Ya Don't Have to Be an Athlete to Be a Great Sport

Thought for the day:  If at first you don't succeed, bungie jumping may not be the best sport for you.

Let's face it. We can't all be Olympic-caliber athletes.
There are the elite folks... you know, the ones who magically jump OVER the bar... and then, there's the rest of us, the ones who consider ourselves lucky if we don't have to be carried off the playing field on a stretcher.

I fall somewhere in the middle, so I guess that'd make me... mediocre.

Then again, I never, like, lost my head over sports. I had fun with them, but no college recruiters ever lined up outside our door for the opportunity to beg me to sign me up for their teams. Was a pretty good bowler, and am still pretty good at shooting, both with a cue stick and a gun. Cross country stuff? No thanks. I always preferred a dash. A nice burst of speed, and then you're done with it, and back home in time to read a good book.

Jump rope and hula hoop? Not bad, but don't ever ask me to do multiple things at once, because although I'm only a mediocre athlete, I'm an Olympic-caliber klutz. As a teenager, my favorite aunt liked to call  me Lurch. And while my friends and I were waiting to go onstage to get our high school diplomas, three of my closest friends told me the same thing: Don't trip!

I credit them for preventing me from doing just that.

Oh, wait! It just hit me...

This post isn't supposed to be about me and my athletic prowess, or lack thereof. It's supposed to be about someone else and her athletic... or not-so-athletic... side.

It's about Joanne Faries, and her latest book, which is being released... today! I had the honor of reading it a few weeks ago and let me tell ya, it is some kinda good. Funny as all get-out, too. Anyone who can remember the agonies of da feet and defeat from ye olde gym class days will especially get a kick out of it, but I think there's something here for all readers, no matter how high or low their athletic skills may be. One thing that really shines through for me in this book? Joanne may not be the best athlete in the world, but she's gotta be one of the world's best sports. That gutsy gal is willing to try just about anything... anywhere. And no matter what happens, she has the ability to laugh at herself, dust herself off, and try all over again. She's the Energizer bunny... with scabs on her knees and a smile on her face.

How's about a peek at the front cover... and back blurb? (You're gonna have to buy it to see the stuff inside!)

She stood, frozen, at the edge of the diving board. At an early age, Joanne Faries demonstrated absolutely no athletic ability. In Athletic Antics, her latest humorous memoir, the author describes riding her bicycle into the back of a car; climbing trees and sliding (not on purpose) down them scraping every inch of her body; plus surviving the duress of junior high field hockey, lacrosse, and volleyball.

YMCA swim achievements (Tadpole, Minnow, Fish, etc.) were halted by the diving board and the teacher nemesis, Ruthie. Would Joanne move on to accomplish Flying Fish and Shark? Could she squint enough to see the other end of the pool?

There are men who sing hallelujah upon the birth of a left-handed son, a future Hall of Fame pitcher. Left-handedness can be a blessing or curse. In archery class, being left-handed did not result in a murder, but it came close. In regards to tennis, Joanne's initial serves baffled her opponents and nabbed a few wins.

Joanne used every English teacher pass excuse possible to work on school newspapers or yearbook, but sooner or later she faced the horror of gymnastics and had to inch her way across the four inch by sixteen-foot balance beam of death. Track and field was not her forte, nor was basketball, soccer, or any sport involving one's hands and/or feet.

As a follow up to her memoir My Zoo World about her fear of animals in an animal loving world, Joanne Faries looks at her athletic life in quirky fashion. Laugh at her foibles, identify with her unattractive gym class attire, and fall off the ski tow rope (on the wrong side) with her. Athletic Antics covers an assortment of sports, and according to her Wii Fit Plus, Joanne Faries cannot walk a straight line.

You can buy it HERE. (So whatcha waiting for...?)

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Sounds good, doesn't it? (It is!) The lovely Joanne has also written several books of poetry,  been published in numerous magazines, and contributed some of her wonderful poems to Old Broads Waxing Poetic, a collaborative effort which benefits CARE International. (She formatted it, too!) (Our hero.)

Good luck with your new book, Joanne! Break a leg. No, no! Wait! Don't break a leg... be careful, girl. You've got a lot more writing to do...

                                                       Okay, y'all. I'm outta here.

                                    Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.

I had a mother who taught me there is no such thing as failure. It is just a temporary postponement of success.  [Buddy Ebsen]