A Mother's Love

Thought for the day:  I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.  [Phyllis Diller]

Giving birth is easy. It's like pulling a watermelon out of your nose.

This coming Sunday is Mother's Day, so what better time to write about mothers, right?

A mother is a person who, seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never cared for pie.  [Tenneva Jordan]


Having a child changes a woman forever, and I'm not just talking about the decorative stretch marks, bulging hemorrhoids, or the tendency to tinkle a little every time she laughs too hard. No, it goes much deeper than the physical changes. After expelling miniature human beings from their bodies, women who could once sleep through a sonic boom suddenly wake up on full alert every time their babies roll over or make the tiniest sound, and women who used to be walking fashion plates suddenly have no problem wearing wrinkled clothing stained with spit-up. And holy moley, their capacity to love expands even more than their waistlines did. (Good thing, too... if it didn't, no woman would ever have more than one child!)

And, oh, how we turn to jelly at the sight of those tiny baby clothes and... those feet! Nothing is quite as sweet  and kissable as those tiny little baby feet.

There is an instinct in a woman to love most her own child— and an instinct to make any child who needs love, her own. [Robert Brault]

Then, practically overnight, babies become teenagers, and before we know it, the little boy who was afraid of the dark now wants to stay out half the night with his friends. The princess who didn't take her first step until she was almost a year old now wants to borrow the car. No matter their age, they will always be the children of their mother's heart, but more and more, they also become children of the world.

The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant — and let the air out of the tires.  [Dorothy Parker]

The truth is, no matter how big our babies' feet get to be, they still belong to our babies. Doesn't matter if those feet belong to a teacher, a doctor, or are ensconced in a pair of combat boots. Babies, one and all. Even when they have babies of their own.

Grown don't mean nothing to a mother. A child is a child. They get bigger, older, but grown? What's that supposed to mean? In my heart, it don't mean a thing. [Toni Morrison- Beloved]

Of all the things I've ever read about mothers, I think Erma Bombeck said it the absolute best in her essay, When God Created Mothers, in which God is attempting to meet some very daunting specifications to create the perfect mom. After struggling to get her right, an angel points out that the model has a leak. God replies that it's a tear, and when the angel wants to know what it's for, God says:

"It's for joy, sadness, disappointment, pain, loneliness, and pride."

"You are a genius, " said the angel.

Somberly, God said, "I didn't put it there.”

****

Now here's another of Erma's wonderful insights about motherhood:

Just as our mothers always look at us as their children, as we grow older, a certain part of us wants to hang onto them, too. We don't want things to change. We want them to always be there, our home plate in the game of life, our constant refuge. We don't want them to grow old; we don't want them to get sick, and God knows, we don't want them to die. But even after they do, they live on forever in our hearts.

The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness.  [Honore de Balzac]

Youth fades; love droops; the leaves of friendship fall; a mother's secret love outlives them all. [Oliver Wendell Holmes]

To all of you mothers, I wish you a wonderful Mother's Day. To all of you whose mothers are still with you, cherish them, not just on Mother's Day, but every day of the year. To those of you experiencing that heart-wrenching role reversal—  taking care of your mothers, essentially mothering your mothers, as they once took care of you, with them depending on you as you once depended on them— bless you. I know how hard it is. For those of you who have already lost your mothers, I know you'll be thinking of them. And as long as our mothers live in our hearts, they're never entirely gone.

Whatever else is unsure in this stinking dunghill of a world, a mother's love is not. [James Joyce]


                             Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.

During the month of May, every comment you leave here will earn you a shot at winning a FREE autographed copy of Explosive Beginnings.  Pssst! Wanta up your chances? All ya have to do is mention my book on your blog, and it'll earn you another two chances. 

(If you're on Goodreads, I'd sure appreciate it if you tagged my book as one you'd like to read.)

[Images from morguefile.]

The Countdown Begins

Thought for the day:  Good things come to (s)he who waits.

I sure hope that thought for the day is correct, because I'm currently waiting (and waiting...!) for the AWOL AOL to come back up so I can access my email. ARRRRRGH! Talk about frustrating.

Oh well. It's April, people! Glory be, it's time for me to consider donning snow shoes to make it easier to plow through pollen as high as an elephant's eye so I can pull weeds, dig holes, plant plants and admire the profusion of beautiful flowers on every side. Woo-HOO! It's time to breathe in deeply (while wearing a mask, of course...) and enjoy the gorgeous springtime temperatures while they last. Here in Georgia, sweltering weather is always lurking in the shadows and could mug(gy) us at any minute.

