Friday, July 14, 2017

A Salute... and a Toot... to Sophisticated Humor

Hi-ya. I'm still in the depths of editing, so here comes another slightly updated summer re-run. It originally ran in February of 2012 as Blowing in the Wind. (Don't think of it as an old post... think of it as a ripe one.)

P.S. This one is for you, Kati... think of it as a late birthday present.

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Thought for the day:  Beans, beans, the musical fruit; the more you eat, the more you toot. The more you toot, the better you'll feel, so beans, beans for every meal!

Nope; it wasn't ME!
Have you ever wondered what makes something funny? What makes one person laugh uproariously at a comedian, while the next holds his nose and says the routine stinks?  I mean, we all laugh at something. Even little babies laugh.

Music and laughter ... universal languages. Is there anything better than the sound of a baby's unbridled belly laugh? That in itself sounds like the sweetest music, doesn't it? So we cross our eyes, stick out our tongues, and make all kinds of faces at babies. We tickle their chubby little bellies, make utter fools out of ourselves, and generate weird noises... all in the hopes of getting to hear their precious laughter.

And what, I ask you, does almost every baby in the world think is funny?







                                    Apparently, they're partial to... farts ... those musical toots.

Please don't think lesser of me, but (shhh!) so am I. There must be something wrong with me. Maybe a twisted kink in my DNA helix has stunted my maturation process. That would explain it. Why else would a woman my age still think flatulence is so darned funny?

I know. Embarrassing, isn't it?

What three qualities matter most to you in the people you hang around with? For me, it'd have to be kindness, intelligence, and a good sense of humor. But lately, I've begun to question the quality of my sense of humor, because I must admit, few things are off-limits when it comes to cracking a joke or twisting words into a groan-worthy pun, and it doesn't take much to make me laugh.

Like last week. While talking to a  gastroenterologist's appointment nurse on the phone, I asked her where I should report. Upstairs, where my regular doc saw patients? No, I was to go downstairs. "Figures," I said. "In the bowels of the building." Nothing. (Tough audience.) So I apologized, and said she must hear that all the time. Nope. I was the first. See? Sick sense of humor.

Then there was the time Smarticus came home from a hunting trip and told me about a harrowing experience he'd had after one of the other fellas fell out of a tree stand. While driving his friend to the hospital, my poor hapless hubby looked out his truck window and saw a wheel roll past... HIS wheel. Needless to say, he got everything fixed, and got the guy to the hospital okay, but what would YOU have said to him under the circumstances? Me? I sang. Uh-huh. I sang, You picked a fine time to leave me, loose wheel ...  See? Sick, sick, sick.  But not as sick as my penchant for potty humor.

Years ago, when our daughter was about eleven, she ... how shall I say this ... cut the cheese in church. Not noisily, mind you, but with an exuberant and lingering bouquet. Most normal mothers would have scolded her for not saving her stink for the bathroom, or at least given her a suitably disapproving look. Not me. I leaned over and whispered, "Gives a whole new meaning to church pew, huh?"

Fortunately, we weren't asked to vacate the premises.

This is an ACTUAL musical!
But I can't help it. I think the sounds of  flatulence are absolutely hysterical.

Call me gauche, but the very idea of a musical about a man's fartistic abilities strikes me as fall-down-on-the-floor funny. (I mean, really! Can you imagine a man on stage tooting his arse  like a trumpet?)





                                         






  Can you watch this video without laughing? I can't.






A few years ago, Smarticus and I saw two boys in a Dollar Store aisle playing with Whoopee cushions they'd pulled off the shelf. The more rude noises they squeezed out, the more they laughed. Um, me too. Matter of fact, I just HAD to get me one of those things. For one of our grandsons, of course. Didn't mean I couldn't entertain myself by squeezing it as we went through the store. (WHAT? I had to make sure it worked, didn't I?) Anyhow, the intended recipient of the grand gift didn't enjoy it nearly as much as his younger siblings. Especially the twenty-month-old, who would squeeze out a good one, wrinkle his nose, and say, "EWWWWW! Schtinky!" Then he'd laugh hysterically. Um, me too.

