Wednesday, August 2, 2017

Walking Our Pet Peeves (in the Tinkling Rain)

Thought for the day:  I had a friend who believed in me, and I didn't have the heart to let him down. [Abraham Lincoln]


We all need somebody to believe in us, no matter which paths we choose to take in life. For writers, finding that support is as easy as going HERE and joining the Insecure Writer's Support Group. Members of this fine gourp, founded by ninja writer Alex Cavanaugh, share an IWSG post the first Wednesday of every month, which is... today.

Since I'm still knee-deep in editing, rather than write a new post before answering the question of the month, I'm gonna share a largely ignored one from June, 2011, originally titled Secrets to Spinning an Original Tale. I was a newbie blogger back then, so you could say this old post still has the tags on it... never been worn.

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Thought for the day:  If you can't win 'em over with facts, dazzle 'em with malarkey.  


[image courtesy of Morguefile]
Ever catch any of Judge Judy's shows on TV? She's a little bit of a thing in a lace-collared robe who peers over the top of her bench like Kilroy while banging her gavel, wagging her finger and screeching at the people appearing before her. She's feisty and funny as all get-out at times, but I've seen enough snippets of her in action to know I sure as heck wouldn't want to face her in court. I can imagine how that would go. She'd be screeching, "Button your mouth, you old bag! I'm not interested in what you think! Just tell me exactly what happened." And she'd probably laugh me right out of the courtroom if I tried to explain my trips into fantasy by telling her I'm a writer. But I ask you, don't writers have a certain latitude when it comes to spinning our tales? Hmmmmph. Not to Judge Judy, because that lady has a built-in Malarkey-o-Meter the size of Montana.

I dunno. There's something about her that rubs me the wrong way. Strident? Oh yeah, but it isn't that. And did I happen to mention she screeches? That's a real nerve-grater, for sure, but it isn't that, either. She's just too darned ... how shall I put this? She's too doggone judgmental! I mean, who made HER the judge of all she sees? Oh. Yeah. (ahem) Never mind.

Anyway, Judge Judy wrote a book with one of the best titles of all time. It's called, Don't Pee on My Leg and Tell Me It's Raining. Priceless, isn't it? Or maybe worth, say, sixty-four thousand dollars, anyway.

And the sixty-four thousand dollar question for the day is : HOW do we writers make our readers believe we're tinkling rain??? HOW do we make the implausible plausible, the insurmountable surmountable, and the outrageous the norm? To find the answer, let's take a gander at the gurus of garbage, those writers with unsurpassed skills in turning tripe into something that passes for truth. I have no names for these people, but believe me, their skills are vast. I'm talking about those nameless instigators who post something on the Internet and then sit back with smirks on their faces while their post turns viral and essentially morphs from fabrication into fact.

WOW.  How can WE harness those skills? I suggest to you ...

Three simple steps:

  • Include a smattering of verifiable facts in your writing. It'll demonstrate how smart you are, and establish you as an authority.
  • Write with confidence and authority. In fact, if you demonstrate ample confidence and authority, you don't have to concern yourself with facts at all.
  • Never be afraid to address hot-button topics. In fact, embrace them, baby. Any segment of society with a strong enough bias about any given topic will gladly believe whatever you tell them, as long as it reinforces the beliefs and hatreds they already harbor. As for facts? Pffffft. Don't need 'em. When readers go all Judge Judy on a topic, they're in danger of developing a serious medical condition known as psychosclerosis. Otherwise known as hardening of the attitude, this is not a fatal condition, but has been known to kill conversations and end relationships. (So, how'd I do with that one? Make your malarkey-o-meter tingle?)
WOOP! WOOP! WOOP!


OK, so we're not really interested in manipulating the minds of our readers, but you gotta admit, it's downright phenomenal how successful others have become at doing just that, thanks to the viral potential of the Internet. For some reason,  people who wouldn't dream of turning to the National Enquirer as a source for the latest news have no problem believing an article they find on Wikipedia or within a zillion-times forwarded email they receive from a friend. (Would you believe a new error-laden fourth grade social studies textbook entitled Our Virginia, Past and Present had to be recalled earlier this year because the writer of said textbook gleaned her erroneous "facts" from the Internet?)

