Friday, February 13, 2015

Smells Like Love

Thought for the day:  If love had a scent, I don't think it would smell like chocolate and roses. I think it'd smell more like baby powder and pot roast. 


Okay, guys, consider this your own personal public service announcement: tomorrow is Valentine's Day. There. You've been warned. As if the advertisers would let you forget, huh? They've been bombarding us with reminders for more than a month. I dunno. Seems to me that's an awful lot of pressure to put on one little ol' day, don't you?

Anyhow, so how do you like my love monkey? I'm not talking about Smarticus; I'm talking about that cute little stuffed monkey in the picture, which he gave me for Valentine's Day a few years ago. If you squeeze his belly, he gives a wolf whistle, and says in a dirty ol' man kinda voice, I go bananas over you!  Again, I'm talking about the monkey, not Smarticus, although come to think of it, it's just the sort of thing he would say. That's why it's such a perfect gift. Forget about jewelry and furs, and all that jazz. A gift that makes me laugh wins me over every time.


[morguefile]

Then again, chocolate ain't bad, either. After all, a box of candy is never the wrong size, right? Although it came close to being too large one year. Smarticus bought me a box of chocolates big enough to cover the entire top of the coffee table. I kid you not. Whew! Talk about a LOT of candy! It took me almost a whole hour to eat it all. (Just kidding. It took more like seventy minutes.)

I'll never forget some of the romantic cards and gifts Smarticus has given me over the years. (sigh) We were all of twelve or thirteen the first time he wrote a poem (just for me!) in my autograph book. It went like this: Roses are red; violets are blue. You've got a shape like a B-52. I mean, doesn't that send shivers of sheer delight up and down your spine?

We weren't much older than that when he extended a lovely decorated box toward me, smiled seductively, and told me to open it. When I did, I found a barf-worthy severed finger lying atop a fluffy bed of cotton. It was his finger, of course, stuck through a hole in the box bottom and doctored up to look as disgusting as he could make it. Yeah, I know. Smarticus was a bit of a farticus in those days.

But, what can I say? I married him anyway. How could I not? He's a gen-u-ine original, and even after all these years, he still knows how to make me laugh, and still knows how to make my heart sing.

[morguefile]

Talking about original, have you ever wondered who this St. Valentine fella was and how he came to be associated with a feast day devoted to love? Or why we associate the day with the color red... with red roses in particular... and why we exchange Valentines?

Well, then, you've come to the right place.

Our man Valentine was a priest in Rome during the reign of Claudius the Cruel, an emperor with an unholy affinity for declaring war. In fact, this dude's wars were so frequent and so unpopular, it got to where very few men were joining the military. The emperor, who was evidently just as stupid as he was cruel, decided the only reason men weren't rushing to fight his wonderful wars was because they were too darned attached to their wives and family. So he came up with a solution. He banned marriages.

Oh, but fear not. Our hero priest continued to perform marriage ceremonies in secret. That is, until the mean ol' emperor found out about it, and had him killed. By beating, stoning, and then beheading. (Talk about overkill.) Valentine died on February 14, 270. (Ah, HA!)

Legend has it that he left a special note for the jailer's daughter, and signed it... from your Valentine. 

So, why the color red, you ask? For obvious reasons, blood red is the color of martyrs. And thanks to the martyred St. Valentine... it also became the color of love. Red roses represent Venus, the goddess of love. And if legend is correct, Valentine himself sent the first Valentine card. St. Valentine's feast day was established in 496, but it didn't become recognized as a lovers' holiday and big day of romance until ten centuries later, when popular belief held that the fourteenth of February marked the start of mating season for birds.

[morguefile]


So, if you consider Valentine's Day to be for the birds... you aren't entirely wrong.









