Getting Old Ain't All Bad

Thought for the day: Gratitude is an attitude.

Yesterday was Thanksgiving here in the U.S., and for those of you who celebrated it, I hope you had a wonderful day. For those of you in other countries who didn't celebrate by overeating until you were miserable, I hope you had a... lovely Thursday.

Smarticus and I have lots to be grateful for. He finished radiation this week... and he doesn't glow in the dark!... and today's his last chemo infusion for a while. And only one more round of chemo to go (Woo HOO!) before a PET scan will determine how effective it's all been. We're optimistic, and we're grateful that it's gone as well as it has. (And we're still smiling.)

Okay, so here's the third and final guest post I did a few years ago for The Really Real Housewives of America. Again, I'll run it just as it appeared originally. I hope you enjoy it.

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Hi-ya. Me again. Back for my final fling as this week's guest blogger. And today... anything goes! Woo-HOO! So what are we gonna talk about? Something you've all heard about before, I'm sure... those dreaded midlife crises. You know, that time of life when we allegedly go temporarily nuts, and do all sorts of wild and crazy things because we suddenly notice we're (gasp!) getting old.  Driven by desperation, we supposedly do anything and everything we can to prove we're still young... even if it's nothing but a silly delusion.

HOGWASH!!!

I don't think that midlife crisis nonsense amounts to a hill of beans. Granted, my hubby and I sped past the mid-points of our lives a long time ago, but we still haven't experienced any great angst about getting old, or behaved any nuttier than we ever have. Know why? Because, believe it or not, this is actually a great time of life. Exhilarating, even. We truly ARE the captains of our own ships now. If we want to do something, we do it. Well into the post-retirement years, our time is our own, and what we do with it is up to us.

If an old guy wants to buy a convertible sports car, why shouldn't he? That doesn't have a thing to do with being in crisis. Doggone it, he worked hard all of his life, raised his family, and now, he can finally afford to treat himself to some of the things he's always wanted. We seniors can indulge ourselves by fulfilling some of our delayed wants, the things we put off all of those years when raising our families, and our careers often took top priority. If an old gal wants to dye her hair purple, why the heck not? Maybe it's her favorite color. If an old guy leaves his longtime wife to run off with a twenty-something bimbo, that doesn't mean he's having a mid-life crisis, either. All that means is he's an ass, and probably always has been.

There's actually a lot of good things to say about getting older. Like we generally have the confidence to stand for more convictions, and the moxie to fall for less malarkey. We may still be competitive, but we also realize being kind is much more important than being right. We've learned it isn't very smart to test the depth of the water with both feet, and we understand that the true art of conversation isn't just about saying the right thing. Sometimes, it means keeping our mouths shut when it's oh-so-tempting to deliver a verbal shot.

You may have heard this quote before. It's been sent to me many times, but without attribution, so I don't know who initiated it, but it's worth sharing: Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, "WOW! What a ride!"

That's our plan. To enjoy the ride as long as it lasts, and to carpe the hell out of each diem. Don't make a big deal out of getting old; just enjoy it. My body parts may be getting old, I may take more pills every day than I ever imagined possible, and the pain under my boob may turn out to be a bum knee, but I'm determined to stay young at heart and in attitude. Is that being sassy? Could be, but I refuse to let aging get me down. (For one thing, it's too damned hard to get back up again!) Be assured, ladies, that no matter how old you are, you can still have the body of a 21-year old, if that's what you want. But (Bada-boom!) you may have to buy him a few drinks first...

In closing, I'm gonna make a blatant plug for a book called Old Broads Waxing Poetic, a compilation of poetry from some very talented ladies. (And me.) Best thing about it? All proceeds go to CARE International, a fantastic organization, so none of us will ever see a penny of it. If you're interested, you can find it on Amazon.

Isn't that cover awesome? The image Forever Young is courtesy of a very generous Italian artist named Francesco Romoli, who immediately agreed to let me use it... for free... when I contacted him.

In closing, I'd like to share one of my poems from that book with you. It's called Ode to Old Age.

I found a hair there under my chin,
And I yanked that sucker out,
But wouldn't you know, the very  next day,
Two more began to sprout.
I don't know what's happening;
It's a perplexing change of pace,
My arms and legs are going bald,
But I've gotta shave my face.

It's such a rotten travesty;
My tummy once was flat.
But now my hourglass is mostly ass,
And my waist has turned to fat.
My body's slowly sagging,
And I don't look so hot;
If a man wants to ogle my bosom now,
I'm afraid he'll have to squat.

But that's okay, 'cause I'm still here,
Of life I'm still a part.
So what if when I bend or stretch,
I leak a little fart?
I've lots of life and love in store,
Though I'm not young and shiny;
If ya wanta know the truth,
Old age can kiss my heinie.

Well, that's it, folks. It's been a pleasure. Thanks to the lovely Tammy for inviting me over to do a few guest posts. Remember: A good attitude is contagious, but for Heaven's sake, don't wait to catch it from someone. Be a carrier.

Best wishes from Susan, longtime housewife, and visiting SOB (Sassy Old Broad)

Susan with her hubby's 1930 Model A rat rod. (Lucky for her, he apparently likes old things.)

If you're a glutton for punishment, and want more of Susan's SOB sense of humor, you're cordially invited to visit her blog I Think; Therefore, I Yam where she blogs most Fridays.








