The Ups and Downs of Technology

Thought for the day: The production of too many useful things results in too many useless people. [Karl Marx]

[icanhascheezburger.com]

I may be a bit of a fuddy-duddy, but I'm not the kind of fuddy-duddy who rips at my clothing and smears ashes on my face over the horrors of new technology. Quite the contrary. While I do admittedly hang onto some of my old ways out of a determination not to cede any of my hard-earned abilities to some new-fangled gadget,  (like a calculator... HA!) I'm also excited by amazing technological advances.

I like my new telephone, my computer works just fine, my calculator is perfect, but Lord, I miss my mind!  [author unknown]

Tell ya what, let's kick some technology around, just for fun. Along with some of the newer stuff, I'm gonna include a handful of excerpts from past posts, as well. First, we'll start with something that first appeared in a July, 2011, post. I believe I referred to the technology back then as... electric boobs.

For Dolly Parton's iKini, perhaps?

***   New York designer Andrew Schneider created quite a buzz when he came up with a way for women to charge their gadgets with... their boobs. Sorta. Called the iKini, his design, currently available from Solar Coterie for about two hundred dollars, is a bikini covered in photovoltaic strips, (i.e. solar panels) terminated in a USB connector capable of providing 5 volts. And yes, it IS possible to swim in it, ladies, provided you remember to unplug your gadgets first. And oh yeah, better not try to reconnect until you're completely dry. Men, never fear. Another  version is in the works just for you. The solar shorts, to be dubbed iDrink, will feature a higher voltage output capable of  powering a peltier junction, which will connect to a custom coozy, so you can keep your beer cold while charging your iPod. (Too bad Mr. Schneider didn't figure out how to harness methane in his design, too. Some men could power a small TV ...)

And then, in February of 2012, I mentioned another innovation:

***  These guys from the Netherlands may be brilliant computer gurus, but their sense of fashion leaves something to be desired. Erik de Nijs and Tim Smit recently unveiled their new creation, which they've dubbed  Beauty and the Geek. It's a pair of jeans ... with a built-in full-size Bluetooth enabled keyboard. (Talk about a laptop!) Integrated speakers and a wireless mouse are included with the pants, and the invention works with a USB device and wireless connection. The idea is to allow users to walk around, but still be in control of their computer. Okay. Um, what I'd like to know is ... how do you wash these things?

But NOW??? Holy moley, wearable technology has grown by leaps and bounds.

[wikimedia commons]

[wikipedia]

***  NOW... we have eyeglasses for hooking up to the Internet, and  smart watches that can do just about everything but cook dinner. Then again, I'll betcha those smarty-pants watches can make reservations at your favorite restaurant, or make a list of things to buy at the grocery store... and even tell ya where the stuff you need is on sale for the best price. (Not sure if they can actually tell you what time it is.... but heck! your smart phone can to that, right?) NOW there's all kinds of smart clothing that can monitor body functions and movements. The science of wearable technology may be in its infancy, but it's growing bigger every day. The smaller and more powerful processors become, the easier it is to incorporate their capabilities into something that's not only portable... but wearable. Last month, Georgia Tech held a two-day symposium to highlight some of the wearable tech work that's being done by students and faculty there. Things like the haptic gloves, designed by PhD student James Hallam, which enable stroke victims to more quickly recover the use of a weakened hand, essentially teaching it by by utilizing feedback from their strong hand. Things like the Smart Ballet Shoes and Ballet Hero, both designed by Emily Keen as a valuable tool to teach the fine art of ballet dancing. In addition to the many projects and prototypes demonstrated at the symposium, industry representatives were in attendance, too, to see how they might capitalize on some of these innovative ideas. [If you're curious about how some of this kinda stuff has already been implemented, check this page, created by Canadian Tom Emirch. Thanks to his efforts, Canada is one of the leaders in wearable technology.]

Gee, do you think technological advances might improve the workplace? Not so much, according to this piece from a post I did in February of 2012...

