so damn heavy that I'm afraid I'll suffocate when he sleeps on my chest - - or head.
    And, yes - cats definitely love to leap from headboards directly onto unsuspecting sleepers. Bosco almost killed me once when he unexpectedly landed on my groin.

    I'm certain that cats lovers are also masochists......but I couldn't live without my tribe of felines.. Terrific post, Susan.

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    1. Thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed it. And could relate. Then again, I suspect most people who are owned by cats could relate, because as unique as we all believe our own cats to be, they all seem to share certain behaviors, if we let them.

      Nah, we aren't masochists. When those kitties cuddle and nuzzle with us, and when they follow us around, or just sit on our laps purring, it more than makes up for any middle-of-the-night shenanigans. Besides, sleep is highly overrated. (That's what I keep telling myself, anyway.)

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  3. Not only do I know and remember Hello Muddah, but your parody is very true here too. Right down to me being the chosen recipient of their early morning attention...
    Jazz is the worst - but Jewel is encouraging him on...

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    1. We're very fortunate that our cats bless us with their attention, wouldn't you say? (Although it WOULD be nice if they slept in every once in a while...)

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  4. I remember Allan Sherman. It's true: I'm old. Your lyrics are great, and so are your cats. Sometimes I think my house needs a cat, but Franklin isn't so sure.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. Nah, you aren't old. By definition, NO ONE who is younger than I am can EVER be considered old. Them's the rules.

      Who knows? Franklin might love having a kitty around. Our former cat and dog were the best of friends.

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  5. Yes, Allan Sherman was a gentle formative force in my well-spent youth. Your adaptation honors him. Great post, Susan. I enjoyed it!

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  6. Hi Susan - cats are amazing aren't they .. and your two are busy ... they do amuse ... love the photos too. That song is 'terrible' and I hope I don't spend the rest of the day thinking about it!! Cheers and enjoy your nightly romps .. at least they look like lightweights ... Hilary

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    1. Hi, Hilary! Yes, cats really are amazing, and very entertaining. HA! Sorry if that "terrible" song keeps playing in your head. HA! (Then again, why should I suffer alone...?)

      Cheers!

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  7. Love that Alan Sherman song, remember it well.
    I'm very glad that Angel no longer sleeps on my chest, he weighs a ton. Just last week he leapt onto the bed from the dresser and landed right on my nipple.
    I'm keeping on top of his fussiness over foods though. He's limited himself to two flavours and recently turned up his nose at one of them, so I shooed him outside and didn't bring him in until dinner time. He'd had no snacks either, so wolfed down the previously shunned food.

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    1. HA! Yeah, it can be pretty brutal when kitties launch from the dresser, and use us as a landing pad. Talk about a rude awakening!

      Our cats never go outside, but they usually aren't all that picky about their food, either, and they're only too happy to help us eat ours, too. Sounds like you're training your kitty well.

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  8. Loved your parody and I do remember that song!

    I have 3 cats, and a dog, so I get all the joys of both cats and dogs living together.

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    1. Thanks. I'm glad you liked it.

      Hmm, sounds to me like you need to get another dog...

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  9. Cats are button pushers. And they'll keep pushing even after you say no.

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    1. Cats do not comprehend the word no. (But a quick squirt from a water gun usually gets the point across... or so I've heard...)

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  10. Yes, we have one like that in this house, too. She doesn't get into my bedroom -- she mostly prefers my daughters. They each complain that around 5 am each day she starts busting up the joint -- jumping up on shelves and knocking things to the floor. She especially likes to dump books down on my 15 year old's head. She had a big purple knot on her forehead one morning from having Divergent fall on her, I think.

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    1. HA! At least she lets the girls sleep in until five! Hmmm, maybe she wants someone to read to her...?

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    1. Thanks! It's good to hear from you again. :)

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  12. haha when cats want you up they want you up. Then they just go and have a nap, their work is done.

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    1. Yep! That describes our cats to a T. Dash especially likes to take a nap atop the morning paper while I'm trying to read it.

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  13. Allergic to cats, but I've always loved them. I brought the first cat and dog home as a youngster, I wanted to save them all. A roommate had a cat that took on each of our personalities, with me she was quiet and mellow with Cathy she was rambunctious and over the top. It was fun to watch. Your little dears sound precocious. Loved the new song lyrics, very ingenious, you just need to do a youtube video with music and your little ones and you'll be a star! Let me know when it's up! :)

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    1. That's the only thing wrong with going to a shelter; I still want to save them ALL. It's a bummer about you being allergic to cats. I guess you could always get one of those (ugly) bald cats. (Did you see the hilarious "Friends" episode where Rachel got one of them?)

      Your former roommate's cat sounds pretty cool. Half chameleon, eh?