UPDATE: Not much... only that I'm even OLDER now. But we're happy to still be here. Any day we both wake up in the morning is a good one.

                              Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.

How About Some Health Tips?

Thought for the day:  I want to lose weight by eating nothing but Moon Pies, which have significantly less gravity than earthier foods such as fruits and vegetables. [Jarod Kentz]

[image courtesy of wikipedia]

I understand the ooey-gooey sugary treats we call Moon Pies in the U.S. are called Wagon Wheels in the U.K., Australia, and Canada. That's kinda cool, but it wouldn't be nearly as amusing to say I wanted to lose weight by eating Wagon Wheels, ya know? At any rate, I don't reeeally want to eat them. I (gasp!) actually like fruits and vegetables...

Okay, this week's post is the second guest post I wrote a few years ago for The Really Real Housewives of America. This time, it's about health tips, and once again, I'll run it exactly as originally published. Purely for your benefit, of course. (Okay, I'll admit it. I'm lazy.) On the personal side, Smarticus is doing well, and next week is his last scheduled week of radiation. (No matter where you live in the world, you'll probably hear us whooping and hollering when we leave that cancer center...) Chemotherapy is supposed to finish up next month.

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Hi-ya. So here I am again. Still a bit saggy... although personally, I prefer to think of it as more of a relaxed fit... and hopefully, still sassy and savvy enough to provide you with some worthwhile wellness tips. Some of these may be old-hat to you, some may be new, and some may even be a bit counter-intuitive, but I'm going to try not to be such a smart ass today. This stuff's as real as the mildew growing under my boobs. Okay, so I totally made that part up. (Just a few squirts of X-14 keeps the mildew problem down nicely.) Okay, another lie. Sorry. But trust me, these tips are on the up-and-up. (Unlike my boobs...)

• Want to  amp up a twenty-minute nap so it does a better job kicking fatigue in the keister? Have a cup of coffee first. Really. Downing approximately 200 mg of caffeine immediately before catching a few zees is all you need to turn your mini- nap into a super nap. That's because of something called adenosine, which is a natural byproduct of being awake and active. The higher its level, the more fatigued we feel. Makes sense, right? Well, a nap clears that stuff out of our system, and caffeine is an adenosine-blocker, so just as you're waking up from that nap, the caffeine is kicking in, and... ta-DA!... it effectively amplifies the benefits of that nap. 
• Are you one of those people who is so conscientious about brushing your pearly whites immediately after every meal that you carry a toothbrush in your purse? Hold on. You might want to rethink that, because you may not be doing something quite as good as you think you are. Especially if your meal includes something acidic... like citrus fruit, tomatoes, sports drinks, or sodas. Acid temporarily softens tooth enamel, so brushing too soon, when your teeth are at their most vulnerable, can actually cause damage to your teeth. Bottom line? If you want to still have your choppers when you're as old as I am, best to wait 30-60 minutes before pulling out your toothbrush.
• Those snack products marketed in 100-calorie packages seem to be a great idea, right? I mean, they control our portion size, and essentially save us from ourselves. (Assuming we have enough willpower to only eat one of them, that is.) The thing is, that small portion of carbs may spike your blood sugar a tad initially, but then you're too soon hungry again... for more carbs. It'd be better in the long run to pass on the carb snacks altogether, and reach for proteins. Something like peanut butter or cheese and apple slices. More calories per serving, yeah, but you'll feel full faster, and stay full longer. That means you won't be tempted to stuff your face with something else, and will end up eating fewer calories overall. 
• Are you hooked on energy drinks? If you drink them, you probably are. One of those hopped-up beverages has five times more caffeine than a comparable amount of coffee, so no wonder it leaves you feeling nervous, jittery, and irritable, and makes your heart race. In addition to that mega-dose of caffeine, it also contains aurine, a central nervous system stimulant, and upwards of fifty grams of sugar. (That's a whopping thirteen teaspoons!) Yeah, that'll provide a rapid spike in blood sugar, all right, but it'll also lead to an inevitable hard crash, which will leave you fuzzy-headed, groggy, and... in need of another energy drink. 
• It may sound counter-intuitive, but when you're dragging, exercise can re-energize you. Just thirty minutes of moderate exercise is enough to lessen your fatigue, improve your mood, and get those juices flowing again. Unfortunately, blog-hopping, jumping to conclusions, flying off the handle, carrying things too far, dodging responsibility, pushing your luck, and doing diddly squats don't count as exercises.
• Would you believe there's no evidence that antibacterial soap is any more effective than regular soap? In fact, long-term usage of anti-bacterial products can actually be detrimental to your health. Some of the ingredients in them, particularly something called tricolsan, can lead to hormonal changes in users, and to bacteria with a  higher resistance to antibiotics. Getting the optimal amount of effectiveness from a regular bar of soap requires a certain amount of lather time. A simple trick: To reach that optimal time while washing your hands, sing Happy Birthday in your head... twice.  Well, I suppose you could belt it out loud, but it might get you some strange looks if you do it in a public restroom. Not that (ahem) I know anything about that from personal experience, of course... 
• Smelling a green apple can help ease the severity of migraine headaches. Certain scents naturally help us relax and reduce tension, and studies have shown the green apple scent to be particularly effective. A chilled cut lime is also reported to reduce headache pain, both by smelling it, and by rubbing it on the forehead or temples. For a select few, squeezing it into a margarita may also be beneficial.
• Honey is a powerful antibacterial. Just a little dab will do ya before applying a bandage. If you suffer from hay fever, a teaspoon of honey a day is also reputed to reduce those miserable symptoms. Sweet, huh?
• Cut yourself in the kitchen? (In a minor way, that is; I'm not talking about a to-the-bone debacle.) Rinse the area with cold water, (Use soap if you were handling raw meat.) sprinkle on some black pepper, and  then apply pressure until the bleeding stops. Who'd a thunk it? Good old black pepper has analgesic, antibacterial, and antiseptic properties. How 'bout that? (Doesn't sting, either!)
• Looks like I need to increase my intake of spearmint tea. Just two cups of it a day are supposed to help with hormonal problems, like acne or excess hair. It accomplishes this by reducing the level of male hormones in the body. (I'm reeeeeally getting tired of having to shave my darned face!)
• Having trouble regulating your blood sugar level? Drink slime water! I don't mean you have to sneak out in the middle of a moonless night and skim muck off the top of a dirty ditch, or anything. Nope, you can make your own slime water. I do. Every evening, I wash three pieces of okra, slice off the ends, cut the larger pods in half, and cover all of the pieces with about half a cup of water. (You could use more, but the more you make, the more somebody has to drink.) Refrigerate overnight and in the morning, remove the okra, and drink the slimy water. My husband is the one who saw the tip online, and after investigating it on multiple medical websites, I ascertained that it could help, and most important, it couldn't hurt, so we decided to give it a try. Guess what? At least, for my husband, it has made a difference. Okra water doesn't negate the need for regular diabetes medications, but it has kept his numbers on a nice even keel. (If you try this, drink it all down at once. Then the slime isn't even noticeable.) (So he says...)

