Thought for the day: We're only young once, but with humor, we can be immature forever. [Art Gliner]
If that thought for the day is true, Smarticus and I are right on track for staying immature forever. (Works for us!)
Holy moley, it's September already! What happened to the summer? It's about to burn itself out... which means, I'll be ending my lazy assed delightful deluge of reruns. Soon. Not today. (Sorry.) This one originally ran in June, 2011 as Crack Cream, Anyone? It tickled my funny bone, and with the addition of a few updates, I hope it drags a chuckle or two out of you, too. Once again, I'm leaving the old weird news stories in place, too. They may be old, but they're still weird and funny. Like Smarticus and me.
**********************
Thought for the day: Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even when you wish they were.
Is there a song that momentarily transforms you when you hear it? For me, that song is Steppenwolf's Born to Be Wild. Who cared if I was actually driving around a bunch of kids in my old station wagon when that song came on the radio? All it took was the first couple of notes, and suddenly, my face and attitude changed. I was no longer mild-mannered, boring old MOM; I was a bad-assed wild woman tooling around in a '56 Chevy... or zooming on a Harley... or zipping around in a snazzy Corvette convertible. Funny thing is, I still want to belt it out and feel the wind in my hair whenever I hear that 1968 song, but there's another newer version now, and it's a bit more befitting of my age. (Damn it.)
Last week, I listed some books with rather interesting titles, but it occurred to me that you might be interested in some equally creepy children's books for that special youngster in your life. How about one of these? (Actual books!)
The Pocket Book of Boners (an omnibus of school boy howlers and unconscious humor)
It Hurts When I Poop! ( a story for children who are afraid to use the potty)
Where Willy Went (the BIG story of a little sperm)
The Long Journey of Mister Poop (The cover is hysterical. It shows Mister Poop, or Senor Caca, clad in a beret and plaid golf pants. And YES, Mister Poop IS exactly what you think it is!)
Moving on from the notion of strange book titles, let's now consider beauty products. Last week, I couldn't help but notice a tube of ointment on the shelf at the pharmacy. I mean, how could anyone miss it? It was called Crack Cream. Now, I'm sorry... this may be an absolutely fantastic product, but that name positively slayed me. Seeing that made me curious as to what other weirdo product names the market might have to offer. Found some, too. Consider whether or not you'd like to add any of these products to your shopping cart:
Trailer Trash eye pencil
Deep Throat blush
Fat Girl scrub
Udder Cream
Urban Decay beauty products (how about some "roach" eyeshadow?)
Pedro's Lip Schit
Anti-Monkey Butt Powder
Boudreaux Butt Paste
Nads hair remover
Cat Crap (an anti-fog for ski goggles)
and my favorite:
Chicken Poop lip balm (Allegedly, when a gal whined about her chapped lips, her crusty old grandfather told her to smear 'em with chicken poop so she'd stop licking them. Ergo, the name. Don't know how good the product is, but um, maybe it'd sound a little better if they called it Eagle Poop? Uh, no. Never mind. A rose is a rose is a rose ... and poop ... is poop ... is poop.)
OK, it is once again time for the (ta-DA!)
Weirdest News Stories of the Week
* Proving that my post about the importance of a name may not be complete drivel after all, a gentleman in Britain may have tempted the fates when he recently purchased a second-hand, 16-foot cabin cruiser. She may have been a beauty, but she also sank when he took her out for her maiden voyage. The cruiser's name? Titanic II.
* In compliance with his country's Freedom of Information laws, an Australian newspaper reporter petitioned the Department of Defense to provide him with copies of their X-files. After a fruitless two-month scramble to find them, Defense finally had to admit that their reports of UFO sightings and other paranormal occurrences had (shhhhh) disappeared. (Abducted, perhaps?)
* The bride wore ... green? Oh, no, my mistake. Indeed, she wore a lovely white gown, but her FACE was green. Painted green, that is, and covered in 192 piercings. In 2000, when this Scottish lass was officially deemed by Guinness World Records to be the "most pierced", Elaine Davidson had but a mere 462 piercings, but she now boasts 6925 ... including 1500 internal ones, which weigh in at nearly seven pounds. (Think her favorite kind of music is Heavy Metal?)
* To encourage the Chinese people to go vegetarian, PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) has been dressing an actress in ... salad. And holding the actual dressing, I presume. So rather than merely going green, this young lady has been going greens. Oh, and by the way, my husband and I are also members of PETA, only for us, it stands for People Eating Tasty Animals. Like Sarah Palin said, If God had not wanted us to eat animals, how come He made them out of meat?
Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.
Thought for the day: People are like stain-glassed windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed. Only if there is a light from within. [Elisabeth Kubler-Ross]
[image courtesy of Morguefile]
So how's your inner light these days? Feeling good about yourself and the world? Yeah, I know it can be a challenge some days, but the light is right there inside you, if only you dare to let it shine.
We all possess certain talents and gifts that are unique to only us. You already have everything that you need to start living an extraordinary life. It's up to you to turn on the switch and let your light shine. [Randa Manning-Johnson]
Continuing with that train of thought on my journey of summer re-runs, the following gently-massaged post originally ran in June, 2011, as Open Up Then Wings, Baby! I hope you enjoy it. (I'm even going to re-run those six-year old weird stories of the week, because... why not? They may be old, but they're still still funny... kinda like some people I know...)
A good attitude is contagious, but don't wait to catch it from somebody else. Be a carrier. ***********************************
Thought for the day: Just because you're sitting in a garage doesn't mean you're an automobile.
[image courtesy of Morguefile]
It's too hot for a heavy meal today, so how about a little food for thought? The following is loosely based on a James Agreey story, The Parable of the Eagle.
While traipsing through the woods one day, a farmer happened upon a solitary eaglet sitting on the ground. He scooped up the young bird, cradled it oh-so-gently in his arms, and carried it home with him. There, he secured it safely in the barnyard with his chickens, and before long, the eagle learned how to walk and squawk like a chicken and how to peck chicken feed from the ground.
A naturalist stopped by one day and demanded to know why the king of birds was confined to a barnyard, scratching in the dirt like a common chicken. The farmer claimed the bird was now a chicken. He'd been raised like a chicken and never taught to fly, so he was, in fact, no longer an eagle. But (naturally) the naturalist insisted the bird still had the heart of an eagle, and could surely be taught to fly. And should be. Finally, the farmer agreed to let the naturalist try.
