Friday, February 2, 2018

Who-o-o Are You?

Thought for the day: I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. [Lily Tomlin]

Is humanity suffering from an identity crisis? Do people spend entirely too much time navel-gazing... because they're trying to find themselves? To define themselves and their identities?

Beats me. I've never seen the attraction of staring at my belly, and as I've gotten older (and it's gotten larger) the idea holds even less appeal. Besides, my belly button is utterly clueless. If I were to do some gazing, the only thing I'm likely to find is a little bit of lint. Maybe yours is smarter.

Dontcha love this picture? It's my daughter and her husband, who as you could probably guess, is of Scottish descent. I guess it's fair to say his Scottish heritage is part of his identity.

But suppose he sent a sample of his DNA in for testing, and the results said his ancestors were actually from... Germany?

Would that change who he is?




[image courtesy of morguefile]
Would he, his brother and father have to trade in their kilts for... lederhosen?

That's what the people on those annoying DNA-testing commercials say...  one guy on there spent his entire life dancing in costume as a member of one ethnic group, but now that his DNA test results claim he's from an entirely different ethnic background, he's prepared to trade in his long-held identity for a new one.

I say... why???




We have a friend who has always identified with his Cherokee Indian background. So much so, he has a big beautiful tepee and an authentic Cherokee deerskin outfit, and with lovely flute music playing softly in the background, he would sit in his tepee and tell wonderful Cherokee Indian tales to paying customers.

As a gift, his wife recently gave him one of those DNA-testing kits, and guess what? According to the results, he doesn't have a single drop of Indian blood. He's English.

So should he trade in his deerskins for a bowler hat?

Again, I say... why???

I'm surprised DNA-testing has become so popular, but I personally think it's foolish to alter one's sense of identity based on the results. It might be a tad interesting to discover one's roots, even if they were planted hundreds of years ago in a country you've never seen, but how much does that past narrative relate to who you are today? Is your identity defined by someone else's life?

Heck no. I think not. My identity is defined by MY life and MY experiences. How about you? I suspect you agree with me, but after seeing so many stupid commercials about people who are embracing a new concept of self based on those arguably imperfect tests, I wanted to vent a little. (Whew! I feel much better now. Thanks!)

Here's a poem I wrote for the book Old Broads Waxing Poetic. It tells you...

                                                        Who I Am


I am from yesterday; from people, places, and times gone by; from sad memories that sear my soul, and joyous ones that make me sing.

I am from ocean, bay, river and creek; from Old Bay seafood seasoning, blue crabs, and homemade bread pudding made with stale white bread and rum-soaked raisins.

I am from a row house on a postage stamp lot in a noisy kid-filled neighborhood; from a tiny room with paper-thin walls that kept no secrets and hid no cries; from a window fan that sucked in stifling air that smelled like dog mess and flower gardens.

I am from hula hoops and bob-a-loops, hopscotch, and hot pink handlebar streamers; from roller skating in the street, jumping rope in the alley, and shooting beer bottles in the woods with a borrowed BB gun.

I am from dandelions and daisies, Black-eyed Susans, and sweet blankets of deep pink wild roses; from soil as dark as coffee grounds, fat earthworms wriggling on a fishhook, and fireflies twinkling in a jelly jar covered with a nail-punched lid.

I am from parents without sense of direction, pseudo-stern grandparents, and silly aunts; from cousins who were friends, and friends who were lifesavers.

I am from singing: with Mitch Miller, in cars, in bars, and around campfires with guitars and bongo drums; from books and more books, Scrabble, and crossword puzzles; from Pinochle, pitching pennies, and penny ante poker; from frantic footraces to the mailbox at the end of the street.

I am from today; from husband, children, and the best grandchildren in the world; from embracing new adventures and making new memories that make my heart sing.

I am wife, mother, and oh-so-silly grandmother, with cousins who are still friends, and friends who are still lifesavers; from red clay, dogwood trees and azaleas; from a modest home on a good-sized lot in a quiet neighborhood; from Old Bay seafood seasoning, blue crabs, and bread pudding made with cinnamon swirl raisin bread, and smothered in caramel rum sauce.

I am from books and more books, writing and more writing, crossword puzzles, Scrabble, and Suduko; from shooting bull’s-eyes out of targets at the gun club, and walking leisurely to the mailbox at the end of the driveway.

I am from yesterday; I am from today, just an updated still-singing version of the old-fashioned me… and exactly where I’m supposed to be.

