Friday, August 12, 2011

Dadgum It, Them's Not Pigs!

Thought for the day:  I still believe in Hope-- mostly because there's no such place as Fingers Crossed, Arkansas.   Unknown origin

Bill Clinton Presidential Library and Museum

Arkansas is one of those states that doesn't get a lot of respect. I won't venture a guess as to why that is, but suffice it to say most of the Arkansas jokes I found on the Internet were downright insulting.

The truth is, there are a lot of beautiful places in Arkansas, and no matter what you may have heard, Bill Clinton's Presidential Library is NOT in a double wide trailer.

Best if ya don't call this a "pig"

The people of Arkansas are also VERY serious about their beloved University of Arkansas Razorbacks. It's pretty safe to say that, like a lot of states throughout the South, devotion to college football is practically a religion.

Arkansas football fans may not exactly be "rabid", but when my husband traveled there on a business trip some years back and asked why there were so many "pictures of pigs" all over the place, the locals didn't show him much love.

There's much beauty across the state, like some of these places:

Whitaker Point

Sam's Throne, Ozark Mountains

Thompson Mill    

OK, I've played PR person for the state enough. But I've gotta say, when searching for landmarks within the state, most pictures and sites led me back to the Razorbacks. They DO love them pigs. Oops. You know what I mean.

So let's see what kind of foolish laws the state of Arkansas still has on their books:

  • The Arkansas River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock. (Wow! They can even legislate the RAIN? Impressive!)
  • School teachers who bob their hair will not get a raise. 
  • A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month. (WOW!)
  • Alligators may not be kept in bathtubs. (Houseguests appreciate this one.)
  • In Fayetteville, it's illegal to kill "any living thing."  (But you can kill all the dead ones you want.)
  • In Little Rock, honking one's horn at a sandwich shop after 9 PM is against the law.
  • Also in Little Rock, no one may suddenly start or stop their car at McDonald's. (must make it difficult to set up a good drag race there, huh?)
  • In Little Rock, dogs may NOT bark after 6 PM. (Has anyone told the dogs?)
  • Again in Little Rock, flirtation on the streets may result in a 30-day jail term. (Best to stick to the alleys.)
  • And finally, in Little Rock, it is absolutely unlawful to walk your cow down Main Street after 1PM on Sunday. (Better take her into the alley, too.)
I was the fattest baby in Clark County, Arkansas. They put me in the newspaper. It was like a prize turnip.   Billy Bob Thornton

Just ONE joke for ya:  How do you know when you're staying in an Arkansas hotel? When you call the front desk and say, "I've gotta leak in my sink," and the response you get is, "Go ahead."

Okeydoke, the time has come, my friends, the time you've been waiting for all week. Time for the (ta-DA!)

Weirdest News Stories of the Week

***  This first story isn't actually weird at all. It's more in the category of wonderful. As I told y'all in an earlier post, Military Working Dogs are trained to sniff explosives, and are also fitted with cameras which enable them to precede the soldiers and warn them via the camera feed of impending dangers ahead. This canine reconnaissance has undoubtedly saved many lives, but most of our soldiers, without benefit of a dog to provide this invaluable service, have to get up close and personal to check under trucks and along the roadsides for IEDs (improvised explosive devices.) With a little Yankee ingenuity, Ernie Fessender of Rochester, Minnesota, teamed up with local hobby store owner Kevin Guy, to provide another way for soldiers to check for those explosives. They fitted a radio controlled truck with a wireless video camera and sent it to Ernie's brother, Staff Sgt. Chris Fessender,  in Afghanistan. That little Traxxis Stampede truck, essentially a souped-up child's toy, saved the lives of six soldiers when it preceded them down a road and tripped a wire which triggered 500 pounds of explosives. The little truck didn't fare too well, but none of the soldiers were injured. There is now a program in place to provide more of these trucks to the troops. For more info, please see here

*** Niue, a remote Polynesian state of approximately 1400 people, drew some flak in April when they issued a commemorative stamp in honor of the royal wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton. You see, the perforation on the stamp happened to run right down the middle between the happy couple ... separating them. Now, this little South Pacific island state, in an effort to boost their governmental coffers, will be issuing coins featuring Star Wars characters. These coins, which are to be minted in New Zealand, will feature a traditional image of the queen on one side, and the decidedly non-traditional full color pictures of Darth Vader, Luke Skywalker, Yoda, et al, on the other. Each coin will contain a full ounce of silver, which is worth more than the actual face value of the coin as legal currency. The object isn't to circulate it for run-of-the-mill use at the grocery store, though. It's intended for collectors and investors. Sets of four will sell for 469 New Zealand dollars, or approximately 235 pounds, and the first issues will be on display at the American Numismatics Association show in Chicago next week. May the force be with them.

