Warning: May Contain Political Poo

Thought for the day:  Political language is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind. [George Orwell]

[photo courtesy of Pixel Peeper]

With both major parties holding conventions this month, we can expect even more political wind blowing than usual between now and election day, which most of us welcome about as much as a lingering fart in a crowded elevator. But even worse than all that noxious wind is the stuff of more substance. You know... the political caca.

Yep, there's gonna be an ever-increasing number of outrageous ads filled with half-truths and outright lies dumped on us, more recorded telephone messages from every political (and celebrity) Tom, Dick, and Mary, and an even higher-intensity rhetorical BS than we've had to endure so far. (oh, goody!)

Government is like a baby. An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end, and no sense of responsibility at the other. [Ronald Reagan]

So am I gonna go all blah-blah-blah political on you? No, of course not! Helpful gal that I am, I'm merely gonna show you what I consider to be an appropriate fleet of patriotic vehicles that is ready, willing, and able to serve our country throughout this highly excremental political season. Yep, I'd say these fine trucks are definitely up to handling the inauspicious dooty...

     
                 (Hey! When you have a crappy job, you've gotta keep your sense of humor.)                            
                                 Laughter is the shortest distance between friends. 

                                Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.

Poly Ticks

Thought for the day:  No man's good enough to govern another man without the other's consent. [Abraham Lincoln]

[morguefile]

Since the beginning of recorded history, politicians have been both revered and reviled... revered by themselves, and reviled by the rest of us. Heck, even before the start of recorded history, I'll betcha a handful of cave men considered themselves to be in charge, while the rest of 'em went along, simply because they didn't give a jolly damn who did the leading.

Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.  [Plato]

[morguefile]

I dunno. Maybe that's how so many clowns end up in office. Maybe voters just don't care.

What spurred this head-scratching line of thought is the recent re-election of a fella named Joseph D. Morrissey. This guy has such a long history of getting into fistfights, being in contempt of court, and getting thrown in jail, his nickname is Fighting Joe, and because of his habitual unethical and inappropriate behavior, he lost his license to practice law more than a decade ago. In 1992, voters had no problem electing him when he was in jail, so I guess they figured it was no big deal to do it again.  Yep, he is currently serving time for contributing to the delinquency of a minor (for having sex with a seventeen-year-old employee), but courtesy of a work-release program, the scoundrel is spending his days serving in Virginia's General Assembly, and his nights cooling his heels in the slammer.

[morguefile]

Now, I don't mean to pick on the voters in Virginia. It isn't as though that's an isolated case. Nope. Unfortunately, voters all over the country seem to have no problem putting ethically-challenged people in office... over and over again. Are our choices that bad that a mayor who's been put in jail for cocaine use can get re-elected as soon as he's freed? To show how intelligent and capable that D.C. mayor (Marion Barry) was, he actually asked, What right does Congress have to go around making laws just because they deem it necessary? 

Are our choices that bad that a politician who's repeatedly lied to the public, cheated on his family, and used taxpayer money to fly off to South America to be with his mistress is later forgiven, not by his wife, who divorced him, but by the voters, who accepted his mea culpa and happily put him back in office?

Georgia's no different. Most voters don't even raise an eyebrow about the shady ethics and even shadier backroom deals conducted by the good ol' boys who run our state. Business as usual, I guess.

Remember Gary Hart? When he was trying to capture the Democratic nomination for president, he was captured on film with a very curvaceous young lady... to whom he was not married, if ya get my drift. Know what he said? The attractive lady whom I had only recently been introduced to dropped into my lap – I chose not to dump her off. (What a gentleman!)

At least, he had the decency to drop out of the running and into obscurity. Can't say as much for plenty of other politicians, who continue to get away with improprieties out the wazoo. Somehow, I don't think Ted Kennedy was even offended by his nickname: Tyrannosaurus Sex. Massachusetts voters must not have been offended by his drunkenness and womanizing, either. They elected him to term after term, even after a pregnant young lady died in his car when he drove off a bridge in the summer of 1969. He swam to safety.

So what qualifies someone for political office these day? Evidently, it's not ethics, and I don't think it's brains, either. Must be MONEY, and lots of it. Name recognition helps, too. Voters seem to mark the ballot for the person they kinda sorta remember hearing something about... even if they can't remember what it was they heard...

Sigh.

Oh well, I got that off my chest. Now let's make fun of some of our past politicians, shall we? (They make it soooooo easy.)


In the category of I don't think this is what they meant to say:

• This President is going to lead us out of this recovery.  [Dan Quayle] 
• A zebra does not change its spots.  [Al Gore] 
• It's no exaggeration to say that the undecided could go one way or another. [George Bush, Sr.] 
• Rarely is the question asked "Is our children learning?"  [George W Bush]
• That low down scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass - and I'm just the one to do it! [Texan Congressional candidate]
• Traditionally, most of our imports come from overseas. [Australian minister Keppel Enderby] 
• Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we. [George W. Bush] 
• Things are more like they are now, than they ever were before. [Dwight D Eisenhower] 
• If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign!  [George W Bush] 
• I stand by all the misstatements that I've made. [Dan Quayle]

Ahhh, V.P. Dan Quayle. He deserves a category all to himself. (Bless his heart.)

• One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
• I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix. 
• It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago. 
• I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people. 
• We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe. 
• The global importance of the Middle East is that it keeps the Far East and the Near East from encroaching on each other. 
• We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world.
• I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change. 
• We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur. 
• The future will be better tomorrow.

