Don't Mess Up My Do!

Thought for the day: I came; I saw; I conquered. [Julius Caesar]

[source: morguefile]

Well, good for ol' Julius, I say. Me? I'm more in the I came; I saw; I took a picture camp. I mean, the idea of climbing a mountain simply because it's there holds absolutely no appeal to me. Nada. Zilch. Zero. If that makes me a wimp, sobeit. At least, I'm still alive.

I also have no desire to jump out of a perfectly good airplane, be shot out of a cannon, tame a tiger or go swimming in a waterfall.



                                           Check out this short video of Niagara Falls:

 Horseshoe Falls, AKA the Canadian Falls, is the largest of the three waterfalls that make up the Niagara Falls, which lie on the border between Ontario and New York. It's 167 feet (51 m) high and 2700 feet (820 m) wide. Amazing, isn't it? So what do you think when you look at this massive amount of roaring water? Something along the lines of WOW? I mean it's breathtakingly beautiful, which is why it's been a favorite honeymoon destination for so many years. It's kinda humbling, too, to see such a powerful force on display.

So. How many of you look at it and think, I believe I'd like to conquer all that power? Come on... show of hands. Nobody? All right, then. At least I know I'm not the only wimp around here. Unlike us, people have been challenging the falls since the 1800s. Why? Um, because it's there, I suppose.

These old photos from Wikicommons show daredevil Charles Blondin, who, in 1859,  thought it'd be a fine idea to take a stroll across the Niagara Falls gorge on a tightrope. From one hundred sixty feet above the river gorge, to be precise, on a three-inch thick cable stretching 1100 feet. No safety equipment at all. Just his balancing pole. The dude was so sure of his success, he even offered to carry someone over on his back. (What a guy!) Alas, no one took him up on the offer. (Musta been a bunch of wimps like us.)

But that was just his first attempt. In subsequent crossings, he walked the tightrope while blindfolded, pushed a wheelbarrow, and yes... even carried someone across on his back. His agent. His brave... or crazy as a bedbug... agent. (I sure hope he got paid more than the standard 10% for that gig.)

After Blondin's feat, others replicated the gorge crossing... because they could, I suppose. But it wasn't until 2012 that someone actually walked the tightrope over the falls themselves.
 
                                                    The famous daredevil Nik Wallenda:

Not interested in taking a stroll on a tightrope, huh? Nah, me neither. Heck, I twisted my ankle just walking across the bedroom floor last week. .. no tightrope involved. For sure, my middle name isn't Grace, and with good reason. So if not a tightrope, how about a... barrel?

[source: wikipedia]

Would you believe the first person to survive a trip over Niagara Falls in a barrel was... a woman?! Not that I think women are less courageous than men; it's more a matter of believing women are, shall we say... less rash. Not only was Annie Edison Taylor the very first person to make that plunge successfully, but she did it on her sixty-third birthday! (What did you do on your sixty-third birthday...?) What? Oh yeah, a lot of you haven't even hit 63 yet. Sorry about that. So what are the chances you might try something like this when you do hit 63? I don't remember what I did... but I can guaran-damn-tee ya, it was a far far cry from doing that.

In 1901, Annie, a widow fearful of ending up in the poorhouse, rode the barrel over the falls with the hope of gaining a better financial future. Her custom-made barrel of oak and iron was padded with a mattress, and after being tossed overboard from a boat, the river carried her barrel to and over Horseshoe Falls. She came through the ordeal relatively unscathed, with only a small cut on her head. Know what she said afterwards? If it was with my dying breath, I would caution anyone against attempting the feat... I would sooner walk up to the mouth of a cannon, knowing it was going to blow me to pieces than make another trip over the Falls.

So. I guess it wasn't exactly a barrel of laughs, huh? What's more, her financial security was brief-lived. She earned a bit of money traveling around with her barrel and giving speeches, but her manager absconded with her barrel. The cad. She used her meager savings to track him and her barrel down, only to have him and the barrel disappear again. She lived out her life working as a clairvoyant and providing magnetic therapeutic treatments. (If she were a clairvoyant, I wonder why she couldn't find her barrel...?)

