Friday, June 16, 2017

Tribute to Fathers

[Hi, y'all. With Father's Day coming up this Sunday, I thought I'd be a lazy slug share a favorite old post with you about... what else? Fathers. When I used to blog five days a week, Friday posts always included a Weird News Stories of the Week feature. Although the news from the original 2011 post may not be new any more, the stories are still plenty weird, so I'm leaving them. (Weird is good, right?)  Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.]

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Thought for the day:  I never got along with my dad. Kids used to say, "My dad can beat up your dad." I'd say, "Yeah? When?"  [comedian Bill Hicks]

If I remember right, that picture of my father, brother, and me was taken on an Easter Sunday. A long time ago. You know, back in the Dark Ages. We were mostly happy in those days, living in a tiny rental home in a fairly quiet neighborhood, with a decent-sized yard, and some room to roam around us. Things were never quite the same after we left there and moved into a row home with a postage stamp yard, and wall-to-wall people. I often wonder if our lives would have been different, easier maybe, if we'd stayed in what we thought of as the country.

He was a very difficult man with a lot of personal demons, our father, but I guess he did the best he knew how. Now that he's been gone for a number of years, I do my best to remember the good times. Like the years we spent in that home, and the day my mother took that picture. Back in the Dark Ages.

I had another post prepared for today, but in honor of Father's Day, I opted to post something about fathers, instead. The bulk of this post is a re-run of a Father's Day post from 2011, originally titled, In Honor of Toasted Marshmallows, which describes my Smarticus pretty darned well. He can be tough and crusty on the outside... sometimes too tough... but on the inside, he's very sweet and gooey. Both qualities made him a wonderful dad, especially since he had me to balance things out a little. Because he tended to be too hard on our boys, and too easy on our daughter,  I had to be the Enforcer with our daughter, and the Mediator for our sons. (I mean, really, grounding them for life was a tad too much...) Anyhow, he was, and is, a terrific farter father, and I'm pleased to say both of our sons are superior farters fathers, as well. And you know, no matter how tall our kids are, I'm pretty sure they'll always look up to their dad.

This picture was taken quite a few years ago, too, but not in the Dark Ages. Our kids are no longer small enough to climb all over Smarticus, but... our grandchildren are. (Some of 'em, anyway.)

Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. [Red Buttons]

There should be a children's song: "If you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself, and let your dad sleep."  [Jim Gaffigan]

Okay, shall we revisit that old slightly edited post now?

888888888888888888888888888888888888888

Thought for the day:  Howcum a man can wait patiently for hours on end for a fish to bite, and can wait patiently in the freezing cold for hours on end, waiting for a deer to come by, but can't tolerate so much as a ten minute wait for food in a restaurant ... where it's a sure thing?


[seniorark.com]
You probably wouldn't be surprised to know the highest volume of long distance phone calls always occurs on Mother's Day. Not that there aren't plenty made on Father's Day, too. But most of them are collect. Why is it moms get the thoughtful gifts, while dads can usually count on getting aftershave or yet another tie they'll never wear? And when Father's Day rolls around, why do the kids think it's okay to buy dear old Dad something from the discount bin at the Dollar Store, and what's more, pay for it with change left over from the cash he gave them to buy something really nice for Mother's Day? As Bill Cosby put it, Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

Just because the phrase Pull my finger is in the lexicon of  fathers worldwide doesn't mean they aren't as sentimental as mothers. Not at all. They just don't show it as easily. Very often, they're like toasted marshmallows: crusty on the outside, and all sweet and mushy on the inside.

In honor of Father's Day, I'd like to share some excerpts with you from an article you may have seen before. Geezers has appeared countless places without attribution, but as best I could discern, it may have been written in 2001 by a West Virginia chaplain by the name of Koren Fae Rawlings:

[morguefile]
Geezers are easy to spot. At parades, they're the ones standing a little taller and often saluting when the flag passes by. At sporting events and at ceremonies on national holidays, they're the ones who stand erect and hold their hands over their hearts when the national anthem is played.