It's also time for the monthly IWSG post, which is the only reason I'm here. April is typically my month to unplug from blogging so I can concentrate on writing, do some yard work, and give the dustballs around the house a good cleaning, but I decided to hang around long enough to participate with fellow IWSG-ers first. (It wasn't terribly difficult to tear myself away from the riveting job of scrubbing and treating our kitchen cabinets...) As always, thanks to our fearless leader, Alex Cavanaugh, for founding this fine group, and thanks to all the other nurturing guys and gals who've helped turn it into the thriving community it is today. To join this super supportive group of writers and to see links to other participating blogs, please go HERE

GUESS WHAT???

Book One of the Blast Rites trilogy is almost ready to launch!

 Just LOOK at that cover! Isn't it gorgeous?

Valerie-Jael Tups took that breathtaking sunrise photo, and Anne Gallagher added the swallow silhouette and lettering  to turn it into the perfect cover to capture the essence of my story. It makes my heart sing every time I look at it. So, bottom line, in this long journey to publication, we're finally nearing the finish line.

Wanta see the back-cover blurb? (As if you  had a choice... here it comes, ready or not!)

Maybe this time will be different.

Terrible things happen to the people he cares about the most, so it’s safer for Archie Jaworski to simply stop caring. He doesn’t give a flying fandango what anybody says about him, keeps every relationship shallow, and does unto others before they can do unto him.

And then, shortly before he leaves the Army, he spots a pretty widow and her two kids, and all bets are off.

His war hero uncle says he’s not good enough for that perfect little lady, but Archie’s determined to prove him wrong. No matter how many threats his uncle and his fellow officers make to scare him away from their buddy’s widow, and no matter what it takes, he’s determined to meet that family and to seduce that skirt.

What’s more, if she’s a decent cook, he might even marry her.

Archie plans his courtship to the smallest detail, but the one thing he forgets to do is keep his feelings under wraps. He doesn’t mean to care about them, but the allure of finally being part of something normal, something good, is more than he can resist. 

Maybe this time, no one has to die.

                                                                                      

Explosive Beginnings is a thrilling roller coaster ride through the 1950s, featuring surprising twists and a shocking finish I didn't see coming. Gripping!!!    Robynne Rand, author of THE MECHANIC NEXT DOOR

***************
Once a date is set, Explosive Beginnings will be available for pre-order through Amazon, and a bunch of e-version copies will also be up for grabs through a Goodreads giveaway. (Feeling lucky?) As soon as those two things are revved up and set to launch, I'll let ya know. NOTE: Some people may be offended by the language and content of this book, but like Truman Capote said, You can't blame a writer for what the characters say. ☺


            Good luck to everyone participating in the A-Z Challenge. 
                                      See y'all next month. 

                Until then, take care of yourselves. And each other.                  

                                              Not YET... but SOON!                          

Entering Uncharted Territory

Thought for the day:  You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. 

I clearly remember reading a book as a young girl in which the main character was a sixth grade paperboy named Henry, and I, all six or seven wide-eyed years of me, thought Henry was... really old. Isn't it funny how our perspective changes? Hell, look at me now... now I have the chutzpah to pretend I'm not old.

We're only young once, but with humor, we can be immature forever. [Art Gliner]



When Karen Walker asked if I'd like to submit an essay for an anthology about aging, I jumped at the opportunity. (Okay... I hobbled... let's not split hairs here, people.) Why would I want to do such a thing, you ask? The way I see it, even though bazillions of people have already ventured into the murky seas of old age, it's still uncharted mysterious territory for each of us as individuals, which can make the transition much scarier than it has to be. So... wouldn't it be great if some of the folks who've already taken the plunge provided a road map of sorts for those who are about to enter those uncharted territories? How? By sharing some of their words of wisdom.

With old age comes wisdom, but sometimes, age comes alone. [Oscar Wilde]

Okay, I'm not saying I'm to be counted as one of the wise folks who contributed to this book, but I am a wise-ass, which is almost as good, right? The question of the day is: Who are we? Are you the person the world sees when it looks at you... or is the real you the ageless person you are inside? No matter how old I am, I am still me. Sometimes the world forgets that, but this book does a beautiful job of reminding us. Whether you're curious about what may lie ahead of you in your golden years, or whether you're already knee-deep in them, this is a book everyone can enjoy.