Th-th-th-that's all, folks, Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.

Best wishes from Susan, long-time housewife, and visiting SOB (Sassy Old Broad)

One of the best things about being an old broad is... grandchildren. Susan and Smarticus have thirteen of them, ranging from three to eighteen, but since they can't all fit on her lap at one time, here's three of the younger ones who do fit.

Most Fridays, Susan blogs at I Think;Therefore, I Yam Y'all are cordially invited to come visit her. No telling what the topic might be on any given week. Her body may not be flexible anymore, but her interests still are.



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UPDATE:  Okay, so Smarticus didn't stick with that slime water for long. (And honest, it wasn't because that's what I kept calling it...) Turns out, he was a little slow drinking it one morning. Instead of gulping it right down, which is obviously the only way to get that disgusting stuff down, he took a sip... and the slime kinda hung in one long snot-like loop all the way from his mouth to the cup. Just hung there, all jiggly-looking, with the light reflecting off of it like a prism. And then someone may have possibly laughed. Okay, so it was me, okay? I laughed. Just a little. Okay, so I laughed a lot. I mean, come on, people! It was FUNNY! And what can I say? He kinda lost the stomach for it after that...

As much as I love that picture of three of our granddaughters sitting on my lap, it's unbelievable how much they've grown since then. They're all beautiful young ladies now. Two are taller than I am. (sigh) Time does have a way of flying, doesn't it?

                            Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.

Sassy Tips

Thought for the day: Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving. [Albert Einstein]

I'm such a nerd, I seriously considered buying myself an Einstein bobble-head doll. I mean... c'mon! How cool is THAT? But I controlled myself. I convinced myself it wasn't worth twenty bucks, and besides, we already have way too much stuff around here.

Anyhow, like good ol' Einsten said, you've gotta keep moving, and that's what we've been doing, which means there's little time or inclination to compose a blog post. But I came up with a scathingly brilliant idea. A few years ago, I wrote three guest posts for the blog The Really Real Housewives of America. I think they're mildly amusing, and since most of you guys didn't see them, I figured I'd run them for the next few weeks. They'll at least feel new to you, right? In the meantime, Smarticus and I will keep on keepin' on.

I'm gonna run the posts exactly as they appeared on the other blog, okay? That way, you'll get the, um, full impact, and I, um, don't have to do a doggone thing with 'em...

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It's a real honor to be here with y'all today, but before I share some appropriate (and okay... some inappropriate) handy-dandy tips with you, I feel it is my civic duty to issue a warning. One of the ladies who runs this blog is... now how shall I put this delicately?... a tad underhanded. (gasp!) I know. Shocking, isn't it? When inviting me to serve a stint as guest blogger here, Tammy called me... sassy. Yeah, sassy. Not saggy... sassy. How in the world could an old broad like me possibly say no when she threw a word like that at me, I ask you? It's been quite a few years since anyone associated that word with me, so I'm just gonna wrap it around me, and savor the feeling. Yep, that's me... classy, sassy, and a bit smart assy. Okay, not entirely true. But I am a bona fide smart ass, so you'd be wise to take what I'm about to tell you with a handful of salt.

Okay, ready for some nifty neat-o some-of-'em-even-work time-saving and money-saving tips?