If you bump into an old geezer on the sidewalk, he'll apologize. Pass a geezer on the street, and he'll nod, maybe say hello. Geezers trust strangers and are courtly toward women. They hold the door for the next person, and always, when walking, make sure the lady is on the inside.

Geezers have moral courage. They're the ones staring down those making offensive remarks or acting in an offensive manner. Geezers seldom brag unless it's about their grandchildren.

This country needs geezers. We need their decent values and their common sense. We need their breadth of experience, their depth of knowledge and high ideals.

Thank God for all Old Geezers.
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And thank God for fathers.

Mark Twain said, "When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years." And Charles Wadsworth said, "By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong."

So give your dad a break. Even if he's not the affectionate sort, and his last hug felt more like a wrestling hold, let him know how much you appreciate him. Because he may not tell you how to live, but he lives, and lets you watch him do it.

To all you fathers, a very happy Father's Day. And to all of you who still have fathers, go ahead ... make him happy.  Pull his finger.

And now, 'tis time for the (ta DA!)

Weirdest News Stories of the Week


Pull my hoof
Cows have taken a bit of heat for the amount of methane they produce, and some countries have even considered imposing a "methane tax" on the people who own them. In 2008, researchers in Argentina hooked cows to the bizarre-looking contraption on the left to collect their methane, quantify it, and ascertain how much it contributed to the country's greenhouse emissions. As it turned out, they contribute quite a bit. Final results indicated that as much as 30% of the country's greenhouse emissions consist of cow farts and burps.



*** Now, the Australian government is taking a hard sniff at camel belches. With an estimated 1.2 million feral camels roaming the outback, each belching approximately one hundred gaseous pounds of methane every year, that racks up to a global warming impact equivalent to 1.1 tons of carbon dioxide. Per camel. The recent legislative proposal would allow sharpshooters to earn carbon credits by killing camels, and then these credits would subsequently be sold to global polluters to offset their own emissions. Bureaucrats are expected to reach a decision on this proposal by the end of the year.

I'd walk a mile for a roll of Tums. [morguefile]

***  The city of Nederland, Colorado, is offering to sell the celebratory rights for ... a dead man. When 89-year-old Bredo Mortoel died, his family decided to preserve his body, in hopes of one day being able to bring him back to life. So his body,  packed in dry ice, resides in an outdoor shed, and for the past ten years, this small mountain town has been celebrating this deceased man on ice with an annual festival, replete with a parade of hearses, frozen salmon tossing, and coffin races. Believe it or not, it's been a very popular festival, but you know how the economy is. The Chamber of Commerce says the festival has simply become too expensive, so they're trying to sell the rights to it, and hope an event company will step up to keep this unusual festival going.

our daughter and her husband

*** Ever wonder what those Scotsmen wear under their kilts? The answer became clear for recent groom Angus McClure, who sat his kilt-clad bottom on his new bride's knee. Unfortunately, his bare and poorly-wiped bottom left a brown "skid mark" on her pristine gown. Let's just say she wasn't at all impressed. In fact, she decked him, and a knock-down, drag-out, free-for-all followed. Police say they've seen nasty wedding party brawls before, but none quite this nasty. Seven people were hauled off to jail. The bride and groom? Once they sobered up, the report is they reconciled, and fortunately, have no memory of the melee. Let's hope no one took pictures.

                             
                                             Have a wonderful Father's Day, y'all.

                              Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.


52 comments:

  1. Oh Dear, "let's hope no one took pictures."
    And let's hope he learned to wipe more thoroughly (*~*)
    I loved every word of this.

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    1. HA! Oh you know SOMEBODY must have taken pictures... if anyone was sober enough, that is. :)

      Thanks. I'm glad to hear it.

      Delete
  2. A most enlightening essay, Susan. I have been a dad for 47 years and appreciate every bit of this post and repost. Although I've contributed my share to global warming, I refuse to wear a methane collection tank on my back. However, I do envision and will support yet another complication in public comfort stations, a methane collecting room --labeled "fathers" (or farters) on the door.