The naturalist picked up the eagle, and told him, "You're meant to be the king of the sky. Stretch forth your wings and fly!"
But the eagle couldn't do it. He was frightened. He looked down at all his chicken friends pecking corn from the ground and jumped back down to join them.
The next day, the naturalist tried again. This time, he took the eagle up to the roof. Again, he told him, "You're an eagle, the king of the skies. Stretch forth your wings and fly!"
But once again, the frightened bird jumped back down to the safety of the chicken yard.
The third day, the naturalist carried the bird to a nearby mountain. He held the eagle high above him, and said, "You are an eagle, the king of the skies. Spread forth your wings, and fly!"
The bird hesitated at first. He looked back toward the farm, back to the only life he knew. Then he trembled, stretched his mighty wings, and with a triumphant cry, soared into the sky.
It's possible the eagle sometimes misses the chickens; he may even visit the barnyard once in a while for old time's sake. But as far as anyone knows, he's still living life as an eagle, the king of the skies... just as all eagles should do.
*****
How about you? Are you still hanging around in the barnyard because you're too frightened to stretch your wings? Never let someone else's definition of you and your capabilities prevent you from trying, because, you too, are an eagle, and you owe it to yourself to fly. Schoolchildren aren't the only ones with untapped potential.
*****
[image courtesy of Morguefile]
OK, here we go, the WEIRD STORIES OF THE WEEK:
*** While enjoying an airboat ride on the Suwannee River in Florida, a young lady unexpectedly crossed paths with a sturgeon. And lost. The sturgeon, between five and six feet long, and weighing approximately seventy pounds, jumped out of the water and into the boat, and unfortunately, broke the damsel's leg in the process. Although some tried to characterize the encounter as as "attack", it wasn't. Nothing personal, lady. Sturgeons jump. That's what they do. Three days earlier, the state issued a warning about the potential danger posed to boaters by jumping sturgeon, but now I'm thinking ... maybe the sturgeon general should've issued one, too.
*** Another Florida story, and this one's about a St. Lucie couple who are serious about their shooting. Most people have a TV in their bedroom, but this couple upped the ante considerably. They have a wood and metal target inside their bedroom closet. Handy when there's nothing good on TV, I suppose. Anyway, neighbors called the police on this frequently fighting couple recently, and when police arrived, the wife said she fired an AR-15 rifle at the target in her future ex-husband's bedroom, missed, killed a washing machine, and accidentally flooded the place. Yes, a considerable amount of alcohol allegedly led to the death of the innocent washing machine.
*** The final story is from Lithuania, where an online survey held by a local radio station indicated Lithuanian men felt the need for a day set aside to honor them. So, the station obliged. They declared a National Men's Day, and to commemorate the auspicious occasion, hosted an unusual swimming competition. Inflatable sex dolls were used as rafts. More than two hundred men registered, but only twenty were selected to participate. And that .... is all I'm gonna say about THAT!
Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.
Thought for the day: I never got along with my dad. Kids used to say, "My dad can beat up your dad." I'd say, "Yeah? When?" [comedian Bill Hicks]
If I remember right, that picture of my father, brother, and me was taken on an Easter Sunday. A long time ago. You know, back in the Dark Ages. We were mostly happy in those days, living in a tiny rental home in a fairly quiet neighborhood, with a decent-sized yard, and some room to roam around us. Things were never quite the same after we left there and moved into a row home with a postage stamp yard, and wall-to-wall people. I often wonder if our lives would have been different, easier maybe, if we'd stayed in what we thought of as the country.
He was a very difficult man with a lot of personal demons, our father, but I guess he did the best he knew how. Now that he's been gone for a few years, I do my best to remember the good times. Like the years we spent in that home, and the day my mother took that picture. Back in the Dark Ages.
I had another post prepared for today, but in honor of Father's Day, I opted to post something about fathers, instead. The bulk of this post is a re-run of a Father's Day post from 2011, originally titled, In Honor of Toasted Marshmallows, which describes my Smarticus pretty darned well. He can be tough and crusty on the outside... sometimes too tough... but on the inside, he's very sweet and gooey. Both qualities made him a wonderful dad, especially since he had me to balance things out a little. Because he tended to be too hard on our boys, and too easy on our daughter, I had to be the Enforcer with our daughter, and the Mediator for our sons. (I mean, really, grounding them for life was a tad too much...) Anyhow, he was, and is, a terrific farter father, and I'm pleased to say both of our sons are superior farters fathers, as well. And you know, no matter how tall our kids are, I'm pretty sure they'll always look up to their dad.
This picture was taken quite a few years ago, too, but not in the Dark Ages. Our kids are no longer small enough to climb all over Smarticus, but... our grandchildren are. (Some of 'em, anyway.)
Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. [Red Buttons]
There should be a children's song: "If you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself, and let your dad sleep. [Jim Gaffigan]
Okay, shall we revisit that old slightly edited post now? I'm even gonna leave in the four-year-old weird news bits...
888888888888888888888888888888888888888
Thought for the day: Howcum a man can wait patiently for hours on end for a fish to bite, and can wait patiently in the freezing cold for hours on end, waiting for a deer to come by, but can't tolerate so much as a ten minute wait for food in a restaurant ... where it's a sure thing?
[seniorark.com]
You probably wouldn't be surprised to know the highest volume of long distance phone calls always occurs on Mother's Day. Not that there aren't plenty made on Father's Day, too. But most of them are collect. Why is it moms get the thoughtful gifts, while dads can usually count on getting aftershave or yet another tie they'll never wear? And when Father's Day rolls around, why do the kids think it's okay to buy dear old Dad something from the discount bin at the Dollar Store, and what's more, pay for it with change left over from the cash he gave them to buy something really nice for Mother's Day? As Bill Cosby put it, Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.
Just because the phrase Pull my finger is in the lexicon of fathers worldwide doesn't mean they aren't as sentimental as mothers. Not at all. They just don't show it as easily. Very often, they're like toasted marshmallows: crusty on the outside, and all sweet and mushy on the inside.
In honor of Father's Day, I'd like to share some excerpts with you from an article you may have seen before. Geezers has appeared countless places without attribution, but as best I could discern, it may have been written in 2001 by a West Virginia chaplain by the name of Koren Fae Rawlings:
[morguefile]
Geezers are easy to spot. At parades, they're the ones standing a little taller and often saluting when the flag passes by. At sporting events and at ceremonies on national holidays, they're the ones who stand erect and hold their hands over their hearts when the national anthem is played.