When you come to the edge of the light that you know, and you are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things will happen. There will be something to land on, or you will learn to fly. [anonymous]

This book will help make the unknown more... known. Less scary. And for those of you who are already dealing with some of the issues described in this book, you'll be reassured to know... you ain't alone, baby.  And let us all remember, when we look at another person, no matter what their age, there's always much more to that person than meets the eye.

If you close your eyes and take a deep breath, how old do YOU feel inside? With me, it varies. Sometimes Smarticus tells me I act like a two-year old, but I think that's the exception.

Youth is the gift of nature, but age is a work of art. [Stanislaw Jerzy Lec]

                                          (Too bad my artist is Picasso...)

                     Read on to see how you can win a FREE copy of this book.

                           Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.

P.S. This old broad will be hanging out with four of her grandchildren for a while, so it'll take longer than usual for me to respond to your comments and visit your blogs. But fear not...I'll be Bach.

It’s a pleasure to be participating in the Blog Tour for STILL ME … AFTER ALL THESE YEARS: 24 Authors Reflect on Aging by Karen Helene Walker through MC Book Tours.

This is a charming, funny, and enlightening collection of essays about aging. In addition, Karen is offering a tour-wide giveaway featuring two (2) print copies (U.S. entries only) of STILL ME and two (2) eBook copies of STILL ME (International entries). See how you can enter to win below.

◊ STILL ME…AFTER ALL THESE YEARS: 24 Authors Reflect on Aging

◊ By Karen Helene Walker

◊ Kindle: 2000 KB, 102 pages

◊ Genre: Biographies, Memoirs, Nonfiction

◊ Publication Date: April 4, 2017

◊ Language: English

◊ ASIN: BO6WWRK82K

Poignant...Humorous...Brutally Honest!

A collection of personal reflections guaranteed to keep you inspired and entertained on that journey we all travel together: The Journey of Aging.

With a blend of grace, dignity, warmth and humor, women and men from 60 to 90 and from all walks of life candidly share the blessings and pitfalls of aging – from keeping dreams alive and keeping sex lives active to dealing with retirement, loss of independence and a growing sense of mortality.

A BOOK ABOUT LIVING EVERY MOMENT OF LIFE!

STILL ME is available at the following sites: Amazon (print and Kindle), Barnes and Noble, Kobo, and iTunes. Be sure to add it to your shelf on Goodreads.

Rev. Clara Alexander is an ordained New Thought minister who creates and performs sacred ceremonies, including unique weddings, funerals, memorial services, baby blessings and house blessings. She is also a popular speaker, inspiring groups with her talks on how we cling to our grudges, how we overuse the phrase “I’m sorry” and how we can live the life we love.

Wendy Brown recently retired from a career in wildlife biology, where she studied sandhill cranes and whooping cranes as they migrated from Idaho to New Mexico. Wendy eventually found a permanent home in Albuquerque, where she and her husband enjoy the sounds of sandhill cranes from their deck. Since retiring from state government in 2014. 


Valerie Capps has bypassed the porch rocking chair to pursue her life-long passion for writing, thereby proving that in today’s world, life can begin again at 65! Valerie lives in Nashville with her husband and their spoiled-rotten Welsh Corgi. www.amazon.com/Valerie-Capps/e/B016VD9V72

Mary W. Clark retired from her law practice in 2007 and transferred her observation and composition skills to travel writing. She is currently working on a book about her father’s World War II experience flying “the Hump” from India to China over the Himalayas. Mary lives in Paris, Texas. www.maryclarktraveler.com

Fran Fischer: “I was born at a very young age and that happened 82 years ago, so I don’t remember much about it. I’ve crammed as much living into my life as possible, and I’m not through yet. I’ve traveled extensively and I even flew in the same zero-gravity plane that the astronauts trained in. I live in California with my first (and only) husband, and we celebrated our 62nd anniversary this year.”

Pat Garcia (Patricia Anne Pierce-Garcia Schaack) is an American expatriate living in Europe. An accomplished musician as well as a writer, she has been writing (and reading) since childhood.

