Thought for the day: A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history --- with the possible exception of handguns and tequila. [Mitch Ratcliffe]
Most of us have a love-hate relationship with our computers. The first computer I ever worked with was so huge it filled an entire room, ceiling to floor. Had to enter data onto a bazillion IBM cards, feed them into that behemoth, and then wait for it to churn out the results in its own sweet time. Boy, times sure have changed, haven't they?
But one thing hasn't changed : Never ever let a computer know you're in a hurry.
Whatever frustrations you ever experience with your computer, I think it's fairly safe to say you ... aren't alone.
My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
Are your kids addicted to computer
games?
Is it a bit of a hassle to get them away from the house?
Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened room using only your teeth. [Dave Barry]
Is the area around your computer a little ... messy?
There are 10 kinds of people in the world ... those who understand binary, and those who don't.
Have you ever taken your computer where ... no computer has ever gone before?
There is only one satisfying way to boot a computer. [J.H. Goldfuss]
Have you ever wished you had a set-up like this?
A simpler version for retired men?
Experts agree that the best type of computer for your individual needs is one that comes on the market about two days after you actually purchase some other computer. [Dave Barry]
Okay, I spend a lot of time sitting at this computer, but I absolutely draw the line HERE! (The Internet connection probably sucks from six feet under, anyway.)
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. [Emo Philips]
Well, that's it for today. I believe I'll unglue my derriere from this chair, walk away from this addictive computer, and go outside. The sweet gum balls are about ankle high now, so maybe it's time to tame 'em with a rake. Oh, don't forget! Have a nice slice of pi today.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft ... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor. [Wernher von Braun]
Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.
Thought for the day: For many people, gun control means being able to hit the target.
Confession: I love target shooting. I'm pretty good, too, or at least, I used to be. It's been quite a while. But my favorite .22 Ruger pistol, with my initials engraved on a brass plate on the handle, is still in our gun safe. Ya never can tell when we might decide to hit the range again. (I'd still like to pull off that nifty Mel Gibson smiley face stunt ...)
And I also suffer from a life-long addiction to the written word.
So, naturally, an article in the Atlanta newspaper about a club called Girls, Guns, and Good Books kinda grabbed my interest by the collar and gave it a good shaking. Yup, sure enough, once a month, after this group of gals puts a hurting on some targets at the SharpShooters USA shooting range, they adjourn to the Peerless Book Store, where they discuss books over wine and cheese.
I mean, WOW! Talk about a ladies night out, huh?
WHAT? You don't think it's lady-like for women to shoot guns? You think it's a sign of today's rough and tumble world?
Tell it to this group of ladies from the 1920s.
Or this gal circa WWII.
Or these Southern belles featured in a documentary.
I'd say there's always been a certain number of women who've liked to shoot. Today's no different. Now that book club of lady shooters is certainly different. Might even be one of a kind. According to the newspaper article, these ladies especially enjoy reading a good mystery with a kick-butt heroine. No surprise there. But what songs do you think they like? May I suggest these:
Janie's Got a Gun [Aerosmith]
Happiness is a Warm Gun [Beatles]
Pistol Packin' Mama [Bing Crosby]
I Didn't Know My Gun Was Loaded [Andrews Sisters]
Time to Get a Gun [Fred Eagelsmith]
Machine Gun [Jimi Hendrix]
Can you think of any other songs that'd fill the bill? How about books? Maybe The Guns of Navarone? I'll betcha you guys and gals can load me up with some great suggestions. So shoot 'em at me. I can take it. And tell me, have you ever gone target shooting? (It's a gr-r-reat way to kill time.)
Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.
Thought for the day: Did you hear what happened in Nebraska the other day? The wind stopped blowing, and everybody fell over.
Yeah, Nebraska is pretty darned flat, so I reckon the wind whips around pretty good there. So do tornadoes. Matter of fact, I read somewhere that when the tornado sirens go off in Nebraska, the locals simply climb up on their roofs to get a better view.
But there's a whole lot more to the state than that. I mean, a state with such diverse claims to fame as the origins of Kool Aid, Arbor Day, the Reuben sandwich, and strobe lights obviously has some more surprises up its sleeve. How about the National Liars' Hall of Fame? Would you believe the biggest and best live chicken show in the world? A horse race track called Aksarben? (Nebraska spelled backwards.) If you look at a map of Nebraska, maybe you'll be as surprised as I was to see that most of the counties are square or rectangular in shape. (No gerrymandering there!) Okay, if none of those things surprised you, how about this? South Bend holds an annual Testicle Festival. There, now, that got your attention, didn't it? The city claims to serve more testicles than anyplace else in the world. That's nothing to sneeze at. Which reminds me ... the state flower is goldenrod.
Okay, let's take a look at some pictures, shall we?
With all that wind, it should come as no surprise that you'll see a bunch of windmills in the state. But you'll see the BIGGEST bunch of them at Second Wind Ranch, near Comstock. (Dontcha love that ranch's name?) With 125 water-pumping windmills, this is believed to be the world's largest grouping of wind mills in a single location.
Bet you've heard of Father Flanagan's Boys Town. Now you can say you've seen a picture of it, too.