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    1. Thanks, dude, and a very Happy Father's Day to you.

      HA! Yeah, a methane-collecting room would be most helpful in some public rest rooms, but I've got a secret for you. Not ALL farters are male. (gasp! Shocking, eh?)

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  3. Hi Susan - wonderful ... you have an amazing sense of humour - just such a fun post to read. Poor old Dads ... so glad Smarticus falls on the Marshmallow side of the divide ... slightly hard and crusty, but delightfully mellow inside ... enjoy the weekend - cheers Hilary

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    1. Hi-ya, Hilary. Thanks. Some would call my sense of humour "weird." :)

      You have a super weekend, too. Cheers back atcha.

      Delete
  4. Cows??
    ...and here I thought all the toxic greenhouse emissions came from Washington D.C.

    Great post, as always - even though Father's Day provides no personal endearing memories for me. Hell, it took nearly a lifetime to recover from the psychological damage my old man inflicted upon me.
    When I saw how fathers were portrayed on TV shows like "Father Knows Best" I thought it was science fiction.

    Sorry for being grumpy.
    Am I turning into an old geezer.....?

    Happy Gather's Day to Smarticus.

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    1. I meant "Father's Day"...not Gather's

      All of the letters have worn off my computer keyboard and as a result I make about 50 mistakes a minute.

      Delete
    2. Oh, there's plenty of toxic emissions coming from D.C., too, but most of them are verbal.

      I know what you mean. When I was a girl, I felt the same way about the "unbelievably nice" fathers portrayed on TV.

      You might be a geezer, but you're still not old. (Nobody younger than I am can POSSIBLY be old!)

      Good to know I'm not the only one who wears the letters slap off of the keyboard...

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  5. My dad is also gone and while not the best dad in the world he gave me my love of books and cats and a respect for all living creatures. Hope he's happy wherever he is.

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    1. A love for books and all living creatures is a great legacy. By extension, your love of reading probably led to your love of writing, so you can thank your dad for that, too.

      Delete
  6. Damn those cows stinking up everything. lol can't leave that groin unprotected, one may have to invest in a cup. People with common sense are few and far between, hopefully some old geezers can smarten them up.

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    1. Yep, those darned cows and camels!

      FYI, I don't think a guy has to wait until he's old to become a very cool geezer. :)

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  7. No one is perfect...well....except for Dads.

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    1. If you can say that about your father, I'm genuinely very happy for you. :)

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  8. Old Geezers are definitely the type of person we should all strive to be.

    Cow farts and wedding dress smears what a way to finish up this post.....Excellent why would I expect anything else? ;)

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    1. Old Geezers are the best. (I should know... I'm married to one!)

      Thanks. I'm glad you appreciate my... sophistication. :)

      Delete
  9. So we can blame Australian camels for global warming?
    Some fathers are tougher than others.
    Jim Gaffigan is hilarious. If he wanted sleep, why did he have five kids?

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    1. Yeah, sure, let's blame those camels...

      Obviously, Jim's wife is verrrrrry persuasive. :)

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  10. Beautiful post. Thanks.

    Greetings from London.

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    1. Thanks. I'm glad you liked it, Mario. Happy Father's Day!

      Greetings right back atcha.

      Delete
  11. What does a Scotsman wear under his kilt? His shoes and socks. My children's father was the opposite of Smarticus. He was easy on Favorite Young Man and not so nice to The Hurricane. My dad treated us all pretty equally, though I know which one of my sisters was his favorite.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. It's interesting that your ex was the opposite of Smarticus when dealing with the kids. I swear, no matter what she did, my hubby thought our daughter could do no wrong. With the boys, he wanted to turn them into "men," I suppose. (It obviously worked!)

      Have a super weekend.

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    2. X told me once that the one person he feared was The Hurricane. Later he denied having said it. He also said when she was a junior in college that she was already more of a scientist than he would ever be (he has a Ph.D. in chemistry). I wonder if he was jealous of her talent and so treated her harshly.