Mark David Gerson is the author of more than a dozen books, including critically acclaimed titles for writers, award-winning fiction, and compelling memoirs. Known as “The Birthing Your Book Guru,” Mark David works with an international roster of clients as coach and consultant, helping them get their stories onto the page and into the world with ease. www.markdavidgerson.com

Holly Deuel Gilster plays “make believe” for a living. In other words, she is a professional actress and musician. Holly also loves painting with words as an accomplished poet, an award-winning short-story writer and a book reviewer for The Or Echo.

Aaron Gordon is a retired social sciences community college professor. He and his wife, Ellie, have been married for 65 years and have three children and grandchildren.

Ellie Gordon is a retired public school teacher who spent the best 20 years of her life in the classroom. A Chicago native, she now lives in New Mexico.

Karla “Rosie” Harper recently retired from teaching elementary school, freeing her to return to her early love of dancing. Today, when not helping out with her grandchildren, Rosie is taking dance lessons, spinning on a dance floor or performing in senior centers and retirement communities with Albuquerque’s Sugartime, as a singer as well as a dancer.

Linda Hoye is the author of Two Hearts: An Adoptee’s Journey Through Grief to Gratitude, available through major online retailers. A native of Saskatchewan, Linda currently lives in British Columbia (by way of Washington State) with her husband and doted-upon Yorkshire Terrier. www.lindahoye.com

E.V. Legters hasn’t so much retired as she has exchanged one life for another — from rewarding years with career and children (while pursuing the arts on the fly) to a life with the arts at its center. She is the author of Vanishing Point and Connected Underneath and is currently hard at work on her third novel. www.evlegters.com

LD Masterson lived on both coasts before becoming landlocked in Ohio. After twenty years managing computers for the American Red Cross, she now divides her time between writing, volunteer work and enjoying her grandchildren. Her short stories have been published in several magazines and anthologies, and she is currently working on a new novel. www.ldmasterson.com

Kathleen Messmer not only runs a film production company with offices in the UK and the US, she is an avid photographer and wildlife advocate. In the unlikely event that she ever retires, Kathleen plans to live on a ranch with draft horses and pygmy goats and vineyards and fruit orchards, somewhere near the water. Oh, and a cowboy...maybe. www.kathleenmessmer.com

Karen Norstad has worked as cashier/gift wrapper, secretary, boutique seamstress, administrative assistant, manager of employee stock options, executive assistant, and budget analyst. Now retired, Karen’s life revolves around lounging about, wearing PJs until four in the afternoon, obsessing over the news, reading, fusing and slumping glass, practicing piano, keeping a small balcony garden and cooking.

Matt Nyman’s nonlinear career path has included working in the geological sciences, teaching high school, stay-at-home parenting and, currently, training tomorrow’s teachers. Poetry equently resides near the surface of his existence, occasionally erupting onto paper.

Jill Plaman was born and began aging in Milwaukee, but she has lived and worked in Albuquerque since 1977. She holds a BS from the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee and an MSW from the University of Minnesota. Her special interests are travel, international folk dancing, reading, hiking and spending time with family and friends.

Maureen Polikoff is a clinical social worker/ therapist who has always pursued many other creative endeavors, including painting, playing music and, now, writing. A Connecticut native, she lives in New Mexico with her husband, Michael.

MaryFrank Sanborn left Boston 33 years ago, to apprentice with photographer Walter Chappell in Santa Fe. Still in love with the beauty of the Southwest, MaryFrank photographs, writes, hikes, travels, teaches yoga and meditation, makes soups on Sundays, and dreams of the ocean and whales.

Patricia Stoltey is the author of four mystery novels. The most recent is Wishing Caswell Dead. She lives in Northern Colorado with Sassy Dog, Katie Cat and her husband, Bill. www.patriciastolteybooks.com

Susan Swiderski grew up in Dundalk, Maryland, where everybody calls everybody hon and eating steamed crabs is a sacrament. Although she’s happy in her adopted Georgia, part of her heart still lingers on the shores of Chesapeake Bay, explaining the setting for her novel, Hot Flashes and Cold Lemonade. Susan is currently working on a trilogy, proof that this old gal is still a pathological optimist. www.susan-swiderski.blogspot.com

Jan Castle Walker is a retired teacher and an active artist. She lives in Davis, California with her husband, Mack. www.jancastlewalker.com

Karen Helene Walker is a novelist, memoirist and essayist and the author of The Wishing Steps and Following the Whispers. When not writing, Karen is tap dancing, folk dancing or performing with the musical group Sugartime at retirement communities. Karen is currently working on her second memoir. www.karenfollowingthewhispers.blogspot.com 

You can follow Karen and the other authors along on their tour by checking out the schedule HERE.