• Most of the things you waste time worrying about never happen, so cut it out! Worrying causes stress, gives you wrinkles, and wastes valuable time you could be using to do something much more worthwhile, like eating ice cream or sucking face with your fella. Besides, worrying never changes a darned thing. Never.
• Clean up messes as they happen. I know it's tempting to ignore that mini-mountain of cereal you just knocked onto the kitchen floor, but don't. An even better alternative? Have at least one dog and one cat in your home. Believe you me, pets make an unbeatable clean-up team. Plus, cats with a propensity to arf provide you with the perfect incentive to clean your floors and carpets... one small area at a time.
• To cut down on mildew, wipe down your shower walls and tiles after each shower. If you have a shower curtain, give it a couple good whacks to knock off excess water, and then leave the curtain closed to allow it to dry more quickly. Better yet? Join a gym. Then you can take all of your showers there, and let somebody else worry about mildew. As an added bonus, you can even spend a minute or two exercising while you're there. Might as well. Or you could do it my way... I do lots of diddly squats around the house every day. 
• If you insist on wasting money and water by continuing to take your showers at home, rather than join a gym as I suggested, you may eventually notice the shower head isn't quite as squeaky clean as it used to be. I suppose you could go all Martha Stewart and scrub it with a toothbrush or something, but how about this? Secure a plastic baggy of vinegar over the head overnight, and ta-DA! Just like magic, all of the residue disappears. (Even though you want to be frugal and all that, I wouldn't recommend re-using that vinegar in your next salad... it's a tad on the soapy side.)
• When lemons and/or limes are on sale, buy extra. Squeeze the juice out of some of them and freeze it in ice cube trays. Once it's completely frozen, you can store the cubes in a plastic bag. One cube equals about a tablespoon of juice. 
• Some recipes call for buttermilk. I don't know about you, but we don't drink that stuff, so it'd be a waste of time and money to run to the store to buy it for a particular recipe, when I know the rest of it would just end up down the drain. No problem. I don't have to go to the store, and neither do you. Just add a tablespoon of vinegar per cup of good ol' normal milk. It's a perfect substitute.
• Planning a dinner party, but hate the idea of wasting money on fancy after-dinner mints? So don't! Freeze a colorful tube of toothpaste, and then cut the tube open, and slice the paste into wafer-thin treats. Instant fresh breath!  PLUS, everyone saves time by skipping the usual after-dinner tooth-brushing routine. Win-win!
• If you're in a hurry, or have somewhere you absolutely have to be, never ever make eye contact with your spouse while eating a banana. 
• Need to drop some pounds in a hurry? Eat raw pork or rancid tuna. You can lose up to twelve pounds in only two days, without having to fork over one red cent on any of those dangerous diet pills. 
• To save money on toilet paper, borrow it from work. Not whole, unopened rolls, mind you. Just rolls that have already been started. No one will ever notice. And, um, I'm using the word borrow facetiously. No need to return it. When you get down to the empty cardboard roll, you can put that to use, too. If you cut it lengthwise, you can put it around a roll of opened wrapping paper like a cuff. Keeps the rolls looking much neater. If you care about such things. If you don't, just throw it away. No skin off my nose.
• Wanta save big money on your electric bill? Turn off the lights. Yep, all of them. If everybody wears a miner's hat, there's absolutely no need to turn on a lamp.
• While we're saving money, here's another handy tip. Don't waste any money on one of those little address books for friends' addresses and phone numbers, either. Don't you get free phone directories? There ya go!  Just cross out the names of people you don't know. 
• Here's a reeeeeeally big money-saver. When you go out with friends, leave your wallet at home. You can save yourself a bundle! However, you may eventually have to find new friends. 
• And finally: be nice. Really. Going out of your way to be nice, especially to your spouse, will save a lot of time that might otherwise be wasted in argument. Most of the time, being kind is much more important than being right. (If all else fails, reach for a banana. Make eye contact at your own peril.)

                               Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.
                                   
   Best wishes from Susan, long-time housewife, and visiting SOB (Sassy Old Broad)

Susan and her husband transferred from Maryland to Georgia in 1971, and have lived in the same so-called starter home ever since. (Too lazy to pack up all their stuff!) She was a stay-at-home mom, and after the kids all flew the coop, she was perfectly happy to continue being a kept woman full-time homemaker, as well as a perpetual you-name-it-and-she'll-do-it volunteer. Since her hubby Smarticus retired fifteen years ago, they've been enjoying plenty of spur-of-the-moment adventures. (With the right attitude, everything is an adventure!) She has written one novel, Hot Flashes and Cold Lemonade, and helped put together a poetry book for charity called Old Broads Waxing Poetic. She blogs most Fridays at I Think: Therefore, I Yam

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UPDATE: It's hard to believe, but Smarticus has been retired even longer, and I managed to write another book. Whether or not book two of that alleged trilogy will ever be written remains to be seen.

                             Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.

The Fire that Inspired Flaming Crimes by Chrys Fey (Part 5)

Thought for the day: Dear Winter, I'm breaking up with you. I think it's time I started seeing other seasons. (Besides, Summer is much hotter than you are.)

[image courtesy of seniorark]

Brrrrrrrrrr! Most of the U.S. has been in a super deep freeze recently, but at least here in the Atlanta area, the temperature took a much-appreciated leap into the sixties this week. I don't know how long it'll last, but we're sure enjoying it while it's here. 

 ♪ ♫ Oh the weather outside can bite me. My muscles ache, despite me. I don't have a happy glow. Winter blows, winter blows, winter blows...♪♫

How cold was it, you ask?

So cold, politicians kept their hands in their OWN pockets... (Now THAT'S cold!)

Okay, let's forget about snow and ice, shall we?. Today's guest post is from the lovely Chrys Fey, whose latest installment of her Disaster Crimes series has just been released... and it's about... fire.

In conjunction with her new release, Chrys is sharing a ten-part account of her memories of the real-life fire that inspired some of the scenes in her new book. I'm pleased to share part five of her story today. Enjoy! 

