Where Skyscrapers Soar and Insomniacs Roam

Thought for the day:  People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took the tires and radio; the other guy took the engine.  [David Letterman]

New York sometimes gets a bum rap. It isn't true that the state's official bird is the Eastern Jaywalk, and though it MAY be possible to get run down on the sidewalk by a hustling bustling pedestrian, I'm sure it's rarely deliberate.

The city that never sleeps? Heck, no wonder.

Yes, I realize the state of New York is much much more than New York City, but for better or worse, when most people consider the state, NYC is what immediately pops into their heads. I mean, just consider some of the attractions that keep the fires stoked in this high-energy city: There's both  haute couture and haute cuisine to be found there, but let's not forget about the bargain shopping and the four thousand plus street food vendors vying to fill your belly, too. There's the high finance frenzy of Wall Street, and the bohemian lifestyle of  Greenwich Village. Artists and artistes, a plethora of museums and Broadway shows, carriage rides through Central Park, the giddy excitement of Times Square on New Year's Eve, honking horns and flashy neon lights, and the ethnic attractions of Chinatown, Little Italy, and Harlem. Oh, and let's not forget the beauty of Niagara Falls, the high-stakes dramas that take place in the United Nations building, and the symbol of America herself, the Statue of Liberty. With her multi-lingual, multi-cultural personality, New York City represents the essence of America's idealistic melting pot at its finest. New Yorkers may be moving too fast to smell the roses, but you're more than welcome to take the time when you visit. As long as you don't get in anybody's way. 


Ready to check out some pictures?

The Statue of Liberty, a gift to the United States from the people of France, was dedicated on October 28, 1886. Looks pretty darned good for her age, huh? Long viewed by the world as a symbol of freedom, liberty, and hope, Lady Liberty measures 305 feet from the pedestal's foundation to the torch, has a waistline of thirty-five feet, an eight-foot long index finger, and weighs 450,000 pounds. (Suddenly, I'm feeling rather svelte.)

Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!


[Emma Lazarus]

Notice the yellow bricks in this picture? Kinda whimsical, huh? That's because the New York town of Chittenago was the home of L. Frank Baum. DING DONG (The wicked witch is dead!) any bells? That's right. Mr. Baum wrote The Wizard of Oz. Ergo, the town paves with yellow bricks, and has numerous businesses with names harking back to the story. They even have an annual Munchkin parade.

This obelisk, known as Cleopatra's Needle, stands tall in Central Park. This 1879 gift from Egypt is approximately 3000 years old, and transporting this 220-ton, 66-feet tall monument from Egypt to New York took nearly a decade. This particular needle is one of a matched pair, and its twin can be found in London. And a third, whose twin remains in Egypt, can be found in Paris. 

New York's subway system ran its first route in 1904, and it now has 722 miles of subway tracks. (And still growing!) Unlike most subway systems in the world, New York's subway runs twenty-four hours a day. (After all, nobody SLEEPS there, right?) And the musicians you can find playing there? Would you believe they have to go through a competitive auditioning process to earn a spot. So they are GOOD. Some of them have performed at Carnegie Hall.

WOW! Niagara Falls, a achingly beautiful mecca for generations of starry-eyed honeymooners.

This is pretty neat-looking, isn't it? Called Castle Clinton, this place was originally built in the early 1800s as a fort to defend Lower Manhattan. Over the years, it also served as a city aquarium, and prior to the opening of Ellis Island, as an immigration HQ. Now, this historic site has been restored to its original appearance as a fort.

Didja know that New York City was once the capital of the United States? Only from 1789 until 1780, but New York's Federal Hall, as pictured in the etching at the left, was where George Washington took his oath of office, while standing right there on that balcony. It's also where Congress introduced the Bill of Rights. 


Unfortunately, the building was razed in 1812. A memorial building now stands in its place.
















WAIT! Know what? A static picture isn't nearly good enough. Check THIS out!

Woo, HOO! How about this? Would you believe an historical restaurant? Or pizzeria, to be more precise. Gennaro Lombari opened the FIRST U.S. pizzeria at this very location in 1895. Kinda makes me think this must be THE spot to get pizza while in the Big Apple. It's still going strong. (But um, under new management...)

