Mellow, Baby, Mellow

Thought for the Day:  I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix.   Dan Quayle

What do you think about when you think of California? The Beach Boys, beach music, and surfing? The laid-back mellow life? Diversity and liberalism? Pot and politics? I know the song was actually written about New York City, but I kinda associate California with the attitude expressed in Simon & Garfunkle's happy feel good song "Feeling Groovy" (Go ahead. You can give it a listen. I'll wait.)

Ahhh. Feel better?

I grew up in Maryland, whose nickname is "America in Miniature", but I gotta tell ya, California seems to have it ALL. It ain't exactly "miniature", either.

Consider the swaying palm trees and the redwood trees so enormous, streets are cut right through the middle of them . . .  the beaches and rugged coastline, the mountains, the desert, and the winding roads through lush wine country. How about relentless sunshine, the incredibly diverse architecture, seafood out the wazoo, and taut tanned bodies on the beach. Don't forget the San Diego Zoo, and the iconic red cable cars of San Franciso. I've never even visited the state, but I must confess, I do romanticize it. It sounds like a state where there is something for everyone, and it would take a lifetime to see it all. But, of course, I'm not gonna show it all to you. Just a handful of shots, before we take a look at some of the strange laws still on their books.

I'll bet you're all familiar with this sign.

Old Faithful

Golden Gate bridge

Sam Francisco cable car

Mt. Whitney

By the way, did you know California's Mount Whitney, at 14,505 feet, used to be the tallest mountain in the United States? That claim to fame ended when Alaska joined the union.

Adultery --- which is the only grounds for divorce in New York --- is not grounds for divorce in California. As a matter of fact, adultery in Southern California is grounds for marriage.  Allan Sherman

OK, so California has earthquakes, wildfires, and mudslides. A few flaws, I'll grant you. But how about their laws?  Let's take a gander:

• Sunshine is guaranteed to the masses. (How grandiose of them!)
• Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship. (especially the two-legged ones)
• It's a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle. Unless it's a whale. (Free Willy!)
• Women may not drive in a housecoat. (They probably frown on curlers, too.)
• No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 MPH.
• In Alhambra, you can't leave your car on the street without a permit.
• In Arcadia, peacocks have the right of way to cross any street, including driveways. (And they're mighty proud to take it, too.)
• In Baldwin Park, you can't ride a bicycle in a swimming pool. (Shucks)
• In Belvedere, a City Council order reads: No dog shall be in a public place without its master on a leash. (Guess it's a dog-lead-man world out there, huh?)
• In Blythe, you can't wear cowboy boots unless you own at least two cows. (Sounds like a truth in advertising law to me.)
• In Burlingham, it's illegal to spit. Except on baseball diamonds. (Can you do it from the bleachers?)
• In Carmel, a man cannot go outside while wearing a jacket and pants that don't match. (Talk about fashion police.)
• Also in Carmel, it used to be illegal to eat ice cream while standing on the sidewalk. (This law was repealed when Clint Eastwood was mayor.)
• Women are not allowed to wear high heels while in the city limits of Carmel. (Wonder why Clint didn't snuff this one out, too.)
• In Cathedral City, it's taboo to sleep in a parked vehicle.
• You also can't bring your dog to school in Cathedral City. (How will he ever learn to read?)
• In Cerritos, all dog "waste" must be picked up within seven days. (That's pretty liberal.)
• In Chico, you must have a permit to throw hay into a cesspool. (In case you were tempted ...)

Dick Cheney says he loves California. Out here the rich and famous can shoot people and get away with it.  Jay Leno

California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.   W.C. Fields

California is a nice place to live --- if you happen to be an orange.  Fred Allen

OK, boys and girls, it's that time you've all been waiting for. Time for (ta-DA!)

The Weirdest News Stories of the Week

***  Just as his name implies, Beau is a beautiful dog. But this fella doesn't just have the beauty; he's got the brains, too. This twelve-year-old Montana black Lab, whose breed is well-known for its friendly nature and superior hunting skills, happens to be a math whiz. In this world, in which many people are woefully inadequate without benefit of a handy dandy calculator, this dog can add, subtract, do some division, and has even memorized some square roots. Impressive, huh? Owner (and trainer) David Madsen says his "canine calculator" is correct approximately 85% of the time.

***  Ever since cavemen drew pictures of woolly mammoths on cave walls, humans have had the urge to express themselves artistically. You'd think by now we'd be running out of ways to do that, wouldn't you? Not so. Since about 1994, some Chinese artists have been carving images onto leaves. Yeah, actual leaves. Specifically, they carve images on chinar leaves, which look similar to maple leaves. An intact, insect-free leaf is plucked from the tree and then dried in the shade for approximately ten months. Then it's boiled for about five hours to kill bugs and bacteria. After that, special tools are used to remove the leaf's surface, essentially splitting the leaf in half, without damaging the leaf's veins, which provide the finished product with a certain je ne sais quoi aesthetic quality.  After carving, the leaf has to be dried again, a delicate procedure which results in a whopping 60% breakage. The most popular topic is the Mona Lisa, followed by Jesus. Marilyn Monroe is also a popular choice for these special order items. Can even have a subject of your choice on that leaf. Pretty cool, huh? Prices range from $24.95 to upwards of two hundred dollars. If you'd like to take a peek at some of these unusual works of art, check here

                                                         
*** Dear me. Has your hard-earned six-pack turned into more of a bulging beer keg these days? That has a way of happening to some beer-swilling gents as they get older. But fear not! Now, you can drink all the beer you'd like, thumb your nose at the gym as you drive past it, and still have that slim-looking silhouette of your youthful, more athletic days. I present to you ... the MANX. Supermarket chain Asda has perfected these high-waisted trunks, allegedly invisible when worn under ordinary clothing, (forget it if your clothes are extraordinary ...) which lift and firm flabby bottoms, suck in those unsightly beer bellies, and smooth away those love handles nobody really loves. (pssst ... we used to call 'em g-i-r-d-l-e-s) This isn't the first special stretchy-fabric undergarment marketed for men who aren't at peace with their embarrassing body wobbles and jiggles. Asda introduced a body-sculpting vest two years ago called ... ready for it? The moob tube.

Th-th-th-th-at's all, folks!

Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.