The Worst Promotions Ever

Thought for the day:  Imagination will often carry us to worlds that never were. But without it we go nowhere.   Carl Sagan

When I was in the bank the other day, I couldn't help but notice a sign hanging on the wall. It read We have one very powerful business rule. It is concentrated in one word: courtesy. Henry Wells, 1864


Yes, courtesy is important, but as I waited in line, it occurred to me that there are a couple other C words I'd really like to see from today's businesses. How about some competence and decent customer service?

After all, insincere smiles and tepid I'm sorrys only go so far.

I mean, is it too much to ask that the person waiting on you in any business actually knows a little something about the product he wants you to purchase? Is it too much to expect a real person to answer the phone when you call for assistance? A real person who actually knows how to provide that assistance? It'd also be nice if all the people within a company were on the same page, too, so no matter which of them speaks to you, you're going to get the same exact response every time.

Yeah, I know, pipe dreams.

Alas, I realize businesses are essentially in business to make money. As much as they can, with as little effort as possible. Such rarely seen things as competence and customer service must cost too darned much money, I suppose. Silly me.

On the other hand, businesses DO sometimes use promotional campaigns to reach out to their customers. Carl Sagan said imagination can carry us to worlds that never were? Some companies had imagination out the wazoo when they came up with some of their promotional campaigns. And it definitely took them somewhere. Mostly down.

 I gleaned the following information from an article, Biggest Disasters in the History of Marketing, by Evan V. Symon.  (And please forgive me for laughing at the misfortunes of these businesses. I know it isn't very courteous of me.)

As a proud sponsor of the 1984 Olympics, McDonald's ran a special promo, "If the U.S. wins, you win!" Each customer received a scratch-off ticket with an Olympic event printed on it, and if the U.S. won a medal in that event, the customer would win a Big Mac, fries, or Coke, depending on which medal was won. Do you remember the 1984 Olympics? They were held in Los Angeles, and both Russia and East Germany boycotted the games that year. Without the historically tough competitors from those countries participating, the U.S. won a total of 174 medals that year ... including an eye-popping 83 gold medals. Um, that translated to a LOT of  Big Macs. FREE Big Macs. Many, many, MANY more than the company ever anticipated.

In 1986, a discount store named Silo had a glut of stereos on their shelves, so they offered them at a discounted price to get them out the door. Great idea, right? The trouble is, they tried to be hip in their ad. Surely, when they offered those stereos for 299 bananas, everyone would KNOW they meant dollars, right? Right. Maybe they did, and maybe they didn't, but what happened is customers crowded the stores the first (and only) day of the sale with 299 actual bananas in hand. Silo may have gotten a bunch of stereos out the door, but they allegedly lost over $10,000 in that one day. Needless to say, they pulled the ad before they could get buried under another day's mountain of bananas. Kinda made a monkey out of that store, wouldn't you say?

Tesco and Asda are competing supermarkets in Britain, and earlier this year, Tesco launched a promotion wherein if Asda beat their prices, they would pay the customer twice the difference. It appears the company overestimated their bargain prices, and underestimated the willingness of their customers to extend themselves to save a buck. Savvy customers scoured the two stores for price differentials, shared the information via the Internet and many customers raked in mucho moola, and essentially, free products, to boot. But only for so long. The store now has a twenty pound cap on payments.

In the early '90s, Hoover ran a promo that was up, up and away, the worst promotional ever for a business. They offered two free airline tickets to Europe or the U.S. with the purchase of a vacuum cleaner. Someone within the company evidently thought this would be a good way to sell some of the high end models. After all, people would be getting free tickets. Wouldn't they feel justified in splurging on a better vacuum? Ah, in a word, no. People bought the cheapest models. Lots of 'em. The company lost 500 million pounds in this fiasco.

This is your Captain speaking ...

In 1967, San Franciso-based Pacific Airlines was losing money, due in part to extensive media coverage of a recent crash. In a nutshell, customers were extremely nervous about flying with them. So they got desperate. And arguably, stupid. They hired comic Stan Freberg to head up their promotions and to get the company back on the right track, money-wise. He started by taking out a full-page ad. It read Hey there! You with the sweat in your palms. It's about time an airline faced up to something. Most people are scared witless of flying. Deep down inside, every time that big plane lifts off the runway, you wonder if this is it, right? You want to know something, fella? So does the pilot, deep down inside. Oh, that was just gr-r-reat, right? Sure to build up confidence in the nervous. But he wasn't done there. Oh no. In a continuance of his attempt to mock people out of their fear of flying, he had flight attendants hand out survival kits, which included a lucky rabbit's foot, and a security blanket. And at the end of each flight, the flight attendant would go to the intercom and announce, "We made it! How about that!" Not surprising, sales actually went DOWN, Freberg was fired, and the company went down, too. It sold, and later became Air West.

