Carry Me Back...

Thought for the day:  Virginia is for lovers. (state motto)

Queen Elizabeth I 

It strikes me as a teensy bit ironic that Virginia touts itself as a mecca for lovers. I mean, come ON!  It was named in honor of Queen Elizabeth I... AKA the Virgin Queen.

Be that as it may, it's time for another virtual tour, and it's rather appropriate that we're heading to the lover-ly state of Virginia this month. Why, you ask? Because forty-five years ago tomorrow, Smarticus and I tied the knot, (Why, yes, yes, I was but a mere zygote when we got hitched...) and we meandered through the (ta-DA!) lover-ly state of Virginia on our honeymoon. Pretty cool, huh? The Skyline Drive winds through some gorgeous picturesque countryside in the Blue Ridge Mountains, and this time of year, wildflowers are in bloom all over the place, so we saw lots of beautiful scenery. Plus, there's a ton of historical places and other neat stuff to see along the way. We moved to Georgia a couple years after we got married, and made many more trips through Virginia over the years while going to and from Maryland, so a lot of stuff we didn't see on our honeymoon, we saw later with our kids.

                                                         Ready to take a peek at some of it?

Blue Ridge Mountains

See? I told you it's gorgeous. Now, imagine a host of wild azaleas and mountain laurel in bloom all over the place...

Natural Bridge

There are a lot of neat rock formations to see in Virginia, like the Natural Bridge, Natural Chimney, and a bunch of different caverns. We visited both Luray and Skyline Caverns on our honeymoon, and each had a distinctive personality. One featured multi-colored lighting to enhance the features, while the other used more simple white lighting, but there were unique and fascinating structures to see in each. At the bridge, we (and by we, I mean I...) had a good laugh. The old fella helping people into the skylift car to ride down the mountain said to Smarticus, "You and your youngun come on." HA!

Jamestown church

Jamestown was the first English settlement in the New World. (1607) Located on a large peninsula forty miles from the ocean, the English thought it was an ideal location, primarily because it was isolated and no Indians were living there. Turned out, the Indians weren't living there for good reason. They considered the swampy area to be too remote, too cramped for space, and unsuitable for agriculture. What's more, the brackish water there was not only unfit for drinking... it provided an ideal breeding ground for mosquitoes. More than two thirds of the settlers died from malaria before a supply ship arrived the following year. Founded originally as a place to cultivate silk for trade with the court of King James, a blight fungus killed off the mulberry trees, and put the kibbosh to that plan. On to plan B: tobacco, which ended up being a big cash crop for the state for many years to come.

Jamestown is a fascinating place to visit. It's like stepping into the pages of a history book, or walking on sacred ground. The ruins of the old fort... the church... homes...  the old cemetery... the Indian village. Well worth a trip.

Williamsburg

Visiting Williamsburg is like taking a step back into history, too, but in a different way. While Jamestown is only populated with ghosts from the past, Historic Williamsburg is set up as a place of living history. 

Some ladies of Williamsburg

In Williamsburg, you'll encounter people dressed in the garb of colonial America, and an entire thriving town based on those historical days. Walking through the town, and visiting ye olde shoppes feels like an immersion in the past. Covering 301 acres, the area contains both original and recreated buildings from the colonial and American Revolutionary period.

Mount Vernon

Another place worth visiting is George Washington's plantation, Mount Vernon, located in Alexandria on the shores of the Potomac. I haven't visited since I was about eight years old, but I still remember it as a beautiful and exciting look at history. (Yeah, I was a nerdy kid.)

This beautiful old church, built in 1741, is another historic site of note. It is St. John's Episcopal Church in Richmond, the site of Patrick Henry's impassioned speech, which included the memorable words  " AS FOR ME, GIVE ME LIBERTY, OR GIVE ME DEATH!"  His fiery words in an otherwise sleepy meeting surely swayed the opinion of many people who listened to him that day.

