Friday, March 11, 2016

Still Staying Warm

Thought for the day:  Dear Winter, I'm breaking up with you. I think it's time I started seeing other seasons. (Besides, summer is much hotter than you are.)


[courtesy of Seniorark]

Man, I feel like such a fraud. Our temperatures are in the eighties here this week, so it  isn't exactly cold, but it IS still winter... technically... and it's still very cold in some places, right? Right! When I ran the first staying warm post the last Friday in January, it didn't get much love. In fact, it was virtually ignored, possibly because that post didn't show up on anyone's blog roll, as some have told me. Dunno why, but if at first you don't succeed...

Let's see if this second part of the post fares any better. With the official start of spring right around the corner, let's give a nod to winter's last gasps. Before we know it, we'll be bellyaching about the pollen, and how hot it is. In the meantime, here are some more pictures of critters trying to stay warm. Enjoy!











How about a nice cat-serole for dinner?

This bed could use a softer mattress.

How many angels can fit on the head of a pin... how many cats in a sunbeam?

Mom's new heater was the best birthday present ever!

Alternating positions is obviously the most efficient use of the sunshine.

I think I'll sleep right... HERE!

I betcha this one warms your heart.
Now, how cold has it been? It's been so cold...

* Teenagers have pulled up their pants. And put on a jacket!
* When farmers milked their cows, they got ice cream.
* If you can believe it, politicians had their hands in their OWN pockets.
* I saw a dog over on Main Street. The poor thing was frozen to the fire hydrant.
* We have one of those new rain showerheads. I love it, but the other day, when I turned it on, I got hail.
* Smarticus and I ate lunch at a greasy spoon on Wednesday... just for the heartburn.
EVERYBODY had a stiff upper lip.

With all of the snow... and shoveling...  some folks have had to deal with this winter, I present this fictional diary. You may have seen it before, because it's one of those things that's been floating around the Internet for a decade or more:

Diary of a snow shoveler, probable location - North East

December 8 - 6:00 PM

It started to snow.
The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat  for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven.
It looked like a Grandma Moses Print.
So romantic we felt like newlyweds again.
I love snow!
 
December 9
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape.
What a fantastic sight!
Can there be a lovelier place in the whole world?
Moving here was the best idea I've ever had!
Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again.
I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.
This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again.
What a perfect life!
 
December 12
The sun has melted all our lovely snow.
Such a disappointment!
My neighbor tells me not to worry- we'll definitely have a white Christmas.
No snow on Christmas would be awful!
Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again
I don't think that's possible.
Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.
 
December 14
Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night.
The temperature dropped to -20.
The cold makes everything sparkle so.
The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks.
This is the life!
The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again.
I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way.
I wish l wouldn't huff and puff so.
 
December 15

20 inches forecast.
Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.
Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels.
Stocked the freezer.
The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out.
I think that's silly.
We aren't in Alaska, after all.
 
December 16
Ice storm this morning.
Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt.
Hurt like hell.
The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.
 
December 17
Still way below freezing.
Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
Electricity was off for 5 hours.
I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm.
Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her.
Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her.
God I hate it when she's right.
I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
 
December 20
Electricity's back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night.
More shoveling!
Took all day.
The damn snowplow came by twice.
Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey.
I think they're lying.
Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out.
Might have another shipment in March.
I think they're lying.
Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me.
I think he's lying.
 
December 22

Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white   shit fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till August.
Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss.
By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel.
Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy.  I think the asshole is lying.
 
December 23
Only 2 inches of snow today 
And it warmed up to 0.
The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning.
What is she, nuts?!!
Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago?
She says she did but I think she's lying.
 
December 24
6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel.
Thought I was having a heart attack.
If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snow plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel.
I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been!
Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow.
 
December 25
Merry freaking Christmas!
20 more inches of the damn slop tonight -Snowed in.
The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil.
God, I hate the snow!
Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel.
The wife says I have a bad attitude.
I think she's an idiot.
If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.
 
December 26
Still snowed in.
Why the hell did I ever move here?
It was all HER idea.
She's really getting on my nerves.
 
December 27
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.
 
December 28
Warmed up to above -20.
Still snowed in.
The BITCH is driving me crazy!!!
 
December 29
10 more inches.
Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in.
That's the silliest thing I ever heard.   How dumb does he think I am?
 
December 30
Roof caved in.
I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass.
The wife went home to her mother.
Nine more inches predicted.
 
December 31
I set fire to what's left of the house.
No more shoveling.
 
January 8
Feel so good.
I just love those little white pills they keep giving me.
Why am I tied to the bed? 

******

                                                 Chin up! Spring is right around the corner...



                                       Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.