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    3. Terrific insight. Some people can't tolerate the thought of being outshone by someone else. Such a shame. His loss.

      Delete
  12. I might not have admitted it a decade ago .... but I love me some of them geezers.
    I hope DH gets to be a geezer when he grows up! (...or rather, realizes he's there.)

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    1. I'm weird. I think I've always had a soft spot for geezers. (But they aren't all old...)

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  13. I love the geezer, we need more of them not so much what passes for adults today.
    As for Fathers Day it is a non event here. It makes me sad my children's father (who walked out one day) mentally abused us. He was not a role model.
    I think that is why I enjoy reading your blog. Happy to know some people did it right and are enjoying their life together.

    cheers, parsnip and thehamish

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    1. I love geezers, too. The world would be in a better place if geezers (and their female counterparts) ran the world.

      Your ex sounds a lot like my father, so I know it's a blessing he's out of your life. I kinda viewed raising our kids as another opportunity to experience happy childhoods, if you know what I mean. I dunno if Smarticus and I are doing it "right" or not, but we're still having fun.

      Cheers back atcha.

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  14. Wish my dad was still here. I'd call him every day.

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    1. That's how I feel about my mom. She's been gone for more than twenty years, but I still feel an aching urge to call her at times.

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  15. Nifty post. Happy Father's Day to your Smarticus. I am visiting my geezer dad. Awesome quick weekend. We had laughs.
    Take care and I know you folks laugh a lot. All the best.

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    1. I hope you and your wonderful geezer dad are having an awesome time together.

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  16. I am so grateful that I still get the opportunity to call my dear dad every day. He is now in his 90's, and I will be seeing him very soon too - looking forward to that.

    Enjoy your weekend, we have very warm sunshine here in the UK.

    All the best Jan

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    1. That's awesome. I hope he passed that longevity gene on to you. :)

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  17. Geezers are the best...whether they are old or not.

    I love that picture of your daughter and son-in-law!

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    1. Geezers are definitely the best.

      I love that picture, too. It makes me smile every time I look at it.

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  18. I'll be candid in saying that I did forget today was Father's Day and thereby failed to post anything on it. That said, honestly not sure what I'd post (unlike on Mother's Day). :/

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    1. For whatever reason, Father's Day (and fathers) generally get a whole lot less attention than Mother's Day.

      Delete
  19. Very wonderful thoughts and Happy Father's day to everyone. And those are delightful photos indeed. Greetings!

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    1. Thanks. I'm glad you liked it. Greetings right back atcha!

      Delete
  20. We definitely need Geezers. Based on that description, I think I'm slowly becoming one. I'm hoping that's a good thing.

    And yes, the infamous Frozen Dead Guy Festival. We know all about that here. Never been. And yes, that's the name. Not very creative, but it definitely sums up what you're getting.

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    1. Yes, becoming a geezer is a VERY good thing. :)

      The whole concept of a Frozen Dead Guy Festival is a hoot. Sometimes, fact really is stranger than fiction.

      Delete
  21. Love it! You know, my hubby doesn't get aftershave and ties. He gets letters and dad quizzes. Yup. Maybe he'd like something else, but we're too crazy to do anything but the sentimental stuff.

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  22. Terrific Dad post, Susan! I hope you and Smarticus had a nice Father's Day. Hurray for geezers everywhere. :)

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    1. Thanks, Connie. I hope you and your family had a nice Father's Day, too. (with our favorite geezers...)

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  23. I'm TOTALLY a GEEZER! LOL... Becoming more and more like one with each passing day. I think it's a better fit than my affectionate title of honorary "Old BROAD!" LOL.

    My dad wasn't the best in my younger years, but a few things things I'll always remember fondly, he had the most infectious laugh and was the most pleasant one in the family (besides me) in the morning. Now as the day progressed....that's another story!

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    1. HA! Yeah, absolutely, you make a much better geezer than you do an old broad. :)

      Being remembered for an infectious laugh is a pretty darned terrific memory to leave behind.

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