                                    *****************************************

And NO DNA test would ever... could ever... change me into someone I'm not. It might provide some surprises... but I'd still reserve the right to be myself. After all, it took me a long time to get here. (Unless, of course, I'm from another planet. Come to think of it, that would explain a lot...)


How about you? Can you think of anything in particular that helps define your identity? 

                              






                            Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other. 

                                                                    



66 comments:

  1. I wouldn't be changing who I am because of DNA results, but I would like to do a test and see for sure where my ancestors came from. a lot of Swedes on my mother's side, but Dad's side is a mystery.
    I'm curious about the Indian. How did he gain a Cherokee background with only English blood? Was he adopted and raised by the Cherokee people? I don't think he, or anyone else, should change either. Keep the teepee and the pretty music. Why try to fit into a mould that doesn't suit?

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    1. There's some Swedish blood in my background, too. Matter of fact, I think of myself as kind of a mutt. All kinds of European countries in my background, and that's okay by me. Because of the kind of scar tissue I get after surgeries, a doc once asked me if there were any black blood in my background. I dunno, but that'd be okeydoke with me, too. :) I yam what I yam.

      I'm very dubious about our friend's DNA results. He was adopted by the man who raised him, but his mother and her family taught him about his Cherokee heritage. What possible reason would they have had to lie about that? He also has the lovely high cheekbones, skin color and "look" of a Native American, too.

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  2. Greetings Susan. I enjoyed reading your well-written post. It's a shame when some people change who they have been over a DNA test. I'm quite happy who I am, and don't particularly celebrate my heritage, but my grandmother on my father's side was Scottish, and my grandfather was Irish. My mother's parents were from London, with a long heritage of living there! My second name stems from the Vikings (Stevenson), which was originally (Steven's Son). My family have traced their roots from the eighteenth century through church records, which I have in my possession. You expressed yourself very creatively with your poem - well done. Blessings to you.

    Thank you. Love love, Andrew. Bye.

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    1. Greetings, Andrew. Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed the post.

      It's great that you're so secure in who you are. It's a shame more people aren't. Then again, I suppose very few people have documented records of their heritage like you do. :)

      Blessings back atcha.

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  3. Hi Susan, loved reading your poem. I think I am the sum of all my parts and thoughts, and no test would change it, so I won't waste my money on one. At my age I have come to accept who I am, how I am and what I am. It could perhaps be better, but it as as it is, so I'll just stay me. Hugs, Valerie

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    1. Hi-ya. Thanks. I'm glad you liked the poem. Yes, I agree with you about being the sum of all our parts. For you, part of your identity lies in art and creative expression. It must... because you are SO darned good at it!

      Hugs back atcha.

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  4. Loved your poem, and I don't normally like poetry. That just shows what a good writer you are :-)

    The DNA test craze has had me intrigued because my mother is really into genealogy, but not enough to try one.

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    1. Thanks! What a nice thing to say. :)

      My brother is really into genealogy, too, and he's dug up some interesting stuff. Dunno if he'll spring for a DNA test, though.

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  5. The part about your Cherokee friend hurt my heart. He sounds Cherokee enough to me! I bet the people of long ago would be proud he had been telling their stories. I think they would have made him an honorary member.

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    1. He LOOKS Cherokee, too. I'm not convinced that DNA test he took was accurate.

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    2. I am suspicious of it too. You know, they have been known to make mistakes in criminal cases with DNA testing. Why not this?

      My Dad did a test like this once, plus they would match you up with relatives you didn't know you had. Turns out, we are related to an Asian man... we are not even slightly Asian looking and all of our people came from Europe.

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    3. Maybe he had an ancestor from Europe who went to Asia?...hmm.

      My vote is your friend is Cherokee! :)

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    4. Not only do the professionals make mistakes, but these companies offering the tests to the public are in it strictly to make money. I'm not convinced of either their capability or their accuracy. (Kinda like all of the little "clinics" that have been popping up to do "gene therapy.")

      Maybe one of his ancestors was a missionary? My grandmother spent time in China as a child, because her dad did missionary work there...

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    5. Hmmm...maybe! I hadn't thought of that!

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  6. great poem from an awesome collection (!). I am certainly me - lefty, laughing, wacky me. My sunburn in the summer indicates I have NO native-American blood whatsoever. DNA test would be interesting, but not a life changer. Who Who Whoa!
    Happy Friday

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    1. Why, yes ma'am, that IS an awesome collection... and beautifully formatted, too. :)

      Good! I don't want you to change. I like your lefty, laughing, wacky self just the way you are.