                          Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other. 

                                                     Take it away, Chrys!

                                                           *     *     *
AUTHOR NOTE: Many scenes in Flaming Crimes (Disaster Crimes #4) came from real life. For this short blog tour, I am sharing my memories as a ten-part continuous story, so hop along for the entire experience.

Series: Disaster Crimes #4
Page Count: 304 
Digital Price: 4.99 
Print Price: 16.99

Rating: Spicy (PG13) 

BUY LINKS:

Amazon / Barnes & Noble

The Wild Rose Press

FLAMING GUEST POST PART FIVE:

One of my family members did make it in the newspaper. My oldest sister. In the picture, she was clutching one of our pregnant cats (Monkey…yes, really). My sister did not make it to our car with the cat. Seconds after that picture was snapped, Monkey fought her and got away. She ran toward the fire….

The reporter who took that picture ended up getting my sister’s full name and put it and our address in the newspaper as the photo’s caption. Because the reporter did that, my sister got a letter in the mail from a prison inmate. I never found out what the letter said, but my parents reported it.

I remember when, two days later, a florist delivery came to the door. My sister freaked out as my mom signed for the delivery. She thought it was from the inmate. Actually, she thought the delivery person was the inmate. As it turned out, the flowers were for me from my parents, because my birthday was in a couple of days.

TO BE CONTINUED…

FLAMING CRIMES EXCERPT:

“Excuse me?”

Beth turned to see a man with a note pad and pen. He had a camera around his neck. “Is that your home?”

“Yes, it is.”

“Can I ask you a few questions?”

“Sure, but don’t use my full name or put my address in your paper.” She had heard about a young woman, a victim to these fires, whose address had been put in the newspaper along with her picture, and because of that, a prison inmate had written her a letter. Beth didn’t want the same thing happening to her, especially since there were a few inmates who would very much like her address, if they didn’t already have it.

The story will continue on these blogs:

1/8 – Circle of Friends Books - Part 1

1/9 – Sandra Cox – Part 2

1/10 – Elements of Emaginette – Part 3

1/11 – Julie Flanders – Part 4

1/12 – I Think; Therefore, I Yam – Part 5

1/15 – Alex J. Cavanaugh – Part 6

1/16 – Just Jemi – Part 7

1/17 – Sandra Dailey – Part 8

1/18 – Fundinmental – Part 9

1/19 – Elizabeth Seckman – Part 10

About the Author: Chrys Fey is the author of the Disaster Crimes Series, a unique concept blending romance, crimes, and disasters. She’s partnered with the Insecure Writer’s Support Group and runs their Goodreads book club. She’s also an editor for Dancing Lemur Press.

Author Links:

Website / Blog / Goodreads

Facebook / Twitter / Amazon

Thank you for reading this post! Don’t forget to hop along to the other posts on their designated days for the full fiery story.

SHARE: Your fire story with me.

A Salute to Snark

Thought for the day:  I like to tell people I have the heart of a small boy. Then I say it's in a jar on my desk.  [Stephen King]

Today, as our featured guest, Stephen Tremp is treating us to a fun post about his latest book Salem's Daughters, which just launched on the first of October. I don't host guest bloggers here very often, so this is a real treat for me, and I think it will be for you, too. Enjoy!

But, um, why do you think he chose MY blog to write about snarky humor? I mean, really. Think there's any connection...? Nah. Couldn't be.

You know that little thing inside your head that keep you from saying things you shouldn't say? I think mine is missing...





                                Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.
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Salem’s Daughters Tour Stop: Dark Snarky Humor 

Snarky Grumpy Cat

Thank you Susan for hosting me on my Salem’s Daughters Blog Tour! We all have a sense of humor and, when appropriate, it should show in our writing, even in a serious story. Readers appreciate humor that often goes beyond the norm and crosses the border into dark and snarky. Snarky can be sarcastic, rude, witty, snide, ironic, annoying, and cynical. 

This humor introduces conflict between the protagonist Bob Stevens and his wife’s (Debbie Stevens) Irish whiskey drinking, dark witted, sharp tongue spitfire grandmother Erma Dempsey. 

The ever-meddling Erma and her husband Ross co-sign a three-and-a-half million dollar loan to fund the bed and breakfast called Murcat Manor. Erma, who began as a minor character, developed into a major supporting role and never passes on an opportunity to take verbal and non-verbal shots at Bob, the butt of her jokes and the only non-Irish family member of her clan. 

More Snarky Grumpy Cat

Sample 1: The extended family Christmas Eve party at Erma’s where snarky comments flowed as smooth as Bushmills twenty-one year old single malt whiskey. 

“It’s weird,” Bob said. “These kittens are strange. They don’t act like normal cats. It seems like they're always plotting something, even while we’re sleeping.” 

“Plotting?” Erma said. “Cats? I can see if Debbie’s plotting something against you while you sleep. But … cats?” 

Another peal of laughter bordered on a noisy ruckus, most in the room almost falling out of their seats. 

Sample 2: “I couldn’t imagine,” Bob said, glancing back. “That’s mind boggling. How did you manage childbirth without an epidural?” 

“Whiskey, Bob. We were both drunk. Both the doctor and me. Epidurals? Pfhhht.” Erma leaned back in her seat. “Good old fashioned Irish whiskey is what got me through four child births.” 