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***  I've heard of efforts to eliminate waste in the workplace before, but this is downright ridiculous. Picture this: flashing lights, a blaring alarm, and the loud admonition, "Time's up, you slacker! Get yer can off that can!" Okay, so that isn't exactly what's happening, but employees at a call center in Norway are being monitored by a high-tech surveillance system that triggers an alarm if they spend more than eight minutes of the workday in the bathroom. That's right. Evidently, flashing lights alert supervisors to the time-wasting  loo loiterers, but needless to say, the employees' union is protesting the crappy policy, and have high hopes this new intrusion into poo-break privacy will go the way of other failed means to control their potty habits. Last year, one Norwegian firm actually made female employees wear a red bracelet during their "time of the month" to justify more frequent trips to the bathroom. (Think they considered brown bracelets for employees with the runs, or green ones for tummy upsets and pregnancies?) Another company made employees sign a lavatory visitor's book, and still another issued electronic bathroom key cards. And here, I always considered Norway to be a bastion of freedom and individual rights. Turns out some of their companies have forgotten about man's inalienable right to sit on the throne. Hmmmph! I'm betting their bathrooms don't even have magazine racks.

[wikimedia commons]

*** I guess you've all heard about the 65-year-old German woman who recently gave birth to quadruplets. In case you aren't familiar with the story, the soon-to-be-retired teacher already has thirteen children, ranging in age from 9 to 44, but it seems her nine-year-old daughter wanted a younger sibling. So, uh... why not? I guess she figured, since technology could make it possible for someone her age to get pregnant, she might as well go for it. And go for it she did... all the way to the Ukraine, where donated eggs were fertilized and implanted into her post-menopausal body. Multiple times. (If at first you don't succeed... ?)  The tiny premature quads were recently delivered by C-section, and last I heard, are in critical condition. So what do you think? German doctors had advised her against it, saying it was much too dangerous for both her and any potential baby. Was it selfish for her to proceed? Was it an ethical choice? Or was it a matter of her body, her decision, so it's none of our business? (What I really want to know is how much money does Germany pay its teachers??? Holy moley...)

NASA photo by John Hop [wikipedia]

***  The spacecraft Messenger was the first to orbit another planet... Mercury... and this photo was taken in 2011 on its first fly-by of that planet. Over the past four years, it has circled Mercury more than 4000 times, and took more than 277,000 photos of it. (Geez, that's even more than we took of our first son...) Last month, as planned, it ended its mission with a crash landing.

As planned. Isn't it amazing that scientists can direct, monitor, communicate... and even land, whether soft or crash... space probes from such incredible distances, and with such phenomenal accuracy? Boggles the mind. (Too bad our newspaper delivery person can't do as well.)

[wikipedia commons]

***  Isn't that a cool-looking model of DNA? The advances made since its discovery are also nothing short of mind-boggling. Like the stuff of science fiction... and not just for the purposes of answering those annoying talk show hosts' question: Who's your baby's daddy? Yeah, DNA testing can determine paternity, but it can also ascertain the presence or likelihood of developing a particular disease, and all kinds of other amazing state-of-the-art things.

Then again, it can also be used for more, uh, mundane things, as described in this old clip from a July, 2011, post...

[morguefile]

***  It's terribly annoying when a neighbor repeatedly allows his pooch to use your yard as as its own personal potty, isn't it? It's annoying to a New Hampshire apartment complex owner, too. The plentiful piles of poo were ruining the aesthetics of her lovely complex, doggone it, so she decided to do something about it. Residents have until today to submit pet (ahem) samples, so she can use them to set up a doggie DNA file. That's right. From now on, when an unpleasant mound of manure is found, she's gonna test the dog doo DNA to reveal the inconsiderate culprit. She doesn't yet know what she's gonna do once the doo is identified. Perhaps a fine, she says. (How about lighting a paper bag of "evidence" outside the offender's door?)

