Rock 'n' Rolling Happy Pants

Thought for the day:  I hear Akron is bouncing back from financial difficulties. Makes sense to me. After all, it is the rubber capital of the world.

[morguefile]

Now, I can't vouch for the authenticity of those elephant ears and toes offered for your dining pleasure at that Ohio concession stand in the picture, but I know they DO drink a lot of pop up that way. (As opposed to my neck of the woods, where all sodas are called cokes.)

I've only been to Ohio once, but it was a blast. We celebrated our thirty-somethingth anniversary there at the Dayton Hamfest. (WHAT? You celebrate your way, and we'll celebrate ours...) In addition to hobnobbing with thousands of amateur radio operators from all over the world, we also took a side trip to nearby Wright-Patterson Museum, an enormous USAF museum of aviation history. As I recall, it was a monsoon kinda day, but pbbbbt! we didn't let torrential rain dampen our spirits.





                                                Okay, ready for a little picture tour?

Rock and Roll Hall of Fame [Wikipedia]

Let's start with the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, located in Cleveland. An interesting tidbit: Ohio actually has an official state rock song. Neat concept, huh? However, I find Hang on Sloopy to be a rather odd choice, don't you? 

The Great Serpent Mound [Pollinator -en.wikipedia]

Prehistoric inhabitants of North America built earthen mounds for religious and ceremonial burial purposes, and one of the more unusual mounds winds a 411-mile wiggly serpentine path near Peebles, Ohio. The mound varies in height from less than a foot to more than three feet, and winds back and forth for more than 800 feet, ending in a triple-coiled tail. The mouth opens around a 120-foot long oval, which is believed to represent an egg. Similar serpent mounds can be found in Ontario and Scotland.

Map of Serpent mound, circa 1848 [Wikipedia]

Longaberger Basket Company [morguefile]

I'm not saying that working at this company is always a picnic, but come on! Located at Basket Village, USA, in Dresden, this world's largest basket is the seven-story corporate HQ of the Longaberger Basket Company. I wonder if they have a mascot. Yogi Bear, maybe? Yeah, definitely a smile-worthy building. Except for the darned ants...

Pro Football Hall of Fame [Wikipedia]

I'll bet the Pro Football Hall of Fame, located in Canton, would be another fun place to visit. Interesting tidbit: Ohio had the first professional BASEBALL team in the country. The Cincinnati Reds, who started out as the Red Stockings, got their start back in 1869. Kinda makes me wonder why the baseball hall of fame isn't in Ohio. And if a team is the FIRST professional team, who do they play...?

[morguefile]

Talking about baseball, didja ever hear of the Great Nickel Beer Night Riot? On June 4, 1974, in an ill-conceived promotion intended to attract fans to the stadium to watch the Cleveland Indians play the Texas Rangers, somebody came up with the bright idea of offering five-cent beers. Yeah. Right. Well, the promotion certainly filled the seats. It was the largest crowd Municipal Stadium had seen in years. But a simple Beer 101 equation should've warned them: big crowd plus dirt-cheap beer equals a big inebriated crowd. The crowd grew so rowdy, the baseball players had to leave the field to escape all the beer bottles raining down from the stands, the Indians had to forfeit, and THAT, my friends, was THE END of cheap booze at any U.S. stadium.

Time for a brief intermission. The phenomenal Dayton Hamvention, the largest hamfest in the country, if not the world, is an incredible multi-day experience for any amateur radio operator. There, it's actually cool, and the norm... to be a nerd. Since it'd be next to impossible to capture the essence of this fest in a single snapshot, how about a short video?

                        Okay, back to our tour.

Sopwith Camel [Chris Light- en.wikipedia]

The Sopwith Camel in the picture (an English plane) is one of a bazillion planes on display at the Wright-Patterson USAF Museum near Dayton. Just about everybody knows about the Wright Brothers' test flights at Kitty Hawk, NC, but didja know Dayton was actually their hometown?

Wright Cycle Company [Wikipedia]

The Wright Brothers' bicycle shop was housed in five different locations in the Dayton area. At right is the Wright Cycle Company location now deemed a national historic site.

Neil Armstrong Museum [Wikipedia]

The Neil Armstrong Air and Space Museum is located in Wapakoneta, Ohio. The first man to walk on the moon is a native Ohioan. I've never been there, but I hear the museum is (ahem) outta this world.







Okay, time to relax and check out some of the laws still on the books in Ohio, and see if any of THEM are outta this world. By the way, how about this flag? It's the only state flag shaped like a pennant.