[wikipedia]
At right is an example of a 1909 Valentine's Day card, which I found on Wikipedia. As a young girl, I remember buying big fancy cards for my mother... complete with scented stuffed satin hearts and lace around the edges... for the exorbitant price of thirty-five cents. My sweet Smarticus has sent me a bunch of beautiful cards over the years, but he'd still probably be more comfortable with one that said: Roses are red; violets are blue. Sugar is sweet, and so are you... The roses are wilting; the violets are dead. The sugar bowl's empty, and so is your head.

Just kidding. He's actually quite the romantic. (But I sure am glad he didn't know about St. Valentine losing his head over love when we were kids. The finger was bad enough.)




Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never met.

Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in muddy boots.

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Love doesn't make the world go 'round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile. [Franklin P. Jones]

You can't blame gravity for falling in love.  [Albert Einstein]


[wikipedia]
Lots of things are considered aphrodisiacs... like big red juicy strawberries, and rich dark chocolate... or better yet, big red juicy strawberries dipped in rich dark chocolate...

Um, where was I...?

Oh, yeah. I wanted to tell you guys about one of the best aphrodisiacs of all time. Wanta put your lady love in the mood? Do the dinner dishes. I tell ya, nothing is as sexy to a woman as seeing her man tackling a load of dishes  while she's in the easy chair with her feet propped up... eating strawberries dipped in chocolate. Or if ya reeeeeally want to make her weak in the knees... clean the toilet bowl. 

.

Anyhow, whether you ignore the day, celebrate it in a small way, or go reeeally BIG... Happy Valentine's Day, y'all.

You know... it's a shame we don't celebrate love...  every day.

                                        Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.

P.S. Looking for another kinda love... like the love of a reeeeeally good book? I recently had the honor of reading the ARC (Advanced Reader Copy) of Linda Grimes' third book The Big Fix. Love, love, LOVED it! It won't be released until May, (sorry!) but if you haven't read the first two books in this awesome series yet, (In a Fix and Quick Fix) now's your chance. These books are fun, adventurous, laugh-out-loud sexy romps, and unlike anything you've ever read before. Trust me... they are pure unadulterated FUN. Linda has out-Evanoviched Evanovich. Check 'em out. You may even be able to find them in your local library. 

Never go to bed mad--- stay up and fight.  [Phyllis Diller]

78 comments:

  1. I just ordered "In a Fix"--I'm a big Evanovich fan!!

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  2. Informative, humorous, witty, and charming. That's what we always expect and you never fail to deliver.
    I hope your Valentine's Day is warm and wonderful - - sharing chocolate dipped strawberries with Smarticus (AFTER he does the dishes, of course).

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    1. Thanks, cowboy. Sweet of you to say. ☺

      I hope your Valentine's Day is warm and wonderful, too. Well... wonderful, anyway. I think it's gonna be pretty doggone cold in your neck of the woods this weekend.

      Delete
  3. I LOVE your love monkey!
    I think love smells like vanilla.
    Happy Valentine's day to you and Smarticus.

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    1. Thanks. Both of my love monkeys are pretty darned special.

      Yeah, vanilla. That's good. Or maybe warm chocolate chip cookies, fresh from the oven. (Darn it... now I'm gonna have to bake today...)

      Happy Valentine's Day to you, too.

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  4. I'm in the mood for strawberries and chocolate now. Happy Valentine's Day.

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    1. I'm always in the mood for strawberries and chocolate!

      Happy Valentine's Day, Medeia.

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  5. Smarticus is hilarious... I like a guy who can make me laugh but I would want some romanticism too. I am going to a Valentines dance tonight... I plan to just have fun and dance... I hope you have a great and funny Valentines Susan... xox

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    1. Yeah, Smartius is just the right combo of funny and romantic. I'm not sure how I got so darned lucky.

      I hope you have a WONDERFUL time at that dance tonight! Happy weekend.

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  6. You got the right guy....a man who can make you laugh.

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    1. I sure did! To me, a sense of humor is a must-have.

