Understanding Veterans

Thought for the day:  The willingness with which our young people serve our country shall be directly proportional to the way they perceive our nation and how it treats our veterans. [George Washington]

Today is Veterans Day, a day devoted to honoring the men and women who have served in the military. These dedicated  people put their civilian lives on hold, and if need be, put their lives on the line to defend our way of life. They selflessly personify the meaning of words like honor, duty, and sacrifice.

Today, there'll be a smattering of small-scale parades throughout the country in their honor, and some restaurants will be offering them free meals. Then tomorrow, it'll be back to business as usual. For civilians. Not so much for many veterans. Shutting off the experiences of military duty, especially for those who experience combat, is much more difficult than most civilians realize.

The following was originally posted for Veterans Day in 2011 as We Owe Them. With some editing, here it is again. Hopefully, it will help promote better empathy for our veterans.

To all of you veterans....Thank you.

To those who died, honor and eternal rest; to those still in bondage, remembrance and hope; to those who returned, gratitude and peace. [engraved on the Illinois Vietnam Veterans memorial]

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Thought for the day:  As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.   [John F. Kennedy]

It's  Veterans Day, and although this day was set aside to honor all veterans, I'd like to dedicate this post to our combat veterans, in particular. There's a definite disconnect between those who fight our wars and those of us who remain safely at home. This is nothing new, but it's still troubling. The reality of war is such that when soldiers in Vietnam talked about returning home, they referred to it as going back to the world. And when they did come home, their faces often wore a bone-chilling thousand yard stare. That stony expression didn't go away overnight, either; in many cases, it didn't go away for decades. If at all. I can say from experience that it took twenty years... twenty years... before my husband started resembling the easy-going man he was before he went to Vietnam.

In earlier wars, the lengthy ride home via ship allowed time for decompression. Not a lot, and certainly not enough, but more than our soldiers coming home from Nam got, and more than our soldiers returning from Iraq and Afghanistan get. One day, our soldiers are in a stress-filled war zone, and the next, they're sitting around the family table, shell-shocked, asking someone to please pass the eff-ing potatoes. (Yep, also from experience...)

And yet, many of us treat our soldiers as though they should simply put the war behind them. Get over it. 

It isn't that simple. Psychiatrist Jonathan Shay, author of Odysseus in America, describes what our returning soldiers face as follows:  In combat, you have to shut down those emotions that do not directly serve survival. So sweetness, the gentler forms of humor, grief --- all shut down. And this is profoundly disconcerting to families when a soldier comes back, and he seems to be made out of ice. It's not that he is irrevocably and permanently incapable of feeling anything. It's that this adaptation of shutting down those emotions that don't directly serve survival in combat is persisting. 

Registered nurse Alison L. Crane, a former Captain and mental health observer-trainer for the 7302 Medical Training Support Battalion, is all too familiar with the difficulties veterans face when trying to re-assimilate into civilian life. In 2007, in an attempt to help civilians better understand our returning soldiers. she produced a startling photographic essay, which I'm pleased to share with you now. Our veterans deserve not only our respect and appreciation, but our understanding, as well. Ms. Crane's photographic essay is called

                                                  WHEN A SOLDIER COMES HOME

 When a soldier comes home, he finds it hard to listen to his son whine about being bored.

                              ... to keep a straight face when people complain about potholes.

           ... to be tolerant of people who complain about the hassle of getting ready for work.

                        ... to be understanding when a coworker complains about a bad night's sleep.

                                        ... to be silent when people pray to God for a new car.

                           ... to control his panic when his wife tells him he needs to drive slower.

                     ... to be compassionate when a businessman expresses a fear of flying.

   ... to keep from laughing when anxious parents say they're afraid to send their kids off to summer camp.

                      ... to keep from ridiculing someone who complains about hot weather.

          ... to control his frustration when a colleague gripes about his coffee being cold.

             ... to remain calm when his daughter complains about having to walk the dog.

                                      ... to be civil to people who complain about their jobs.

             ... to just walk away when someone says they only get two weeks of vacation a year.

               ... to be forgiving when someone says how hard it is to have a new baby in the house.

                                                The only thing harder than being a soldier

                                                                      is loving one.

And when you meet one of our returning soldiers, please remember what they've been through, and show them compassion and tolerance.  [Pictures and text courtesy of Alison Crane]

A very special thank you to all our veterans out there. For all you non-vets, with an estimated 24.9 million veterans in the country, it should be fairly easy to find one to thank. God knows, they've earned it. How about making it a point to hug a vet today?

Congress should stop treating veterans like they're asking for a handout when it comes to the benefits they were promised, and they should realize that, were it not for these veterans, there would be nothing to hand out.   [ Nick Lampson -former Texas Congressman]

Let's end on a feel-good note, shall we? How about a video of soldiers being welcomed home by their four-legged best friends... HAPPINESS personified.

                                     Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.