A recent article in the newspaper reminded me of that earlier post, because DNA-testing dog poop seems to be a more popular pastime than ever. According to the article, twenty-six apartment and condo complexes in the Seattle area alone have recently obtained DNA test kits from a company in Tennessee called BioPet Vet Lab. And guess what? A quick Google search revealed there are plenty more companies offering this same service. Who'd a thunk it? While some people fume over the stinking heaps of poo dumped in their yards, others are raking in heaps of money because of it. What a country.

photo from US Navy [wikipedia]

*** A couple years ago, I did a post about Military Working Dogs. It's amazing what they can do. They're even trained to jump out of airplanes! (YES... more than once...) Now let's talk about dolphins and sea lions. Did you know they're trained by the Navy to do stuff like detect land mines? Yes, we already have advanced sonar and listening technology, but dolphins and sea lions, with their keen eyesight and biological sonar, have proven to be experts at detecting mines, swimmers, and mini-submarines, so they can be invaluable in thwarting possible terrorist attacks. Currently, the Navy has 90 dolphins and 50 sea lions, which are being trained in San Diego. Many of these critters have already made multiple deployments to trouble spots in the world. Today, they work alongside Unmanned Underwater Vehicles, and some day, the UUVs may be advanced enough to do the job on their own, but for now? Their innate abilities, coupled with extensive training, make dolphins and sea lions an integral part of national defense. Sometimes, technology can be trumped by good old-fashioned biology.

[morguefile]

*** Okay, technically, this last piece doesn't have anything to do with technology at all; I just thought it was... funny.

Ready? Chinese officials are launching a campaign to crack down on strip shows... at, um...  funerals...

Yeah, at funerals. Seems like an odd combination to me, too.

But not to the Chinese, especially to those who live in rural areas. See, to their way of thinking, having a good crowd at a funeral is a way of honoring the deceased, and what better way to bring in a crowd than to provide entertainment? At one time, operas were performed at funerals, and later on, movies were shown. Offering erotic strip teases and lewd shows is the more popular method to attract a crowd these days, though. Some fad. Somehow, I don't think I'd feel all that honored if a bunch of strange men were drooling over some hot chick at my funeral... but that could just be me. After all, I am a bit of a fuddy-duddy.

                                          Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.

In the Bowling Alley of Tomorrow, there will even be machines that wear rental shoes and throw the ball for you. Your sole function will be to drink beer.  [Dave Barry]

Poly Ticks

Thought for the day:  No man's good enough to govern another man without the other's consent. [Abraham Lincoln]

[morguefile]

Since the beginning of recorded history, politicians have been both revered and reviled... revered by themselves, and reviled by the rest of us. Heck, even before the start of recorded history, I'll betcha a handful of cave men considered themselves to be in charge, while the rest of 'em went along, simply because they didn't give a jolly damn who did the leading.

Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.  [Plato]

[morguefile]

I dunno. Maybe that's how so many clowns end up in office. Maybe voters just don't care.

What spurred this head-scratching line of thought is the recent re-election of a fella named Joseph D. Morrissey. This guy has such a long history of getting into fistfights, being in contempt of court, and getting thrown in jail, his nickname is Fighting Joe, and because of his habitual unethical and inappropriate behavior, he lost his license to practice law more than a decade ago. In 1992, voters had no problem electing him when he was in jail, so I guess they figured it was no big deal to do it again.  Yep, he is currently serving time for contributing to the delinquency of a minor (for having sex with a seventeen-year-old employee), but courtesy of a work-release program, the scoundrel is spending his days serving in Virginia's General Assembly, and his nights cooling his heels in the slammer.

[morguefile]

Now, I don't mean to pick on the voters in Virginia. It isn't as though that's an isolated case. Nope. Unfortunately, voters all over the country seem to have no problem putting ethically-challenged people in office... over and over again. Are our choices that bad that a mayor who's been put in jail for cocaine use can get re-elected as soon as he's freed? To show how intelligent and capable that D.C. mayor (Marion Barry) was, he actually asked, What right does Congress have to go around making laws just because they deem it necessary? 