72 comments:

  1. I don't believe the one about teenagers putting on jackets. Some of them pull up their pants now, but no way would they be caught wearing jackets. It's been 80+ most of this week. My allergies are miserable. At least it's not humid--yet. I love all your photos. Franklin likes the space heater in the master bathroom, not that we're using it now. Instead, he's in front of the fan.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
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    1. We never see too many jackets around here, either, no matter how chilly it gets. The standard uniform seems to be short pants and flip flops. Even if there's a dusting of SNOW on the ground!

      Sorry about the allergies. When I went to the store this morning, my car had a light dusting of yellow pollen all over it, so the deluge will be starting soon.

      Delete
  2. My Chicago Daughter writes they've been getting 50 degree temperature changes every day lately. This would give me a good excuse for not knowing how to dress. She, of course, is a genius at layers.

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    1. Holy moley! Fifty degree temperature swings??? Sounds like a good excuse to just stay in the house, where it's a simple choice as to which pair of softies and slippers to put on.

      Delete
  3. Aw, those pictures are so precious. My dog definitely likes to catch sunbeams like that, LOL.

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    1. So do our cats. But pretty much any "warm spot" will do.

      Delete
  4. Winter was essentially a no-show in my area. Which was in good in most ways except that with the temperatures quickly moving into the springtime range I'll be cutting the yards real soon.

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    1. Same here, but we did have a few cold days, and even a dusting of short-lived snow. Yeah, good for the most part, I guess, except for the explosion within the bug population.

      Delete
  5. I refuse to believe, even for one second, that politicians had their hands in their OWN pockets!

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  6. When I lived up north, I slept by the radiator. During the few cold days we have, I put the heat on high. I love that toasty indoor feeling when it's cold out. We don't have enough of those days in Miami.

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    1. I'm surprised you have ANY cold days in Miami. I like warm weather, (Not hot!) but I enjoy those clear brisk rosy-cheeked kinda days, too.

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  7. LOL I couldn't stop giggling as I read the diary entries.

    Also, I didn't think it's possible for politicians to have their hands in their own pockets. Next time, you should take pictures. They'll be as famous as the bigfoot vid. ;-)

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    1. I'm glad I made you giggle. (But I SHOULD have edited it a little bit to keep it more G-rated. Oh well...)

      HA! You're right. If I ever see someone involved in poly-ticks with his hands shoved into his own pockets, I'll be sure to take a picture. :)

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  8. What a delightfully heart-warming post, filled with all the smiles that I desperately need. And it did show up on my Blogger Dashboard this time.

    Those photos are priceless. It's amazing how cats (and pooches) manage to find ANY random patch of sunlight and enjoy it to the fullest.
    And I can certainly relate to that final narrative.....

    Fortunately, winter has finally made an exit (I hope) and it was in the 70's yesterday. The cats and I are loving it.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Thanks! I'm glad it warmed the cockles of your heart. :)

      Spring seems to have sprung for good here, and I hope it's the same for you. I think it's safe to say you've had enough winter... and more than enough RAIN.

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  9. Haha, Susan, I love that! Cat photos always bring viewers :-) It is cold here too, though weather change to the better is predicted - as always: for next week...
    Where is your blog roll? (Not a rhethoric question - I really can't find it).

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Hi-ya, Britta. The only place I have a blog roll in on my dashboard. Guess I should bring some of my favorites out of the cold and onto my blog, huh?

      Delete
  10. Ha! Ha! HAHAHA! Haw! Haw! (Snicker!)

    [gasping for breath and reaching for the keyboard]

    ...must find something intelligent to type. Fingers shaking too much...

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  11. That fictional diary (with just a little exaggeration) describes how I felt during the winters of '14 and '15. This year, thanks to El Niño, has been quite mild and except for that February 30" snowstorm that melted in days, I have no complaints. This week we had 80 degree sunny weather and although too hot, too soon, I enjoyed it immensely.

    Seeing those adorable kitty pictures early in the morning set my mood for the day. It's best to start off with a smile.

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    1. I have a feeling that diary represents how a lot of people feel during those back-to-back snowstorms. I remember one year (around 1958 or so) when Baltimore had so much snow, it felt like that's all I did was wield a shovel. The first couple of times are almost fun...

      Wow, eighty degrees up that-a-way, too. Feels good now, but what's it gonna be like in July???

      ALWAYS best to start with a smile. :)

      Delete
  12. Hi Susan - when I was in NYC in 1976 - they had frozen fire hydrants ... it was cold! This winter hasn't been bad here - but then sometimes English winters are like that. I shall be glad when Spring really does turn up - we're almost there I think ... just so glad I'm not having to endure 80 deg F .. yet!

    Cheers and love the kitty-cats and pups ... Hilary

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Hi-ya, Hilary.