Although Bob wasn’t much of a drinker outside the occasional glass or two of wine, he thought he might need a bottle of good old fashioned Irish whiskey to survive much more of Erma. 

Sample 3: “Debbie dear, don’t you fret one bit. The good news is your grandfather and I have decided we’ll co-sign the loan docs.” 

Erma smiled warm and wide. “That’s right, honey. We’re retired now and getting up in years, you see. And we want to do something to help you. So we’ve decided to co-sign the loan. You know, since Bob’s not able to get a job.” 

Erma Dempsey aka the late Helen Hayes

Erma Dempsey may be an AARP gray-haired, sharp-witted, smart-ass lush. But she’s also very smart. Although Erma originally thinks Bob may be responsible for the deaths of the guests at Murcat Manor, she’s the first to make a connection there’s more to the cats, who are actually thirteen disembodied witches from Colonial America, than meets the eye. And as the story progresses, with plenty of snarky dialogue Erma has for the thirteen lazy no-good flea-ridden regurgitated fur balls, there’s an epic showdown between the two parties. But that’s a post for another day. 

Ensenada and Really Cheap Coronas

Stephen Tremp writes Speculative Fiction and embraces science and the supernatural to help explain the universe, our place in it, and write one of a kind thrillers. 

Quick Blurb: A four hundred year old evil is unleashed when the daughters of those killed during the Salem Witch Trials find a new generation of people to murder at a popular modern-day bed and breakfast. 

You can read a full synopsis and download Salem’s Daughters by Clicking Here.
Stephen Tremp posts weekly blogs at his website Breakthrough Blogs. 

Next Stop: Monday October 12 Susan Gourley website Susan Says. Join me there as the topic is Supernatural Powers Enhanced by Technology.

Imagination Plus Talent Equals Success

Thought for the day:  You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. [Mark Twain]

It doesn't require much imagination to appreciate what an overabundance of imagination our feline friends have. Ever watch 'em stare at a wall? For hours? What do they see...? Or how about when they gaze mesmerized at the ceiling? (Just to make us look up, I suspect.) And then there's the times they suddenly jump up and tear out of the room at top speed, as if they're off on some important mission.

Yep, no doubt about it. A cat's imagination can provide us with great entertainment. Come to think of it, I could say the same thing about writers with great imaginations, too. Imaginative writers who can create a whole new world and transport us there with their words truly have a gift. (And they never jump on your head or lick your face in the middle of the night, either. At least, none of the writers I know do...)

Like this gal. Dianne Salerni. She's a writer with a great nose for a story. That's what led her to research and write two YA historical novels, We Hear the Dead, about the early days of spiritualism, and The Caged Graves, about a couple of, um... caged graves.  A couple of real caged graves she spotted in a Pennsylvania cemetery. It took a lot of digging (HA) to ferret out as many facts as she could for both of those books, and a good deal of imagination to flesh out the bare bones of history to create books as good as those two. But her next book took her imagination to the next level. (Kinda like going from staring at the wall to looking into the future...)

The first book in her imagination-out-the-wazoo MG series the Eighth Day came out last year. Reeeeally good.

And NOW... (ta DA!) the second book in this series is gonna be released on January 27, just a couple short weeks away. I may not be in the MG category... heck, some of my GRANDKIDS are even beyond that... but I WILL be reading this book. Know why? Because good is good, and Dianne's books are... good. And did I mention? Very imaginative.

And now, I'm very pleased to say that the lovely Dianne has agreed to answer some very nosy questions I asked her recently. Hey! Inquiring minds want to know!

So here we go, for your entertainment:





ME:  So how did it go down, Dianne? Were you just sitting back in your easy chair one evening, sipping an adult beverage, and listening to an old Beatles album when they started singing Eight Days a Week, and a light bulb suddenly went off in your head? I mean, what inspired you to come up with such a super cool idea as a secret eighth day of the week?

DIANNE: The idea of a secret day came from a family joke. Whenever my daughters asked my husband when they could do something (go to the beach or to an amusement park, for example) and he didn’t have an answer handy, he’d say, “We’ll do it on Grunsday!”  One night, as this joke was being played out over dinner conversation, I wondered out loud, “What if there really was a Grunsday, but only a few people knew about it?” My family loved the idea, but after that initial thought, it took about 18 months for me to come up with a plot to go along with the premise and start writing.

ME:  It must be fun to write continuing tales about characters you know and love, but how difficult is it to strike a balance, such that you include enough background information to draw and keep the interest of new readers, without annoying your return readers who want to get on with the new story without too much back-pedaling and re-hashing? In other words, is it your goal for each book to stand on its own, or are you primarily trying to develop a returning fan base of readers who will eagerly await each new installment? Yeah, I know... BOTH! (And I hope you get both.)

DIANNE: It’s not impossible to read these books out of order, but readers will probably enjoy the series a lot more if they start with Book 1. The re-hashing thing gave me some trouble when I started drafting Book 2, but I thought I had a clever way to do it. In chapter one, I introduced a new POV character, 12-year-old Dorian Ambrose who, as a member of the nefarious Dulac clan, watches his father interrogate a prisoner about the events that occurred in the climax of Book 1. Doing the recap as a prisoner interrogation? Brilliant, right? My beta readers hated me starting the book this way. HATED IT. But they couldn’t articulate a reason why it didn’t work for them, so I ignored them and sent it to my editor anyway. My editor, being truly brilliant, explained why this didn’t work as an opening. If readers didn’t remember who the Dulacs were and what threat they posed to our heroes, the tension and significance of the scene would be lost. She convinced me that I needed to start the book with my protagonist, Jax, and make sure the reader was re-acquainted with all the characters before throwing the villains at them. She was right, of course, and I wrote a new first chapter that hopefully will serve as that quick re-hash and still keep the reader interested.