Lombardi's Pizzeria

The United Nations HQ

Radio City Music Hall

ticker tape parade

I wonder if New York is the only city in the world that celebrates BIG events by tossing tons of ticker tape out the windows? The picture above shows the 1960 ticker tape parade that was thrown for Richard Nixon. By the end of the '60s, ticker tape wasn't actually used much anymore, so some of the ticker tape parades since then have been mostly confetti and scrap paper. (But, scrap paper parade doesn't sound NEARLY as cool.)

No matter what anyone thinks of New York... love it or hate it ... following the attacks on the Twin Towers, the whole world identified with them. And no doubt about it, the city, the state, the people ... are resilient. And their spirit shines brightly.

Okay, so does the Big Apple have any laws languishing on the books that deserve a big raspberry? Let's see.

• It's against the law to commit adultery. (So take that hanky panky somewhere else, buster.)
• Women may go topless in public, providing it isn't being done as a business. (Sorry, no hiding behind a sandwich board, ladies!)
• BUT, it's illegal for a woman to be on the street wearing "body-hugging clothes". (Gotcha. Tight shirt, bad. NO shirt, good...)
• Citizens may not greet each other by putting a thumb to the nose and wiggling the fingers. (However, the ol' "one-fingered salute" is okeydoke.)
• A fine of twenty-five dollars can be levied for flirting. 
• It's against the law to throw a ball at someone's head for fun. (So only do it if you're teetotally ticked off, man. Gotta MEAN it!)
• The penalty for jumping off a building is death. (Especially if it's a skyscraper.)
• New Yorkers can't divorce for irreconcilable differences unless they (ready?) both agree to it. (That one cracks me up.)
• It's illegal to walk around on Sundays with an ice cream cone in your pocket. (So get a cup.)
• While riding in an elevator, you must talk to no one, and fold your hands while looking toward the door. (And if you must break wind, keep a straight face.)
• It's against the law to wear slippers after 10 PM.
• In Carmel, a man can't go outside while wearing a jacket and pants that don't match, and women can't wear high heels within city limits. (Wow, talk about fashion police...)
• In Greene, it's illegal to eat peanuts and walk backwards on the sidewalk during a concert. (Cashews are better, anyway.)
• In New York City, it's illegal for a man to ogle a lady. The accused are forced to wear horse blinders. (But, officer! That's no lady ... that's my WIFE!)
• In Ocean City, it's against the law for men to go topless on the boardwalk, or in the center of town. (Women? No problem.)
• It's also illegal to slurp soup there.
• Or to sell raw hamburger.
• Or to play a pinball machine on Sundays.
• In Sag Harbor, it's illegal to disrobe in a wagon. (Get out on the street, you fool!)
• In Staten Island, it's illegal for a father to call his son faggot or queer in an effort to curb girlie behavior. 
• And you may only water your lawn if the hose is held in your hand. (So, what else would you hold it with? Um, never mind. Don't think I wanta know.)

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Okeydoke, guys and gals. Time for (ta-DA!)

The Weirdest News Stories of the Week

I've spent a good bit of time hunting appropriate (or inappropriate, depending on one's point of view) news stories to lampoon this week, and didn't come up with anything that really floated my boat. Some stuff that broke my heart, but nothing that made me laugh out loud. I could make something up. Nah. How about a few short lines on some of the stories I did find?

**  In an Austrian castle, four 600-year-old linen bras were found. (Nope, not mine. I've never been to Austria.)

** In Pennsylvania, a mother hacked into the high school's computer system and had, shall we say, a positive impact on  her kids' grade point averages. (Maybe she should've just made her little darlings do their homework?)

** An eleven-year-old boy, with neither passport, ticket, nor boarding pass, blithely boarded a commercial airplane in Manchester and flew to Rome. (Dontcha know some heads rolled over that breach in security?)

** A 25-year-old Oregon woman, who earned fifteen thousand dollars a year in 2009 and 2010, claimed an income of three million dollars in her tax return this year, and an owed refund of 2.1 million. And got it! Not for long, of course. She only had a chance to blow 150 thousand before Uncle Sam caught up with her. Earned herself five and a half years in jail.

** A Canadian man accidentally shot himself while trying to kill a mouse with the butt of his rifle. (Bet he uses a mousetrap next time.)

                                                                  *****


                             Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.