Are our choices that bad that a politician who's repeatedly lied to the public, cheated on his family, and used taxpayer money to fly off to South America to be with his mistress is later forgiven, not by his wife, who divorced him, but by the voters, who accepted his mea culpa and happily put him back in office?

Georgia's no different. Most voters don't even raise an eyebrow about the shady ethics and even shadier backroom deals conducted by the good ol' boys who run our state. Business as usual, I guess.

Remember Gary Hart? When he was trying to capture the Democratic nomination for president, he was captured on film with a very curvaceous young lady... to whom he was not married, if ya get my drift. Know what he said? The attractive lady whom I had only recently been introduced to dropped into my lap – I chose not to dump her off. (What a gentleman!)

At least, he had the decency to drop out of the running and into obscurity. Can't say as much for plenty of other politicians, who continue to get away with improprieties out the wazoo. Somehow, I don't think Ted Kennedy was even offended by his nickname: Tyrannosaurus Sex. Massachusetts voters must not have been offended by his drunkenness and womanizing, either. They elected him to term after term, even after a pregnant young lady died in his car when he drove off a bridge in the summer of 1969. He swam to safety.

So what qualifies someone for political office these day? Evidently, it's not ethics, and I don't think it's brains, either. Must be MONEY, and lots of it. Name recognition helps, too. Voters seem to mark the ballot for the person they kinda sorta remember hearing something about... even if they can't remember what it was they heard...

Sigh.

Oh well, I got that off my chest. Now let's make fun of some of our past politicians, shall we? (They make it soooooo easy.)


In the category of I don't think this is what they meant to say:

• This President is going to lead us out of this recovery.  [Dan Quayle] 
• A zebra does not change its spots.  [Al Gore] 
• It's no exaggeration to say that the undecided could go one way or another. [George Bush, Sr.] 
• Rarely is the question asked "Is our children learning?"  [George W Bush]
• That low down scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass - and I'm just the one to do it! [Texan Congressional candidate]
• Traditionally, most of our imports come from overseas. [Australian minister Keppel Enderby] 
• Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we. [George W. Bush] 
• Things are more like they are now, than they ever were before. [Dwight D Eisenhower] 
• If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign!  [George W Bush] 
• I stand by all the misstatements that I've made. [Dan Quayle]

Ahhh, V.P. Dan Quayle. He deserves a category all to himself. (Bless his heart.)

• One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
• I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix. 
• It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago. 
• I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people. 
• We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe. 
• The global importance of the Middle East is that it keeps the Far East and the Near East from encroaching on each other. 
• We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world.
• I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change. 
• We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur. 
• The future will be better tomorrow.

Our two Presidents Bush said so many cockamamie things, there have been whole books written about Bushisms. This is what a couple other politicians had to say about them:  He can't help it. He was born with a silver foot in his mouth. [Ann Richards, former Texas governor, about the senior Bush]  If ignorance goes to forty dollars a barrel, I want drilling rights to George Bush's head. [Jim Hightower, former Texas Commissioner of Agriculture, about the younger Bush] 

Oh what the heck, thanks to our colorful politicians, political cartoonists are never lacking for a topic. Talk about job security. The only thing wrong with political jokes is... they keep getting elected.

Political language is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind.  [George Orwell]

A politician thinks of the next election – a statesman, of the next generation. [James Freeman Clarke]

Yep, that's what we need. More statesmen, and less politicians. We need more people on the scene like Winston Churchhill. But just wait a minute... before you Brits get all high-and-mighty because your leaders don't get involved in as many scandals as ours here in the upstart colonies, I heard your Prince Charles was recently caught getting down and dirty. Uh-huh. That's right. Way down and dirty. Heh, heh, heh.

Um, never mind. My bad. Turns out he was 250 feet underground to mark the 150th anniversary of London's sewers. 

                          Big deal! Our leaders generate plenty of stink all by themselves.

[source: the lovely Pixel Peeper's blog ]

                                      Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.