Monticello

Monticello, Thomas Jefferson's 5000-acre plantation, is located just outside Charlottesville. Jefferson designed his home, and is buried on the plantation grounds.

Union soldiers at Fredericksburg

Virginia contains many Civil War sites. How eerie and heart-wrenching it is to stand beside and walk upon those battlefields where so many soldiers lived, fought, and died so long ago. Eerier yet to see their faces in old photographs.

Virginia Capitol, Richmond

Virginia's Capitol building in Richmond was also designed by Jefferson. Its cornerstone was laid in 1792, and the General Assembly held its first meeting there in 1792. This same building was also used as the Capitol of the Confederacy during the Civil War, too. After the war ended, Virginia was under military rule for the next five years.

McClean House Parlor

Talking about the end of the war... this is where the surrender papers were signed. There, in the McClean House parlor, located in Appomattox Courthouse, Grant sat at that wooden desk on the right, while Lee sat at the marble-topped desk on the left.

Oyster Museum

You know I can't do one of these state tours without highlighting at least one museum. We visited an antique car museum on our honeymoon, but this museum, the Oyster Museum of Chincoteague, features all kinds of information about oysters, of course, and also about the people and culture of the island.

 Swimming into Chincoteague (2007)

The museum also pays tribute to Misty and Stormy, the real-life wild ponies who were immortalized in Marguerite Henry's book Misty of Chincoteague.  The annual swimming of the ponies across the Assateague Channel into Chincoteague is still a popular tourist draw today. I was there as a young teenager, but unfortunately, the ponies weren't. C'est la vie. (la vie)

The Chesapeake Bay Bridge Tunnel is an amazing feat of engineering. At twenty-three miles, this series of bridges, tunnels, and artificial islands is the largest bridge-tunnel complex in the world. We only took that route back home to Georgia once, just for the experience. WOW! Really neat. However, when the toll taker told us how much it cost, Smarticus said, "I didn't want to BUY it; we only wanted to drive over it!"

Yeah, a little pricey. But it's a much more efficient (and fun!) way to cross the bay than the old ferry system used to be.

It's easy enough to identify this building, purely by its shape. The Pentagon, headquarters of the U.S. Department of Defense, is the largest office building in the world. Believe it or not, it covers six and a half million square feet, and contains 68,000 miles of internal phone lines.

Arlington National Cemetery is directly across the Potomac from the Lincoln Memorial, and these 624 acres have served as military burial grounds since the Civil War. Two presidents are buried here: William Taft, and John F. Kennedy, whose grave also bears an eternal flame. Robert Kennedy is also buried there, and as far as I know, his is the only grave there that bears a simple wooden cross, in lieu of the standard marker as seen in the photograph.

One last thing, before we move on to see what kinda cockamamie laws are still languishing on the books in the fine state of Virginia. And that is a short video taken at Arlington's Tomb of the Unknown Soldier:
                   

                                                               

                                                Okay, ready? Ready to check out those laws?

