We Can Fly With a Little Help From Our Friends

Thought for the day:  Man must  not allow the clock and the calendar to blind him to the fact that each moment of his life is a miracle and a mystery.   H.G. Welles

All's relatives at family reunions.

No, I'm not gonna go all Einstein-y on you, but the old dude was right. Time and speed are relative. Children have little grasp of time, and scant concern about it beyond the eon separating one Christmas from the next, or the interminable amount of time it takes to drive to Aunt Sally's or to the vacation spot at the beach. On the other hand, as we get older, our days no longer seem to contain the full allotment of twenty-four hours, and the days, weeks, months, and years pass so quickly, there doesn't even seem to be much point in bothering to take our Christmas decorations down anymore. Like the joke says, life is like a roll of toilet paper: the closer you get to the end, the faster it goes.

Speed's the same way. To a child pedaling his toy car down the driveway as fast as he can, he's flying like the wind. But if you put that same pedal car on the autobahn? Different story. And compared to a snail, a turtle moves pretty darned fast. But compared to a 747? Road kill.

Or at least,  it could be.

If  you've ever been disheartened by news stories about modern progress pushing yet another animal out of its natural habitat and to the brink of extinction, here's a story of a different breed. On June 29, a piece of the modern world hit the pause button. Or you could say ...  it slowed to a crawl.

You've heard of the annual running of the bulls? Well, every year diamondback terrapins leave the salt marshes of the Atlantic and Gulf coasts to take part in a slow motion stampede of their own. In this annual running of the turtles, these critters are lumbering to their nesting grounds, and every year, a herd of 'em crawls across a runway at New York's JFK Airport while making their laborious trek to the Jamaica Bay Refuge Center to lay their eggs. This year's journey intersected with JFK's Runway 4 on June 29, when an estimated 150 turtles shut down the runway and delayed flights for approximately an hour. As one unnamed Jet Blue pilot allegedly said, "Running over turtles is not healthy for them, nor is it good for the tires." Right. I can't see as how being run over by a 747 would be particularly healthy for any of God's creatures. Life transforming, perhaps, but definitely not healthy.

As soon as the first turtles were spotted on the tarmac, airport staff did what they do every year. They rushed out to help. Some terrapins were hand-carried across the runway to safety, while others were scooped up and given a lift to their nesting grounds in the bed of a pick-up truck.




It just goes to show you. Even if we cover it up with concrete, steel, and asphalt, nature is still all around us. And it was here first. It's good to know the folks at JFK Airport understand that.

Another thing this turtle tale reminds us. We might feel like the lone turtle on a scary runway at times, but we aren't alone. No matter what our destination, there are others willing to help us in our journey. In the amateur radio community, the more experienced hams who provide guidance and assistance to other hams are called Elmers. In schools and workplaces, we have tutors and mentors. Same for most hobbies, and same for writing. Especially in the blogosphere. Not only is there a host of aspiring writers blogging about their travails and triumphs, but there are also agents, editors, publishers, and already-published authors offering a treasure trove of tips, advise, and support, and bless their hearts, they're willing to throw us in the back of the truck and help us across that scary tarmac. In a matter of speaking.

Two authors will be killing me   dissecting my writing  throwing me in the back of their truck this coming Friday. The lovely Dianne Salerni and the lovely Marcy Hatch will be critiquing the first page of my novel Hot Flashes and Cold Lemonade on their blogs. Go on over and check it out. If I survive the surgery, you might even consider submitting a page of your own work. While you're checking out their blogs, you lovely people can even pick up a scalpel cut my baby to shreds   offer your valuable opinions, as well. (And remember, y'all. I did call you lovely. So be kind.)

Know what? I may still be a turtle, but with the support of so many wonderful friends, I feel like

SUPER TURTLE!!!

Super thanks to the fine folks at icanhascheezeburger.com for so graciously granting me permission to use that cool picture of the flying turtle.

We can all be super turtles. With a little help from our friends. Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.

Have a (Safe) Bang-Up Day

Thought for the day: Freedom is the oxygen of the soul.   Moshe Dayan

OK, for today, America's birthday, let's take a look at some appropriate quotations while we're waiting for the cake to come out of the oven:

 "As Mankind becomes more liberal, they will be more apt to allow that all those who conduct themselves as worthy members of the community are equally entitled to the protection of the civil government. I hope ever to see America among the foremost nations of justice and liberality."  George Washington


"Everything that is really great and inspiring is created by the individual who can labor in freedom." Albert Einstein


"Life without liberty is like a body without spirit."  Kahlil Gibran


 "I have always been among those who believed that the greatest freedom of speech was the greatest safety, because if a man is a fool, the best thing to do is to encourage him to advertise that fact by speaking." Woodrow Wilson

"We must not be free because we claim freedom, but because we practice it."  William Faulkner


"Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves."  Thomas Jefferson


"You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies dies from happiness. You may think you have overeaten, but it is patriotism."  Erma Bombeck

And a quick poem by Carl Sandburg, entitled

                                                 Fourth of July Night

                 The little boat at anchor in black water sat murmuring to the tall black sky.
                 A white sky bomb fizzed on a black line.
                 A rocket hissed its red signature into the west.
                 Now a shower of Chinese fire alphabets,
                A cry of flower pots broken in flames,
                 A long curve to a purple spray, three violet balloons ---
                Drips of seaweed tangled in gold, shimmering symbols of mixed numbers,
                Tremulous arrangements of cream gold folds of a bride's wedding gown ---
                A few sky bombs spoke their pieces, then velvet dark.  
                The little boat at anchor in black water sat murmuring to the tall black sky.
                                 