      Happy Friday to you, too. Oh, heck... make it a terrific weekend! (Even if neither of OUR teams are playing in the Super Bowl this year...)

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  7. I much be pretty out of it - hiding in my shell! - because I didn't know this DNA testing was such a big thing! Is this for further back than say, grandparents? Both sets of my grandparents were definitely born where they say they were. But now that I think of it, a lot of people think my maiden name is Spanish, not Italian.... :o

    Love that Lily Tomlin quote! :)

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    1. I don't know exactly how far it goes back, but lots farther than grandparents. It allegedly goes back to your "roots," whatever that's supposed to mean. It's supposed to give you the "full picture" of your ethnic background.

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  8. I don't think we should let a DNA test define us. For me it would be fun to do but from what I've learned I am a grand mixture of many different heritages, not just one. I like who I am so I'm not going to change especially at my age.

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    1. Yes! That's me, too. And your "a grand mixture of many different heritages" sounds much better than my self-labels of "mutt" and Heinz 57. :)

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  9. What does it matter? Especially if you live in a country like America where we are one big melting pot anyway.

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    1. Exactly! I've always loved the concept of America as a melting pot, but I'm also proud of the diverse ethnic heritages that define us as a people.

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  10. Having followed my family tree back up to 13 generations in some instances I'm fairly certain where my DNA comes from...Irish, English, Scottish and German probably in that order. Does it define me? No, I think of myself as Canadian...back at least four generations in most cases, more in some. Does being Canadian define me? Partially I guess...most I think who I am is defined by how I think and what I do (or don't do).

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    1. Wow! It's pretty doggone impressive how far back you've traced your tree, and I like that you identify as a Canadian, but don't believe that defines who you are.

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  11. I have an English last name, despite the fact that my DNA has told me that I'm 100% Irish as Paddy's pig. Nevertheless, I usually spend St. Patrick's Day informing my annoyingly Irish friends and relatives that I'm English and thus immune from being pinched on March 17 because I'm not decked out in green...

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    1. As Irish as Paddy's pig, huh? That's pretty darned Irish! I don't have a drop of Irish blood, (as far as I know) but that doesn't stop me from wearing the green, eating corned beef and cabbage, and calling myself O'Swiderski every St. Patrick's Day. :)

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  12. I know exactly where I'm going and I know exactly where I'm from, friend Susan ... Ederlezi means Everlasting Spring ... Thank you for sharing your beautiful poem ... Love, cat.
    https://www.youtube.com/embed/rLUb4uIL4dA?rel=0&controls=0&showinfo=0

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    1. That video is both heart-wrenching and beautiful.

      Knowing exactly where you're going and where you've come from certainly helps give you a strong sense of identity. It's a lot easier to be "true to thyself" when you have such a clear picture of who you are.

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  13. I know a family where the siblings all have very different results and now they are wondering about whose daddy is whose. Dangerous stuff and I don;t know how much to trust the results, how careful are they with their testing and assuring you get results from the right sample...also the DNA stuff is incredibly complicated and people should be careful drawing conclusions. There was a lot of blood mixing in the last 1000 years that was kept quiet.

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    1. Oh dear. Mixed results within a family could be very problematic. There was a letter to Dear Abby in the paper the other day from a divorced man who'd had his DNA tested, and just for fun, had his kids tested, too. One of the son's tests was completely different from the others, and the conclusion was, the man wasn't the boy's biological father. The poor guy didn't know whether he should confront his ex, tell his son, or what? Abbey said they should do a re-test, and if the results came back the same the second time, the boy needed to talk to his mother.

      I agree with you. It's foolish to put too much trust in these commercial DNA tests.

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  14. I so agree about the annoying DNA spots! Then again, if someone has an insatiable curiosity, so be it. (Suppose history will define it as another Pet Rock or Rubek's Cube?)

    Anyway! I just wanted to applaud your whimsical, poignant poem. Mitch Miller? Yes! I might try writing something like this someday, specific to the Rockies, horny toads, Lawrence Welk and lutefisk. LOL!

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    1. I'm glad I'm not the only one who is annoyed by those commercials. I'm not sure how history will look at this current craze, but a pet rock or Rubek's cube never wreaked havoc on families.

