Friday, August 26, 2011

Wanta Get High?

Thought for the day:  Each year, millions of skiers come to Colorado to experience its superb medical facilities.   Dave Berry

Rocky Mountain high
Oh, it's an easy-peezy piece of cake to come up with an association for Colorado, our Mile-High State, AKA the Switzerland of America. The Rockies, right? On the other hand, maybe not a piece of cake, because I hear they only have three food groups out there: granola bars, tofu, and Fat Time Beer. And you know how they describe their seasons, don't you? Almost winter, winter, still winter, and construction. There's a few other states who could claim the same, I'm sure, but Colorado may be the only state where April showers are typically followed by May blizzards, and where humid means anything above 25%.

By the way, did you know the breathtaking view from the top of Pike's Peak is what inspired Katharine Lee Bates to pen the words to America the Beautiful?

No question about it, Colorado has some of the most beautiful scenery in the country. Majestic snow-capped mountains, crystal blue skies and waters, fascinating rock formations, and sprawling plains where the deer, antelope and buffalo roam. A healthy place. A place where the air is crisp and clear and people are so easy-going, a movie star's mansion may be on the same street as an aging pony-tailed hippy's shack.With hiking, biking, skiing, and white water rafting, it's an outdoorsy person's paradise, where it isn't at all unusual to see a three thousand dollar bike strapped to the top of a five hundred dollar car. (Gotta keep those priorities straight, right?)

On one of my hubby's business trips out there, he and a couple other Georgians joined some locals at  a restaurant located at the top of a mountain. That narrow winding drive into the sky offered a beautiful unimpeded view of the precipitous drop down the side of the mountain . . .  I mean, TRULY unimpeded,  because there were No. Guard. Rails. It may have been contrary to their natures, but the Georgia boys chose to skip the adult beverages with dinner that night. Not that it was that big a deal. They already had a pretty good buzz from the nosebleed altitude, and besides, there was that long drive back down the mountain to consider. That drive with No. Guard. Rails. But it's . . . pffft . . .  nothing to the locals. They take it all in stride. They're used to the thin air, used to driving in wintry weather, used to driving down a mountain without benefit of a stinking guard rail to slow that plunge to their deaths, and are quite comfortable with encountering all kinds of wild critters. Matter of fact, I have a feeling most aren't as bothered by a bear on their front porch as they are by a Democrat in Congress.

Anyway, let's take a look at a few pictures before going on to take a look at some of Colorado's laws.

Air Force Academy

OK, so the skies over Colorado are bluer than blue, and the air and water are clean and pure, but how about their laws??? Time to take a look-see.

  • One may not mutilate a rock in a state park. (Sneak it out of there before you have your way with it.)
  • Car dealers may not show cars on Sunday. (Maybe pick-up trucks are OK?) 
  • It's illegal to ride a horse while under the influence. (The rider or the horse?)
  • Tags MAY be ripped off of pillows and mattresses. (Those rebels!)
  • In Alamosa, it's illegal to throw missiles at cars. (Really? They really needed a special law to tell people this???)
  • Also in Alamosa, you've gotta have a license to own a dog or pot-bellied pig over three months old. (And ya can't throw 'em at passing cars, either.)
  • In Aspen, catapults may not be fired at buildings. (Geez, no missiles, no catapults ... picky, picky picky.)
  • In Boulder, it's illegal to insult, taunt, or challenge another person in a manner likely to provoke a disorderly response. However, it IS okay to do so to a police officer ... until he asks you to stop. (Does he have to say pretty please?)
  • Also, in Boulder, it's illegal to allow your llama to graze on city property. 
  • Again, in Boulder, no couches are allowed on outside porches. (What blatant discrimination! I mean, they might just as well say No rednecks allowed.)
  • In Cripple Creek, it's illegal to bring your horse or pack mule above the ground floor of any building. (No penthouse suites for them, I suppose.)
  • In Denver, the dog catcher must notify dogs of impounding by posting, for three consecutive days, a notice on a tree in the city park and along a public road running through said park. (They oughta put their signs on the fire hydrants. More dogs would see it that-a-way.)
  • Also in Denver, it's illegal to mistreat rats. (Maybe they just don't want you to be mean to them? Yeah, I'm sure poison and traps are perfectly acceptable treatments.)
  • And finally for Denver, and I can't imagine why, you may NOT drive a black car on Sunday. 
  • In Logan county, it's illegal for a man to kiss a woman while she's asleep.
  • In Pueblo, it's against the law to let a dandelion grow within the city limits. (So how can the kids make a wish?)
  • And finally, my personal favorite, in Sterling, cats may not run loose without being fitted with a . . . (ready?) . . . fitted with a tail light! (Kinda makes you wonder if anyone ever, I mean EVER, followed that law, and if they did, HOW in the world did they manage to do it? I want PICTURES!)

Okay, boys and girls, it's that time again. Time to take a look at (ta-DA!)