If you bump into an old geezer on the sidewalk, he'll apologize. Pass a geezer on the street, and he'll nod, maybe say hello. Geezers trust strangers and are courtly toward women. They hold the door for the next person, and always, when walking, make sure the lady is on the inside.
Geezers have moral courage. They're the ones staring down those making offensive remarks or acting in an offensive manner. Geezers seldom brag unless it's about their grandchildren.
This country needs geezers. We need their decent values and their common sense. We need their breadth of experience, their depth of knowledge and high ideals.
Thank God for all Old Geezers.
+++
And thank God for fathers.
Mark Twain said, "When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years." And Charles Wadsworth said, "By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong."
So give your dad a break. Even if he's not the affectionate sort, and his last hug felt more like a wrestling hold, let him know how much you appreciate him. Because he may not tell you how to live, but he lives, and lets you watch him do it.
To all you fathers, a very happy Father's Day. And to all of you who still have fathers, go ahead ... make him happy. Pull his finger.
And now, 'tis time for the (ta DA!)
Weirdest News Stories of the Week
Pull my hoof
Cows have taken a bit of heat for the amount of methane they produce, and some countries have even considered imposing a "methane tax" on the people who own them. In 2008, researchers in Argentina hooked cows to the bizarre-looking contraption on the left to collect their methane, quantify it, and ascertain how much it contributed to the country's greenhouse emissions. As it turned out, they contribute quite a bit. Final results indicated that as much as 30% of the country's greenhouse emissions consist of cow farts and burps.
*** Now, the Australian government is taking a hard sniff at camel belches. With an estimated 1.2 million feral camels roaming the outback, each belching approximately one hundred gaseous pounds of methane every year, that racks up to a global warming impact equivalent to 1.1 tons of carbon dioxide. Per camel. The recent legislative proposal would allow sharpshooters to earn carbon credits by killing camels, and then these credits would subsequently be sold to global polluters to offset their own emissions. Bureaucrats are expected to reach a decision on this proposal by the end of the year.
I'd walk a mile for a roll of Tums. [morguefile]
*** The city of Nederland, Colorado, is offering to sell the celebratory rights for ... a dead man. When 89-year-old Bredo Mortoel died, his family decided to preserve his body, in hopes of one day being able to bring him back to life. So his body, packed in dry ice, resides in an outdoor shed, and for the past ten years, this small mountain town has been celebrating this deceased man on ice with an annual festival, replete with a parade of hearses, frozen salmon tossing, and coffin races. Believe it or not, it's been a very popular festival, but you know how the economy is. The Chamber of Commerce says the festival has simply become too expensive, so they're trying to sell the rights to it, and hope an event company will step up to keep this unusual festival going.
our daughter and her husband
*** Ever wonder what those Scotsmen wear under their kilts? The answer became clear for recent groom Angus McClure, who sat his kilt-clad bottom on his new bride's knee. Unfortunately, his bare and poorly-wiped bottom left a brown "skid mark" on her pristine gown. Let's just say she wasn't at all impressed. In fact, she decked him, and a knock-down, drag-out, free-for-all followed. Police say they've seen nasty wedding party brawls before, but none quite this nasty. Seven people were hauled off to jail. The bride and groom? Once they sobered up, the report is they reconciled, and fortunately, have no memory of the melee. Let's hope no one took pictures.
Have a wonderful Father's Day, y'all.
Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.
Thought for the day: Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important. [Janet Lane]
Yep, Ms. Lane was right about the importance of a pleasant expression, but right now, my face is probably looking like, "Whoa! Where the heck did April go...?"
That's okay. I enjoyed my month-long break, even if it wasthe fastest month in the history of mankind. How about you guys? What's new with you? For those of you who participated in the A-Z challenge, how'd it go? Did you enjoy it?
One of the fun things Smarticus and I did last month was visit the Renaissance Festival. First time we went in... ages. No, that isn't us in that picture, but aren't those costumes neat? There were lots of people there in costume. Lots of fun shows. A joust, even. We got a little bit of sunburn and a lotta tired. But it was fun.
There were all kinds of dragons, gargoyles, and spiffy monsters around, too. This guy was one of my favorites. Except he kinda reminded me of my conscience, bugging me about why I was spending so darned much time having fun, and so little time working on my next book. (Hey! I've got a TITLE... that's gotta count for something...)
But I laugh (HA!HA!HA!) at the notion of that bully conscience trying to intimidate ME...
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused. Life is to be lived as play. [said that smart dude Plato]
Okay, it's good to be back, but what the heck am I gonna write about today? Let's see, how about if I ease myself back into it by writing about a couple news stories that caught my fancy over the past few weeks? Just a couple...
[Wikipedia Common]
The first story is about a real honest-to-goodness whiz kid. It seems 19-year-old Dallas Delyn had the urge to um... whiz... and well, gee, it wasn't his fault he and his buddies just happened to be walking past the Mt. Tabor Reservoir in Portland, Oregon at the time. And all the signs on the fence around the reservoir said was something along the lines of, This is your drinking water. Don't spit, throw, or toss anything into it.
See? Not a doggone word about peeing.
Well, his actions may have given him some instant relief, but there's been little relief from the ripples of notoriety he's gained from the e-pee-sode. You see, his um... act... was captured on the security camera. And is now plastered all over Youtube. (His parents must be soooo proud!) I'm certainly not condoning what he did, but I sure am scratching my head over what the city is doing in response. Would you believe they're flushing the whole darned reservoir? Despite the fact that the reservoir was just drained and cleaned a couple weeks earlier, and despite the fact that the water tested perfectly clean after the late-night tinkle, they're still gonna flush... and waste... 38 million gallons of water. Their justification? According to a city spokesman, the city has plenty of water, and they didn't want to serve water that had been deliberately tainted. Even the teen, who likely faces a stiff fine, was taken aback by this questionable logic. Says he's seen dead birds and animals floating in the water before, for crying out loud. Not to mention how many critters deliberately taint the drinking supply every single day. If Dallas were my son, though, I know just what I'd say to him: "Boy, urine trouble!"
[Wikimedia Common]
Want to get away from it all? How'd ya like to own your very own 17-acre island in Italy's beautiful Venice lagoon? That's it out there in the picture. Dreamy setting, isn't it? And I'll betcha the price won't be too high, either. Italy is about to auction off a ninety-nine year lease for the diminutive island of Poveglia, and the only way to have a ghost of a chance of getting that lease is by entering a bid. There is a teensy drawback, though. That island is considered the most (Wooo-OOO-ooo) haunted place on earth.