It was about then I began to wonder if some aspects of my humor weren't a tad juvenile. I mean, laughing at the same thing a twenty-month-old found amusing? The same thing that makes babies all over the world laugh?

But, as it turns out, I'm not alone. That book on the right? Belongs to my husband. One of our grandsons picked it out for him. The shameful truth is ... our whole family cracks up at bathroom humor.

And we aren't the only ones. The reason for this, I don't know, but many people find flatulence hilarious. Not burps, or hiccoughs, or sneezes ... just poots.










Smarticus once emailed me a newspaper article about a little girl who won a speech contest with her speech about ... you guessed it ... farts. I even read an article in a scientific journal about a medical researcher whose major focus is studying ... you guessed it ...  farts. (Guess his lab is in the bowels of the building too, eh?) Sorry. And another about an Australian study to determine whether pooting in the O.R. could contaminate the field of operation. The conclusion? There's a minute possibility, but only if the perpetrator is naked and taking direct aim at the surgical site. But, don't worry about your surgeon eating beans. According to the study, flatus germs are as benign as the bacteria in your yogurt. Both of these article, I must say, although reporting on the results of serious studies, (or as serious as studies in this particular field can be) were full of puns, innuendos, and fart jokes. Y'know, like something I would've written.

                                                               Kinda made me proud.


So, um bottom line, maybe I'm okay after all. Right. I'm a mature sophisticated woman. (Shut up. This is MY fantasy.) And maybe I'm not the only one with an inner child squealing I don't wanta pull your finger.



So, how's the wind blow with you? Fart jokes crack you up, too, or do they just plain stink?  And what's the most inappropriate thing you've ever said or done in the name of humor? Come on. You can tell me ...

                                There was an old fellow named Clyde
                                Who fell into an outhouse and died.
                                One day, his brother
                                Fell into another,
                                And now they're in-turd side by side.


                                 Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.




57 comments:

  1. The expressions on the people near the farting woman cracked me up. Particularly those fanning the air near their precious noses. Belt and braces people.
    Laughter (so long as it isn't AT people) is never misplaced or inappropriate in my book. And I will admit to snorting when one of my sisters-in-law said of her father (who had just had his leg amputated) 'he is right. He does have one foot in the grave.'

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    1. Those expressions crack me up, too.

      Something tells me I'd really like your sister-in-law. I bet the two of you get along well.

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  2. Just came back from meeting ma peeps of da streets in Victoria, BC ... Summer time and the living is easy, friend Sue and so are farts and laughter ... ya ... anyway ... Love, cat.

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    1. So your "peeps" don't mind hanging out with a cat? You must have more restraint around birds than most kitties... :)

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    2. Read through your book for the second time, friend Sue ... what a lovely read ... me cried in the same exact spots ... Epilogue is awesome ... except for Luke cuz he deserves a good smack to his head or maybe a DUI sentence that lands him in the tank for a while ... I have a son like that ... after a night in the tank and losing his driver's license for 3 years he smartened up nicely ... smiles ... Love, cat.

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    3. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I'm thrilled you enjoyed my book. (Twice, even!) You have officially put a smile on my face and made my day. :)

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    4. I miss Pearl, friend Sue ... How is she doin these days? Love, cat.

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    5. The last I heard, she was helping her hubby run a program for troubled teens. George feeds their minds and souls, and she feeds their bellies and makes them laugh. :)

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  3. Funny thing about that farting lady video. She's using a whoopee cushion, so there'd be no smell, but most of the people she sat next to covered their noses.
    I think fart jokes and sounds are funny, but best when they are limited. I don't want to hear them all day long for instance. I don't think age matters either, they're funny no matter how old you are.

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    1. I KNOW! Isn't that hilarious? The sound alone is enough to kick in their knee-jerk (nose-holding?) reaction.

      Agreed. Any kind of joke can be overdone to the point that they become more annoying than funny.

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  4. It is the best feeling to make someone laugh especially when it is an offhand remark. When they fall flat, I prefer to think that the listener has no sense of humor.