Last November, Walker's Potato Chips, a UK company, came up with a promotional campaign that turned out to be all wet. Once a customer bought one of their bags of chips for 40 pence (~65 cents) he could go online for two (count 'em, TWO!) chances to win ten pounds (~$16) by successfully predicting when and where it would rain. The problem? You may have heard a rumor before ... something about how often it rains in England? Especially in the fall, which is when this ill-fated campaign got under way. Statistics showed a better than one in three chance of rain on any given day, and it didn't take the company long to discover they were shelling out approximately ten pounds in prize money for every three pounds of chips sold. Not exactly stellar numbers. Without warning or fanfare, the site mysteriously went down during a particularly rainy week, when they were set to lose more than a million pounds. And that was the end of THAT promotion.

And THIS is the end of this post.

Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.

Dadgum It, Them's Not Pigs!

Thought for the day:  I still believe in Hope-- mostly because there's no such place as Fingers Crossed, Arkansas.   Unknown origin

Bill Clinton Presidential Library and Museum

Arkansas is one of those states that doesn't get a lot of respect. I won't venture a guess as to why that is, but suffice it to say most of the Arkansas jokes I found on the Internet were downright insulting.

The truth is, there are a lot of beautiful places in Arkansas, and no matter what you may have heard, Bill Clinton's Presidential Library is NOT in a double wide trailer.

Best if ya don't call this a "pig"

The people of Arkansas are also VERY serious about their beloved University of Arkansas Razorbacks. It's pretty safe to say that, like a lot of states throughout the South, devotion to college football is practically a religion.

Arkansas football fans may not exactly be "rabid", but when my husband traveled there on a business trip some years back and asked why there were so many "pictures of pigs" all over the place, the locals didn't show him much love.








There's much beauty across the state, like some of these places:

Whitaker Point

Sam's Throne, Ozark Mountains

Thompson Mill    

OK, I've played PR person for the state enough. But I've gotta say, when searching for landmarks within the state, most pictures and sites led me back to the Razorbacks. They DO love them pigs. Oops. You know what I mean.

So let's see what kind of foolish laws the state of Arkansas still has on their books:

• The Arkansas River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock. (Wow! They can even legislate the RAIN? Impressive!)
• School teachers who bob their hair will not get a raise. 
• A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month. (WOW!)
• Alligators may not be kept in bathtubs. (Houseguests appreciate this one.)
• In Fayetteville, it's illegal to kill "any living thing."  (But you can kill all the dead ones you want.)
• In Little Rock, honking one's horn at a sandwich shop after 9 PM is against the law.
• Also in Little Rock, no one may suddenly start or stop their car at McDonald's. (must make it difficult to set up a good drag race there, huh?)
• In Little Rock, dogs may NOT bark after 6 PM. (Has anyone told the dogs?)
• Again in Little Rock, flirtation on the streets may result in a 30-day jail term. (Best to stick to the alleys.)
• And finally, in Little Rock, it is absolutely unlawful to walk your cow down Main Street after 1PM on Sunday. (Better take her into the alley, too.)

I was the fattest baby in Clark County, Arkansas. They put me in the newspaper. It was like a prize turnip.   Billy Bob Thornton

Just ONE joke for ya:  How do you know when you're staying in an Arkansas hotel? When you call the front desk and say, "I've gotta leak in my sink," and the response you get is, "Go ahead."

Okeydoke, the time has come, my friends, the time you've been waiting for all week. Time for the (ta-DA!)

Weirdest News Stories of the Week

***  This first story isn't actually weird at all. It's more in the category of wonderful. As I told y'all in an earlier post, Military Working Dogs are trained to sniff explosives, and are also fitted with cameras which enable them to precede the soldiers and warn them via the camera feed of impending dangers ahead. This canine reconnaissance has undoubtedly saved many lives, but most of our soldiers, without benefit of a dog to provide this invaluable service, have to get up close and personal to check under trucks and along the roadsides for IEDs (improvised explosive devices.) With a little Yankee ingenuity, Ernie Fessender of Rochester, Minnesota, teamed up with local hobby store owner Kevin Guy, to provide another way for soldiers to check for those explosives. They fitted a radio controlled truck with a wireless video camera and sent it to Ernie's brother, Staff Sgt. Chris Fessender,  in Afghanistan. That little Traxxis Stampede truck, essentially a souped-up child's toy, saved the lives of six soldiers when it preceded them down a road and tripped a wire which triggered 500 pounds of explosives. The little truck didn't fare too well, but none of the soldiers were injured. There is now a program in place to provide more of these trucks to the troops. For more info, please see here

*** Niue, a remote Polynesian state of approximately 1400 people, drew some flak in April when they issued a commemorative stamp in honor of the royal wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton. You see, the perforation on the stamp happened to run right down the middle between the happy couple ... separating them. Now, this little South Pacific island state, in an effort to boost their governmental coffers, will be issuing coins featuring Star Wars characters. These coins, which are to be minted in New Zealand, will feature a traditional image of the queen on one side, and the decidedly non-traditional full color pictures of Darth Vader, Luke Skywalker, Yoda, et al, on the other. Each coin will contain a full ounce of silver, which is worth more than the actual face value of the coin as legal currency. The object isn't to circulate it for run-of-the-mill use at the grocery store, though. It's intended for collectors and investors. Sets of four will sell for 469 New Zealand dollars, or approximately 235 pounds, and the first issues will be on display at the American Numismatics Association show in Chicago next week. May the force be with them.