[source: wikipedia]

One last wackaddoodle daredevil. Bobby Leach was a circus performer and stuntman, who often bragged that anything Annie could do, he could do better. So in July of 1911, he took the plunge in his barrel, becoming the second person to succeed. He survived, but he also spent six months in the hospital recuperating from his many injuries, including two broken knees and a fractured jaw. And yet... and yet... he became quite famous, much much more so than poor Annie ever did. (Reminds me of a Virginia Wolfe quote: For most of history, anonymous was a woman.) At any rate, Leach made good money touring Canada, the U.S. and England, giving speeches about his death-defying plunge over the falls, showing off his barrel and posing for pictures. In a strange twist of fate, this self-aggrandizing stuntman and daredevil was killed, not by some death-defying act, but by a dastardly banana peel. While on a publicity tour in New Zealand in 1926, he slipped on said peel and injured his leg in the fall. The injury got infected, he got gangrene, and he succumbed two months later. Such irony. It wasn't the appeal of dangerous feats that did him in... it was a lowly peel.I'm sure there's a moral in that story somewhere.

He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life. [Muhammed Ali]

 I say staying alive is a pretty darned good accomplishment. 

Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity. [Martin Luther King, Jr.]

Agreed. Kinda makes me think of the state of world politics right now. And just as I choose not to dive into Niagara Falls, I also choose to steer clear of talking politics these days. Rather than plunge into the chaotic roar, I'll wear a slicker and stand at a nice safe distance with the other tourists, where the mist may reach me, but I won't drown in negativity. Because, you know, I wouldn't want to mess up my do.

                           Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.

Warning: May Contain Political Poo

Thought for the day:  Political language is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind. [George Orwell]

[photo courtesy of Pixel Peeper]

With both major parties holding conventions this month, we can expect even more political wind blowing than usual between now and election day, which most of us welcome about as much as a lingering fart in a crowded elevator. But even worse than all that noxious wind is the stuff of more substance. You know... the political caca.

Yep, there's gonna be an ever-increasing number of outrageous ads filled with half-truths and outright lies dumped on us, more recorded telephone messages from every political (and celebrity) Tom, Dick, and Mary, and an even higher-intensity rhetorical BS than we've had to endure so far. (oh, goody!)

Government is like a baby. An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end, and no sense of responsibility at the other. [Ronald Reagan]

So am I gonna go all blah-blah-blah political on you? No, of course not! Helpful gal that I am, I'm merely gonna show you what I consider to be an appropriate fleet of patriotic vehicles that is ready, willing, and able to serve our country throughout this highly excremental political season. Yep, I'd say these fine trucks are definitely up to handling the inauspicious dooty...

     
                 (Hey! When you have a crappy job, you've gotta keep your sense of humor.)                            
                                 Laughter is the shortest distance between friends. 

                                Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.

A Head of Her Time

Thought for the day:  Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but she did it backwards and in high heels. [Bob Thames]

[morguefile]

No, this isn't gonna be a post about dancing... or shoes. Coming up right around the bend, on March 8, is International Women's Day, so what better way to mark it than by writing about some remarkable women? I was going to do a post about some female inventors, but then I remembered the following post, A Woman's Place, which I published on March 8, three years ago. I decided it's well worth a second look, and the lady inventors can just jog in place until later this month. Before we go to ye oldie but goodie re-run, let's kick things off on the right toe-tapping foot, with a little Ginger and Fred, shall we?

Okay, now back to that re-run... about a lady who was both ahead... and a head... of her time.

****************************************

Thought for the day:  For most of history, Anonymous was a woman.  [Virginia Woolf]

Know what today is...? Give up?

It's International Women's Day. (Yeah... really!) [NOTE: Well, it was when this post first ran... now, it's four days away...]

The tradition started in 1910, but its roots were based in socialism, so for many years, only places like Russia and Eastern Europe paid any attention to it. That is, until 1977, when the U.N. finally climbed aboard, and officially proclaimed March 8 to thereafter be known as
International Women's Day.


So where's my damned cake?