    I grew up in a home that everyone loved a good joke. My dad was the king of puns, and my mother was quick witted. However, bathroom jokes were not allowed and farts and burps were taboo. Needless to say, we all had stomach problems.

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    1. Agreed, but man, those "falling flat" moments sure can be awkward. At least Smarticus and I still manage to crack each other up!

      HA! Not very many stomach problems in our house... :)

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  5. My grandson 'farts' a lot - and they badly smell. The smellier they are the more pleased he is with himself. He often does this while travelling in the car! No escape! Ha. I laugh sometimes at toilet humour. I enjoyed reading, well written.

    Thank you. Love love, Andrew. Bye.

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    1. Little boys are the funniest with fart jokes and sounds, but our granddaughters manage to hold their own, too. (Makes ya proud, doesn't it? HA!)

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  6. The best is when you sneak one out in an elevator, nowhere for them to run lol I'll take humor every which way, farts or not at our bay.

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    1. Yeah, the best for YOU, but it wouldn't be terribly appreciated by a little person. :)

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  7. Ok you got me, I couldn't watch that video without laughing, heck I'm still laughing.

    What's invisible and smells like carrots?.......Rabbit Farts ;)

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    1. Good! It's always good to start the day with a good laugh. (It's like exercise for your insides!)

      HA! I'll be sure to tell that one to our grandkids.

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  8. Farting will always be funny. Remember the beans scene in Blazing Saddles?
    I thought your joke about the bowels of the building was funny.

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    1. YES! That was one of the funniest movie scenes EVER! Our whole family was doubled over laughing at it.

      Thanks. :)

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  9. OMG...I'm so glad you're on the planet.

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    1. OMG... that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. Thank you. :)

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  10. THis was an "underground" recording done years ago. If you've never heard it, it is a classic:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPplyQWf-u4

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    1. I'd never heard it before, but I have NOW! Thanks.

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  11. Watson was up on the bed. I think I was going to take a nap.
    Well he farted a high pitched longish tweet but very quiet fart. His head shot up and he looked around at his bum. Like what ? So funny. Goodness I miss that gud dug.

    cheers, parsnip and thehamish

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    1. HA! I've seen dogs do that before. Hilarious. My grandmother's boxer, however, used to roll his eyes when he broke wind. I don't think even HE could stand the stench...

      Cheers back atcha.

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  12. Thanks for the smiles! The people holding their noses in that video made me laugh too. Just the thought of it made them imagine they could smell something--haha!

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    1. You're welcome! I'm glad it provided you with some smiles.

      Yep, nothing like the power of suggestion, especially when it's accompanied with the (in)appropriate sounds.

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  13. Juvenile, snarky, political, comics, comedians- I am eclectic.
    Who's on First? That routine still cracks me up
    Keep laughing! Have a good weekend

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    1. HA! Good way to put it. I'm "eclectic," too.

      You have a super weekend, too. (You KNOW I'll keep laughing!)

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  14. I can conjure up one of Bach's concertos for oboe in a fart. Just the opening notes, though. After that, as we marathon-runners say when you go past mile 20, it's not a fart anymore. :-)

    Greetings from London.

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  15. For one horrifying moment I thought that monkey "selfie" was me - - then I realized that he's better looking....

    Funny post, Susan. I've known some notable fartistes in my time.
    And I sure remember those whoopee cushions. I used to have fun with them when I was a kid (I had no idea they are still around...).

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    1. Oh, you silly man... that first picture couldn't possibly be you... you're a blond!

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  16. I find other people's farts quite amusing, but my own flatulence, which increases with age, sometimes worries me. I walk down the street, feeling sorry for those who walk behind me. And what if I let loose with a big one during a job interview? I guess I'd have to laugh.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. Well, if you toot during an interview and still get hired, at least you'll know your boss has a good sense of humor. :)

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  17. As an amateur philologist, I'll contribute this bit: Fart means "Speed" in Danish, Norwegian and Swedish. I learned this from a poster from that region advertising the movie, "Speed" --with Keanu Reeves, Dennis Hopper and Sandra Bullock. I believe it's about a runaway bus.