      Yeah, I know what you mean. This IS a wee bit early for temps in the eighties... but it isn't unheard of in these parts. I'm glad you were spared a tough winter this year, too.

      Cheers back atcha.

      Delete
  13. I'd never seen the fictional diary....but I remember when I lived where it wouldn't be such a piece of fiction. I remember putting my back out shoveling in Ottawa one year. I couldn't get up. A man driving by got out of his car and dragged me up the driveway, out of the way of the plough that was roaring up the street.
    Really - there are some things that one just can't make up.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. That's what makes that fictional diary so funny. Some of us can totally relate to those feelings about the never-ending battle with shoveling snow.

      Oh NO! That must have been awful. I'm glad that fella played Good Samaritan for you.

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  14. Our beagle likes to warm up while lying on the hot tub cover. Kind of reminds me of Snoopy on his dog house.
    I know a little about snow shoveling. But this has been one of the mildest winters here in recent years. Still, I'm glad to see it go. Bring on the Barbecues!!!

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    1. I hope that cover on your hot tub is good and sturdy, because I don't think your pooch would be too impressed with a sudden wake-up dunk.

      Geez, not much snow shoveling up your way, huh? You're gonna have to change the name of your blog. :)

      Delete
  15. lol poor dog froze to the fir hydrant. Cats and dogs always do seem to find the warmest spots. Any heater they claim as their own too, as well as fans in the summer.

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    1. Yep, those so-called dumb animals aren't so dumb. :)

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  16. Our beagle likes to warm up while lying on the hot tub cover. Kind of reminds me of Snoopy on his dog house.
    I know a little about snow shoveling. But this has been one of the mildest winters here in recent years. Still, I'm glad to see it go. Bring on the Barbecues!!!

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  17. I hate being cold. I can identify with the cats!

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    1. Me, too, but at least with the cold, you can bundle up all nice and cozy. When it's real hot, you can only take off so many clothes.

      Delete
  18. we're lucky in TX too - not quite as warm as you, and we've had monsoon week. But, I can't complain. I like the "how many cats in a sunbeam" pic - funny. And I know last year, my sister in DE said the kids were even tired of snow days. You can only Netflix binge so much. Well, enjoy your sunny days and happy time change weekend.

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    1. The only good thing about having a good spell of cold weather, even if it brings snow, is it kills off some of the bugs. It is verrrrrry buggy here, and I'll bet it's just as buggy there in Texas.

      Have a super weekend, even if a whole hour of it is gonna be stolen from us. :)

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  19. It has been warm here the last few days too. I love it! Winter made a brief appearance here this year. I'm just fine with it packing up and leaving early just the same. :) I love the cats and dogs sleeping in the patches of sun. Have a nice weekend, Susan!

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    1. Yeah, winter certainly didn't overstay its welcome this year. I guess it had better places to be. )

      You have a super weekend, too!

      Delete
  20. No snow where I live.But I've spent several days sweeping water.And it's just started raining again...

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    1. Sweeping water doesn't sound like any fun at all. I hope it's at least got the common decency to stay out of your house.

      Delete
  21. I adored the story. Be careful what you wish for.
    It has been a very strange winter.
    Now you have a great weekend and if need go back and eat at that Diner for more heartburn.

    cheers, parsnip

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ain't that the truth? It's easy to fantasize about how wonderful it'd be to live somewhere with a lot of snow... or with a blistery hot summer. Doesn't take too long for reality to knock the fantasy right outta you.

      You have a wonderful weekend, too.

      Cheers back atcha.

      Delete
  22. My eyes are glowing green with jealousy. I look like an alien. A sweaty faced alien.
    Send some of that snow and those temperatures here. Please. The sweaty season is reluctant to leave, and I am soooooo over summer.

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    1. It isn't even spring here yet, and I'm already sweating, too. No telling what summer's gonna bring. From what I've heard about your summer this year, I'm sure you're more than ready to send it packing.

      Delete
  23. I laughed my head off with this post. Our winter has ebbed and flowed. It's the only way to describe it. No snow to speak, just a tiny bit of sleet a few days ago.

    Greetings from London.

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    1. I'm glad to hear it made you laugh. No snow to speak of here, either, and that suits me just fine.

      Greetings back atcha.

      Delete
  24. The Diary Of A Snow Shoveler, made me laugh so hard.
    As a child, I used to warm myself against the old paraffin heaters by hooking up my nightie and toasting my buttocks. It was like heaven. Plus those burn marks are hardly noticeable nowadays.

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    1. That's good to hear, because your blog ALWAYS makes me laugh.

      And now you've gone and made me laugh with your comment HERE. Good to know you kept your buns warm, though. :)

      Delete
  25. Love all those cat pictures...well, the dogs, too.

    Let me tell you, Susan, as someone who used to live in Buffalo I know there is nothing fictional about that diary of a snow shoveler.