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  7. All I can say is that you are one lucky gal. Hope you two love birds have a fabulous day :)

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    1. No question about it. My lucky cup definitely runneth over.

      Thanks.

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  8. Aw, thank you! <3 <3 <3 I'm so glad you enjoyed The Big Fix. Readers like your are what make writing worthwhile. :)

    Oh, and one of my brothers pulled that severed-finger trick on me when I was a kid. I screamed ... and then went and did the same thing to one of my friends.

    Happy Valentine's Day! May chocolate abound.

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    1. Right back atcha. Writers like you are what make reading worthwhile. :)

      Love it. Nice to know you've got some of that same funny devil in you. (Not surprised, though!)

      Happy Valentine's Day to you, too. May chocolate and WINE abound.

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  9. The one ingredient that long marriages have is that the couple can make each other laugh. A sense of humor is the sexiest thing there is and is the glue that keeps them together, especially in the hard times.

    Did you know that St. Valentine's best friend was St. Hallmark? They were introduced by their mutual friend, Maxine.

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    1. I agree. For the long haul, a sense of humor and intelligence are the two sexiest things. Memories of the once-upon-a-time hard bod don't hurt, either...

      HA! That money-grubbing St. Hallmark shoulda kept his nose out of it...

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  10. lol now that is some rhyme, no empty head came up with that, right? Good to know where the commercialized day came from at least

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    1. Nope, no empty head came up with that one. But it may have earned the originator a smack upside his clever head.

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  11. Valentine's Day? I'll have to read your post a few more times. I thought it was a day when a bunch of mob guys rubbed out their rivals. I guess I'll ask my wife about it.

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    1. HA! Yeah, there was that massacre...

      But I betcha you're already prepared to be extra sweet to your sweetie. Happy Valentine's Day!

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    2. Oh yeah. Read my latest post!

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  12. My mother was fond of saying that love goes where it's sent, even if it is in a cow patty. Folks who think this is a pessimistic outlook didn't know my mother. It was her way of saying be grateful to have love in your life and make the most out of it. Don't ask where I'm going with this train of thought. I was reading your post, and Mom's voice popped into my head.

    Happy Valentine's Day to you and Smarticus, and keep laughing. Any day with laughter is not wasted.

    VR Barkowski

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    1. That doesn't sound like a pessimistic saying to me. Not at all. It's along the same lines of, "When life hands you lemons, make lemonade." Um, not that love's a lemon... (And it's nice to know this post brought your mother's voice to mind.)

      Happy Valentine's Day to you, too. Even on the worst of days, there's always something to laugh about.

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  13. the B52 punchline is hilarious. I go for funny any day and Ray doesn't let me down. Love is wacky but keeps life interesting. Have a super Valentine's weekend

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    1. Yep, if there's plenty of funny and love in your life, every day's an adventure. Life's too darned short to take ourselves too seriously.

      You and Ray have a super Valentine's Day... and weekend... too.

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  14. I'm not big into Valentine's day but I do love the chocolates and strawberries. :D And the puppy picture at the top of your blog is adorable!

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    1. Hey, don't limit yourself to Valentine's Day... chocolate and strawberries are intended to be an all-year round pleasure.

      Thanks for noticing the puppy. I think he's adorable, too.

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  15. Smarticus is quite the poet.
    I remember St. Valentine being tied to a pillar and being killed by arrows.
    Great start to a holiday.

    cheers, parsnip

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    1. HA! Isn't he, though?

      Gee, I dunno. I think being tied to a pillar and getting killed with arrows would be a pretty crappy way to start a holiday...

      Cheers back atcha!

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  16. I love Smarticus' finger joke LOL. I would have married him just for that. Love the thought for the day, too. How true is that?

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    1. Well, then I hope you find a special someone who will "give you the finger", too. So to speak...

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  17. I wish you a lovely Valentine's Day, Susan. Your enjoyable post is the perfect reminder that I need to find a gift at the nursery --she likes plants.