• It's against the law for unmarried people to have sex. (So much for that Virginia is for lovers stuff...)
• Citizens must honk their horns while passing other vehicles.
• Forget about trick-or-treating. It's against the law for kids to do so on Halloween. (OK to do it on Labor Day?)
• It's illegal to tickle women. (But men? I guess they're fair game.)
• It's against the law to have sex with the lights on or in any position other than missionary. (And the state motto takes yet another hit.)
• When it comes to the campaign trail, state law forbids the use of bribery by anyone other than the candidates. (When it comes to the politicos, I guess anything goes.)
• It's illegal to hunt any animal on Sunday. Oh, except for raccoons. Them, you can kill. 
• In Culpepper, it's against the law to wash a mule on the sidewalk. (So keep yer ass offa there.) 
• In Norfolk, it's illegal to spit on a seagull. (But have you seen the size of those bombs those birds drop on us?)
• A man can also go to jail there for patting a woman's bottom. (Butt officer, she's my wife...)
• After sundown, women must wear a corset, and be in the company of a male chaperon. 
• In Lebanon, it's illegal to kick your wife out of bed. 
• In Prince William County, you can't keep a skunk as a pet. (That stinks.)
• It's also against the law there to cuss about another person or to park your car on the railroad tracks. (If someone's foolish enough to block the train tracks, he might be the recipient of a little more than a naughty word or two.)
• In Richmond, it's illegal to flip a coin in a restaurant to see who pays. (Guess you'll have to stick to a rousing round of paper-rock-scissors...)
• Get this. In Stafford County, it's legal for a man to beat his wife on the courthouse steps, but only if he does it before 8 PM. 
• In Victoria, it's against the law to skate down the sidewalk of Main Street. (Get out in the road, dude!)
• In Virginia Beach, if you're inebriated, but not driving your car... but the person who is driving your car is also inebriated, you're both gonna get a DUI.
• It's illegal there to ride on a handlebars of a bicycle, too. (Especially when inebriated, which is the only way you'd get my derriere up there in the first place.)
• It's also against the law to use profanity on Atlantic Avenue or the boardwalk... or to drive by the same place within thirty minutes on Atlanta Avenue. (How about all us directionally-challenged people out here?)
• And finally, in Waynesboro, it's illegal for a woman to drive on Main Street unless her husband walks in front of the car waving a red flag. 

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And there ya have it... a wee taste of Virginny. It's a pretty spiffy state.

Needless to say, this post was written a couple weeks ago. We're not off in Virginia to celebrate our anniversary as you read this, but we're probably off somewhere... still celebrating, after all these years. I should be around to respond to your comments by early next week. Y'all have a terrific weekend.

Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.


[Images courtesy of Wikipedia... except for that antique one of Smarticus and me.]

Fall Foliage and Frosty Winters

Thought for the day:  Vermont's a place where barns come painted, red as a strong man's heart, where stout carts and stout boys in freckles are highest form of art. [Robert Tristam]

[courtesy of a Vermont native]

In case you can't quite make out that sign under all that snow in the picture, it says, I am Vermont strong. I dunno about you, but I'd rather not have to be that strong. I mean, a sweet little delicate dusting of white is one thing... but that's ridiculous. Not that Vermont is the only state that's been buried under snow this winter, but it is the state we're gonna be visiting today. Ready?

You might be from Vermont if...

*  You've ever taken your kids trick-or-treating during a blizzard.
*  Mosquitoes have landing lights, and the best repellent is a shotgun.
*  You have ten favorite recipes for venison, and at least twice a year, your kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
*  You have more miles on your snowblower than on your car, and owe more money on it, too.
*  You consider tube socks and a flannel nightgown with less than eight buttons to be sexy lingerie.
*  Your snowblower has ever gotten stuck on your roof. (???)
*  You clean the grease off your BBQ grill frequently to keep the bears away.
*  You know which leaves make good toilet paper. (I know which ones DON'T!)
*  Your town officials greet you by your first name.
*  There's only one shopping plaza in town. (Until 1996, it was the only state without a Wal-Mart, too!)
*  The major parish fundraiser isn't Bingo; it's sausage-making.
*  You think -20 degrees F is a little chilly.
*  Your town budgets money for a zamboni instead of a bus.
*  Your state capital (Montpelier) doesn't have a McDonald's. (Only capital in the country with that tasteful claim to fame.)

[Morguefile]

Vermont is a lot more than snow. Matter of fact, I've kinda fallen in love with the state. (Except for, ya know... that pesky snow.) Talk about picturesque! And it's one of only four states that preserves its gorgeous views by forbidding billboards. (The others are Alaska, Hawaii, and Maine.)

[Morguefile]

So come on through this spiffy covered bridge and let me show you around. Vermont has nearly as many covered wooden bridges as it has snowflakes... more per square mile than any other state, anyway. Pennsylvania still rules supreme for having the most overall, though.