                               

                                                       

I hope you all have a wonderful ... and safe ... Independence Day. Oh yeah ... know what one flag said to another? Nothing ... it just waved.

Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.

Our Poor Sexless Language

Thought for the day:  Sign at the electric company -- We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don't, you will be.

I think we all agree by now that English is a weirdo language. But, by golly,  at least we don't have to worry about what gender our nouns are. A noun is a noun is a noun, and if we put the in front of it, we're pretty much good to go. One word fits all.

Let's face it. Ours is a sexless ... or unisex ... language.

Not so other languages. In Spanish, masculine nouns are preceded by el, and feminine nouns by la, but if any reasoning whatsoever went into the assignations of gender, it isn't readily apparent to me. I mean, in Spanish, dress is masculine ...  and necktie is feminine. Go figure.

Ditto French. They also use la to denote feminine, but do a switcheroo on the Spanish  el to use le for masculine. And as Cro, who actually lives in SW France, mentioned in his comments the other day,  the French word for beard is feminine, while the word for handbag is masculine. Again, go figure.

Know what's worse? The German language isn't satisfied to merely designate two genders. Oh no, they have to throw in a neuter as well. A precedent of der denotes masculine, die denotes feminine, and das means neuter. And to stir things up a bit, they sometimes have different words ...  of different genders ...  for the same object.

Other languages assign gender to words, too, but I believe I've already made my point. So, are you English speakers feeling linguistically sex-deprived now? Wouldn't it be fun if we could intuitively assign gender to our nouns, based on the characteristics of the objects they describe?

Reminds me of a joke I heard a few years ago. A high school Spanish teacher was teaching her class about noun gender, when one of her students asked about the gender of the word computer. So, just for fun, she split the class into two groups, one all male and the other female, and told them to decide the issue based upon the characteristics of computers. Their reasoning follows.

What do you think? Male or female? 

Why Computers are Male (according to the girls)

1. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
2. They're supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time, they are the problem.
3. They look attractive until you take them home.
4. Big power surges knock them out for the night.
5. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

Why Computers are Female (according to the boys)

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. Even the smallest mistakes are committed to memory.
3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to anyone else.
4. The message "bad command or file name" is about as informative as, "If you don't know what's wrong, I'm not going to tell you."
5. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

So, whatcha think? Are computers male or female?

Before we go on to this week's weirdest news stories, one final word on our strange language. Good friend Bill sent me the link to a great clip, and I think you'll enjoy it, too. It shows Gallagher talking about the English language, in a piece called "Messing With Your Mind."

OK, here we go. It's time for (ta DA!) the

Weirdest News Stories of the Week

***  It isn't unusual for couples to adopt, and it isn't unusual for parents to let their offspring share their marital bed, either. But the "baby" French couple Pierre and Elianne Thivillon adopted thirteen years ago, who still shares their bed each night ... is a gorilla. Both parents are zookeepers with experience working with gorillas, so when baby Digit's mother wouldn't care for him, it was only natural that they'd consider taking him home. But their adopted baby now weighs 265 pounds. (I hope they have a king-sized bed!)

***  It's terribly annoying when a neighbor repeatedly allows his pooch to use your yard as as its own personal potty, isn't it? It's annoying to a New Hampshire apartment complex owner, too. The plentiful piles of poo were ruining the aesthetics of her lovely complex, doggone it, so she decided to do something about it. Residents have until today to submit pet (ahem) samples, so she can use them to set up a doggie DNA file. That's right. From now on, when an unpleasant mound of manure is found, she's gonna test the dog doo DNA to reveal the inconsiderate culprit. She doesn't yet know what she's gonna do once the doo is identified. Perhaps a fine, she says. (How about lighting a paper bag of "evidence" outside the offender's door?)

No! Not THAT kind of hot dog!

THIS kind of hot dog!

***  For the first time ever, there will be a separate ladies only competition at this year's July 4 Nathan's Famous International Hot Dog Eating Contest in Coney Island, New York. While women have competed against men in the past, and 105-pound Sonya Thomas even managed to out-eat 230-pound Joey Chestnut, women will undoubtedly have a better shot at winning their own separate $10,000 prize by going stomach to stomach with other gluttons of the fairer sex. Another female competitor, Juliet Lee, who has also occasionally bested male eaters in the past, hopes to beat her personal best of thirty-four dogs in this year's competition.



***  A 24-year-old man was arrested in Florida for smoking a marijuana bong. No big deal, you say? He was caught in the act while driving a van filled with precious cargo. With him were five children, ranging in age from one to six years old. Yeah, I know driving a bunch of kids around can be stressful out the wazoo, but did this dude even give aromatherapy a chance?

***  No, that horse in the picture isn't using the ground to scratch himself. I'm pretty sure he's laughing himself silly. And that's because he heard about what's going down in Wellington, New Zealand. Green Man Pub is offering a new drink to its clients, and word has it, men and women alike have been throwing 'em back and living to tell the tale. The drink? Horse semen shots. I kid you not. Each chilled shot contains approximately 300 million sperm, (I trust no one's actually counted the little boogers) and is tinged with a slight apple flavoring. The owner says the sticky drink isn't much of a sipper, so it's best to gulp it down in one big swallow. As for what these people hope to gain from drinking this, I haven't a clue, but it does give a whole new meaning when you hear someone in that bar say they're gonna "see a man about a horse."


Sorry to leave y'all with a bad taste in your mouth. (Think ice cream.) Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other. And have a real bang up fourth of July.