      HA! I think it'd be fun to post stuff on youtube, but I don't know how. :)

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    2. I've done it, it was easy, but now I can't remember how I did it. I put up a 30 second video of Angel playing with his Christmas toy.

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    3. You smartie. If you did it once, I'm sure you can figure out how to do it again. I don't even have anything capable of taking videos. :)

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  14. I'm afraid that I remember that Alan Sherman song word perfect. Love the kitty cats. My two are exactly like that given half a chance. They're confined to the kitchen at night or I'd never get a wink of sleep.

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    1. There were a lot of fun songs like that around when we were young. I don't know of any nowadays.

      Smartacus asked if I wanted to bar our girls from our bedroom at night, but they'd just raise a holy ruckus outside our door. As it is, we feel quite fortunate they're still willing to share "their" bed with us.

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  15. excellent spoof. You know I'm not an animal person - the thought of them licking my face is creepy. But your kittens are very cute from afar. Enjoy!!!

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    1. Thanks! Ya know, the only reason you're not a fan of animals is because you haven't had the privilege of meeting OUR girls yet. :)

      Happy weekend, kiddo!

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  16. I love cats so much! I miss mine. Great poem!

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    1. Thanks! I'm glad you liked it. And I hope you get another cat.

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  17. I love cats. I have five. Also saved them from a shelter. We're going for our second anniversary now. :-D

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    1. Wow... five! That's pretty cool. So I take it you sleep in the bathtub, eh? :)

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  18. Wow....I actually won!!! Yeay! (I probably should run out and buy a lottery ticket tonight.) (On second thought...naaaaw.)

    You made me miss my cat.... Loved your parody of the song - and yes, I had to "sing" it instead of "reading" it. Heh.

    Off to send you an email now. Shakespearean insult bandages - looking forward to them! :-) ♥

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    1. Yay, you! I'll get your package into the mail on Monday. :)

      I kinda hope a lot of people sang the parody instead of reading it. Makes it funnier somehow.

      Have a super weekend.

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  19. Cats have such personality. I have three kitties. I do close the bedroom door at night because I don't want them to wake me.

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    1. Smart lady. When our kitties started sharing our bed, they were pretty tiny. Now they're pretty big. Dash curls up (when she stays still) but Dot is a real sprawler. Feels more like we're being allowed to sleep in their bed instead of the other way around.

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  20. I was a dog person, hubby a cat man (it is usually the opposite), so, of course, we have cats. It is just easier that way. Like you, I have a calico who is sweet and loving. This summer, though, I fell in love with a kitten and my life has changed. I smile all the time because this crazy little creature has entered my life.

    Love your lyrics! Anyone with a cat can relate. Pets add so much to our lives and I am so glad that I have shared my days with all kinds of four legged creatures who only know to give love and loyalty to us two legged needy people.

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    1. I was a dog, cat, and every other kind of animal you can think of, person. The only pet Smarticus had as a kid was a box turtle, which he used as a tank when he was playing with his toy soldiers in the back yard, so he didn't think he cared about having pets. I guess you could say I won that one, because we've had a TON of pets over the years. He actually thought dogs should be kept outside. He lost that one, too. :)

      I'm glad to hear about your new kitten. They really do bring lots of smiles into our lives.

      Thanks. I'm glad you liked my silly parody.

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  21. I had a yellow tabby named Baby (a long story...) and she loved to pounce on my feet if I moved them under the bed covers. It was the most painful attack ever and I could have killed that cat.

    The rest of the time: loved her. But for the record, she NEVER stopped attacking my feet and it I closed the bedroom door, she complained all night. Such a pitiful howl! Poor abused cat...

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    1. HA! Our cats can't resist pouncing on moving targets under the covers, either. The only time it hurts, though, is if their nails need clipping, so I try to keep them clipped for our own safety. (It's already too late for the furniture.)

      I can imagine the outside-the-door howl. Enough so that we haven't even tried closing our girls out of the bedroom. THEIR bedroom.

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  22. Oh my lord Susan, that was hilarious! I think you could start a new career as the Weird Al Yankovic of the blogging world with that parody. Priceless. :)

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    1. Why, thank you, my dear. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Best wishes to you and Spawn for a lovely weekend... from the weirdo. :)

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  23. I loved this post and loved your parody! This was such fun to read and a very accurate portrayal of cats.

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    1. Thanks, Daisy. An accurate portrayal of cats? You mean our little angels aren't... unique? HA! (As if.)

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  24. Allan Sherman was very popular on British radio in the sixties. Loved your version. Maybe you should record it and upload it here, Susan.