[Wikimedia Common]
Its eerie history started in the 18th century, when a couple ships heading to Venice dumped plague-infected passengers there to die. Then, the island became a handy depository for people infected with all sorts of infectious diseases. Later on, it became a dumping ground for homeless oldsters, and from 1922 to 1968, the island was a notorious hospital/asylum for the mentally ill, spawning rampant stories about creepy doctors and botched lobotomies. Rumor has it that one of those doctors was so plagued by ghosts, he jumped from the top of that bell tower in the photo to get away from them.
Although the island, whose soil is allegedly comprised of 50% human ash, has been uninhabited and virtually off-limits for four decades, some of the buildings remain, including a church, hospital, prison, bell-tower, and some housing and administration buildings. And a couple open-air plague pits. If you're curious, check out this site to see some really terrific... and haunting... photographs. Fascinating stuff. From a respectful distance, that is...
.
[Wikimedia Common]
Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.
P.S. Another short-time Goodreads giveaway contest for autographed copies of my book kicked off yesterday, and will end with a (ta DA!) drawing on Mothers' Day. Since most of the winners were on the other side of the world last time around, this contest is limited to the United States and Canada. As a follow-up, Amazon will be offering the e-version of my book from May 12th to the 18th for a measly ninety-nine cents. See? Can't lose!
Thought for the day: I think it's incumbent on anybody born on the thirteenth to consider that number... lucky.
Yep, today is my birthday. (whoopee) Since it falls on a Friday this year, I guess that makes it extra lucky, right? Right.
Smarticus and I will be out and about today, so I won't be hanging around the computer, but I didn't want to leave y'all hanging without a post. Lucky for me you, this rerun fills the bill perfectly. It ran originally on another Friday the 13th, back in May of 2011.
Before I take off, let me send all kinds of good wishes to someone else who's celebrating a birthday today. Please join me in wishing Jon a very happy birthday... and many more. [Happy birthday, cowboy!]
Heck, I'm even gonna leave the weird news stories of the week attached to the old post. What the heck? Sure, the news is old, but the laughs are still fairly decent. +++++++++++++++ Thought for the day: Luck is the idol of the idle.
How ironic that on a day I intended to write about Friday the 13th, Blogger took a dive. A bit of nasty luck, eh?
Friggatriskaidikaphobia is a freaky cool word that means fear of Friday the 13th. Since Friday is considered by some to be an unlucky day, and thirteen is feared by some as an unlucky number, it should come as no surprise that when the two converge, superstitious fears multiply accordingly. We could say that
The word superstition means a belief or practice resulting from ignorance and fear of the unknown, a trust in magic or chance, or a false conception of causation. Although I have no statistics to back me up, I'll hazard a guess that there are far more superstitious males than females. I mean, really, have you ever heard of a woman refusing to change her lucky drawers or socks? No, of course not. Although I will concede that this peculiar attachment to one's dirty socks and undies and by extension, one's aversion to donning clean ones, may in fact be rooted in something entirely different than a belief in their ability to prolong a streak of good luck. For any gentlemen with a proclivity to wear said scuzzy skivvies, be forewarned: No matter how much luck you believe those skivvies may bring you in games of chance or sport, I double dog guarantee you that wearing them will NOT lead to any semblance of luck with the ladies.
Most of us are familiar with superstitions dealing with black cats, spilling salt, breaking mirrors, and walking under ladders, but have you ever wondered where those superstitions originated?
And why FRIDAYS, for goodness sake?
And why the number THIRTEEN?
Since this is the only Friday the 13th we'll be encountering this calendar year, I thought today would be the perfect time to investigate.
WHY FRIDAY : In ancient Rome, Friday was the designated day for executions, which certainly ended a streak of good luck for anyone whacked by the authorities, whether he was wearing his lucky bowling shirt or not. Witches' covens allegedly gather on Fridays, too, and in the Middle Ages, Friday was actually dubbed "Witches' Sabbath". The Good Friday crucifixion of Christ casts the greatest stigma on the day for Christians, but other Biblical events are also attributed to Friday: the day Eve gave Adam the apple, the day they were expelled from Eden, the day God struck the Tower of Babel, and the day Solomon's Temple was destroyed.
Some superstitions regarding Friday are:
Clothing made on a Friday will never fit properly.
Visiting a doctor on a Friday will lead to no good news.
Changing bedclothes on a Friday will lead to nightmares.
Marrying or moving on a Friday will come to a bad end.
Cutting your nails on a Friday will lead to sorrow.
Receiving bad news on a Friday will cause more wrinkles than receiving them on any other day of the week.
Starting a trip on a Friday will lead to misfortune.
Ships that set sail on a Friday are doomed to suffer bad luck.
About a hundred years ago, to disprove the superstition about ships, the Brits commissioned H.M.S. Friday. The crew was selected on a Friday, the keel was set on a Friday, the ship was launched on a Friday, and the man chosen to captain the ship was even named Friday. The ship set sail on its maiden voyage on a Friday, too. And was never heard from again.
There are 13 members in a witch's coven.
WHY THIRTEEN: You're probably more familiar with this word: triskaidekaphobia. That's the fear of the number thirteen, and it's no secret that many buildings don't acknowledge a thirteenth floor, and many cities opt to skip Thirteenth Street. But, WHY?
For one thing, a witch's coven has thirteen members. There are also thirteen steps leading to the gallows, and thirteen knots in a hangman's noose. The blade of a guillotine falls thirteen feet, and at her trial, Lizzie Borden spoke thirteen words. There were thirteen people at the Last Supper, and the thirteenth card in a deck of tarot cards? Death.
Apollo 13, the thirteenth mission to be launched from pad #39, (13 X 3) was aborted after an explosion in the fuel cell of the service module, after leaving the launching pad at 13:13 CST. The date? April thirteenth.
One theory about the root of triskaidekaphobia lays it at the feet of ancient man. It claims that when man was first learning to count, he counted on ten fingers and two feet, so anything beyond twelve was considered frightening and mysterious. On the other hand, what I find mysterious is why he didn't count on his ten toes, too. It's highly possible that he refused to take off his lucky socks.