Our two Presidents Bush said so many cockamamie things, there have been whole books written about Bushisms. This is what a couple other politicians had to say about them:  He can't help it. He was born with a silver foot in his mouth. [Ann Richards, former Texas governor, about the senior Bush]  If ignorance goes to forty dollars a barrel, I want drilling rights to George Bush's head. [Jim Hightower, former Texas Commissioner of Agriculture, about the younger Bush] 

Oh what the heck, thanks to our colorful politicians, political cartoonists are never lacking for a topic. Talk about job security. The only thing wrong with political jokes is... they keep getting elected.

Political language is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind.  [George Orwell]

A politician thinks of the next election – a statesman, of the next generation. [James Freeman Clarke]

Yep, that's what we need. More statesmen, and less politicians. We need more people on the scene like Winston Churchhill. But just wait a minute... before you Brits get all high-and-mighty because your leaders don't get involved in as many scandals as ours here in the upstart colonies, I heard your Prince Charles was recently caught getting down and dirty. Uh-huh. That's right. Way down and dirty. Heh, heh, heh.

Um, never mind. My bad. Turns out he was 250 feet underground to mark the 150th anniversary of London's sewers. 

                          Big deal! Our leaders generate plenty of stink all by themselves.

[source: the lovely Pixel Peeper's blog ]

                                      Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.

Big Brother Busting His Britches?

Thought for the day:  I think the world is run by C students.  [Al McGuire]

Good parents give their children guidelines all the time, and in general, those dos and don't dos are meant to protect our little ones. Don't play with fire. Look both ways before crossing the street. Don't interrupt Mommy when she's reading a book, and for Heaven's sake, leave Dad alone when the football game's in overtime. You get the idea.

But how about our governments? Just how great a job are they doing at looking out for our welfare? And how bright are our world leaders? Ayn Rand said, The only power any government has is the power to crack down on criminals. Well, when there aren't enough criminals, make them. One declares so many things to be a crime that it becomes impossible for men to live without breaking laws.


Intriguing thought, eh? I'm not saying I agree with her, but governments around the world certainly have placed a ban on a host of unusual things. Not sure how bright they are, either. You've probably heard of the ol' Banned in Boston stigma, but have you heard of any of these bans:

How about a ban against small boobs? Well, not exactly, but that's how it's playing out. According to the Australian government, there's no place in porn flicks for small breasts. Not saying they're all lecherous  fans of gigantic tatas, (not saying they aren't, either) but the law gives the Australian Classification Board the right to ban any adult film that they believe depicts a woman who may be less than eighteen years of age. Makes sense to put the kibbosh on kiddie porn, but the end result of this ban is that movies are being banned based solely on the size of an actress' cup size. Who cares if the ol' gal has wrinkles? Them thar boobs are too danged small!

Since most game consoles are made in China, it seems a bit bizarre that it's against the law to actually SELL the consoles there. In 2000, the government decided young people were spending entirely too much time playing, when they should be working. Not sure how effective this ban has proven to be at getting the kiddies into more industrious pursuits, though, because plenty of non-console games are still readily available for sale within the country.

Talking about video games, for a while, all video games were taboo in Greece. The ban started at the beginning of 2002, in a well-intentioned attempt to rid the country of gambling machines. Unfortunately, the law was written in such broad terms, it essentially outlawed all video games. However, the ban was declared unconstitutional by the end of that year.




You must obey the law always, not only when they grab you by your special place.  [Vladimir Putin]

Here's another lulu. The Chinese government put a ban on  reincarnation without prior consent. Kinda reminds me of the joke I hung on the lab wall back in the '60s that listed a bunch of bogus workplace rules. One was that you had to give two weeks' notice before dying. (Believe it or not, one of my co-workers thought it was for real, too.) Anyway, this ban is an attempt to establish control over the Tibetan Buddhists, including the Dalai Lama.

I used to think Denmark was a bastion of liberalism. Not so much. Would you believe they have the strictest child-naming guidelines in the world? Parents must either select names from a government-approved list, or seek special permission for an exception. (Guess there's no Ima Hogg there, huh?)







Government is not reason; it is not eloquent; it is force. Like fire, it is a dangerous servant, and a fearful master. [George Washington]

Jasmine is a lovely flower, isn't it? Smells wonderful, too. But this delicate, sweet-smelling flower is banned in China. Following the Jasmine Revolution in Tunisia, the Chinese government not only banned the flower from their country, but also any song about the flower, or any use of the word in a text message.

Because the government of Saudi Arabia considers the celebration of Valentine's Day to be a violation of Muslim beliefs, all florists and gift shops must remove everything red or symbolic of romance from their shelves prior to the holiday, and are banned from selling any such items to their would-be customers. But Cupid refuses to be denied. Lovers can buy red roses and other romantic goods through a thriving Valentine's Day black market...  for a mere six times their usual value. 






Government, even in its best state, is but a necessary evil; in its worst state, an intolerable one. [Thomas Paine]

Iran, like many other countries in the Middle East, wants to curb the spread of what they perceive as Western decadence. To that end, many Western haircuts are banned. There is actually a list of government-approved haircuts. To be sure, the one in this picture would be taboo. Ditto, mullets, ponytails, and spikes. 






















Government is like a baby. An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.  [Ronald Reagan]


So, whatcha think? What's the oddest ban YOU ever heard of? Or better yet, what do you think SHOULD be banned? Salespeople who know absolutely nothing about the product they're trying to sell you? Those annoying robot telephone calls? Calls made for technical assistance that are routed to some other country, where the helper obviously doesn't have a firm grasp of your language? Products that fall apart two days after the warranty expires? Something else? Do tell.

As for me, I'll wear my hair however I darned well please.

              Fear not. Even if Big Brother is getting too big for his britches... he'll  be exposed in the end.

                                         Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other

[The info in this post was gleaned from a 2011 article written by Jill Harness, entitled, 11 Things You Won't Believe Governments Have Banned.]