[Wikipedia]

Okay, last covered bridge picture. This is the Flint covered bridge in Tunbridge... with only a dusting of snow. Looks like a glorious place to walk, doesn't it? Just look at that sky!

[Wikipedia]

And who do you think might have lived in this rustic-looking cabin? Someone with a poetic soul, who was enamored with his surroundings, who wrote of such things as stopping by the woods on a snowy evening. Yes, this cabin, located in Ripton, belonged to Robert Frost. Since woods cover more than 3/4 of the state, Frost found plenty of natural inspiration around him. Plenty of seclusion, too. Even today, the only state with a smaller population is Wyoming.

Frost isn't the only one who fell in love with the beautiful vistas of Vermont. Especially in the autumn...

[Wikipedia]

The Round Church, located in Richmond, and built in 1812-13, is one of the best-preserved meetinghouses from that time period. This sixteen-sided building, maintained by the local Historical Society, is still used for weddings and other events.

[Wikipedia]

Here's a different type of building altogether. It's a prime example of 19th century industrial architecture. When built in 1846 as the Robbins and Lawrence Armory and Machine Shop, work done here played a primary role in advancing the Industrial Revolution by improving the production of interchangeable parts. Today, the building houses the American Precision Museum.

[National Park Service photo]

Didja know Ben & Jerry's got its start in Burlington, Vermont... in a former gas station? Yep, the now iconic ice cream brand made its debut on May 5, 1978, and every anniversary since then has been recognized as Free Cone Day, where every person who goes into any of their stores around the country is treated to a freebie. Any guess what their first flavor was? Yep, vanilla. Know what the company does with its ice cream waste these days? It goes to the local farmers to feed their hogs... who are allegedly real hogs for every flavor but Mint Oreo.

[Wikipedia]

Vermont is the greatest producer of maple syrup in the country. Mature trees (30-40 years old) can support from one to three taps, depending on the tree's diameter, and the average tree yields from nine to thirteen gallons of sap per season.

[Wikipedia]

To convert sap into syrup, it is boiled in a special building with a louvered roof... to allow steam to escape... called a sugar shack. (Or house or shanty.)

[Morguefile]

Maybe one of you can tell me more about this picture? I found it on Morguefile, but have no details on what it is or the significance of those figures. Only that it's located somewhere in Burlington, Vermont. Neat-looking, isn't it?

Vermont's state motto is Freedom and Unity, and these words befit the state's independent streak throughout history. It was the first state admitted to the union after the ratification of the Constitution; it was the first state to abolish slavery; and it was the first state to legalize Civil Unions. Another interesting tidbit: Ida Mae Fuller of Brattleboro, Vermont, was the first U.S. citizen to receive a social security check. She collected her first check in 1940, lived to be more than a hundred, and ended up collecting more than twenty thousand dollars in benefits.

[Wikipedia]

Shelburne Museum, founded in 1947, contains a unique collection of artwork and Americana artifacts, folk art, quilts and decoys from the seventeenth to the twentieth centuries. Housed in thirty-eight buildings, the museum showcases twenty historic structures, including houses, a one-room schoolhouse, lighthouse, jail, general store, covered bridge, (Of course!) and the 220-foot  Ticonderoga steamboat, as seen in the photo. The village-like setting also includes more than four hundred lilac bushes, formal gardens, perennial gardens, herbs, and heirloom veggies. (Can you imagine the sweet smell of all those lilacs in bloom?)

[Wikipedia]

Vermont isn't just known for its mountains and snow skiing, or for its woodlands and gorgeous fall foliage, or even for its covered bridges and ice cream. It also has some beautiful water... like Lake Champlain. Beautiful, isn't it? So (tra-la-la) peaceful. So (tra-la-la) idyllic. (Cue the scary music...)

Or not.