      Thanks. I'm glad you like the poem. Go for it! It's a fun and simple format, and I think you'd enjoy writing something similar. (Oh please tell me you don't actually like lutefisk... :) )

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  15. Oh, I bet you are going to get lots of thoughtful comments on this. I think we DO identify with who we think we are, well, at least I do, because I was raised to think it was important. So given my father so strongly identified with being Irish, and taught that to me, how weird would it be if I no longer was of Irish heritage at all? I do have a family tree back to the early 1800's so I know at least some of my heritage is true. But I watch those ads and wonder how it would be to suddenly feel like you have a different gene pool. Our daughter, adopted at birth (but who knows her birth family and their heritage) wants the testing. I understand why she does...but I keep wanting to say to her, be careful what you ask for, though for her, maybe knowing and embracing a heritage could be a good thing. Still, I stick with what my husband's grandmother used to say when her grand kids used to announce, "I'm part Irish." She'd respond, "When have you ever been to Ireland? You are an American."

    Love your poem. In truth, that says it all.

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    1. Thanks for YOUR thoughtful comment. :)

      I know what you mean. It could be very unsettling to be informed you've been swimming in the wrong gene pool all your life, so to speak.

      Your husband's grandmother was a very wise woman.

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  16. I'm afraid it's too late for me to "become" someone else. That sounds like too much effort to change from who I have always been into someone new. It might be fun to do one of those DNA tests, but I don't think it would bring about any big life changes for me. Wonderful poem! Have a great weekend!

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    1. HA! Yeah, I think my "becoming" days are in the rear view mirror, too.

      You have a super weekend, too.

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  17. Pfffffffffft to DNA. The cat already ranted on that, stupid. People who let it change who they are or look upon someone because they are this or that or think they are great because they are related to so and so or have such heritage just get an eyeroll from me at best. I'll try to avoid the growing gut though, my back would thank me lol

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  18. Wonderful poem that made me remember the sensations of a warmer day unlike this one in which my nostrils froze shut after a few minutes.

    I turned out to be more Jewish than I thought, but I still relate more to the Viking world on the other side of the family. After a visit a thousand years ago we came back in mid twentieth century to see if things had changed much. I am apparently still here.

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    1. BRRRR! I'm glad the poem reminded you of warmer days, but I'm sorry it couldn't do much for those frozen nostrils. (NOT my idea of "fun"!)

      It would be kinda cool to claim a background populated with Vikings. (NOT the football team, though... I'm a Falcons fan!) Yep, apparently you are... frozen nose and all.

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  19. Hi Susan - well thank goodness I don't need to worry ... I must be English through and through ... and I'll just stay as I am - but interesting comments and story lines here ... I'd rather my blogging compatriots didn't suddenly change into someone else - that would be difficult to take ...

    I do love your poem and brief look at life a la Mrs Smarticus!! Cheers Hilary

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    1. Hi-ya, Hilary. English through and through sounds thoroughly delightful. :)

      Thanks. I'm glad you liked the poem. Cheers back atcha. Have a super weekend.

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  20. Yeah, I'm with you on that whole DNA identity thing. Sometimes it has a practical bearing (for example, where I originally came from, Guernsey was not part of the EU, but we could claim the right as a Brit to live and work in the EU if we had at least one British grandparent) but other than that who you are is a sum of your life experiences and the culture you were exposed to. IMHO.

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    1. I know DNA testing serves some practical purposes. Not just in instances like you mentioned, but in criminal forensics, as well. But doing the testing on a lark, especially with some commercial company of unknown reliability, doesn't strike me as being at ALL practical.

      Your HO is the same as mine. :)

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  21. That is where I am from also...

    I was excited when the Ancestry DNA tests first came out but the more I see the commercials and the more I hear test results the less excited I have gotten. I still can't wrap my head around how siblings can come up with entirely different ethnic results, is this flawed tests? is this just random results sent out? or is this saying that Mom knew too many mailmen?

    I say the results really don't matter, I have researched my family and have been happy with the results, no DNA test is going to change who I am, where I am from, or which Hat I am going to wear today.

    Heck we are all related at some point down the line anyways, DNA tests or not.

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    1. The things you can't wrap your head around with the bizarre DNA results are the same reasons I don't put much faith in the results.

      Yes, cousin, we're all related at some point. :)

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  22. I always thought it would be fascinating to learn more about my heritage, but wouldn't take a DNA test seriously to the point where I'd change my entire identity. (Especially since those DNA tests seem to be pretty flawed, anyway.) There are so many other things in life that define me better than my ancestry...

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    1. Absolutely! Our ancestry is but a tiny part of who we are. It may be the pencil outline, but it's up to us to fill it in and provide the colors.