This tour-wide giveaway is for two (2) print copies (U.S. entries only) and two (2) eBook copies of STILL ME … AFTER ALL THESE YEARS: 24 Authors Reflect on Aging. The giveaway will end at 12 a.m. (EST) on Tuesday, April 4.

To enter, click on the Rafflecopter widget below and follow the instructions. The widget may take a few seconds to load so please be patient.

Thanks for stopping by today. Be sure to check out this charming book.



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A Tidal Wave of Good Reading

Thought for the day: Life cannot be classified in terms of a simple neurological ladder, with human beings at the top; it is more accurate to talk of different forms of intelligence, each with its own strengths and weaknesses. This point was well demonstrated in the minutes before last December's tsunami, when tourists grabbed their digital cameras and ran after the ebbing surf, and all the 'dumb' animals made for the hills. [Brian Reynolds Myers]

[morguefile] 

It's a pleasure to be taking part in Chrys Fey's I Survived blog fest today, where in celebration of the release of her latest book, this lovely queen of disaster stories nudged participants into imagining how they might survive a tsunami. Yeah, I know. I've survived a LOT of things in my life, but a tsunami? Talk about a scary thought. Nonetheless, let's give it a go, shall we?

Chrys, take it away...

*********************



"This is Chrys Fey reporting for Disaster 5 news. I am on Fantasy Island, where a tsunami hit yesterday morning. I have Susan Swiderski with me, a survivor of the tsunami. Susan, can you tell our viewers what happened and how you survived?"

"Guardian angels."

"Excuse me? Did you say guardian angels?"

"Yes, ma'am, I did. That's exactly what I said. Guardian angels saved me."

"You're telling us that glowing white creatures with wings and halos swooped down out of the sky and whisked you away to safety?"

"Don't be silly. None of my guardian angels have ever looked like that."

"None of them? Are you saying this isn't the first time?"

"Of course not. Otherwise, I would've been pushing up daisies years ago."

"I see. Would you mind telling us how it happened this time?"

"I will if you stop smirking."

"I'm sorry. This isn't exactly the response I expected. Please go on."

"Well, my husband and I came here to celebrate our fiftieth anniversary. We both have arthritis, so sometimes we have good days, and sometimes we have bad. Yesterday was good for him, but not so much for me, so I told him to go on the tour into the mountains without me, while I stayed at the hotel and got some rest. I took my medicine and was sound asleep when something jolted me awake."

"An angel?"

"I don't know. Maybe, or maybe it was the hand of God. All I know for sure is something or somebody woke me up and forced me out of bed. I hobbled to the window and saw a sight I'll never forget as long as I live."

"Tell us about it."

"Instead of the surf rolling gently onto shore like usual, it was barreling out to sea like a bat outta hell. Some people were standing on the shore watching it like a bunch of dummies, and others were running every which way like a bunch of ants in a crumb factory."

"What did you do?"

"To tell the truth, at first I panicked. I'd seen the tsunami evacuation signs, so I knew that's probably what was happening, and I also knew there was no time to waste. I had to get to higher ground, or at least to a higher floor. So I went to the hallway. That's where my angels were waiting for me."

"And they whisked you away?"

"Not exactly. They helped me up the steps. There were two of them this time. Beefy guys with bald heads, hoop earrings, and tattoos. Lots of tattoos. A little scary-looking."

"But you weren't afraid?"

"Oh, no, I knew right away they were guardian angels. They always show up when I need them the most. I never know what they're going to look like, but I always know they'll take care of me."

"And they helped you up the stairs?"

"All the way to the roof. I never could have made it without them. They practically carried me. Used to be, it would only have taken one of them, but just between you and me, I'm afraid I've put on a few pounds."

"Then what? Did you see them after that?"

"No. I never do. They show up, they get me to safety, and then they're gone."

"Were there any other people on the roof?"

"Maybe twenty of us in all."

"But no beefy bald guys with hooped earrings and tattoos?"

"Nary a one."