When Samuel de Champlain discovered (Yeah, I know... it wasn't lost.) the lake in 1609, he claimed he saw a monster, five feet long, as thick as a man's thigh, with thick silver-gray scales and a two and a half-foot sharp-toothed jaw. Native Americans also claimed to see similar monsters, ranging in size from eight to ten feet long. There have been many sightings over the years of the Lake Champlain monster, fondly known as Champ. Is it a cousin to the oft-reported Loch Ness monster Nessie? Are they both plesiosaurs? Or is it all a hoax? Tell ya what, Champ is pretty darned real to the fishermen shown in this 2005 video:

Okay, let's see if any crazy laws are languishing on the books in the fine state of Vermont.

        

• It's against the law to whistle underwater. (I guess they don't want anyone trying to summon Champ.)
• At one time, it was illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole. (Does that mean it's okay now?)
• Women must obtain permission from their husbands before they can wear false teeth. (I doubt if this law has any bite...)
• It's illegal to deny the existence of God. (Ya think non-prophet organizations can get away with it?)
• It's against the law to paint landscapes during times of war. (So it would seem that painting in itself isn't forbidden... just painting landscapes. Interesting.)
• It's illegal to use colored margarine in restaurants unless the menu says so ... in two-inch tall lettering. When it is served, oleo can only be provided in triangular-shaped wedges. (Yeah. Vermont is a huge dairy state, and as you can tell, they try to discourage the use of the fake stuff.)
• It's against the law to paint a horse. (So how are ya gonna have a horse of a different color...?)
• Delivery men must walk backwards in driveways of homes worth more than five hundred thousand dollars. (???)
• It's illegal to keep doves in the freezer. (The poor little guys would get too cold in there!)
• It's against the law to give a baby a comforter. (Not sure if that means a blanket, or a pacifier.)
• In Barre, all residents must bathe every Saturday night. 
• In Montpelier, no law was violated on May 14, 2009, when forty-two naked cyclists rode through town. Vermont has no law against public nudity... just on public disrobing.
• In Rutland, cars are forbidden from backfiring.  (Lotsa luck trying to get those cars to pay their fines.)     

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Well, that's about it for now. If all is well, we'll be hanging out with some of our grandchildren this weekend, so I won't be messing around on the Internet. I'll respond to your comments and visit all y'all at your blogs next week. First things first... I'm planning to squeeze all I can in with these folks. Yep, we've got some serious playing to do.

                                                       
                                      Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.  

                                                  Life must be lived as play. [Plato]                                

Back on Track

Thought for the day:  Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.

Okay, I've procrastinated long enough. Remember those posts I used to do about the states? Yeah, I know. It's (ahem) been a while. Well, it's time to get back at it. This project started a couple years ago, and the initial premise was to poke fun at some of the laws still on the books around the country, one state at a time. In alphabetical order. From there, it took on a life of its own, and expanded to include virtual tours and a smattering of historical tidbits. And from there, I got a little lazy waylaid sidetracked (sigh) lazy. But I'm gonna give it another go.

But first, WAIT! (Yeah, I'm gonna procrastinate a little longer.) I just wanted to let you know that from February 28 until March 6, the e-version of my book Hot Flashes and Cold Lemonade will be available on Amazon for the paltry sum of ninety-nine cents. Heck, you can't even buy a cup of coffee for that! Also, the e-book is FREE... with the purchase of a paperback version. Cool, huh? So if you haven't already gotten your paws on a copy, here's your chance to get it on the cheap. If ya would, would you please help me spread the word? Thanks. I do appreciate it.

Ready? Let's see, where was I...? Ah, yes. The last post was about Texas, so that brings us to the fine state of Utah, AKA the Beehive State. (I understand that's in reference to the worthy attributes of thrift and industry, not as a salute to the worthless hairdo of teasing and lacquer.)

Heritage Park: This is the place.

What can I say? Utah is to Mormons as Vatican City is to Roman Catholics. Or pretty darned close, anyway. More than 60% of the state's population belongs to the Mormon, or LDS (Latter Day Saints) church. That's largely due to the fact that on July 24, 1847, after enduring an arduous wagon train trek from Illinois with other Mormon pioneers, Brigham Young peeked out from his sickbed in the back of a covered wagon and announced, This is the place. And that place was Salt Lake City, Utah.