Ever hear of a shoe fence before? Evidently, when a fence post is put up, people sometimes put something ... anything ... on top of it to protect it from the elements until a more permanent sealant can be applied. Makes sense. Presumably, that may be the reason the first shoe was jammed onto one of these fence posts. Then, it kinda took on a life of its own. Now, miles and miles and miles of fencing alongside Highway 26 between Northport and Ogallala is adorned with upside down shoes and boots.
Lied Jungle, part of Omaha's Henry Doorly Zoo, is North America's largest indoor rain forest, filling a building 80 feet tall, and covering an acre and a half of greenery, water, and wildlife.
The Great Platte River Archway Monument, named one of the country's top ten museums for kids by the Miami Herald, contains displays and hands-on activities showing the lifestyles and hardships of the American pioneers. And it arches right across the highway.
A Hebron, Nebraska park boasts the world's largest porch swing. It's supposed to seat twenty-five adults, which is kinda cool, but ya know, it's hard enough to put two people on a swing who like to move with the same rhythm ...
Willa Cather's house
How about THIS? Chevyland USA, located in Elm Creek, contains more than 110 different Chevrolets of all vintages, either restored or in original condition.
Talking about cars, now THIS is just too cool. This is Carhenge, a unique place that uses thirty-eight automobiles, spray-painted gray, to replicate Stonehenge.
A closer look. (See? I wasn't kidding!)
The Strategic Air Command Museum, located near Ashland, preserves and displays historic aircraft, missiles, and space vehicles.
One of the many planes inside the SAC Museum is this SR-71 A Blackbird.
The University of Nebraska's Morrill Hall, AKA Elephant Hall, contains the world's largest collection of woolly mammoth fossils. Not something you'd associate with Nebraska? Me, neither. But in fact, mammoth fossils have been found in almost every one of Nebraska's counties, and the largest mammoth fossil in the world was discovered in Lincoln, home of the university.
Now, THIS, I'll bet you associated with Nebraska. Good ol' Buffalo Bill's Wild West Show. The show has its origins near his ranch in North Platte.
Care to take a tour of the Buffalo Bull Cody Museum? The diarama is amazing:
Okay, our virtual tour is over. Now, it's time to take a look-see at some of the old forgotten laws still languishing on the books in the fine state of Nebraska.
Persons with gonorrhea may not marry.
It's illegal to fly a plane while drunk. (Perfectly acceptable for the passengers to get plastered, though.)
If a child burps during church, his parents may be arrested. (Better feed the baby in the hallway.)
It's against the law to go whale fishing. (Didn't realize that was even an option.)
It's illegal for a mother to give her daughter a permanent without a state license. (Now, I'll go along with this one ... the permanents my mother gave me when I was a girl shoulda been against the law!)
In Blue Hill, women wearing a hat that would scare a timid person cannot be seen eating onions in public.(So take the hat OFF while eating the onion!)
In Hastings, the owner of every hotel is required to provide each guest with a clean and pressed nightshirt. No hotel guests, even if they're married, may sleep together in the nude, and may not have sex unless wearing one of those clean white nightshirts. (Holy mackerel!)
In Lehigh, it's against the law to sell doughnut holes.
In Omaha, it's illegal to sneeze or burp during a church service. (Well, crud. Think they have a problem with farts?)
And men are forbidden from running around with a shaved chest. (Walk.)
In Waterloo, it's against the law for barbers to eat onions between the hours of 7AM and 7PM. (AGAIN with the onions! They eat testicles, but they've got a problem with ONIONS?)
Okay, boys and girls, it's that time again. Time for (ta-DA!)
The Weirdest News Stories of the Week
*** McDonald's merits a mention in this week's weirdness, but it isn't because of anything the food chain giant did this time. It's because of something a woman from Nebraska did with a leftover morsel of Mickey D's food, and a three-year-old morsel, at that. When her children didn't eat all their McNuggets three years ago, she noticed that one of the leftover pieces looked like George Washington. So, she kept it. (At least she kept it in her freezer.) Recently, to support a fund-raising effort for a church camp, she and her husband decided to list McWashington on e-bay. Sold it, too. For the whopping sum of $8100. Makes me wonder how much money my daughters-in-law have missed out on by throwing away the kiddies' scraps.
*** The ill effects of bullying have been getting more attention in the media recently. But this case of bullying is a little out of the ordinary, because it's happening to a 69-year-old woman in Michigan ... and she's being bullied by a bird. A BIG bird. No, not THAT "Big Bird." It's a 25-pound turkey who lives in the woods beside her property. That nasty critter struts around her yard as if he owned the place, and attacks her whenever she dares to venture outside. It's gotten so bad, the poor woman has to sneak out of her house in the wee hours of the morning to escape Big Tom's wrath. Seems to me, she needs to show that beast who rules the roost around there. After all, November ain't the only month for turkey dinners.
*** Indian car designer Sudjakar Yodav has a reputation for unusual designs, but his recent creations are simply "auto" this world. In honor of International Women's Day, (March 8 ... who KNEW?) he's come up with vehicles shaped like a stiletto heel, a tube of lipstick, and a makeup compact. Weird, huh? (I mean, for Heaven's sake, WHO uses a compact anymore?)
*** International Women's Day, huh? What do you think of this label British journalist Emma Barnett found in her boyfriend's britches? In case you're having difficulty reading it, after the usual washing instructions, it says, "OR GIVE IT TO YOUR WOMAN IT'S HER JOB."
Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.