A woman is like a teabag: you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.  [Eleanor Roosevelt]

Okay, no cake to go with my tea. (For now.) Nonetheless, I'll honor the day by telling you a little something about a little-known kick-ass American woman who deserves a spot in our history books.

Okay, quick: Who was the first woman in American history to run for national office?

If you said 1984 V.P. candidate Geraldine Ferraro...

you would be...

 ( Ding-Ding-Ding!) wrong.

She was the first to be nominated by a major party, but would you believe the first woman, who actually ran for President, did so fifty years before women were even granted the right to vote?

I kid you not. That lady had some serious kinda chutzpah.

Yep, her name was Victoria Woodhull, and in 1872, the Equal Rights Party nominated her as its presidential candidate. Equal rights is exactly what she believed in, too... for women, for blacks, and for the working class.A year earlier, she became the first woman in history to appear before the House Judiciary Committee, where she delivered an impassioned and articulate argument for women's suffrage. And she had other radical outside-the-box ideas, too, such as an eight-hour workday, graduated income tax, social welfare programs, and profit-sharing. Not exactly mainstream thinking for her day.

In 1870, before she ran for office, she was the first woman to open a Wall Street brokerage firm. Made a boatload of money, too, some of which she used to become the first woman to found a weekly newspaper. The purpose of the paper was to support her run for office, and its primary interest was feminism. During its six years of publication, the paper covered such taboo topics as sex education, free love, women's suffrage, short skirts, spiritualism, vegetarianism, and licensed prostitution.

I used to be Snow White, and then I drifted. [Mae West]

Uh, yeah, I did say free love. Not an orgy-filled, spouse-swapping kind of free love, mind you, although by the way she was treated by many people of her time, you would have thought that's exactly what she was espousing. What she believed in was a woman's right to marry, divorce and bear children as she saw fit... without governmental interference.

At right is a Thomas Nast caricature of Woodhull, depicting her as Mrs. Satan. She's holding a sign that says, Be saved by FREE LOVE, and behind her is a woman, laden with children and a drunken husband. In the caption, the woman tells Mrs. Satan, I'd rather travel the hardest path of matrimony than follow your footsteps. 

See? Not even the women of Woodhull's day supported her ideas. Not that it mattered... they couldn't vote.

Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.  [Rita Ruder]

Oh, there's a lot more to the story of Victoria Woodhull... like her dabbling in magnetic healing and spiritualism; her friendship with Cornelius Vanderbilt; and why she was thrown into jail two days before the 1872 election... on obscenity charges.

But I said I was only gonna tell you a little something about Ms. Woodhull, so suffice it to say, she didn't receive a single electoral vote. Following the election, she said, The truth is that I am too many years ahead of this age and the exalted views and objects of humanitarianism can scarcely be grasped as yet by the unenlightened mind of the average man. 

Okay, so I never said she was humble. But she was right. Many of the reforms she campaigned for, considered extreme and controversial in her time, later came to pass. By the way, know who her running mate was? Frederick Douglass... the first black man nominated for national office.

How do you know if it's time to wash the dishes and clean your house? Look inside your pants. If you see a penis in there, it's not time.  [Jo Brand]

Well, it's not time for me to wash the dishes and clean house, either. Not yet. It's time to bake myself a damned cake. I am woman; hear me roar!

A woman should always know her place. Yep, by golly, a woman's place is in the House... and the Senate... and maybe someday...  the White House.

So on this day, International Women's Day, let us raise a glass to all those wonderful women worldwide, both known and unknown, who spent (and continue to spend) their lives striving to make this world a better place, and who exemplify these words by Maya Angelou: ... you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back.

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.  [Lily Tomlin]

 Before we go, how about another short video? Again, it features Ginger Rogers, but this time... with Lucille Ball. It's bound to put a smile on your face and start the weekend off with a... real big kick.

       
                                         Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.
                                            (Hey, ladies... why not treat yourselves to a cake?)
                             

Takes One to Know One!

Thought for the day:  Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. 

[morguefile]

Remember when kids used to yell that old sticks and stones chestnut at each other on the playground? Oh, and how about this one:  I'm rubber, you're glue; what you say bounces off me, and sticks on you. And let's not forget: I know you are, but what am I? (Nanny, nanny, boo boo!)