"Well thank you, Susan. We're certainly glad you and your husband made it through the tsunami. I'm sure this is an anniversary you'll never forget. And there you have it, folks. Next time you run into some scary-looking tattooed guys with hoop earrings, don't be afraid. Who knows? They just might be guardian angels."

****************************************

Title: Tsunami Crimes

Series: Disaster Crimes #3

Author: Chrys Fey

Genre: Romantic-Suspense

Page Count: 272

BLURB: Beth and Donovan have come a long way from Hurricane
Sabrina and the San Francisco earthquake. Now they are approaching their
wedding day and anxiously waiting to promise each other a lifetime of love. The
journey down the aisle isn’t smooth, though, as they receive threats from the
followers of the notorious criminal, Jackson Storm. They think they’ll be safe
in Hawaii, but distance can’t stop these killers. Not even a tsunami can.

This monstrous wave is the most devastating disaster Beth
has ever faced. It leaves her beaten, frightened. Is she a widow on her
honeymoon? As she struggles to hold herself together and find Donovan, she’s
kidnapped by Jackson's men.

Fearing her dead, Donovan searches the rubble and shelters
with no luck. The thought of her being swept out to sea is almost too much for
him to bear, but the reality is much worse. She’s being used as bait to get him
to fall into a deadly trap.

If they live through this disaster, they may never be the
same again. 

DIGITAL LINKS:

Amazon US / Amazon UK / Amazon CA

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PRINT LINK:

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99 CENTS: Amazon

And everywhere ebooks are sold. 

GIVEAWAY!

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If you haven't read any of Chrys' books yet, what are you waiting for? There's no time like the present. I mean... NINETY-NINE CENTS, people!!! Catch the wave.

                          Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.

A Matter of Defense

Thought for the day:  You'd better not mess with me. I know karate, kung fu, judo, tae kwon do, jujitsu, and a whole bunch of other bad-ass words. 

When humans are threatened, we have an impressive range of  self-defense tools, both psychological and physical, but to find the most impressive and disgusting wow factors in survival, we have to take a look at the animal kingdom. Which is what we're gonna do.

Hey! What can I say? If it's disgusting... I'm gonna share it with you. I'm generous like that.

hognose snake [wikimedia]

To tell the truth, the humble hognose snake inspired me to write this post, and he isn't disgusting at all. Not that I'm a snake-lover, but this guy with his little turned up snout is kinda cute. In some pictures, it looks like he's wearing a perpetual smile. And he's harmless, too.  Non-venomous, and he hardly ever bites.

But this snake is a really grrrrreat pretender with a boatload of bravado.

[source: Dana Oliver, GA Department of Wildlife]

When threatened, this harmless guy will puff up like a big bad cobra, which has earned him another name... puff adder. He'll even hiss like a cobra.

[wikipedia- credit: Albert Herring, VA State Parks]

But if all that bluff and bluster doesn't do the trick? No problem. He'll just roll over onto his back with his tongue hanging out, and... play dead. Even manages to emit a foul scent to help convince whatever or whoever is bothering him to go away... nothing here worth eating, buddy, just keep moving... because I'm dead, dead, DEAD, dammit.

But the thing is, after learning about this snake, I decided to research some of the self-defense techniques used by other animals. Turns out, some of their defensive methods are rather offensive and disgusting. So natch, I'm gonna share some of that stuff with you. (Aren't you lucky?)

The hognose snake, of course, isn't the only critter who plays dead in the face of danger. Probably the best-known is the opossum, which actually collapses and falls into a coma-like state that can last for hours. Unfortunately, far too many of them collapse right in the middle of the road. Not exactly the smartest move (Or should I say non-move?) in terms of their survival.

Nature already gives many creatures an appearance that blends in well with their natural environments, but many more also have the ability to change their camouflage to better match a changing environment. Like the chameleon and the walking stick insect, and the king of 'em all, the cuttlefish, which not only changes color, but also changes its texture.

Oh, and how about the skunk? Even if you've never actually encountered a Pepe La Pew in person, I'm sure you know all about how they send predators scurrying by lifting their tails and letting loose with a foul-smelling spray. I mean FOUL. Really really really foul. Foul enough to chase away a bear. And it's so bad, it can even cause temporary blindness.

But enough about stuff you probably already know. Let's turn now to some of the more bizarre... and disgusting... stuff you might NOT know...