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  23. How did you know that I love owls (that wonderful header photo!!) and HATE those DNA test commercials??
    (I suppose it has to do with our shared birthday)

    First of all, your poem is fantastic. It not only defines who you really are, it debunks the silly need for a DNA test. Our precious selves have no need to be categorized.

    I already know that I'm 100 per cent Hungarian. It would be rather unnerving to submit to a test only to discover that I'm really a black lady from Senegal.

    And I can assure you that I wouldn't look good in a kilt....or lederhosen...
    Besides, I would freeze! It was 12 degrees last night!

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    1. Cool! I reckon we're just on the same wavelength right now, cowboy. That header pic came from seniorark.com and if you've never checked that site, you might like it. Lots of funny pictures there. And yes, I HATE those commercials, too. They annoy the living fire out of me.

      Thanks! I'm glad you like the poem. Considering your talents with poetry, I'll take that as quite a compliment.

      You could probably pull off the kilt and lederhosen, but I don't think you can pass as a black lady from Senegal. (The mustache would definitely have to GO!)

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  24. I think the DNA tests provide an interesting background to your history, though not to your personality. We are who we are because of what happened to us and what we experienced in our lifetime. I think it's fun to find out the (probable) history before our lifetime with such a test, especially if there's no other way to find out. It's easier to trace family history for people who came here of their own will - not so much for slaves who were brought here by force. I understand a lot of their descendants use the DNA tests to find out which part of Africa they came from. What a great way to find out!

    But yeah...those commercials are annoying. Love the poem!

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    1. Good point about how the DNA testing "could" be a useful tool for descendants of slaves. I'm still not convinced that the companies conducting those tests are entirely reputable and to be trusted.

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  25. Agree with you about these DNA companies. Loved the poem too.

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    1. Great minds think alike. :)

      Thanks. I'm glad you liked it.

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  26. Love the Lily Tomlin. You can never have too much of Lily Tomlin. :-)

    Human. That's my main identity. :-)

    Greetings from London.

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    1. Yes, human is the perfect identity... a very nice human.

      Greetings back atcha.

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  27. I would never want to trade in my identity never mind what my DNA result would proclaim!

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  28. I've always found I'm in a particularly interesting place in the world. While it's not meant in any sad way, I was raised in an exceptionally broken home which gave me a very weird incite into my own interpersonal relations and how I fit into them. By that logic, I really learned that my actions defined me more than any per-ordained meaning someone might ascribe. Family, friends, and personal identity boil down to what you dictate they are and if you're confident in your belief than little else matters.

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    1. Absolutely. I agree wholeheartedly in basing your identity on your own actions and beliefs. No one should ever have the power (or the audacity) to try to control or dictate who another person should be.

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  29. Hi Susan. This post reminds me that I have always thought that expats tend to exaggerate the characteristics of their origins. Your son-in-law is probably more Scottish than he would have been in Scotland! I think when we see British expats in American TV sit-coms they appear embarrassingly over-the-top British.
    PS: I like the idea of rum-soaked raisins in bread pudding.
    CLICK HERE for Bazza’s salubrious Blog ‘To Discover Ice’

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    1. Hi-ya. You could be right about ex-pats, but our son-in-law and his father were born here in the U.S. They're aware of their heritage, and do wear their kilts for Scottish festivities, but that's it. My father and his father, who were born in Scotland, never had a kilt, as far as I know. (My grandfather did recite Robert Burns poetry and tried to teach me how to play the bagpipes...)

      P.S. Rum-soaked raisins are terrific in bread pudding AND in oatmeal cookies. They get nice and plump and moist. (And tasty!)

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  30. Maybe your friend actually is Cherokee, but his DNA samples got mixed up. I think it's interesting to learn about your gene pool, but it shouldn't affect who you are.

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    1. Yeah, it could've been a mix-up of some sort, but if a company is going to offer DNA testing, I think they should make sure their results are more reliable than they are now.

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  31. I thought about getting my husband one of those DNA tests! (He actually wants one) His dad THINKS he's German but not 100%, so it'd be nice to know for conversation sake at least.

    I DID do a DNA test on my dog though since he was a rescue and I was DYING to know what he was! Some of it was as we thought and the other part was a surprise.
    PS. THANKS for the lovely review on my recent book! You're so sweet. I was wondering if you were still writing. Glad to see you are!

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    1. I reckon if your hubby wants one of those tests, y'all should go for it just for fun.

      You did a test on your dog? That's funny. (Is your hubby jealous that the dog got tested FIRST? HA!)

      P.S. You're very welcome. Your books never disappoint. :)

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