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    1. And a very lovely Valentine's Day to you and Norma, too. Uh-huh. She likes plants... you used to be a gardener... a coincidence? I think not.

      Have a terrific weekend!

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  18. Okay. We're celebrating the day a man was stoned to death. I knew I didn't like Valentine's Day very much.

    My husband and I will probably celebrate with sushi. Which makes tomorrow like most Saturdays ...

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    1. HA! Now that you put it like THAT...

      Oh yeah, nothing says love like raw fish. Enjoy!

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  19. Happy Valentine's Day! That's also my mum's birthday! :-)

    Greetings from London.

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    1. Happy Valentine's Day to you, and a very happy birthday to your mom.

      Greetings back atcha.

      Delete
  20. Love this post and was giggling all the way through...apart from at all that stoning and beheading stuff. I definitely would have married Smarticus too. There is nothing like a man with a sense of humour and a huge box of chocolates.

    Happy Valentine's day, you brilliant woman!

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    1. Thanks! I'm glad you liked it.

      I dunno about brilliant, but I sure am lucky! Happy Valentine's Day to you, too. (a wonderful excuse to eat chocolate)

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  21. After all, a box of candy is never the wrong size, right? Truer words have not been spoken!

    Lucky is the woman who found the man who knows and remembers just what she likes. My husband sometimes orders German chocolate goodies off Amazon...the kind of stuff you can't find in the stores. Definitely a keeper!

    LOL at Smarticus and his "shaped like a B-52!"

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    1. Sounds to me like we're BOTH lucky ladies! I hope you and your keeper (HA! that came out wrong...) have a wonderful Valentine's Day weekend.

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  22. Happy Valentine's Day, Susan. Sounds like you and Smarticus have it all figured out. :)

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    1. Thanks! I hope you had a wonderful Valentine's Day, too.

      I dunno if we've got it all figured out or not. Our life is still under construction. :)

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  23. I hope you had a wonderful Valentines Day!

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  24. I love the combination of strawberries and chocolate - a perfect match. I hope you had a beautiful Valentine's Day, Susan! :)

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    1. Talking about a perfect match, I hope you and your new bride enjoyed a wonderful Valentine's Day. (every day!)

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  25. Interesting facts about Valentine's Day! Hope you had a good one.

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    1. Thanks! We did have a good one. I hope you did, too.

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  26. Cute little stuffed monkey as a valentine's day gift - sounds unique and lovely! The story of the priest Valentine is heart rending - and this is the reason I never felt like celebrating this day in particular. I celebrate love when there is a sudden refreshing rain after a hot and humid day or in an evening while walking by the lake or perhaps with each new dawn! Love is an amazing emotion that help's us to live. Isn't it?

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    1. I agree. Love is something we should celebrate each and every day, and it is the spark that truly puts joy in our lives.

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  27. SUSKI ~
    I've been outta state looking for a new hell to move to, so I know I've missed some blog bits here but... HERE I BE NOW!

    What a blog bit title!!!

    >>... It took me almost a whole hour to eat it all. (Just kidding. It took more like seventy minutes.)

    Thanks for the laugh (out loud)!

    Beer Boy Bryan and I already hashed out this Saint Valentine bloke, and now here you come with a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT account!

    'A Beer For The Shower' Bryan said:

    "Valentine's Day... Yes, it's rich in history, and we all know that it commemorates the day that St. Valentine valiantly drove all of those snakes out of that plane."

    I replied:

    "Silly me, I thought Saint Valentine was the bloke who shooed all the rats out of Chicago by shooting some o' dem with machine guns from black cars that go screech in the night. Apparently my knowledge of history is pretty crappy."

    Charlie Brown: "Isn't there ANYBODY who knows what Valentine's Day is all about?"

    Linus: "Sure, Charlie Brown. I can tell you what Valentine's Day is all about. ...Lights please..."