Yeah, as kids, some of us got our kicks by hurling silly insults at other kids, some of which made absolutely no sense, but we all had an arsenal of snappy, equally silly things to say in response, too. Part of being a kid, I guess. And nowadays, it seems to be part of being a politician, too. I mean, really. Think about it. A lot of today's politicians seem to get an awful lot of childish pleasure out of talking trash and calling each other names, and with about as much maturity as we used to show on the playground. It's either a case of arrested development, or an attempt to distract us from the fact they aren't actually doing anything or communicating like actual grown-ups. Some of our politicos may, indeed, be poopy-heads, but it would be nice if they all put their smelly heads together every once in a while so they could attack some of today's pressing issues instead of attacking each other.

But ya know, if they must insist on flinging mud and insults at each other, the least they could do is be more creative about it. Why should they limit themselves to calling each other stupid or liar, when insults can be... entertaining. Amusing. Classy, even.

Winston Churchhill  {wikipedia]

Now, Winston Churchill had a real knack for issuing classy insults. Like these gems:

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

A modest little person, with much to be modest about.

He had an inordinate talent for comebacks, too, like when equally witty George Bernard Shaw wrote these words to him: I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend ... if you have one. 

Churchill responded: Cannot possibly attend the first night; will attend second ... if there is one.

Oscar Wilde  [wikipedia]

People like Oscar Wilde and Mark Twain are fairly well-known for their deliciously clever insults, but you might be surprised by the sources of some of these witticisms:

• I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.  Clarence Darrow
• He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.  William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
• Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?  Ernest Hemingway
• Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it.  Moses Hadas
• He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know. Abraham Lincoln
• I've had a perfectly lovely evening. But this wasn't it.  Groucho Marx
• I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.  Mark Twain
• He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.  Oscar Wilde
• I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here.  Stephen Bishop
• He is a self-made man, and worships the creator.  John Bright
• I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.  Irvin S. Cobb
• He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others.  Samuel Johnson
• He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.  Paul Keating
• He had delusions of adequacy.  Walter Kerr
• There's nothing wrong with you reincarnation won't cure.  Jack E. Leonard
• He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.  Robert Redford
• They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge.  Thomas Brackett Reed
• He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent work, he overcame them.  James Reston (about Richard Nixon)
• In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.  Count Charles Talleyrand
• He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.  Forrest Tucker
• Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?  Mark Twain
• His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.  Mae West
• Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.  Oscar Wilde
• He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts ... for support rather than illumination.  Andrew Lang
• He has Van Gogh's ear for music.  Billy Wilder
• Don't think I don't know who's been spreading gossip about me. After all the nice things I've said about that hag. When I get hold of her, I'll tear out every hair of her mustache. Tallulah Bankhead, referring to Bette Davis

[morguefile]

Movies can be a source of wildly creative insults, too. Here's one of my favorites:

I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!

Okay, so that one wasn't exactly classy, but it is funny. [For those of you who don't already know, that line came from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.] 

What's your favorite insult line from a movie?

People like Oscar Wilde and Mark Twain are well-known for their witty insults, but you may find the sources of some of these insults to be somewhat surprising:

William Shakespeare [wikipedia]

If your brains were dynamite, there wouldn't be enough to blow your hat off.  [Kurt Vonnegut, Time Quake]

In my mind, Martha, you are buried in cement right up to your neck. No... right up to your nose... that's much quieter.  [Edward Albee, Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf]

I never saw anybody take so long to dress, and with such little result.  [Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest]

He would make a lovely corpse.  [Charles Dickens, Martin Chuzzlewit]

The man is as useless as nipples on a breastplate.  [George R.R. Martin, A Feast for Crows]

And a couple from Shakespeare, the ultimate master of slings and arrows:

Thou art a base, proud, shallow, beggarly, three-suited, hundred pound, filthy worsted-stocking knave; a lily-liver'd, action-taking, whoreson, glass-gazing, superserviceable, finical rogue, one-trunk-inheriting slave; one that wouldst be a bawd in way of good service, and art nothing but the composition of a knave, beggar, coward, pandar, and the son and heir of a mungril bitch. [from King Lear]

I desire that we be better strangers.  [from As You Like It]

I could go on with lots more Shakespearean insults, but instead, how about a giveaway? Yeah, how about your very own box of classy Shakespearean barbs? And not only that, this box of insults actually helps heal some wounds...

