Okay, I'll stop. (Sorry. Just kidding!)
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers? Nope. They always eat the fingers separately.
Okay, I'm not one to lose my head over Halloween decorations, (at least, not any more...) but no bones about it... Happy Halloween, y'all!!!
Didja check the weather forecast and today's horrorscope to see what kind of evening might be in store for you? Gonna have fettucini a-fraid-o and a nice bottle of boooze for dinner? Or maybe some nice fried poultry-geist?
Okay, I'll stop now. Really.
But in honor of Halloween, we've gotta talk about something scary...
except for the moon. There has to be a big full, pizza pie in the sky kinda moon...
maybe coyotes howling...
and a bunch of hungry buzzards...
No, wait! Forget the buzzards. At my age, the idea of impatient buzzards hanging around is entirely too scary.
But how about... a doll? A haunted doll?
Now, I'm not talking about Chucky, although those movies did scare the bejeezus out of me. Smarticus even claimed I turned into that creepy doll at the stroke of midnight one Valentine's Day, when, in a deep gravelly voice, I oh-so-sweetly suggested...
I WANT CHOCOLATE!!!
But that, of course, was a gross exaggeration. (Hey! I only did it for comic effect. By the way, it worked. I got my chocolate...)
Anyhow, the doll I'm talking about is named Robert. Robert the Doll. (Makes sense...)
Claimed by some to be the creepiest toy in America, the doll was given to Robert Eugene Otto, a well-known Key West artist, in 1906, when he was just a young boy. It was a gift from his nanny shortly after she became his ex-nanny. His voodoo-practicing ex-nanny. The doll she made for the little boy bore a striking resemblance to him, and even had human hair stitched onto its head... hair which had come from the boy's head.
Almost from the start, the doll was... different. The boy had conversations with it... two-way conversations. The family heard creepy giggles. Tiny feet scampering in the night. Schoolchildren claimed to see it move from window to window... watching them as they walked past. Things disappeared, got broken, got moved. And always, the boy claimed, Robert did it. .
Even as an adult, Otto kept the doll nearby, and never painted without Robert sitting beside him. After he got married, he built Robert his own special room in the attic. His wife was spooked by the giggles, sounds of scampering feet, eerie events, and other sounds coming from the attic, and after Otto's death, she moved out, and left the doll behind in the attic, where he continued to spook tenants who rented the house.
Now? Robert resides behind glass in the Fort East Martello Museum in Key West, Florida, where he continues to freak people out, who claim the doll changes expressions. A sign hanging beside him instructs people to only take pictures with Robert's permission. He allegedly gives a little nod to signal his approval. Failure to ask could lead to... a voodoo curse of some kind. I kid you not...
As creepy as that doll is, I can think of something even scarier. Early polls are showing a strong possibility that both our gubernatorial and senatorial races may be so close, run-off elections will be required. Know what that means? Enduring TWO MORE MONTHS of toxic political mud-slinging ads and robo-calls.
Now THAT'S scary.
Okay, just one more. Know where the goblin threw the football? Over the ghoul line! Y'all have a de-fright-fully boooootiful Halloween.
Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.