Britain's volleyball champs Shauna Mullin and Zara Dampney are renting ad space on their bikini bottoms. Yes, that's right. In this day and age of hysterical "sexual harassment" claims, these young ladies actually WANT people to photograph their assets. The matrix barcodes on their bottoms, when photographed with a smartphone, takes the pervert user to a specific website to see the ad. So, if you happen to catch the beach volleyball tournament in London next week, go ahead and look all you want. Take a picture for posterity. They really want you to get to the bottom of these ads.

*** I guess she just wasn't satisfied being one of the herd. In May, Yvonne the cow ran away from her owner's farm near Berlin, Germany. She's been on the moo-ve ever since, happily living off the land, and enjoying a certain celebrity among the locals. Unfortunately, she chose to bolt in front of the wrong vehicle recently. A police car. So now, the fugitive cow is on the "most wanted list." Authorities decided she posed a "security risk" and have issued permission for hunters to shoot her. Alarmed animal activists have tried luring her to safety with her best cow-pal and with her own calf, but so far, no luck. She takes one look at them and runs away. But the activists aren't about to give up yet. They have bigger plans to tempt her with now. They're bringing in a handsome studly steer in an attempt to capture the fair cow's heart and hide. (And that's no bull!)

Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.

+++ No trees were killed in the sending of this message. However, a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.

A Little Culture to Enlighten Your Day

Thought for the day:  A cloudy day is no match for a sunny disposition.   William Arthur Ward

Chinese writing is more like artwork than mere writing. These symbols to the left are supposed to represent tranquility, harmony, serenity, and peace. 


Nice, huh?

Not that I'm inclined to get a tattoo, but if I were, I don't believe I'd allow someone to put those symbols on my body. Not that I don't appreciate the sentiments they're supposed to represent, but that's just it . . . supposed to represent.  Chinese symbols seem to be very popular among the tattoo-loving crowd these days, but just my luck, I'd get a wise guy tattooist who'd decorate my body with some obscene Chinese insult just for the fun of it. I mean, how would I know? Best if I got a tattoo of a butterfly.

Today, we're going for something a little more cultured than tattoos. (WHAT? Hey, I can do culture!) We're going to talk about pearls. No, just kidding. We're actually going to talk about the great Confucius. He lived in China from 551 until 479 BC, and was a great thinker, political figure, and educator. And man, was he ever wise. His words continue to resonate today, and not just in fortune cookies, either. Consider the following:

• Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two holes.
• Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.
• Forget injuries; never forget kindnesses.
• He who will not economize will have to agonize.
• It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.
• Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in getting up every time we do.

Brilliant, right? But suppose there were some other things he meant to say. Y'know, things he would've said if he were sitting around, sipping wine, and chilling with his pals? In the best interest of furthering your education, it's only fitting that I share with you what some of them might have been. If he'd only thought of 'em . . . 

• He who sling mud at neighbor will lose ground.
• He who live in glass house better dress in basement.
• War no determines who is right. Determines who is left.
• Man who sit on tack get point.
• He who laugh last not get joke.
• The early worm catch fish.
• When you angry at neighbor, walk a mile in his shoes. Then you be a mile away from him, and you have new shoes.
• Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
• Passionate kiss like spider's web. Soon lead to undoing of fly.
• Man who run in front of car get tired.
• Man who run in back of car get exhausted.
• Man with hand in pocket feel cocky.
• Man who scratches butt should not bite fingernails.
• Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
• Pregnancy happen when woman take seriously something poked in fun.
• House without toilet uncanny.
• Man who cut self while shaving lose face.
• Man who fart in church sit in own pew.

OK, one last thing before I say sayonara. (Sorry, I know that's Japanese, but like I said, uncultured . . . )

The lovely Julie from Empty Nest Insider has given me an award. I know, right? Two in a row here. And this one, too, is incredibly adorable.  It's the AWWWWW

And this one's pretty easy to "earn", too. She says all I have to do is name a book I've read recently that I would recommend. Since I read books like some people gobble peanuts, this should be a piece of cake. I'll simply name the book I finished most recently, and that is The Varieties of Scientific Experience--- A Personal View of the Search for God, by Carl Sagan. It's a compilation of the Gifford Lectures he gave in Scotland in 1985, including the Q&A sessions held afterwards. A bit heavy, perhaps, but fascinating, nonetheless. And lest you think I always read such thought-provoking stuff, if I were to be answering this question next week, I'm sure I'd be recommending Tawna Fenske's book Making Waves. I don't even have to READ it to know it's gonna be fabulous. (My Barnes & Noble order hasn't come in yet, but I'm gonna go ahead, sight unseen, and  recommend her book, anyhow.)

Instead of me officially passing this award on to a handful of people, how about if you all tell us in the comments about a book you read recently? Then you can all take that cute puppy back to your blog with you. Actually, the originator of this award started out by asking for book, movie, OR TV show, so if you aren't a big reader, how about a movie or TV show you'd like to recommend? After all, we could all use a little more culture, eh?

Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.