Yep. Adhesive bandages that both deliver a classy insult, and soothe your boo-boos. Is that cool, or what?

I simply couldn't resist buying them when I saw them at the Fernbank Museum gift shop. Bought two boxes, so now I'd like to give one of them to one of you. If you're interested, just hit me with your best shot. Um, not literally. Not interested in being whacked with sticks and stones here... just sock it to me with an insult, and include it in your comment. I'll pick out my favorite barb next Thursday, and will let y'all know on Friday. And I'll include a little something else in that giveaway package, too. Not sure what just yet, but I'll come up with something. And if none of you has any interest in possessing such a (ahem) valuable item, sobeit. (I mean, there are eighteen whole bandages in that box!) At least you can't say I never tried to give something away. Can't call me cheap. (I'm frugal, people. Frugal!)

[morguefile]

Oh, and lest you think I take the power of hurtful words lightly, I don't. I come from a generation of kids who collected cards containing funny insults. I repeat... funny. Our insults were funny, sometimes clever, and rarely mean in tone. Not as clever as Churchill or Shakespeare, but pretty darned good for a bunch of kids. And a lot better than what a bunch of grown politicians use these days. I DO believe words can hurt... even more than sticks and stones.

Sticks and stones may break my bones,
But words have also hurt me;
Though sticks and stones can make me bleed,
Some words, like ghosts, still haunt me.
Cutting words can leave deep scars
On minds and hearts so tender;
Cuts and bruises are quick to heal,
But words we'll long remember. 

                                               Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.

    Be careful with your words. Once they are said, they can only be forgiven, not forgotten.

Poly Ticks

Thought for the day:  No man's good enough to govern another man without the other's consent. [Abraham Lincoln]

[morguefile]

Since the beginning of recorded history, politicians have been both revered and reviled... revered by themselves, and reviled by the rest of us. Heck, even before the start of recorded history, I'll betcha a handful of cave men considered themselves to be in charge, while the rest of 'em went along, simply because they didn't give a jolly damn who did the leading.

Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.  [Plato]

[morguefile]

I dunno. Maybe that's how so many clowns end up in office. Maybe voters just don't care.

What spurred this head-scratching line of thought is the recent re-election of a fella named Joseph D. Morrissey. This guy has such a long history of getting into fistfights, being in contempt of court, and getting thrown in jail, his nickname is Fighting Joe, and because of his habitual unethical and inappropriate behavior, he lost his license to practice law more than a decade ago. In 1992, voters had no problem electing him when he was in jail, so I guess they figured it was no big deal to do it again.  Yep, he is currently serving time for contributing to the delinquency of a minor (for having sex with a seventeen-year-old employee), but courtesy of a work-release program, the scoundrel is spending his days serving in Virginia's General Assembly, and his nights cooling his heels in the slammer.

[morguefile]

Now, I don't mean to pick on the voters in Virginia. It isn't as though that's an isolated case. Nope. Unfortunately, voters all over the country seem to have no problem putting ethically-challenged people in office... over and over again. Are our choices that bad that a mayor who's been put in jail for cocaine use can get re-elected as soon as he's freed? To show how intelligent and capable that D.C. mayor (Marion Barry) was, he actually asked, What right does Congress have to go around making laws just because they deem it necessary? 

Are our choices that bad that a politician who's repeatedly lied to the public, cheated on his family, and used taxpayer money to fly off to South America to be with his mistress is later forgiven, not by his wife, who divorced him, but by the voters, who accepted his mea culpa and happily put him back in office?

Georgia's no different. Most voters don't even raise an eyebrow about the shady ethics and even shadier backroom deals conducted by the good ol' boys who run our state. Business as usual, I guess.

Remember Gary Hart? When he was trying to capture the Democratic nomination for president, he was captured on film with a very curvaceous young lady... to whom he was not married, if ya get my drift. Know what he said? The attractive lady whom I had only recently been introduced to dropped into my lap – I chose not to dump her off. (What a gentleman!)

