As Plane as the Knows on Your Phase

Thought for the day:  If ministers get defrocked, do electricians get delighted? And musicians, denoted?

One of the things amateur radio operators do is relay messages. Although the nature of those messages has changed since the early 1900s, one thing that hasn't changed is the importance, particularly during times of emergency, of efficiently and accurately delivering the information contained in those messages. In recent years, emergency communicators have also recognized the importance of using  plain English. No radio lingo, no acronyms ... just plain easy-to-understand language. Hams aren't alone in adopting this policy, either. The use of plain English is now mandated for governmental departments and agencies, as well as for emergency response professionals.

So, let's take a closer look at plain English, shall we? I've been a word nerd all my life, but if you think about it, the English language  is a mess. Must be extremely difficult to learn as a second language, and what may be plain to you and me could very well be Greek to someone else.

Consider these:

• Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
• Howcum the third hand on your watch is called a second hand? 
• Hmmm, avoidable. Is that what a bullfighter tries to do?
• And is relief what trees do in the springtime?
• How about an eyedropper? Surely, that must mean a clumsy ophthalmologist.
• And eclipse. Sounds like something a cockney barber does for a living, doesn't it?
• Oh, and selfish. I'm pretty sure that's what the guy at the seafood market does.
• And, of course, the classic: Why do we park on the driveway and drive on the parkway?

Still not convinced? Consider these sentences:

• The nurse wound the bandage around the wound.
• He could lead quite well if he ever got the lead out. (And, by the way, how did lead get in there in the first place?)
• Betsy Ross, a sewer, fell into the sewer.
• When I saw the tear in my expensive new dress, I shed a tear.
• Get close to the door so you can close it.
• The lawyer said, "I object to that object!"

And don't get me started on pluralization! Really. (I believe we'll take an amusing gander at that insanity on Monday ...)

CQ Field Day, CQ field day

Before taking a look at some of the wacko news stories of the week, one additional word about amateur radio. This weekend, amateur radio operators all over the United States will be participating in something we call Field Day. In many areas, set-up will begin this evening, but the actual 24-hour operation period begins tomorrow afternoon. Most, but not all, groups will be set up in  the great outdoors, and will be powering their stations with anything from generators to solar power. The idea is to practice emergency communications, to contact as many other stations as possible, and to have FUN. And ALL are welcome. The public is invited, and if interested, can even operate under the watchful eye of a licensed operator. You can see the unusual antennas used, the wide range of modes, and might even get to hear contacts made via satellite or with the international space station. We LOVE to show people ... especially youngsters ... around and "infect" them with the radio bug. Oh, and we hams really like to EAT, so you can probably find yourself some mighty fine grub there, as well. Sound interesting? To see if there's any Field Day activity going on near you, check here

Oh, yeah. One thing I wanted to mention before looking at the news. There was a very interesting obituary in our newspaper last week. The gentleman, one Harry Bernstein, died at the ripe old age of 101. The obit says he wrote somewhere in the neighborhood of forty books in his lifetime, but destroyed most of them after receiving rejection notices from publishers. And here's the thing: at the age of NINETY-SIX, his memoir "The Invisible Wall" was published. And at the age of NINETY-EIGHT, he received a Guggenheim Fellowship to pursue his writing ... and wrote three more books!

So again, I tell you ... never, never, NEVER give up!

OK, so now the time has come to look at the (ta DA!)

Weirdest News Stories of the Week

***  Find a penny, pick it up, and all the day, you'll have good luck. Ever say that when you were a kid? I still do. (But if the penny is tails up when I find it, I always flip it over, and leave it for the next person to pocket. I know. Weird, huh?) Anyway, an unemployed jewelry setter has been picking up a lot more than pennies in his spare time. On 47th Street, in what is known as New York's Diamond District, this gentleman has been crawling on his hands and knees, plucking treasures from the pavement cracks with a pair of tweezers. He's found diamond chips, rubies, bits of platinum, and gold fragments, which have earned him more than one thousand dollars in the past two weeks. (Heck, and I'm happy when I find a penny ... )

*** Police suspected a 46-year-old Minnesota woman of shoplifting, and placed her under arrest on other charges. Three days later, while still in jail, she whipped out a $6500 mink coat, which she'd hidden in her underwear. Hmmm, softer than Charmin, but I hope the store dry-cleaned that puppy before putting it back on the rack ...

*** A woman attending a Colorado yoga and music festival, called the Hanuman Festival, got a little more than she bargained for when she went into one of those standard blue port-a-potties. She thought she saw something moving in the tank. So she alerted a security guard, and it turned out, that "something" was a 20-year-old, 6' 8" man. In the tank. With the, uh, stuff you'd expect to find in the tank. The man, shirtless, shoeless, and covered in sewage, fled before he could be arrested. Somehow, I don't think the police tried overly hard to apprehend this fellow, who's wanted on suspicion of making "unlawful sexual contact." I mean, would you have wanted to put him in YOUR back seat?

*** An unemployed North Carolina man entered a bank this week, and gave the teller a note reading, "This is a bank robbery. Please give me one dollar." Then, the polite man, who carried no weapon, sat and waited for the police. This 59-year-old, who has a multitude of serious medical problems, has no medical insurance. After considering his options, he decided jail was the best. He hopes to be sentenced to three years so he can get all the healthcare he needs. If his plan works, I fear we may have a rash of one-dollar robberies all over the country.

Enjoy your weekend, and until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.