Would you believe the number thirteen was once considered lucky? For one thing, some early religions considered the thirteenth step to be the one souls take to enter the eternal glory of the afterlife. And in the prehistoric goddess-worshiping cultures, the number thirteen represented femininity, and corresponded to the number of lunar (and menstrual) cycles in a year. The Earth Mother of Laussel, an ancient carving found in France, depicts a female holding a crescent-shaped horn with, you guessed it, thirteen notches in it. Later, when society became male-dominated and the solar calendar replaced the lunar one, twelve became the "perfect" number, replacing the "imperfect" thirteen.
So, there ya have it. Now you know a little bit about the superstitions associated with Friday the thirteenth. Me? I still prefer the TGIF approach.
How about you? Do you have any superstitions or lucky socks?
OK, time for (a drum roll, if you will ...) the
WEIRDEST NEWS STORIES OF THE WEEK
** In New York, a 21-year-old happened to be riding in a car that was pulled over by the police. As soon as the car stopped, the young man immediately took off running, and jumped into the Hudson River. He was able to latch onto a branch 250 feet downstream, where he waited for the police to rescue him from the fifty degree water. Know why he ran? It seems that the shivering young man thought there was a warrant out for his arrest. There wasn't. Sounds to me like there should have been.
** When two female investigators in Vienna, Austria began questioning his client, a lawyer (ahem) showed his briefs. The attorney dropped his trousers and then perched on a desk in his tightie whities with his back to the women. The client is suspected of a sex crime, but now the lawyer is being investigated, as well. (Maybe they were his lucky shorts?)
** After three late-night escape attempts, a German shepherd named Jack finally escaped from an Oregon veterinarian's office by pulling his kennel open, tripping the dead bolt on the clinic's back door and pulling down the handle to get outside. In the process, Jack tripped three motion detectors and tore open four bags of dog food. The vet said he was "impressed" with Jack's impressive recovery from the flu. Me? I wonder if that dog's last name was Bauer.
Bauer, Jack Bauer.
Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.
Oh, by the way, Goodreads drew the five winners of my book on Wednesday. Now Hot Flashes and Cold Lemonade is on its way to exotic faraway places I can only dream of seeing... Lithuania, Kenya, Philippines, and Holland. (Lucky book!) The fifth book is headed to Texas. A total of 1429 people entered the contest, so let's see, if all the people who didn't win actually buy my book, it just might cover the cost of mailing it to the people who DID win. HA! Oh well. I didn't have any expectations of making a lot of money... and by golly, so far, I'm succeeding brilliantly. Take care, y'all.
Thought for the day: In the covered wagon days, if a baby was born in Texarkana while the family was crossing into the Lone Star state, by the time they reached El Paso, the baby would be in third grade. [Wallace O. Chariton]
You'd better believe it, pilgrim; they do things up BIG in Texas. Shoot, there's a ranch near Corpus Christi... King Ranch... that's bigger than the entire state of Rhode Island! Then again, I reckon Texas needs big ranches. After all, the state has upwards of sixteen million cattle. (You gotta beef with that?)
Most of us associate the Lone Star State with oil wells, cattle ranches, pick-up trucks, and twenty-gallon Stetsons, (Hey! Ten gallons ain't big enough for Texans!) but it also has more sheep (and wool) than any other state, as well as the largest herd of whitetail deer in the country. Add to that the largest rose garden in the world at the 22-acre Tyler Municipal Rose Garden, and the not-so-hot reputation for releasing more greenhouse gases than most countries on the planet. Oh, and let us not forget the world's largest Calf Fry Cook-Off, held in Amarillo every year. What's that, you say? Shhhhh... bull testicles. Um, yeah.
The deadliest natural disaster took place in Texas, too— the Galveston hurricane of 1900, which killed from 8000-12000 people. (And no, I don't know why there's such a wide range in the mortality estimate.) As hard as it may be for Texans currently suffering through a miserable drought to believe, the state holds the national record for the most rainfall within a 24-hour period. During Tropical Storm Claudette in 1979, a total of forty-five inches drenched the state, forty-three of which fell within that 24-hour time frame. Lots of other superlatives to describe Texas, but suffice it to say it boasts the world's largest parking lot, (at Dallas/Ft.Worth Airport) the world's largest rattlesnake round-up, the largest Ferris wheel in the Western hemisphere, and a place called Big Texan Steak Ranch Restaurant, where what must be the world's largest steak is served. Anyone who can eat its signature 4 1/2 pound steak within an hour gets it for free. What a deal, huh? Unfortunately, there's no indication as to whether the restaurant provides a free ambulance ride to the cardiac care unit afterwards.
WAIT! Hold the presses! In the midst of all these biggest claims to fame, and there's plenty more of them, Texas also holds one lonely little record for the smallest. Warrenton, Texas has the smallest Catholic church in the world. It measure twelve feet by fifteen feet, and can seat fifteen parishioners, but its doors only open once a year. (Easter, maybe?)
Okay, before I end up turning this into the biggest post, how's about if we move along and check out some pictures, shall we?
Some people who consider these critters to be little more than an armored nuisance may refer to them as a rat on the half-shell, but to me, they're right up there with the duck-billed platypus. The armadillo is the official state animal of Texas, and while some of you may have already known this little tid-bit, I find it to be fascinating: they always have four babies. The female lays a single egg, and then it splits into four, so all four babies are always of the same sex, too.
The Alamo, in San Antonio, is the memorable site where 187 determined Texans fought and died in 1836, while attempting to defend the fortress against 4-5000 Mexican soldiers.
In Ft. Worth, you can find Billy Bob's Texas, the world's largest (of course!) Country and Western honky-tonk. Would you believe this place is sooooo big, it actually houses a 4800 square foot rodeo arena?! Yowza. Pictured here is the rather sizable dance floor. Can't you just imagine the blaring music, and a huge crowd of people shuffling around the floor, doing the Texas two-step in blue jeans and pointy-toed cowboy boots?
The Texas capitol building, which opened in 1888, was built with fifteen thousand carloads of pink marble. Yep, you guessed it; it's the largest state capital building in the country. Matter of fact, its dome is seven feet higher than the National Capitol in Washington, D.C.
Texas is the only state that's been governed under six different national flags: Spain, France, Mexico, Republic of Texas, the Confederacy, and the U.S. It's also the only state that joined the union by way of a treaty, (in 1845) and by virtue of it being a sovereign nation before joining, it retained some rights denied to other states: For example, Texas owns all of its land, so the Federal government must ask permission if it wants to create a park or cut timber there. The state also retains the right to fly its state flag at the same height as the national flag.