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    1. Thanks, Keith! I'm glad you like my little parody. It would be kinda fun to record and upload it, but unfortunately, the only experience I have with recording involves a portable tape recorder. :)

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  25. Though I haven't really heard about Alkan Sherman until I've read your post, I love your parody.

    Oh and I've been entertained reading the story of your kittens, especially when one jumps in your face from the headbored. It reminds me if one of our cats who sits on the closet and jumps on the head of anyone who comes to open that closet. Aren't they adorable? :) I can sooo imagine how yours are behaving. Has anyone poked her fadda's face yet in the morning? That is how ours wake their faddah up.

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    1. Thanks! I'm glad you liked my parody. I think anyone who has cats can relate to it.

      Our Dash likes to climb as high as she can, so she sometimes perches on top of our closet door, too. Luckily, she hasn't launched herself from there to jump on anyone's head yet. (Don't give her any ideas!)

      Our cats don't usually poke at faddah in the morning, but Dash has recently decided that it's a great deal of fun to poke and play when he's trying to take an afternoon nap.

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  26. Allow me to temporarily forfeit my man card and say AWWWW damn those are cute. Totally worth the mood swings and constantly changing demands!

    Okay, now then, back to the topic at hand... we both know that song, even if it's way before our time. And we never did learn where Camp Granada was...

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    1. Nah, you didn't forfeit your man card. Using the word "damn" totally counteracted the AWWWW. :) And yeah, they're totally worth it. (Even if it does seem that they ralph up more on a daily basis than they ingest...)

      I don't think anyone knows where Camp Granada is. Not even Allan Sherman.

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  27. your cats are adorable!
    I have a cat and a dog both from the shelter and no doubt the cat rules the house! as arrogant as he is, he's still a sweetheart who curls up in a little fur ball next to me every night :)
    As a fellow optimist, I am following your blog! :)

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    1. Hi, Baiba. Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment. It's nice to meet you.

      In a household with cats and dogs, size doesn't matter. It seems as though a cat always ends up in charge. Then again, they might as well boss the dogs around; they already do it to their people. :)

      It's a pleasure to meet a fellow optimist. Welcome aboard!

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  28. What adorable kitties. We have a rescue kitty, but considering he just moved in with me, I always say he adopted me and I'm honored. He's an amazing friends.

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    1. Oh, don't worry about that new kitty. I'm sure he'll have you trained in no time. :)

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  29. Adorable and cute! Thanks for sharing!

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    1. Thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed hearing about our girls.

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  30. What adorable, sweet fur babies! And funny you should mention cats jumping on faces. I was just over at RhymeTime where I wrote a little poem about exactly that. Okay, I actually said head rather than face because head rhymed. My Sofie was a face jumper. She also used to insist on sleeping on my pillow snuggled against the top of my head. I was told it was because so much heat escapes via the top of our noggins, but I’m not sure if that's true.

    Great lyrics, and thanks for the ear-worm. :)

    VR Barkowski

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    1. I don't know what prompts our kitties to attack and/or drape themselves over our heads and faces, but whatever it is, it sure makes keeping their nails clipped a high priority!

      HA! My pleasure.

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  31. Is clipping the nails easy? I would imagine they would run and hide if I tried!

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    1. It isn't too bad if you have a good pair of clippers. Our cats don't like it, but it only takes a minute to do the job, so they forgive me pretty fast. (But I've been doing it regularly since they were tiny. I don't know how it'd be for you to start with an older cat.)

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  32. I also remember Allan Sherman, and you knocked your version out of the ballpark! I especially liked the bit about kitty CPR! Dash and Dot are so cute, and they're all lucky to have you, Susan!

    Julie

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    1. Thanks, kiddo! I'm glad you like my silly version.

      You've got that right... Dot and Dash do "have" us. They own us, and we're kinda like their staff, but it's a role we're happy to have.

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  33. That cat would be SO dead in my house. We had one kitten growing up that used to sneak into our rooms at night and then pounce on our feet, arms--anything that moved. She didn't last long. Mom went and exchanged her for a subdued kitty who let us sleep through the night. Poor night cat.

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    1. HA! I'll betcha she wouldn't end up dead, because you'd fall in love with her. She is the most loving, cuddly cat you've ever seen. Then again, we don't have young children, either. After surviving all those years of being up with kids, having a cat who wants attention in the middle of the night is a piece of cake. (Or cheese, if you'd prefer.) At least, I don't have to change any diapers. :)

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  34. Dot and Dash are awesome! We stayed at my parents house this month and they have a two month old bundle of energy. More entertaining than the TV.

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    1. I think most pets are more entertaining than TV, but a two month-old kitten? The best!

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  35. Your kitties are so awesome! Love all the pictures.

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    1. Thanks. (We think they're pretty awesome, too.)

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