 Pioneer Day Reenactment

Thus began a mass migration of other Mormons from around the country... close to 70,000 in the first large wave.

 In commemoration of the arrival of those early pioneers, the state of Utah officially celebrates Pioneer Day every July 24, and many modern-day Mormons all over the world participate in annual reenactments of the original wagon train trek on that date. In 1847, the territory belonged to Mexico, which may be part of the reason it held so much appeal to Young. Utah promised them a new start, and a welcome refuge from the religious persecution they'd been suffering in some of the states. In Utah, Mormons truly found... and are still finding... their place. 

The Mormon Temple in Salt Lake City is one of the most recognizable structures in the state. It sits in the center of the 10-acre Temple Square, and took forty long years to build.








Before we go on to some of the beautiful sights in the state, how about listening to some beautiful sounds? Even those who know little about the Mormon church are familiar with the famous Mormon Tabernacle Choir. Talk about uplifting music.

Here's a silly little tidbit. There's a city in the center of Utah called Levan. Know where the name comes from? It's navel spelled backwards. Cute, huh? (And it sure beats living in a place called Nottub Ylleb.) 

The world's first transcontinental railroad was completed with the driving of the final golden spike at Promontory, Utah. On May 10, 1869, that one gleaming ceremonial spike joined the Central Pacific and Union Pacific Railroads, and thus earned its place in the history books. Today, that historic moment is remembered and reenacted at the Golden Spike National Historic Site.

Utah boasts many beautiful natural stone structures. Check out this one. At  278 feet wide and 309 feet high, Rainbow Bridge is the world's largest natural-rock span.

Arches National Park contains enough unique rock formations to fill an entire blog post. Among other things, it has arches, columns, balancing rocks, and petrified dunes. This picture shows Delicate Arch, Utah's most readily recognized rock formation, and its unofficial symbol.

This photo, also taken at Arches National Park, shows some petroglyphs, or centuries-old Ute Indian rock art.

Before you start thinking the state of Utah is all about rock formations, take at look at this. Would you believe it's a library? The City Library in Salt Lake City has more than half a million books, subscribes to more than sixty magazines and newspapers, and has sixty-three computers with Internet access. This gorgeous 240,000 square feet, five-story building has a rooftop garden, and a 20,000 square feet skylight, which along with a huge five-story glass wall along one entire side of the building enables the building to be lit mostly by natural light. Wow, right?

The Gilgal Sculpture Garden in Salt Lake City is a rather unusual place. The stone-carved sculptures and engravings were created by LDS Bishop Thomas Child, Jr. in the 1940s, and they portray numerous Biblical stories, and his Mormon religion. Most unusual has to go to the Joseph Smith Sphinx seen in this picture.

Utah boasts many kinds of museums. Seen in the photo is the giant beehive located inside of Discovery Gateway, a hands-on interactive children's museum, designed to please the young and the young-at-heart.

Other notable museums include the Alf Engen Ski Museum; the International Model Car Museum; the Browning Firearms Museum; the World of Puppetry Museum; and the Firefighters Museum. There are also numerous museums dedicated to natural history, fine arts, aviation, railroading, mining, and the American West and pioneer history.

What have we here? Looks like a big hole in the ground, and that's exactly what it is. But a special hole. This is Bingham Canyon Open Pit Copper Mine, the world's first (1904) and largest. And from what friends have told me, a fascinating place to tour.

This desolate looking place commemorates a sad chapter in American history: Topaz was a Japanese-American internment camp during WWII. (If you're curious about those camps, you can find a couple posts about them by clicking on the tag Gaman over there in my blog's sidebar.)