Katy, Texas was once the home of America's only replica of China's Forbidden City. Known as the Forbidden Gardens, this amazing place had these full-scale statues, as well as a complete recreation of the Emperor's throne, and a 1/3 scale terra cotta army. Unfortunately, this unique site closed in 2011 to make way for the Grand Parkway. When it closed, the terra cotta soldiers were offered on Craig's List for one hundred dollars apiece, but excessive demand quickly shut down the offer. Whatever happened to them and the rest of the items that were in Katy? I don't know.
Other really-musta-been-cool stuff that used to be in Texas, but are no more: the Flagship Hotel on Seawall Boulevard in Galveston. It used to be the only hotel in North America that was built completely over the water. Alas, it was demolished in 2011. Okay, so maybe cool isn't the most appropriate word to describe this place, but it is... gone. Plano used to be the site of the Cockroach Hall of Fame Museum. Uh-huh. Big ol' dead roaches were dressed up and displayed in dioramas... one was sitting at a tiny piano, dressed up like Liberace. See? Unique, right? Anyhow, the owner closed up shop and moved to Phoenix last year. So who knows? You guys in Arizona might pick up another new museum in the near future.
Curious about that biggest rattlesnake round-up in the world I mentioned earlier?
Who needs a museum devoted to roaches? The Perot Museum of Nature and Science in Dallas sounds a heckuva lot better. It includes a children's museum, segments on sports, dinosaurs and evolution, energy, and earth sciences. Even has an earthquake simulator. I don't know if it's the biggest museum, but it does have a 1.5 ton geode— that's gotta be pretty high up there on the top of the scale. But what sounds most intriguing to me about this museum is a build your own bird exhibit. Visitors can select wings, birdsong, ( Born to Be Wild would be kinda fun...) diets, tails, feet, and feathers to construct it, and then they can put on 3-D glasses and make it fly! That's outside of anything I've ever seen in a museum, so it sounds totally cool to me.
The San Jacinto Monument, near Houston, is among the tallest in the world. At 570 feet, it's twenty feet taller than the Washington Monument in D.C.
The first suspension bridge in the United States is the Waco Bridge, which was built in 1870, and is still used today as a pedestrian crossing of the Brazos River.
Here we have another museum. Located in San Antonio, the Witte, among other things, houses the Hertzberg Circus Collection, more than 4200 artifacts from the heyday of circus popularity, dating as far back as 1893.
The sheriff and a deputy from Trinity, Texas were on TV a couple weeks ago, and they mentioned a popular pastime in their small town. Something called chicken poop bingo. Natch, that piqued my sophisticated curiosity, so I had to check into that. Guess what? I even found a video! (Lucky you!)
Okay, we've gotta get your minds off chicken poop, so how's about stuffing them with sausages? Because of its large (Of course!) German-heritage population, New Braunfels holds a ten-day festival every year in celebration of wursts. Naturally, it also includes appropriate music and attire... and oh yeah, beer. Matter of fact, guess what else you can see at this festival? The world's largest beer bottle collection.
Okeydoke, let's move on to see what kinds of cockamamie laws are still languishing on the books in the fine state of Texas, shall we?
One must acknowledge a supreme being before being able to hold public office.
It's illegal to sell one's eye. (Maybe you can lend it?)
It's against the law to swear in front of a corpse, or to indecently expose one.
When two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone. (Say, huh?)
It's illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing. (So sit down, bozo!)
It's against the law to shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel. (Go up a flight or two.)
It's illegal to milk another person's cow. (That kinda sounds like a euphemism, doesn't it?)
A recently passed anti-crime law require criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, to explain the nature of the crime to be committed. (How, um, considerate of them...)
The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas, because it contains a recipe for making beer at home. (How dastardly! I guess the recipes for homemade explosives aren't a problem.)
In Abilene, it's illegal to idle or loiter with the purpose of flirting or mashing. (But officer, those sweet little taters were asking for it!)
In Austin, it's against the law to carry wire cutters in your pocket. (How about a Leatherman?)
In the town of Borger, you can't throw confetti, rubber balls, whips, firecrackers, or... feather dusters.
Texas must have a problem with feather dusters. In Clarendon, it's illegal to use one to dust any public building. (Keep those foxy feathers at home, ladies.)
Sorry, you can't raise an alligator in your home if you live in Corpus Christi.
It's illegal to own a realistic dildo in Dallas. (Paint it, maybe? With stripes and polka dots?)
In El Paso, it's against the law to wear a lewd dress in public. (Honest, officer, my dress isn't like that at all— it's just friendly...)
Better sit on those hands! In Galveston, it's illegal to make offensive gestures at a special event.
You also have to get permission from the director of parks and recreation before getting drunk in any city parks. Oh, and you can't let your camel run loose on the beach, either. (Better put a leash on him.)
Finally, in Galveston, it's also illegal to throw trash from an airplane. (But it is still permissible to flush.)
Fire and brimstone is okay to preach from the pulpit, but thou shalt not disrupt any church service in Harker Heights by swearing.
In Houston, it's illegal to sell limburger cheese on Sundays. (Now, that just stinks!)
Also in Houston, beer may not be sold after midnight on Sunday, but it may be sold on Monday. (?)
In Lubbock county, it's illegal to drive within arm's length of alcohol... even if that alcohol is in another person's bloodstream. (Put the lush in the trunk!)
I guess parents in Mesquite can't save money by cutting their kids' hair. It's against the law for children their to have unusual haircuts.
The dress code in Odessa makes it taboo to wear a star of David or a peace symbol, because they're both considered satanic symbols.
In Port Arthur, it's illegal to emit obnoxious odors in an elevator. (I'll bet midgets really appreciate this law.)
In San Antonio, it's against the law to flirt or respond to flirting with the eyes or hand. (Using other body parts is evidently acceptable.)
In Temple, cattle thieves may be hung on the spot, and it's AOK to ride your horse into the saloon. (A whiskey for me, and a double oatmeal cookie in a bowl for my friend here, barkeep.)
And finally, last but not least, in Texarkana, owners of horses may not ride them at night without tail lights. (Where do ya put the battery?)