Seems to me, we should all learn, not necessarily to be Judge Judy-ish, but at least to learn to take the things we read with a grain of salt. But oh, what we write... now that's another story. We don't WANT our readers to reach for the salt shaker. We want to spin locations, characters, and stories that are so well-seasoned and believable, no extra salt is ever needed. How can we do that? Let's backtrack to those three steps:


  • By all means, weave verifiable facts into your story. Unless you're creating a fantasy world that defies our laws of physics, it's best not to buck science. Two examples where writers tried to do just that: In one book, the good guy electrocuted the bad guy by tossing an old capacitor (that he'd been carrying in his pocket for decades) into the sink while the bad guy was washing his hands. WOOP! WOOP! WOOP! Ain't gonna happen. In the second case, the damsel in distress successfully prevents her pursuers from following her by removing the valve stems from the tires of their car ... and thereby flattening the tires! More WOOP! WOOP! 
  • Writing with confidence and authority is always a good bet, even if you have to fake it. (Also known as flying with the eagles when we feel like a chicken on the inside.)
  • And finally, the hot-button topics. Well, that's up to you. Some excellent books have been written about some of these topics, and they've been written with great sensitivity and intelligence. And I already know that all of you have sensitivity and intelligence out the wazoo, right? Now, I'm no Judge Judy, but if you DO tackle one of these hot potatoes, please rely on verifiable facts, okay?

After all, too much salt isn't good for anyone.





Okay, now for the question of the month: What are your pet peeves when reading/writing/editing?

I'll just address the reading side of this question, because I honestly can't think of any writing or editing peeves. (Probably because I'm in the driver's seat when it comes to those areas, while as a reader, I'm locked in the back while somebody else does the driving.)

Anyhow, the number one thing that makes me want to throw a book across the room while screaming like a banshee is (insert drum roll here) cliffhanger endings. ARRRRRRGH!!! It's absolutely infuriating to purchase a book and invest the time in reading it only to be cheated out of a proper ending simply because the writer wants to manipulate readers into buying the next book. (or books) I get it. Series are hot, but please, please, please provide a resolution of some sort at the end of each book. Aim for readers' satisfaction, not frustration.

#2 I also wish writers would ix-nay the unnecessary repetition. Really, I got the point the first time... there's no reason to tell me fifty more times that the chick has blue eyes with long eyelashes. (or whatever) Beating issues to death by repeating them over and over is insulting to readers' intelligence.

#3 Based on the earlier part of this post, it should come as no surprise that blatant errors and an absence of common logic annoy the stuffing out of me, too.

Like everybody else, misspellings and grammatical errors stick in my craw, too, but the three issues already highlighted are at the top of any reading pet peeve list for me. How about you?

                                Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.




70 comments:

  1. Woeful editing does my head in. (Which is ironic because I am a truly pathetic proofreader myself).
    And I resent being told rather than shown.
    And cliffhangers. And incongruent twists to a tale (I don't mean unexpected).

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    1. It sounds like we're on the same page... so to speak. :)

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  2. Like EC, I resent rather than being shown. Make the statement, but don't then tell it to me again in a dozen different ways just in case I didn't get it the first time.
    A lack of proof reading is also a big peeve, as is characters who suddenly have piercing blue eyes when in a previous chapter they had brown eyes, and other not so small errors like that.
    Another big wrong is a tale that goes on and on and on while I wait impatiently for something, anything, to happen.

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    1. I'm scooting over now, so you can fit on this page with Sue and me...

      As per your last statement about tales that seem to drone on forever: it's funny. When I was young, I devoured massive tomes as if they were peanuts. Now? I don't know if I have the patience to read 1000-page books. Maybe we've become products of our "instant gratification" society.

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  3. Uh-Oh, resent being told, rather than being shown. Didn't proofread my own comment did I? (*~*)

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  4. I agree about the repetition pet peeve. I think it drives my husband crazier than it does me, though. :) There's a fine balance between making sure the reader has the information without stressing it.

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    1. Blatant repetition drives me nuts, and oddly enough, it seems some of the more "established" writers are the ones most guilty of doing it. Why? To up their word count and speed them toward a deadline? I dunno, but I wish they'd STOP it!

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  5. Cliffhanger endings just to get you to buy the next sure can annoy. The whole stuck on repeat can annoy, I sure try to avoid that. I think I'll avoid going all Judge Judy too.

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    1. If YOU go all Judge Judy, at least YOU'LL do it with a sense of humor! (AND a rhyme...)

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  6. Love that title of Judge Judy's book :-) Cliffhanger endings can really annoy me too. I don't mind if a book has an obvious sequel, but wrap things up in the first one before giving us a tease about the next.