    Yup, did that all from memory. (I've seen 'A Charlie Brown Christmas' more than a few times.)

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'

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    1. Welcome back! Yipes, I sure hope the results of your search exceeded your expectations.

      Yep, sounds like you guys had it all figured out. (LOVE your comeback!)

      We've watched Charlie Brown quite a few times, too. No matter how many times we see it, I still enjoy the heck out of it.

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  28. I hope that you and your "Love Monkey" celebrated another wonderful Valentine's Day together! The severed finger would've scared me silly when I was a kid, though I would've appreciated it after the chocolates revived me! Poor St. Valentine died such a violent death in the name of love. Many
    people today continue to lose their heads when they follow their hearts, but
    it's usually only temporary.

    Julie

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    1. HA! Yeah, we had a terrific day. I hope you did, too.

      I don't think nearly as many people lose their heads while following their hearts as they do when following other body parts, if ya get my drift.

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  29. Your posts are always a lot of fun. I was laughing at the first part about the monkey and just continued laughing till the end. Well, except about the tragic story of St. Valentine. Your Smarticus seem to be smartly romantic judging from his gifts :)

    Thanks for telling me about my blig problem by the way. I didn't change settings. I'm trying to fix things now.

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    1. Thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed it, Yeah, I really lucked out with Smarticus.

      Good! I'm glad to hear it. Good luck getting it fixed.

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    2. I think he lucked out with you too :) You are a very interesting person. Your blog shows it. I like the way you narrate. Though your posts are long, they never tend to bore me.

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  30. I wouldn't say that Valentine's Day is for all birds--not this one at least!
    The day has come and gone and my wife's still here and not mad or anything so I guess everything was okay. I didn't get her a darn thing. Since she's a teacher she brought home enough candy, flowers, balloons, and other stuff that there was no need for me to add to the tribute pile.

    Instead I grilled carne asada and we ate too much and then slept all afternoon. It was a wonderful day topped off with a movie watched on TV from our couch. Stayed home all day. It was ideal for both of us.

    Hope your day was a good one as well.

    Arlee Bird
    A to Z Challenge Co-host
    Tossing It Out

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    1. Nah, I don't think it's for the birds, either. And it isn't about the gifts or what you do; it's about who you do it with. Sounds like you and your bride enjoyed a wonderful day together.

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  31. Valentines is all just some huge conspiracy ran by the candy/greeting card industrial complex.

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    1. Mebbe so. But it's also a great excuse to enjoy even more romance (and chocolate) than usual.

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  32. Hope your Valentine's Day was perfectly awesome ♥

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  33. The first image reminded me of a joke.

    Q: What's invisible and smells like rotten bananas?

    A: Monkey farts.

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  34. Dang, now I want chocolate-covered strawberries. Hope you had a wonderful weekend!

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    1. HA! You can even get chocolate-covered strawberries from the freezer section in the grocery store. (Dole makes 'em, I think. Not bad!)

      We did! I hope you did, too.

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  35. I do the dishes every night - then I'm too tired to do anything else.

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    1. What a good boy! (Um, maybe your wife could do 'em every once in a while...?)

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  36. Hoping you had a wonderful Valentines day!

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  37. What a wonderful post and so informative too. Loved that little poem in your autograph book. A great way to express him love!!
    We are too old for presents on Valentine's Day but hubby surprised me with a beautiful card (after telling me not to waste money on buying one for him).
    I am sure your day was just perfect, as it should be.

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    1. Thanks. I'm glad you liked it. Yes, I think our day was pretty darned perfect. If you think about it, it's really nice that your hubby can still surprise you. That sounds pretty special to me. My hubby and I have exchanged a lot of cards over the years, and I told him maybe it's time for us to start going to the card shop together, and each pick out the "perfect card." Then we can exchange and read them right there in the store, return them to the rack, kiss, and then leave... (It's the thought that counts, right?)

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