At least, he had the decency to drop out of the running and into obscurity. Can't say as much for plenty of other politicians, who continue to get away with improprieties out the wazoo. Somehow, I don't think Ted Kennedy was even offended by his nickname: Tyrannosaurus Sex. Massachusetts voters must not have been offended by his drunkenness and womanizing, either. They elected him to term after term, even after a pregnant young lady died in his car when he drove off a bridge in the summer of 1969. He swam to safety.

So what qualifies someone for political office these day? Evidently, it's not ethics, and I don't think it's brains, either. Must be MONEY, and lots of it. Name recognition helps, too. Voters seem to mark the ballot for the person they kinda sorta remember hearing something about... even if they can't remember what it was they heard...

Sigh.

Oh well, I got that off my chest. Now let's make fun of some of our past politicians, shall we? (They make it soooooo easy.)


In the category of I don't think this is what they meant to say:

• This President is going to lead us out of this recovery.  [Dan Quayle] 
• A zebra does not change its spots.  [Al Gore] 
• It's no exaggeration to say that the undecided could go one way or another. [George Bush, Sr.] 
• Rarely is the question asked "Is our children learning?"  [George W Bush]
• That low down scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass - and I'm just the one to do it! [Texan Congressional candidate]
• Traditionally, most of our imports come from overseas. [Australian minister Keppel Enderby] 
• Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we. [George W. Bush] 
• Things are more like they are now, than they ever were before. [Dwight D Eisenhower] 
• If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign!  [George W Bush] 
• I stand by all the misstatements that I've made. [Dan Quayle]

Ahhh, V.P. Dan Quayle. He deserves a category all to himself. (Bless his heart.)

• One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
• I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix. 
• It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago. 
• I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people. 
• We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe. 
• The global importance of the Middle East is that it keeps the Far East and the Near East from encroaching on each other. 
• We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world.
• I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change. 
• We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur. 
• The future will be better tomorrow.

Our two Presidents Bush said so many cockamamie things, there have been whole books written about Bushisms. This is what a couple other politicians had to say about them:  He can't help it. He was born with a silver foot in his mouth. [Ann Richards, former Texas governor, about the senior Bush]  If ignorance goes to forty dollars a barrel, I want drilling rights to George Bush's head. [Jim Hightower, former Texas Commissioner of Agriculture, about the younger Bush] 

Oh what the heck, thanks to our colorful politicians, political cartoonists are never lacking for a topic. Talk about job security. The only thing wrong with political jokes is... they keep getting elected.

Political language is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind.  [George Orwell]

A politician thinks of the next election – a statesman, of the next generation. [James Freeman Clarke]

Yep, that's what we need. More statesmen, and less politicians. We need more people on the scene like Winston Churchhill. But just wait a minute... before you Brits get all high-and-mighty because your leaders don't get involved in as many scandals as ours here in the upstart colonies, I heard your Prince Charles was recently caught getting down and dirty. Uh-huh. That's right. Way down and dirty. Heh, heh, heh.

Um, never mind. My bad. Turns out he was 250 feet underground to mark the 150th anniversary of London's sewers. 

                          Big deal! Our leaders generate plenty of stink all by themselves.

[source: the lovely Pixel Peeper's blog ]

                                      Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.

A Woman's Place

Thought for the day:  For most of history, Anonymous was a woman.  [Virginia Woolf]

Know what today is...? Give up?

It's International Women's Day. (Yeah... really!)

The tradition started in 1910, but its roots were based in socialism, so for many years, only places like Russia and Eastern Europe paid any attention to it. That is, until 1977, when the U.N. finally climbed aboard, and officially proclaimed March 8 to thereafter be known as
International Women's Day.


So where's my damned cake?




A woman is like a teabag: you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.  [Eleanor Roosevelt]

Okay, no cake to go with my tea. (For now.) Nonetheless, I'll honor the day by telling you a little something about a little-known kick-ass American woman who deserves a spot in our history books.

Okay, quick: Who was the first woman in American history to run for national office?