The Weirdest News Stories of the Week

Yvonne says, "Don't moove any closer!"
*** UPDATE: Yvonne, the cow who "split from the herd" when she ran away from her farm in mid-May, is still hoofing it free and easy in and around the forests of south Germany. Would-be rescuers have pursued her with scooters, sniffer dogs, and tranquilizer guns, and even tried to track her from a helicopter fitted with a thermal camera, but so far, they've come up embarrassingly empty. After failing to lure her back into captivity with her calf Friesi and her sister Waltraud, they even gave the handsome bull Ernst a try. But in yet another botched attempt, she simply couldn't be tempted by his charms.. The "shoot on sight" order, issued by police after she bolted in front of one of their cars, has now been rescinded, and a Bavarian animal shelter has purchased her ... sight unseen ... from her former owners. The new owners have been leading the rescue efforts, but what can I say? Sound like this freedom-loving bovine doesn't have the slightest interest in being "rescued." You can hear the German band Gnadenkapelle's hit song about her saga here  If, like me, you don't understand German, some of the lyrics are, "Why don't you leave Yvonne alone, she's only a runaway cow ... You wild cow, don't let them take your freedom ..."  Maybe her song SHOULD be "Born to Be Wild." (Run, Yvonne, run!)

*** Over the past sixteen years, Olga Kotelko has won an eye-popping 650 track and field gold medals. Wow, huh? What's even more amazing is the fact that she was already seventy-seven years old when she first began competing. Yup, now at the age of 93, she is still competing, and still winning medals. Her philosophy is, "It's not how old you are --- it's how you get old."  And this lady is doing it in style ... wearing a good pair of running shoes.

*** People often go to extremes when chasing a record. After all, superlative results require superlative efforts, but would you be willing to down 20,000 calories every day? That's what Susanne Eman of Arizona is doing, because she covets the title of the world's fattest woman. Well, actually, she's already attained that. This 32-year-old weighs in at 728 pounds now, which surpasses the former champ, New Jersey's Donna Simpson, by twenty-eight pounds. What Ms. Eman is chasing now is the title of the fattest woman EVER. That record currently belongs to Carol Yager, who weighed 1156 pounds when she died in 1994 . . .  at the much-too-young age of 34. Ms. Eman's goal is to hit 1610 pounds by the time she reaches her forties. She says the bigger she gets, the more attractive she feels, and she'd "love to find out if it's possible for a human to reach a full ton." Everybody has to have a goal, I suppose.

And suddenly, I'm feeling very svelte.

Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.


  1. She feels more attractive the heavier she gets? There's a screw loose in cranium land I'm thinking.

  2. The seasons in Colorado remind me of the 2 weathers experienced by those who inhabit small Scottish islands. They say 'If you can't see the mainland, it's raining, If you can see the mainland, it's about to rain'.

    I've found my torch; now where's my dog?

  3. Whatever floats your boat, I guess.

    I remember the drive up to Cripple Creek, staring right over the edge of the road into nothingness- and no guard rails! None! No berm, not even a hump, just road and- no road! You never forget that.

  4. Hi, Delores. Yeah, bizarre, isn't it? And we aren't happy when the scale (it lies) says we've gained a couple pounds ...

    Hi, Cro. Ah, but I'd love to visit those islands some day. That picture of the pooch is a riot, isn't it?

    Hi, Austan. I can imagine. I've never been there, but just hearing my husband talk about it made the experience unforgettable in my imagination.

    Take care, all.

  5. I have always wanted to go to Colorado. Your wonderful post convinced me that maybe I should just buy some postcards from the state instead. Hate heights, not crazy about snow, and am not an athlete. I am also a white knuckled driver on flat roads. Hubby has been there and came home with a similar story to your husband's about his road trip up and down Pike's Peak. No way, Jose`

  6. Weirdness aside, I do love Colorado. Guess it's because it's akin to Montana. That poor fat lady needs a lobotomy.(sp ?).

  7. I was really enjoying this post until I got to the last story. That is just disgusting. Weight gain and obesity are hard things for people to deal with and a danger to their health, but to do it on purpose? She should be committed for mental illness. She is literally committing suicide.

    Oh well....I love when you do these posts [do I say that every week? I think I do. heehee] keep 'em coming Mrs. Swiderski! Have a wonderful weekend.

  8. Hi, Starting Over. The views are so spectacular, maybe you'd enjoy a visit. (especially if your hubby does all the driving!)

    Hi, Manzie. I think I'd love Colorado, too. Maybe not to live there, but definitely to visit and see the clear skies, clear water, and gorgeous mountains ... Sounds heavenly. And I agree about that woman. She has kids, too.

    Hi, Skippy. Yeah, that woman definitely has a screw loose. Thank you. I don't care if you say it every week, because I never get tired of reading it. I'm glad you enjoy them. Makes me smile. You have a super weekend, too.

  9. Hi, Al. Hoo boy, sounds like a new nickname. Just call me Boggler.(Beats Bungler!) Take care.

  10. I don't think I could do that drive. I saw them do something similar on Top Gear (the Brit one) in Chile or somewhere... that's about enough for me. And talk about polar opposites for the news stories. Gotta be good at something! She has kids, but does she have a husband? I think perhaps she swallowed him. I love the run-away cow story. Not so docile after all. Yep, another wonderful post, Susan. :)

  11. Hi, Carrie. No, she doesn't have a husband. She says she's already made arrangements for your sister to raise her children if (when) she dies. Sad. Thank you, ma'am. Take care.