This is ordinarily the point at which I'd say it's time for (ta-DA!) the weirdest news stories of the week, but I don't have time to hunt for them right now. (Sorry.) One of the strangest— although we really shouldn't be surprised— stories in the news recently involves good ol' never-give-up politician Weiner from New York. His twitter tallywhacker-waving made the news a couple years ago, which of course I had great fun with in an unlikely hero post but he's baaaaack! Not only does he have the temerity to run for mayor of New York, it seems (surprise!) his much-publicized regrets about his past behavior, which caused him to step down from his Congressional seat last time... may have been nothing more than regret about beingcaught with his pants down, because it didn't stop him from tweeting more pics of himself. The funny thing? Based on other political scandals, there's a good chance he'll be elected. Go figure. I guess it's a case of better the hooligan ya know than the one you don't.
Oh well. No weird news, but here's some cowboy philosophy and humor, courtesy of Will Rogers. (1879-1935)
There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.
Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.
A fool and his money are soon elected.
Good judgement comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgement.
Don't let yesterday use up too much of today.
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds.
All I know is just what I read in the paper, and that's an alibi for my ignorance.
Letting the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.
Buy land; they ain't making any more of the stuff.
Things ain't what they used to be, and never were.
Get someone else to blow your horn, and the sound will carry twice as far.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
We are all here for a spell; get all the good laughs you can.
.As a heads up, the lovely Janie Junebug is gonna be interviewing me on her blog on Monday. We'd love it if you'd be neighborly and stop on by for a visit. We'll throw a nice little side of beef on the grill . (Don't worry... plenty of veggies, too.)
That's it for now, pardners. Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.
Thought for the day: You got to have smelt a lot of mule manure before you can sing like a hillbilly. [Hank Williams]
How glorious a greeting the sun gives the mountains! [John Muir]
If being a hillbilly means living someplace as breathtakingly beautiful as the Great Smoky Mountains, I'd say it's a darned good thing to be.
Wait until you get a load of this. A song many of us sang as kids was flat-out wrong; Davy Crockett wasn't born on a mountaintop in Tennessee, after all. The King of the Wild Frontier did draw his first breath in Tennessee, but it didn't happen on a mountaintop, doggone it. I'll tell ya what, if he didn't grin him a bar when he was only three, I don't want to hear about it. I mean, come on. He was my hero. Next you'll be telling me Cisco and Poncho weren't really amigos. Sheesh.
How's about a couple quick tidbits? Did you ever wonder why Tennessee is called the Volunteer State? It earned that nickname during the War of 1812, because of Tennessee's soldiers who fought so valiantly... and voluntarily... at the Battle of New Orleans. Fast forward to the Civil War: Greeneville, Tennessee, has the only Civil War monument in the country that honors both Union and Confederate soldiers. Here's one of my favorite bits of sports trivia: Cumberland University, in Lebanon, lost a football game to GA Tech on October 7, 1916, by an incredible score of 222 to nothing. Tech's coach at the time was George Heisman, for whom the Heisman Trophy is named. (Think anybody stayed in the bleachers to watch the entire massacre?)
Ready to take a look around now?
Lots of people associate Tennessee with the Grand Ol' Opry, which boasts the longest continuously running live radio program in the nation. (Every Friday and Saturday night since 1925.) This picture shows its current home, and when it moved here from its old location at Ryman Auditorium in 1974, a six-foot circle of oak flooring from the old stage was inlaid into the new one. Kinda neat, huh? I looked through a bunch of videos of Grand Ol' Opry performances, and saw a lot that were to be expected: Charlie Daniels, Willie Nelson, Minnie Pearl, Hank Williams, etc... but I also found one that caught me by surprise. I didn't even know actor Kevin Costner was a musician. Did you?
It should come as no surprise that the Country Music Hall of Fame is located in Tennessee. Like the Grand Ol' Opry, it's in Nashville, although Bristol, Tennessee is actually considered country music's birthplace. Victor Recording Studios in Bristol held its first country music recording session in 1927: Jimmy Rodgers and the Carter family were featured on that first record.
The distinctive architecture of the Tennessee Aquarium in Chattanooga is a real eye-catcher when ya drive by. It's the largest facility of its kind to focus on freshwater habitats.
As I said, Davy Crockett wasn't born on a mountaintop, but he WAS born on the banks of Limestone Creek near Greenville, where a replica of his family's log cabin stands today as part of the 105-acre Birthplace State Park.
Pictured here are a couple of workers pushing uranium slugs into the concrete loading face of a graphite reactor at Oak Ridge National Laboratory, circa 1943. As you may know, Oak Ridge was instrumental in the development of the atomic bomb. Because of the energy research still conducted at the laboratory, Oak Ridge is known as the Energy Capital of the World.
When Elvis (the pelvis) first appeared on the Ed Sullivan Show, some sticks-in-the-mud treated him as though he were the product of a nuclear reactor. His unique style and velvety voice shot him to the tops of the charts, and he sang his way into the hearts of many all over the world.
During his prolific career, the King of Rock 'n' Roll won three Grammy awards. All three were for his Gospel singing. And he has been inducted into the Rock & Roll, Gospel, and Country Halls of Fame.
Even all these years after his death, his home at Graceland is still a red hot tourist attraction. Wanta take a peek?
Sequoyah, a Cherokee silversmith, is the only known man in history who single-handedly developed an alphabet. The syllabus he created in 1821 for the Cherokee Nation led to the first written language for a Native American people. The Sequoyah Birthplace in Vonore tells his amazing story, and is dedicated to the history and culture of Native Americans.
As in most mountainous areas, Tennessee is a popular destination for skiers. Even if Mother Nature doesn't cooperate. With five acres of artificial skiing surface, Ober Gatlinburg Ski Resort permits skiing in any kind of weather.
If you get tired of the sights and activities in picturesque Gatlinburg, take a trip over to nearby Pigeon Forge to visit Dollywood. A super amusement park with a little bit of something for everyone.
If you're feeling adventurous, you can visit Craighead Cavern in Sweetwater, where you'll find the Lost Sea, listed in the Guinness Book of World Records as the largest underground lake in the country. And the second largest in the world. (The largest is in Nairobi.) A tour of the cave includes a ride around the lake in a glass-bottomed boat. Don't think about how deep the lake is...
Not a fan of caves and underground waters? How about some above-ground rafting on the Ocoee River? It's one of the top white water recreational rivers in the country, and was the site for white water canoe and kayak competitions in the 1996 Olympics.
Not a fan of white water either? Picky, picky, picky.