If you said 1984 V.P. candidate Geraldine Ferraro...

you would be...

 ( Ding-Ding-Ding!) wrong.

She was the first to be nominated by a major party, but would you believe the first woman, who actually ran for President, did so fifty years before women were even granted the right to vote?

I kid you not. That lady had some serious kinda chutzpah.

Yep, her name was Victoria Woodhull, and in 1872, the Equal Rights Party nominated her as its presidential candidate. Equal rights is exactly what she believed in, too... for women, for blacks, and for the working class.A year earlier, she became the first woman in history to appear before the House Judiciary Committee, where she delivered an impassioned and articulate argument for women's suffrage. And she had other radical outside-the-box ideas, too, such as an eight-hour workday, graduated income tax, social welfare programs, and profit-sharing. Not exactly mainstream thinking for her day.

In 1870, before she ran for office, she was the first woman to open a Wall Street brokerage firm. Made a boatload of money, too, some of which she used to become the first woman to found a weekly newspaper. The purpose of the paper was to support her run for office, and its primary interest was feminism. During its six years of publication, the paper covered such taboo topics as sex education, free love, women's suffrage, short skirts, spiritualism, vegetarianism, and licensed prostitution.

I used to be Snow White, and then I drifted. [Mae West]

Uh, yeah, I did say free love. Not an orgy-filled, spouse-swapping kind of free love, mind you, although by the way she was treated by many people of her time, you would have thought that's exactly what she was espousing. What she believed in was a woman's right to marry, divorce and bear children as she saw fit... without governmental interference.

At right is a Thomas Nast caricature of Woodhull, depicting her as Mrs. Satan. She's holding a sign that says, Be saved by FREE LOVE, and behind her is a woman, laden with children and a drunken husband. In the caption, the woman tells Mrs. Satan, I'd rather travel the hardest path of matrimony than follow your footsteps. 

See? Not even the women of Woodhull's day supported her ideas. Not that it mattered... they couldn't vote.

Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.  [Rita Ruder]

Oh, there's a lot more to the story of Victoria Woodhull... like her dabbling in magnetic healing and spiritualism; her friendship with Cornelius Vanderbilt; and why she was thrown into jail two days before the 1872 election... on obscenity charges.

But I said I was only gonna tell you a little something about Ms. Woodhull, so suffice it to say, she didn't receive a single electoral vote. Following the election, she said, The truth is that I am too many years ahead of this age and the exalted views and objects of humanitarianism can scarcely be grasped as yet by the unenlightened mind of the average man. 

Okay, so I never said she was humble. But she was right. Many of the reforms she campaigned for, considered extreme and controversial in her time, later came to pass. By the way, know who her running mate was? Frederick Douglass... the first black man nominated for national office.

How do you know if it's time to wash the dishes and clean your house? Look inside your pants. If you see a penis in there, it's not time.  [Jo Brand]

Well, it's not time for me to wash the dishes and clean house, either. Not yet. It's time to bake myself a damned cake. I am woman; hear me roar!

A woman should always know her place. Yep, by golly, a woman's place is in the House... and the Senate... and maybe someday...  the White House.

So on this day, International Women's Day, let us raise a glass to all those wonderful women worldwide, both known and unknown, who spent (and continue to spend) their lives striving to make this world a better place, and who exemplify these words by Maya Angelou: ... you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back.

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.  [Lily Tomlin]

             Oh, yeah... a timely reminder: Daylight Savings Time returns this weekend.

                                 Okay, one final thing before putting this post to bed...

Tiny Harmonies bloghop kicks off today. Represented by the ultra-sweet marshmallow peep to the left, this hop is yet another brainchild of the ultra-sweet Suze.

The idea is for participants to write a haiku every Friday for the next few weeks, based on a prompt she will provide. This week, the prompt consists of a single word:  origin. I decided to tie it in with the subject of my post.

With my deepest apologies to anyone who is actually good at these things, here is my tiny offering:

                                         Brazen seeds of thought,
                                         Sown now, bereft of sunshine,
                                         Shall bloom in due time.

                             Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.

[Images come from Wikipedia, icanhascheezburger, and... Suze.]