• If you ignore an orator in Ohio on Decoration Day to such an extent as to publicly play croquet or pitch horseshoes within one mile of the speaker, you can be fined twenty-five dollars. (Sheesh, talk about ego!)
• It's illegal for women to wear patent leather shoes in public. 
• Oh, no ya don't! Sorry, but no fishing for whales on Sundays.
• It's also against the law to get a fish drunk. (But some days, that's the only way I can convince one to come home with me...)
• You must honk your horn before passing another car.
• Participating or conducting a duel is prohibited. (But it's okay to watch.)
• It's illegal for more than five women to live in the same house. (What? No sororities?)
• It's against the law to mistreat anything of great importance. (And who, exactly gets to decide?)
• No one may be arrested on a Sunday, or on the fourth of July. (Better plan that heist for Independence Day, gang!)
• In Akron, it's illegal to display colored chicks for sale. (Hide 'em!)
• In Bay Village, it's against the law to walk a cow down Lake Road. (So, do the cha-cha.)
• Now, this one is just plain foul. In Bexley, it's illegal to install and use slot machines in outhouses.
• In Canton, if you lose your pet tiger, you must notify the authorities within an hour.
• In Cleveland, women are forbidden from wearing patent leather shoes, but they at least know the reason here. It's so men can't see a reflection of the women's underwear.
• Also in Cleveland, it's illegal to catch mice without a hunting license. (Wow! Can ya step on a roach?)
• Lima laws say you can't sell any maps there that don't show a clear depiction of Lima on it.
• In Lowell, it's illegal to run a horse over 5 MPH. (Last time I rode a horse, the speedometer was missing.) 
• In McDonald, it's against the law to parade your duck down Ohio Avenue. (I'm telling ya, people... CHA-CHA!)
• In North Canton, it's illegal to roller skate without notifying the police.
• Oxford laws say it's illegal to honk your horn, because it might scare the horses, and it's against the law for a woman to strip off her clothes while standing in front of a man's picture. 
• Better keep a close eye on your pooch in Paulding. It's legal there for a policeman to bite a dog to quiet him.
• In Toledo, it's illegal to throw a snake at anyone.
• And finally, in Youngstown, it's against the law to run out of gas. 

***

Okay, it's that time again. Time for (ta-DA!)

The Weirdest News Stories of the Week

[Wikipedia]

*** Some people just don't know when to leave. Twelve years after a South Carolina woman broke up with her boyfriend, he was discovered living in her attic, using old coats and insulation to line his "bed"... a heating duct. No telling exactly how long he'd been living up there, but he'd fashioned a peep hole above her bed so he could keep an eye on her. Recently, he made more noise than usual, and after investigating, the surprised homeowner learned the rat living in her attic only had two legs. Which he used to flee when the police were summoned. The cheeky rodent is still at large.

[Wikipedia]

*** Eleven-month old Elvis O'Connor is already a seasoned actor. In fact, the little fella was signed by a talent agency before he was even born... based on his image in a pre-natal scan! Agents said they could tell from that scan that he was going to look like his five-year old big sister Alana, who was already a client. She's a regular on Brit TV show CBeebies, while the talented baby is a regular on Mrs. Biggs. Go figure. I dunno. My grandchildren are all beautiful, but in their ultrasound images, they looked a lot like creepy little aliens to me.

[Wikipedia]

*** Is that a gun in your pocket, honey, or are you happy to see me?  [Mae West]

When a flight from Bangkok landed in India for a layover before continuing on to Dubai this week, security personnel opted to frisk several of the male passengers, whose, um, britches looked a little too...  happy. Turns out, they were smuggling lori monkeys in their underwear. (Bangkok, indeed!) The big-eyed exotic monkeys, who measure about 17 cm, (6.7 inches) are much-sought after as pets, but they're also an endangered species. (Especially if those men had beans for lunch.) Another monkey was found discarded in an airport trashcan, so evidently, one of the men decided carrying two of the furry critters in his undies wasn't particularly comfortable. Oh, and if toting a monkey in a pair of tighty whities isn't bizarre enough for you, Indian officials also recently nabbed a man with ten turtles nestled in his Fruit o' the Looms. Jeez. I've heard of guys stuffing a sock down there before, but this is downright ridiculous.
****

                        Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.

The Worst Promotions Ever

Thought for the day:  Imagination will often carry us to worlds that never were. But without it we go nowhere.   Carl Sagan

When I was in the bank the other day, I couldn't help but notice a sign hanging on the wall. It read We have one very powerful business rule. It is concentrated in one word: courtesy. Henry Wells, 1864


Yes, courtesy is important, but as I waited in line, it occurred to me that there are a couple other C words I'd really like to see from today's businesses. How about some competence and decent customer service?

After all, insincere smiles and tepid I'm sorrys only go so far.

I mean, is it too much to ask that the person waiting on you in any business actually knows a little something about the product he wants you to purchase? Is it too much to expect a real person to answer the phone when you call for assistance? A real person who actually knows how to provide that assistance? It'd also be nice if all the people within a company were on the same page, too, so no matter which of them speaks to you, you're going to get the same exact response every time.