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    1. Me, too! I think that's a very clever title. :)

      Yes, yes, yes! Cliffhangers make me want to push the writer off a... (ahem) Never mind. Just kidding...

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  7. YES! In fact, I've found that you can almost predict the cliff hanger by the genre you're reading. In straight fantasy, I find authors tend to just pick a stopping spot and stop. Ugh. We want resolution! =)

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    1. The WORST cliffhangers are the unexpected ones, where writers claim their book works as a "standalone," and then they thumb their noses at their readers and still leave 'em hanging.

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  8. Writing with confidence is the trick, eh? Especially if we're feeling a little insecure. ;)

    That sure is a great title.

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    1. Writing with confidence is a helpful trick, but I can't help but think about some of those horrid singers who tried out for American Idol. THEY were confident of their talents, too... So at the back of my mind skulks the horrifying possibility that I'm as delusional as they were. :)

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    2. Talking with confidence is a good trick too. If you say it with confidence people will believe you. You should have heard the things I came out with when working on the checkout, and not one person ever said "I don't believe you."

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    3. HA! Sounds like you're a born writer. :)

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  9. "Would you believe a new error-laden fourth grade social studies textbook entitled Our Virginia, Past and Present had to be recalled earlier this year because the writer of said textbook gleaned her erroneous "facts" from the Internet?)"

    Yeah...yeah, I would totally believe that. I am not even surprised!

    The one good thing about all the information, opinion, and outright lying on the Internet, and everywhere else, is that people dont believe every thing anymore. Or, at least, they dont seem to...

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    1. I hope you're right about people becoming more cynical about the falsehoods they read. The problem is, with so many erroneous accusations about "fake news" being thrown at fact-based news stories, it becomes even more difficult for those who truly want to be informed to glean the wheat from the chaff.

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  10. Hi,
    I believe weaving verifiable facts into a story is one of the most difficult to do but the most important. It demands however that you do research. If you don't research your facts, then you can forget it.
    Shalom aleichem,
    Patricia at Everything Must Change

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    1. Hi-ya.

      Absolutely, but that isn't a problem for me. I'm a research junkie. :)

      Shalom.

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  11. Hilarious Susan! You brought so many memories to my mind about how much I loved Judge Wopner(so) before Jusge Judy took over. Pretty clever with her book title. I love your list of pet peeves. I like some description so I can see the character. I recently read a great book with no character description! It was a time traveling book so I got lost with what they would look like moving from 1844 to 2016! Not constant reminders, just a few. Have a great rest of your week. :)

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    1. Thanks, Erika. I'm glad it tickled your funny bone.

      Agreed. Some description is helpful, but sometimes it's good when writers only provide the bare bones and let readers' imaginations fill in the blanks. I think I might prefer too little over too much... (especially if it's the same thing over and over and over again...)

      You have a great rest of the week, too. :)

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  12. for a newbie blogger back in 2011, this post is filled with your trademark wit and wisdom. Excellent coverage of the topic.
    Keep editing so you are only ankle deep soon. Good luck!

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    1. Thanks. It's good to know I'm still as much of a smart ass as I've ever been. :)

      LOTS of editing to go, but I'm having fun with it. (Slow agonizing fun, but fun, nonetheless...)

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  13. The #1 thing that drives me nuts is misspelling!!

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    1. Yep, especially in something that's allegedly been professionally edited.

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  14. You're totally right about the cheating authors trying to get people to buy the next book. Gah! There should be no need! I promise never, ever to do this. You heard it here first.

    Also, interesting fact about Judge Judy - she never has a gavel. There's a whole conspiracy/time-travel/Mandela effect thing going around about this kind of thing because people swear she had a gavel but, apparently not. I'm not sure because I haven't ever watched her show that much but I thought you'd be interested to hear about this. I like finding funny things like that on the interwebs. :)

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    1. Also, forgive me for commenting with an old profile. I'm still getting used to this...

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    2. HA! Okeydoke, I'll hold you to that, Lisa. :)

      Interesting about Judge Judy not using a gavel. It's been a lot of years since I watched her, and the memory may not be what it used to be. :)

      Old profile, new profile... it's new to me! Thanks for stopping by.

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  15. What a post that turned out to be, filled with so much insight and found myself nodding along to most of it. Nice of you to share. Warm greetings and best wishes!

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    1. Nice of YOU to stop by and read it! Thanks. Warm greetings right back atcha.