Britain's volleyball champs Shauna Mullin and Zara Dampney are renting ad space on their bikini bottoms. Yes, that's right. In this day and age of hysterical "sexual harassment" claims, these young ladies actually WANT people to photograph their assets. The matrix barcodes on their bottoms, when photographed with a smartphone, takes the pervert user to a specific website to see the ad. So, if you happen to catch the beach volleyball tournament in London next week, go ahead and look all you want. Take a picture for posterity. They really want you to get to the bottom of these ads.

*** I guess she just wasn't satisfied being one of the herd. In May, Yvonne the cow ran away from her owner's farm near Berlin, Germany. She's been on the moo-ve ever since, happily living off the land, and enjoying a certain celebrity among the locals. Unfortunately, she chose to bolt in front of the wrong vehicle recently. A police car. So now, the fugitive cow is on the "most wanted list." Authorities decided she posed a "security risk" and have issued permission for hunters to shoot her. Alarmed animal activists have tried luring her to safety with her best cow-pal and with her own calf, but so far, no luck. She takes one look at them and runs away. But the activists aren't about to give up yet. They have bigger plans to tempt her with now. They're bringing in a handsome studly steer in an attempt to capture the fair cow's heart and hide. (And that's no bull!)

Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.

+++ No trees were killed in the sending of this message. However, a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.


  1. I think of all the amazingling weird and wonderful things you write about, the last line stands out all on its own.....a BREEDING steer???? He may be handsome indeed but he's not going to do much breeding. Good luck with that plan.

  2. Hi, Delores. Oooooops. My bad. I'll fix that right now! (Can you tell I'm mostly a suburban gal???)

  3. Your puns were so over the top in this post I was giggling like a fool. Thank you.

    And the Arkansas laws leave a lot to be desired. I was just shaking my head. What is it about animals and bathtubs [donkeys, alligators] that people feel the need to legislate it? WOW.

    I love Fridays!

  4. Hi-ya, Skippy. I'm happy to start your day with a giggle or two. Take care, and I hope you have a super weekend.

  5. I'm with Yvonne, the independent, renegade cow. Go Yvonne! :) Thanks, Susan!

  6. "Go ahead"? ROF,L! (Yeah, all those pretty pics and interesting factoids, and I focus on the pee joke. Sue me. *grin*)

  7. Hi, Al. Yup, but at least I'm not messing with the trees!

    Hi, Austan. Me, too. Take care.

    Hi, Linda. That's our girl!

  8. The leak in the sink joke made me laugh out loud because it could also be a Montana redneck joke.... and that's no joke. :)
    Leave it to a fair maiden cow to get cornered by a hunky bull.
    Thanks for another morning chuckle.

  9. Those are some lovely pictures of Arkansas - thanks for sharing them. Who knew? The laws were pretty weird, though not as LOL funny as the last set -- however the leak in the sink joke made me ROFL!

  10. Hi, Manzie. Yep, I reckon every state has its share of rednecks. (says the gal who lives in Georgia!)

    Hi, Dianne. Yeah, how inconsiderate of them not to have wackier laws in place, eh? Maybe some of the other states will "do better."

  11. I LOVE the story of Yvonne the cow! I'm hoping she's smart enough to avoid the studly bull who's only interested in one thing!

  12. Hi, Kara. Yeah, Yvonne is quite the unlikely heroine. The German media has been covering her adventures as though she's a celebrity.

  13. You want to read a real "bull" story, select "Country Life" in my search box! Of course, yours is more like a continuing saga...:)JP

  14. Now am I getting this right? Niue, a Polynesian island, is issuing a coin to be minted in New Zealand (did see though that they are New Zealand citizens), to be sold to Americans. What, no China involved, how did that happen?

  15. Hi, Quiet Corner. I will do just that! Take care.

    Hi. Starting Over. Yeah, the islanders use New Zealand currency, so having these coins minted there isn't unusual, and I think the intended market is worldwide. We're just the lucky target for the initial unveiling.

  16. I too am a big fan of the leak joke! Speaking of big, I was just calculating how many ads would fit on my bikini bottom! Julie

  17. Hi, Julie. Gotcha. All I can say is my butt is more of a "wide screen" than it used to be!