The prisoner interrogation comes in chapter two. ;)

ME:  Do you already have a long list of plot ideas for future installments, or do you prefer to operate with more of a one-book-at-a-time mentality?

DIANNE: When HarperCollins signed me for a 3-book contract (with two more optioned books), my editor asked me to plan a 5-book story arc that could end on Book 3 if they decided not to pick up the options.  At that point, I planned out a premise for each of the 5 books.  But I didn’t develop a plot for each one until it was time to write it.

ME:  Are any of your beta readers youngsters? If so, is their input helpful?

DIANNE: My youngest daughter served as the #1 reader for The Eighth Day when I was writing the first draft. (I recall printing out my latest chapter one day, walking into the next room to pick up the pages and discovering they were already gone. She’d been standing next to the printer to collect them as they came out!) Of course, she was 12 back then. Now that she’s 14, she’s far too busy with her social life to read Mom’s work!  However, I still had other young beta readers. Lenny Lee, blogger extraordinaire, read the first and second books, and of course I had my fifth grade students.  Their feedback was immeasurably helpful! I will miss them now that I’m retired.

ME:  I'm way outside the parameters of the target age for your books, but I thoroughly enjoy them. I don't know if that's because you do such a good job tapping into the imagination of my inner child, or if it's something else. I mean, the most successful animated children's films also incorporate some language and humor directed at an adult audience. Is any of that in play in your books? Do you consciously try to appeal to an adult audience, as well?

DIANNE: I do try to appeal to adults, especially by adding a self-aware wink and a nod here and there. A number of adult readers commented that they enjoyed how Jax, the first time he experiences the un-populated eighth day, assumes it’s the zombie apocalypse and stocks up on survival gear just like he’s seen people do on TV. Jax asks his guardian if they (the people who experience the eighth day) are human, and Riley answers: “Of course we’re human! What kind of bad science fiction movies have you been watching?” When Jax learns about his connection to people in Arthurian legends, he does what any of us would do: Googles his famous ancestor – only to find out he was “kind of a jerk.” And anyone who has ever lived with a teenage boy has mentioned to me how much they laughed at Jax and Riley blaming each other for why they were constantly running out of groceries. I guess it’s no coincidence that these are some of my favorite parts of the book too. I’m also way outside the target age!

ME:  What's next for you? Is your focus going to be on writing more Eighth Day books, or do you have another series or more stand-alone books on the horizon?

DIANNE: I recently revised a YA historical mystery that I wrote several years ago and also wrote a brand new kids’ science fiction adventure. Both of these will go to my agent for consideration, and I hope she’ll decide they’re worthy of submission to publishers. In the spring of 2105 I’ll need to expand the premise I have for the optioned Eighth Day books into something resembling a synopsis to submit for consideration.

I also have a few more ideas germinating (2 Middle Grade and 1 Young Adult) that might need that 18-month germination period before they blossom into full plots ready to be drafted.

Publication of any of these books is not guaranteed. Even with two prior YA historicals and this 3-book fantasy series under my belt, every work I write has to go through the same submission process as my first book. Sometimes, the answer will be “no.” All I can do is write as many as I can and hope that some of them get a big “YES!”

ME:  Anything else you'd like to share with us?

DIANNE: Just that I’m ridiculously excited for this release. The Inquisitor’s Mark was probably my favorite book to write in the series so far – and my favorite scenes involve a chase through the Central Park Zoo, a garbage chute and a fire escape ladder, and a monster under a luxury Manhattan apartment building!

***

Plot Summary for The Inquisitor’s Mark:

After the all-out Eighth Day war in Mexico, Jax, Riley, and Evangeline have gone into hiding. There are still rogue Transitioners and evil Kin lords who want to use Riley, a descendant of King Arthur, and Evangeline, a powerful wizard with bloodlines to Merlin, to get control over the Eighth Day.

So when Finn Ambrose, a mysterious stranger, contacts Jax claiming to be his uncle, Jax’s defenses go up—especially when Finn tells Jax that he’s holding Jax’s best friend, Billy, hostage. To rescue Billy and keep Riley and Evangeline out of the fray, Jax sneaks off to New York City on his own. But once there, he discovers a surprising truth: Finn is his uncle and Jax is closely related to the Dulacs—a notoriously corrupt and dangerous Transitioner clan who want Riley dead and Evangeline as their prisoner. And family or not, these people will stop at nothing to get what they want.

****
Thanks, Dianne. I hope you sell a bazillion copies, and kids are lined up outside the book stores to get a copy.

Wow, I'm ridiculously excited about Dianne's new release, too. She isn't just a terrific writer; she's a terrific person. With a great imagination. (Did I happen to mention that?) And now... I hope you're excited about her books, too. 

                               Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.

Things are definitely looking up. [Morguefile}

P.S. While I have you looking up, how about looking into a nest... an eagle's nest... with two adorable babies in it? This eagle cam is set up in the Fort Myers. Florida area. Really cool

Kilgore Was Here

Thought for the day: Anything worth having is worth waiting for.