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  16. Hi Susan - fun read .. and I've never seen Judge Judy - but I'd get bored with similar tales and set up, unless the character/actor draws me in. I do need to read well written books and articles without typos preferably ... but even the Beeb are making those errors now - drives me demented!!! Cheers Hilary

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    1. Hi-ya, Hilary. Judge Judy is an actual judge, and the civil cases she tried on TV were supposed to be for real, but who knows? Anything for ratings.

      HA! I love your "driving me demented" phrase. Typos are annoying, and they're rampant in our newspapers, too. Some of the grammar that slips past their editors is appalling, too. I'm sure with the changing times, newspapers have had to cut their editorial staffs dramatically. Such a shame. Those of us who still read newspapers care about such things.

      Cheers back atcha.

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  17. Yes, we're always told not to repeat words and to give closure at the end of the book. When I first wrote 'Revenge' several readers complained about the ending, so I changed it. I'm working on the assumption that the reader is always right!

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    1. If you changed the ending of your book to make your readers happy, you're one of the good guys. :) I don't know if the reader is ALWAYS right, but as writers, it's a good idea to consider their opinions.

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  18. Cliffhanger endings was named several times. It's like a ploy just to get you to buy the next book.
    Hot button topics I usually avoid. Especially as I'm not part of the vocal minority.
    I do like Judge Judy though. I like seeing her slam idiots.

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    1. Exactly! Using cliffhangers is a cheap ploy... for the writers, that is. For readers, it costs them more money if they want to read the rest of the story. Continuing to read books in a series should be because the readers WANT to continue reading about the characters, not because the writer MANIPULATES them into it.

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  19. It has always intrigued me, in fiction, when writers sprinkle in 'real' characters and events/facts. In all of Richard Condon's novel he had a quotation inside from The Keener's Manual. It took a lot of research to find out that he invented the whole thing!
    I used to have a couple of imaginary friends but they ganged up and wouldn't talk to me....
    CLICK HERE for Bazza’s adroit Blog ‘To Discover Ice’

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    1. I think what you're describing is a sign of a great writer. I've read about people trying to find and visit towns that were so vividly described in books, in search of particular houses and landmarks... which exist only in the imagination of the author.

      Maybe if you offer your imaginary friends some imaginary cookies...?

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    2. See this post - https://todiscoverice.blogspot.co.uk/2017/01/the-wonderful-story-of-agloe-new-york.html

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    3. That is a fascinating story! Thanks so much. :)

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  20. we the writer should leave some things to the reader's imagination. They are way smarter than we give them credit. I don't mind a different cliffhanger at the end as long as the major one is addressed in the book:)

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    1. True. There can be SOME issues unresolved at the end of a book, but to me, that doesn't make it a true cliffhanger. A cliffhanger resolves next to nothing, and doesn't provide a real ending, and not because the author wants readers to use their imaginations, but because he wants readers to buy his next book. I've even read books that ended in the middle of a darned sentence! Talk about leaving 'em hanging...

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  21. I don't like cliffhangers either. I also don't like what I call non-endings. You know those stories that are going along just fine and then suddenly come to a screeching halt with no real conclusion or a very unbelievable conclusion. It's as if the author suddenly got tired of the book and just decided to end it right in the middle of things.

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    1. Yes! Sometimes, it's as though the writer is so tired of writing, (s)he just want to be done with it.

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  22. Hi Susan, I also don't like cliffhangers. They're bad enough on TV, but after getting involved in a long book, it just feels like a huge letdown. I enjoyed the Judge Judy story, and I think I missed it the first time, so thanks for posting it again. Good luck with the rest of your editing, and I can't wait to read your new book! Miss you!

    Julie

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    1. Hi-ya, Julie. I miss you, too, kiddo. (Time for us to collaborate on another book? HA!)

      You're right about cliffhangers. They really ARE a letdown... and off a cliff, no less. They make me angry, too, because they cheat readers out of an ending, and who wants to be cheated?

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  23. I should have put that lack of common logic bit on my list! That annoys me to no end. Especially the liberties authors take with electricity in general. I'm not sure why that's been a thing in so many novels I've read recently.

    Your Judge Judy post is really interesting especially in the context of our present "fake news" problems. You're a very forward thinking lady!

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    1. You're right. For some reason, authors make a lot of needless mistakes about electricity, electronics, and science in general. Those things matter to nerds like me. (And obviously, to you, too.)

      Cool. I'm not sure I've ever been accused of being a forward thinker before. Thanks!