Zion National Park. Gorgeous, isn't it? [Credit: Doug Dolde]

At Timpanogos Cave National Park, you'll find three tourable caves, which are joined by man-made tunnels that were blasted back in the 1930s. And it doesn't just look cool. It is cool. The average temperature is 46 degrees F. (If you're looking for cold, head for the mountains. In the mountains near Salt Lake City, an average of 500 (that's five HUNDRED) inches of snow falls every year.

Here's the remains of a Hovenweep House, found at the Hovenweep National Monument. There, artifacts remain from Paleo-Indians from as early as 8000 B.C. These remains, however, are likely to be from the Pueblo Indians, circa 1150- 1350 A.D.

Ever hear of the Sundance Film Festival? Me, too, but I didn't realize it was held in Utah. Yep, and it's one of the largest independent film festivals in the U.S.

All you car buffs probably recognize this strange landscape. It's the Bonneville Salt Flats, famous for its five annual speed events, and for the many land speed records that have been set there.

Like the Great Salt Lake, this densely packed salt pan is a remnant of the Pleistocene Lake Bonneville. The lake covers 2100 square miles, and has an average depth of thirteen feet, and a deepest point stretching down to thirty-four. There's no water left at the flats, but there is bottomless excitement.

Care to get a taste of what it might be like to set a speed record on the salt flats?  Fasten your seat belts...

Whew! Quite a ride, huh? Okay, time to settle down, and take a look at some of those bizarre laws. Remember, all states have 'em, and even though they're on the books doesn't mean they're enforced. (Thank goodness!) So what laws are still languishing on the books in the fine state of Utah? Let's see...

• No one may have sex in the back of an ambulance if it's responding to an emergency call. (Better tell 'em to pull over.)
• It's against the law to fish from horseback. (Wouldn't you think horses and fly-fishing would be a natural go-together?)
• It's illegal not to drink milk. (I reckon that's one way to keep those gassy lactose-intolerant people away.)
• It's against the law to detonate any nuclear weapon. (You can have one, maybe for show? Ya just can't blow it up. Sounds reasonable...)
• Birds have the right of way on all highways. (MEEP! MEEP! Especially road runners.)
• A husband is responsible for every criminal act committed by his wife while she is in his presence. (So she does the crime, and he does the crime? How terribly chivalrous.)
• It's a felony to persistently tread on the cracks between paving stones on the sidewalk of a state highway. (I guess they take that old step on a crack, break your mother's back stuff seriously.)
• It's against the law to hunt whales.
• It's a no-no to allow biting in a boxing match. (Mike Tyson better stay away, especially if he's lactose intolerant.)
• Alcohol may not be sold during an emergency. (I know some people who consider it an emergency if they run out of booze.)
• It's illegal to cause a catastrophe. (So ya better not drop the last bottle of beer.)
• In Kaysville, you must have an I.D. to enter a convenience store after dark. (Well, that isn't very convenient, is it?)
• In Logan, ladies are expected to act like ladies. It's against the law there for women to swear. (Not even to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?)
• In Monroe, daylight must be visible between partners on a dance floor. (Sounds like the rule at the ol' '50s and '60s teen centers...)
• It doesn't matter how perfect that snow is; in Provo, there's a whopping fifty-buck fine for throwing snowballs.
• According to laws in Salt Lake City, it's illegal to walk down the street carrying a violin in a paper bag, and auctions may not advertise by hiring trombone players to play on the street. (No problem. Use a plastic bag, and give a tuba player the gig.)
• In Tremonton, it's illegal to have sex in a moving ambulance, but if ya do, and get caught... the man is released. The woman, however, is punished, and her name appears in the newspaper. (So much for that aforementioned chivalry.)
• In Trout Creek, pharmacists may not sell gunpowder to cure headaches. (If somebody eats gunpowder, do ya think his hair will grow out in bangs?)

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                                 Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.

[The image of the nifty now clock is courtesy of the fine folks at perfectlytimedpictures, and the rest of the pictures came from good ol' Wikipedia.]