Yeah, I know, pipe dreams.

Alas, I realize businesses are essentially in business to make money. As much as they can, with as little effort as possible. Such rarely seen things as competence and customer service must cost too darned much money, I suppose. Silly me.

On the other hand, businesses DO sometimes use promotional campaigns to reach out to their customers. Carl Sagan said imagination can carry us to worlds that never were? Some companies had imagination out the wazoo when they came up with some of their promotional campaigns. And it definitely took them somewhere. Mostly down.

 I gleaned the following information from an article, Biggest Disasters in the History of Marketing, by Evan V. Symon.  (And please forgive me for laughing at the misfortunes of these businesses. I know it isn't very courteous of me.)

As a proud sponsor of the 1984 Olympics, McDonald's ran a special promo, "If the U.S. wins, you win!" Each customer received a scratch-off ticket with an Olympic event printed on it, and if the U.S. won a medal in that event, the customer would win a Big Mac, fries, or Coke, depending on which medal was won. Do you remember the 1984 Olympics? They were held in Los Angeles, and both Russia and East Germany boycotted the games that year. Without the historically tough competitors from those countries participating, the U.S. won a total of 174 medals that year ... including an eye-popping 83 gold medals. Um, that translated to a LOT of  Big Macs. FREE Big Macs. Many, many, MANY more than the company ever anticipated.

In 1986, a discount store named Silo had a glut of stereos on their shelves, so they offered them at a discounted price to get them out the door. Great idea, right? The trouble is, they tried to be hip in their ad. Surely, when they offered those stereos for 299 bananas, everyone would KNOW they meant dollars, right? Right. Maybe they did, and maybe they didn't, but what happened is customers crowded the stores the first (and only) day of the sale with 299 actual bananas in hand. Silo may have gotten a bunch of stereos out the door, but they allegedly lost over $10,000 in that one day. Needless to say, they pulled the ad before they could get buried under another day's mountain of bananas. Kinda made a monkey out of that store, wouldn't you say?

Tesco and Asda are competing supermarkets in Britain, and earlier this year, Tesco launched a promotion wherein if Asda beat their prices, they would pay the customer twice the difference. It appears the company overestimated their bargain prices, and underestimated the willingness of their customers to extend themselves to save a buck. Savvy customers scoured the two stores for price differentials, shared the information via the Internet and many customers raked in mucho moola, and essentially, free products, to boot. But only for so long. The store now has a twenty pound cap on payments.

In the early '90s, Hoover ran a promo that was up, up and away, the worst promotional ever for a business. They offered two free airline tickets to Europe or the U.S. with the purchase of a vacuum cleaner. Someone within the company evidently thought this would be a good way to sell some of the high end models. After all, people would be getting free tickets. Wouldn't they feel justified in splurging on a better vacuum? Ah, in a word, no. People bought the cheapest models. Lots of 'em. The company lost 500 million pounds in this fiasco.

This is your Captain speaking ...

In 1967, San Franciso-based Pacific Airlines was losing money, due in part to extensive media coverage of a recent crash. In a nutshell, customers were extremely nervous about flying with them. So they got desperate. And arguably, stupid. They hired comic Stan Freberg to head up their promotions and to get the company back on the right track, money-wise. He started by taking out a full-page ad. It read Hey there! You with the sweat in your palms. It's about time an airline faced up to something. Most people are scared witless of flying. Deep down inside, every time that big plane lifts off the runway, you wonder if this is it, right? You want to know something, fella? So does the pilot, deep down inside. Oh, that was just gr-r-reat, right? Sure to build up confidence in the nervous. But he wasn't done there. Oh no. In a continuance of his attempt to mock people out of their fear of flying, he had flight attendants hand out survival kits, which included a lucky rabbit's foot, and a security blanket. And at the end of each flight, the flight attendant would go to the intercom and announce, "We made it! How about that!" Not surprising, sales actually went DOWN, Freberg was fired, and the company went down, too. It sold, and later became Air West.

Last November, Walker's Potato Chips, a UK company, came up with a promotional campaign that turned out to be all wet. Once a customer bought one of their bags of chips for 40 pence (~65 cents) he could go online for two (count 'em, TWO!) chances to win ten pounds (~$16) by successfully predicting when and where it would rain. The problem? You may have heard a rumor before ... something about how often it rains in England? Especially in the fall, which is when this ill-fated campaign got under way. Statistics showed a better than one in three chance of rain on any given day, and it didn't take the company long to discover they were shelling out approximately ten pounds in prize money for every three pounds of chips sold. Not exactly stellar numbers. Without warning or fanfare, the site mysteriously went down during a particularly rainy week, when they were set to lose more than a million pounds. And that was the end of THAT promotion.

And THIS is the end of this post.

Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.