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  24. It's all fun and games until someone loses his wiener ... I am a that point right now, friend Sue ... I come from night work, feed my cat, check the computer and see lots of sweeet stuff or wanna bees wanna be ... delete delete ... Am missing the innocent Windows Spaces Days ...
    so much ... Thinking of abandoning my blog ... cuz it seems like a waste of time ... Was guuud while it lasted ... live and learn ... smiles ... I have never killed that many of my poems like I did in 2017 ... tears ... so me think, me better put a cork in it ... meouw ... Love, cat.

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    1. Oh dear. I hope you don't abandon your blog. If you feel like it's the best move for you at this time, I understand, but no matter what, please don't stop writing poetry, dear lady. You have a lot of talent. (And I'm very partial to cats, especially ones who can write poetry!) Love, Susan

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  25. I'm with you on the cliffhangers!

    Spelling and grammar errors annoy me. That's one of the reasons why I liked your book - there weren't any. But it's not one of the main reasons I liked it; I just liked it. And I need consistency in a story...I read a book once where the husband of a side character had a different name in the beginning than he did at the end. Just a simple goof, but a good proofreader should have caught that.

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    1. It seems cliffhangers are a turn-off for a lot of us.

      Thanks. I'm not sure if I caught EVERY error in my book before publication, but I sure tried. Those "simple goofs" are annoying as heck, and you're right about proofreading.

      Have a super weekend!

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  26. Obvious grammatical errors aside, I'm turned off by every single stinkin' character being drop-dead gorgeous ... and wealthy, to boot. The plot may have merit, but please. Gimme someone a harelip or a double-chin, or something. Keep it real!

    Love your 'malarkey-o meter'! Like 'hot flash', I'm going to adopt that into my everyday speech. (TYVM!)

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    1. Yeah, I know what you mean. Even in a happy-ever-after fantasy, ALL of the characters can't be perfect. There has to be a troll or two...

      Cool. I'm glad ya like it. My personal malarkey-o-meter doesn't always function as well as it should, but I'm not quite as gullible as I used to be. (YWVM!)

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  27. Sorry to be so tardy replying but I was contending with a blogger with whom I'd corresponded pleasantly for years --and then he went off pre-judging and I imprudently called him on it. It's on "Trainride..." and I still hope for a reconciliation but definitely had a Judge Judy feeling about the matter. There's a thoughtful moment where one hesitates extending a hand in friendship to angry correspondents, or Judge Judy, for fear of retracting a bloody stump. Love your post, as always.

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    1. Dear dude, you're never "tardy." Whenever you can make it is the right time. :)

      Sorry to hear about the altercation on your blog. Before I even pop over to check it out, I can state without a doubt... I can bang my gavel and say Judge Judy-style... you are NOT guilty.

      Thanks. I'm glad ya liked it. :)

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  28. I don't think I could be a judge. I don't even like judging writing comps. Some good advice in this post, Susan. Thanks.

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    1. I think it'd be easier for me to be a judge than a criminal defense lawyer. :)

      You're welcome. I'm glad you liked it.

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  29. "If you can't win 'em over with facts, dazzle 'em with malarkey."
    Now that's an interesting thought!

    Slightly off topic perhaps, but I'm certainly dazzled by your header picture.
    Love it, so summery!

    Have a great week.

    All the best Jan

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    1. It's an interesting thought, but it's also a G-rated version of the original. :)

      Thanks! Summer may be fading, but the lazy-crazy-hazy feelings persist.

      You have a super week, too.

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  30. Good advice! Even as comedy writers, we don't want to throw facts to the wind. Fun fact: for our Slim Dyson novel, we even met up with a lawyer and ran our entire courtroom scene by her. We just wanted to make sure it was plausible and that the correct procedures and terminology was used. That's how dedicated we are... to not looking like COMPLETE idiots.

    And I'm with you on that pet peeve. A book's supposed to have a beginning, a middle, and an end. Not a beginning, a middle, and a please-buy-my-next-book.

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    1. Good for you! All writers should do what it takes to not look like complete uninformed idiots. :)

      Yes! I wonder if anybody likes cliffhanger non-endings besides the conniving writers who employ them to sell more books.

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  31. I have been, and will always be, your friend. I believe in you and everything you write brings me joy and pride in you.
    x

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    1. Wow! What an awesome thing to say. I'm humbled... and believe me, your words made my day. Hell, my whole week! :)

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