No, no, no, not Kilroy... Kilgore, as in Carol Kilgore, lovely author and all-around fun gal. Remember? A while back, I told y'all about her latest book, Secrets of Honor, even though it hadn't been released yet. (Such a tease!) Well, the wait is over, and the time is NOW. We can all finally get our hot little hands on Carol's latest mystery with a kiss. 

Hey! Wait! Where do you think you're going? Come back here... you can buy it after you read what Carol has to say to us. Sheesh.

               Okay, Carol? Stop sniffing those flowers now. You're up...

First, I want to thank Susan for hosting me. And for holding two dates open for a few weeks. SECRETS OF HONOR had a bumpy ride clearing the birth canal with a few problems beyond my control.

And if you didn’t know, my usual M.O. is to think I can control any situation only to find out I have absolutely no control over anything whatsoever. You’d think I’d know this by now. I guess I do, but I continue to believe and hope otherwise.

So I’ll just move on and tell you my top ten favorite things about the writing of SECRETS OF HONOR.

10. It’s finished!

See above. After one thing and another and another and so on, I was beginning to wonder if it would ever really be a book!

  9. The characters are still talking to me.

Which is surprising. Usually one or two may whimper or whisper something unintelligible every once in a while. Not these. They’re still popping up and telling me things. I need to take notes.

  8. But they want a vacation.

Yes, they do. And that’s a good thing because I’m working on a different project now with different characters.

  7. Visiting the Texas coast.

This book is set in Corpus Christi, about two and a half hours away from where I live. I needed to visit a lot to confirm things about the setting. It was so hard visiting the coast and going to the beach and the harbor and other places, but somebody had to do it. Who better than the author J

6. Getting to create gadgets.

Super fun, and something I don’t always get to do!

  5. Listening to the characters talk and watching them interact.

Always fun. My favorite thing about writing.

  4. Getting the story out of my head.

Even though the characters are still talking to me, this particular story is no longer rumbling around saying What If….

  3. Finishing the final edit.

No explanation necessary – LOL!

2. Seeing the cover.

Linda Kage at Kage Covers is genius! This is my favorite cover of this three-book collection of coastal stories. Linda is also doing the covers for my next project, which will be set in San Antonio and the Texas Hill Country.

1.Holding the book in my hands.

So far it’s only the proof. But it’s my proof – LOL! More books are ordered and shipped, but I think they’re coming via donkey cart. Now, if I could just figure out how to hold the Kindle version in my hands without the actual Kindle . . . but of course, I’d want the Kindle back for reading.

CONTEST INFO

Monday through Friday this week, I’m visiting five different blogs to promote my just-released novel, SECRETS OF HONOR. You can visit my blog, http://www.underthetikihut.blogspot.com, to see where I am each day. On each blog, I’ll give away a $5 Amazon Gift Card.  Everyone who comments on my posts will be entered into a drawing for a $5 Amazon Gift Card for that blog. So there will be five separate contests, and it will be possible to win all five, for a total of $25. Although what are the odds of that? Don’t ask me – math isn’t my BFF!

Winners will be announced next Monday on my blog, and I’ll make an effort to contact the winners over the weekend prior to the announcement.

SECRETS OF HONOR

By the end of a long evening working as a special set of eyes for the presidential security detail, all Kat Marengo wants is to kick off her shoes and stash two not-really-stolen rings in a secure spot. Plus, maybe sleep with Dave Krizak. No, make that definitely sleep with Dave Krizak. The next morning, she wishes her new top priorities were so simple.

As an operative for a covert agency buried in the depths of the Department of Homeland Security, Kat is asked to participate in a matter of life or death—locate a kidnapped girl believed to be held in Corpus Christi, Texas. Since the person doing the asking is the wife of the president and the girl is the daughter of her dearest friend, it’s hard to say no.

Kat and Dave quickly learn the real stakes are higher than they or the first lady believed and will require more than any of them bargained for.

The kicker? They have twenty-four hours to find the girl—or the matter of life or death will become more than a possibility.

AUTHOR BIO

Although Carol has deep Texas roots, she’s lived up and down the eastern seaboard and in other locations across the U.S. as a Coast Guard wife. She sees mystery and subterfuge everywhere. And she’s a sucker for a good love story—especially one with humor and mystery. Crime Fiction with a Kiss gives her the latitude to mix and match throughout the broad mystery and romance genres. Having flexibility makes her heart happy.

You can connect with Carol here:

Under the Tiki Hut blog:  http://www.underthetikihut.blogspot.com

Website with Monthly Contest: http://www.carolkilgore.net

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/carol.kilgore1

Twitter: http://twitter.com/carol_kilgore

Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/6094110.Carol_Kilgore

Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Carol-Kilgore/e/B008FRCXQY

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks, Carol. We appreciate you stepping away from your famous Tiki Hut long enough to visit with us here today. And we all wish you much success with your newest book.

Okay, y'all, you can go buy her book at Amazon now. Wait, wait, wait! AFTER you leave a comment. (Sheesh.)

By the way, sincere thanks to all of you who've already bought a copy of Old Broads Waxing Poetic. We're most appreciative. (So is CARE International, since all proceeds are going to them.) From September 22 until October 6, Goodreads will be hosting a giveaway for Old Broads, as well as for my equally fun novel Hot Flashes and Cold Lemonade. Why not enter? Somebody's gotta win... why not YOU? (But to be safe... you might as well buy 'em. HA!)

                                 Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.