How about this? Reelfoot Lake was formed by the largest earthquake in America's history, the New Madrid Earthquake of 1811. This lake, located in the northwestern part of the state, is a nature-lover's paradise. This reputed "turtle capital of the world" contains swamps, bayou-like ditches, bald cyprus trees, and many nesting pairs of bald eagles.
I'll bet you never expected to see a building like this in Tennessee. I sure didn't. This full-sized replica of the Parthenon, built for the 1897 Tennessee Centennial Expo, can be found in Nashville's Central Park.
Would you believe this modest looking motel is the home of the National Civil Rights museum? The Lorraine Motel in Memphis, is the infamous site of Martin Luther King, Jr.'s assassination.
In 1916, Mary was billed by the Sparks World Famous Shows circus as the largest living land animal on earth. Before the circus left Erwin, Tennessee, she was the deadest. She killed her trainer during a live performance, and was hung by the neck from a derrick railroad car the next day.
I'll bet she didn't even get a trial.
But Tennessee is renown for another trial. At right is the Rhea county courthouse, site of the famous Scopes trial, AKA the Scopes Monkey Trial, held in July of 1925. Teacher John Scopes faced charges for including Charles Darwin's Theory of Evolution in his teachings. At the time, Tennessee had a law against teaching evolution in any state-funded schools. Initially, Scopes was fined one hundred dollars, and later, the ruling was overthrown on a technicality. The play and movie Inherit the Wind are based on this trial.
Okay before I get too carried away here, let's move on and check out some of the cockamamie laws still residing on the books in the fine state of Tennessee, shall we?
Students may not hold hands while at school. (Man, Smarticus and I would've been in biiiiig trouble!)
It's illegal to post images online that cause emotional stress without legitimate purpose. (Suppose the legitimate purpose is to cause emotional stress?)
No Christian parents may require their children to pick up trash from the highway on Easter day. (But any other day of the year, feel free to dump them with the chain gang road crew.)
Good news! It IS legal to gather and consume roadkill! (Yeeeee-HA!)
You can't do much legal hunting from a moving automobile in Tennessee. The only game you can shoot this way is... whales. (Better haul a trailer with you, especially if your car has bucket seats.)
It's illegal for a minister to hold a seat in either house of the legislature. (We don't need no ethics in politics, dagnab it!)
It's against the law to dare a child to buy a beer. (Stick with Jack Daniels.)
It's illegal to fish off another person's hook, so you'd better bring extra tackle. It's taboo to catch a fish with a lasso, too. (How about dynamite? Is it okay to use that?)
Grab the No-Doze, 'cause there will be no nodding off behind the wheel. In Tennessee, it's against the law to drive a car while sleeping. (You think that was a big problem?)
In Tennessee, the age of consent is sixteen... or twelve, if the girl is a virgin. (???)
It's illegal to place tacks on a highway. (Drop Post-It notes.)
Oops, sorry, but you may not carry a skunk into the state. (That really stinks, huh?)
The legal definition of dumb animal includes every living thing.
In Bell Buckle, it's against the law to throw bottles at a tree. (Even if the tree's been acting like an ash?)
I don't reckon they can hold any Sadie Hawkins dances here... in Dyersburg, it's illegal for a woman to call a man for a date. (Or she could send him an email?)
In Kimbell, bar owners may not let their customers make loud unusual noises. (But they are dumb animals...)
When you pull up to a stop sign in Lenior City, you must fire a gun out the window to warn horse carriages that you're coming.
In Lexington, anyone who has been drinking is sober by law until he or she cannot hold onto the ground. (By that definition,I don't know anyone who's ever been inebriated...)
Women drivers don't get much respect in Memphis. It's only legal for women to get behind the wheel of a car if a man is running or walking in front of it, waving a red flag.
Frogs don't get much respect there, either. It's illegal for them to croak after 11 PM.
Also in Memphis, panhandlers must purchase a ten-dollar permit before they're allowed to beg. (But officer, if I could afford a ten-dollar permit, I wouldn't have to beg.)
In Nashville, it's illegal to keep a cheetah as a pet... or for a man to be sexually aroused in public.
And finally, in Oneida, there's an ordinance forbidding anyone from singing the song It Ain't Gonna Rain No More.
Okay, it's that time again. Time for (ta-DA!)
The Weirdest News Stories of the Week
*** British scientists reported this week that plants have to be math whizzes to survive. According to them, leaves measure starch reserves during the night, discern how many hours until dawn, and then based on their internal calculations, adjust their rate of starch consumption so they don't starve while bereft of the sun's energy. Pretty amazing, huh? So just think. If your plants aren't thriving, it doesn't necessarily mean you don't have a green thumb. You may not be messing up with the amount of fertilizer and water you give them, either. Nope. Your plants may simply need a math tutor.
*** Nope, I'm not the fashion police. Most days, my idea of trendy fashion is a clean tee shirt. But man, is there no end to what women will wear to attract attention these days? Used to be, showing a little bit of cleavage, a lot of leg, and a nice little wiggle was all it took, but not any more. Montreal designer Ying Gao's new dresses, dubbed (No)where and (Now) where, use an eye-tracking system that detects when someone is looking. Then the dresses do a razzle dazzle light show! Jeez. I dunno why a woman needs her clothes to carry on like that to let her know somebody's looking. Cat calls and whistles have always provided a reliable indication up 'til now. These look-at-me dresses will go on display at the Shanghai Museum of Contemporary Art in November, and at the Textile Museum in Canada next year. In case you can't wait, you can get a sneak peak right here
No, I don't know why this stupid picture is sideways.
*** A Wisconsin man pleaded guilty this week to a charge of public lewdness for... having sex with a couch at the side of the road. Yep. You read that right. A couch. It was an open-and-shut, in-and-out case of new-fangled furniture fornication. I guess he couldn't resist its sexy slipcover and curves, huh? Or maybe it was the soft padding that temped him, or the foxy way it was sitting there. Whatever. Forty-seven-year-old Gerald Streator will be spending the next five months in jail. Doing hard time, I guess, because presumably, there won't be a love seat in his cell. Talk about a stiff sentence.
Oh, in case any of you are curious as to how my debut novel Hot Flashes and Cold Lemonade is doing... not too bad. Don't tell him, but I think I've earned enough money to treat Smarticus to a nice dinner this weekend. Online sales has kinda slowed down, but if a couple more books sell today, I might even let him get fries with his burger... Happy weekend, y'all! I'd like to leave you with a sweet romantic song...
Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.