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    1. HA! Too funny. I would NOT have been able to resist taking a picture of that poster.

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  18. This was TOO funny!! At least laughing doesn't make me fart.

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    1. I'm glad you liked it. Your husband is probably glad about your second statement. ;)

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  19. You had me cracking up, Susan! I taught second and third graders throughout my teaching career ~ the boys were very much into farting jokes and producing fart sounds. I often read "The BFG" by Roald Dahl to my students, and one of the reasons was I knew the boys would get a kick out of wizzpoppers or farts. I used to love watching for my students faces when they realized I was reading about farts. Apparently Roald Dahl agrees that farts are musical as the BFG says at one point: “A whizzpopper!" cried the BFG, beaming at her. "Us giants is making whizzpoppers all the time! Whizzpopping is a sign of happiness. It is music in our ears! “A whizzpopper!" cried the BFG, beaming at her. "Us giants is making whizzpoppers all the time! Whizzpopping is a sign of happiness. It is music in our ears!" Have a good one!

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    1. BFG is a perfect story to read out loud to kids. :)

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  20. Hi Susan - just what I need for a Sunday morning ...!! Great laughter and smiles from here ... and more as I remember during the day I expect. We had whoopee cushions and 'bulb's that would make our plates move', under the table cloth - as kids ... just made us laugh and laugh.

    Wonderful video snippet - you do imagine the smell ... I'm even keeping my nose closed off now as I think about them ... now I'll release - ah ha ... no fart!

    Kids are the best ... totally uncontrolled with their belly laughs and just draw us in ...

    Have a great rest of the weekend - some amusing comments here - cheers Hilary

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    1. Hi-ya, Hilary. I'm glad you got a few chuckles out of this post. That book would probably crack you up, too.

      Enjoy the rest of your weekend, too. Cheers right back atcha.

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    2. Hi Susan - I was in London yesterday for lunch with my two 'twin' goddaughters and had cassoulet (the dish that I thought would be the nicest and different: it was) but of course beans means beans ... and then I went off to a museum and then the British Museum for an exhibition ... and then got the train home - well it was quicker ... and I was able to sit by myself - won't say what I was doing though to have the privilege of no-one around. Godchildren had gone off after lunch to do their thing ... !! Cheers H xoxo

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    3. HA! And I dare say, while you were, um, doing what you were... doing... you thought of ME! Such an honor. :)

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    4. I did think of you ... and I was watching some of the World-Para games going on here in the Olympic Stadium ... and a presenter had brought his family to watch ... and at the start of a race for those with hearing disability - the audience were asked to be quiet ... fine ...

      ... but a little three year old girl on a plastic chair let out ... no silence there then!!!

      Just had to add this in ... and yes of course I think of you ... !!! Cheers Hilary

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    5. That little girl must was either red-faced with embarrassment or giggling her little head off. :)

      Cheers back atcha!

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    6. Twas meant to be unable to see - when they run with a runner attached to each other ... not unable to hear - got my disability logics messed up .. probably still recovering from my London trip! Giggling I am sure .. her father was in the telling!

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  21. I used to work for a company called GPT. If you say those 3 letters in French it means 'I have farted'. J'ai pete.

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    1. Oh, that's too funny! Years ago, I worked at Johns Hopkins Hospital, which is a well-respected institution. Most of us who worked there called it... the john. :)

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  22. See, I knew there was a reason I like you! (Not that I need a reason)

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    1. HA! We sophisticated humorists have to stick together. :)

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  23. Yessss! My dad's side of the family wasn't bashful about 'trumpeting' their bodily functions. One remaining cousin recently hypothesized our geriatric birthdays: "We'll eat, drink and be merry ... have a good bowel movement and go home." (Really!!!) Daddy would have loved this post.

    My son has an olden copy of his grandfather's book about Le Petomane (http://www.thehumanmarvels.com/le-petomane-the-fartiste) ... indeed, a musical at one time.

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    1. Too funny! Your cousin sounds like my kinda person.

      Oh wow, that is very cool. I don't imagine too many people in the world have a copy of that book.

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