[wikipedia- credit: Patrick Coin]

Like this guy. This rather innocuous-looking bug is called a bombardier beetle. Not only does he spray a noxious toxin out his butt to protect himself, but that toxin is scorching hot, to boot, so he both poisons AND burns. When he feels threatened, he initiates a squeezing action that forces the chemicals and catalyzing enzymes from two separate chambers in his body to combine, and the resultant chemical reaction yields a high-velocity toxic spray which is at approximately the temperature of boiling water. Believe it or not, these beetle chemists live on every continent but Antarctica.

[credit: Chris Stubbs, Edmonton Zoo]

The bombardier beetle isn't the only critter that squirts poison out its butt. The Malaysian exploding ant has large glands filled with a corrosive venom, and all it has to do is contract its abdomen to burst the glands and spray predators. (No mixing needed. No boiling temperature either, but still. Kinda impressive.) Some bugs, like the potato beetle and the cereal leaf beetle, are somewhat lazier, but equally as off-putting. They cover themselves in feces. Other animals, rather than roll in poop, ooze poison through their skin. The motyxia sequoiae, a type of millipede, bioluminesces if threatened, while oozing cyanide and other foul-tasting chemicals through its skin. The sea cucumber, as shown in the picture, is capable of oozing a sticky poison, but it does something else even more astounding... and yes, disgusting.

[wikimedia]

And here it is. Know what the sea cucumber is doing in this shot? It is self-eviscerating. Really. In extreme circumstances, to reeeeeally convince a predator that it's dead, a sea cucumber will squeeze its muscles so tightly, it actually forces some of its organs out its anus. Talk about extreme.

Getting sick of hearing about the disgusting stuff animals shoot out their butts to defend themselves? Okay, let's look at the other end, then. There's always vomiting. (Sorry.) Yeah, some critters use that as a means of self-defense, too. Mostly birds. Like the European roller bird, the fulmar, and the turkey buzzard. The roller bird spews a nasty-smelling orange liquid, and the fulmar produces a putrid oil in its stomach, which it projectile vomits in the faces of predators. It's bad news for other birds, too, because it mats their feathers, which makes flying impossible. The turkey buzzard is a little less genteel, if one considers projectile vomiting genteel. He simply arfs up the entire disgusting contents of his stomach into one untidy putrid pile. Makes him lighter, so he can get away faster, and the pile of barf smells so bad, most predators quickly lose interest. (Wouldn't YOU?)

Okay, don't want to hear anything more about vomit, either, huh? Okay, well, I've got a super odd one for you. The Texas horned lizard puffs up a bit when threatened, which isn't all that unusual, but what he does next is astounding. He shoots blood... out of his eye! And believe it or not, the stream of blood can travel up to five feet! Wanta see...? (Of course you do!)

Pretty cool, huh? The best is yet to come, but I'll save it for next week.

Rah! Rah! Siss Boo BAH! [wikimedia- credit: Hectonichus]

Looky here. I'm ending on a ♪cute note ♫. Nothing at all disgusting about this cute little cheerleader look-alike, who's only about an inch in size. He's a boxer crab, and although it looks like he's holding pom poms in his claws, they're actually anemones. The crab helps the anemones by toting them around, and they help him by providing protection. They're the muscle. So to speak. Don't they make a lovely menage a trois?

                                                           Such a beautiful relationship...

Some of you might find it odd that one of the words I used to tag this post is appreciation. And that's because, no matter how disgusting we might find the behavior of some animals to be, it is fascinating to learn about them. The more we discover about them, the better we can appreciate them. Not that I'd recommend attempting to make friends with a bombardier beetle...

                                        Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.

P.S. Here's news about something that should be of interest to both readers and writers alike. Author Jessica Therrien is featuring a Read and Review Challenge on her blog from now until the end of March, in which a long list of authors has agreed to provide a FREE book to any reader who is willing to write and post a review. Each month, anyone who writes and posts a review for one of these books will be entered into a drawing for a ten-dollar Amazon gift card, and anyone who writes five reviews over the entire challenge period becomes eligible for the grand prize drawing of a fifty-dollar gift card. What's not to love, right? Authors, here's a chance for your book to get more exposure and potential reviews, and readers, FREE BOOKS! Need I say more? Go ahead. Check it out. The list of books is growing all the time.