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    1. Yeah, I know. We experienced some of the snow shoveling miseries in Maryland, too. (And that's why we all live in the South now!)

      Delete
  26. Love the photo's. I didn't really feel cold this winter. Kept the house at a toasty 66 degrees, but yesterday it was 74 degrees and 80 the day before that. I was miserable. We are now at the beach and it's down in the 60's - Purrfect!
    Happy Spring Break!

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    1. We had a couple fairly cold days this winter, but nothing to complain about. Sixty-six degrees sounds about perfect to me, too, but I think I'd like it just a teensy bit warmer at the beach. Not that the temperature reeeeeally matters. I mean, it's the BEACH! Short of a full-blown hurricane, any kind of weather is better when it comes with sand and water. :)

      Delete
  27. Love the cat pics. They all made me smile :)

    I can't complain about this winter. We haven't gotten a lot of snow and it never got brutally cold like last winter. I know that because my pipes didn't freeze and I didn't have to bail out my shower. It's been in the 40s and 50s recently and the blackbirds have come back early which is an especially nice treat.

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    1. Cat people always like pictures of cats. :)

      I'm glad winter was kinder to you this year. Just the thought of frozen pipes is enough to make me shudder. That's one problem I hope to never experience; it doesn't sound like a bit of fun.

      Delete
  28. Oh my Susan, I have heard that one before but still as hilarious as it was the first time... I think this is how I felt last year and I don't even shovel, every time I thought that it was over, along came more snow and ice... heck I almost moved to the west coast of Canada for real where real winter doesn't exist... (my company has an office there)... they freak out when they get an inch or so of snow, I would play in that... lol

    The cat pictures were adorable, they can sleep in the most odd places and be comfortable doing it... I just like my bed... haha

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Yea, it really IS funny... as long as it isn't happening to ya. :)

      It never fails to amuse me to see the weird places cats manage to squeeze themselves into, and in the most uncomfortable-looking positions. (Like they have no spines!)

      Delete
  29. Those cats remind me of me today, outside leaning on the house on the sunny side of the year, out of the wind. I felt, dare I say it, warm?

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  30. smiles these pics are very enjoyable ,sun rays seem to have warmth of mother's lap now but still i am afraid of summers here which are so crucial and hard to bear

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    1. I hope the summer will be kind to you this year.

      Delete
  31. Awww ... the little kitties cuddling up in the heater are the best!

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  32. The cats... so much cuteness! It's been rather warm the past week or so where I live, but I'm worried winter still might try to bite us before it's all said and done this season.

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    1. This weather is bizarre. It's supposed to hit 85 here today, which is a bit too much too soon. But no problem... the low temperature is supposed to be in the thirties this weekend!

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  33. I did miss the first one. Hmm. How odd. One time, I posted and somehow back dated the post, so it got buried.

    Love the jokes! We did plenty of shoveling this winter, but it didn't seem all that bad. But then again, my husband does most of the shoveling, so maybe I should ask him!

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    1. I "think" I know what may have happened to the first one. While working on it, I inadvertently published it... but just for a sec. Then, I quickly fixed it, so that it would publish on the selected date, as planned. Unfortunately, those few seconds were enough to make the post show up on blog rolls, but with a broken link. Then when it actually got published, it didn't show up at all. I could be wrong, though...

      HA! You saying the shoveling wasn't all that bad is like me saying cutting the grass isn't all that bad. Since my husband retired, HE does all the mowing. Suits me just fine and dandy, too. Cutting the grass hasn't given me a single heat stroke ever since... yep, not bad at all...

      Delete
  34. LOL I love the snow diary. Although I am never among those who want a White Christmas. In fact the popularity of it drives me crazy LOL. Love all the animals pics of course. :)

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    1. I must confess, I'm still on the side of finding something magical about snow on Christmas Eve and Christmas. (But, um, I also want it to be all gone and seventy degrees the next day...)

      Delete
  35. Those diary entries are fantastic. That's my kind of humor (anything involving angrily shoving things up someone's ass always gets a laugh around here).

    Also, I love "you know it's cold when" jokes. I would contribute one, but it's 80 degrees here, too... I'm hardly inspired!

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    1. Diaries like that always crack me up, too. There was one some years ago about a guy who moves to Arizona for the "warmth." Absolutely hilarious.

      It was 85 degrees here yesterday. Makes me feel a teensy bit of concern about what it's gonna be like in July.

      Delete
  36. This winter hasn't been so bad. Its warming up now soon people will be complaining its too hot.

    I haven't been able to write in a diary for over 30 years.

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    1. Absolutely. Sometimes, it seems like people aren't happy unless they're complaining about the weather.

      In a way, some of the posts you write on your blog are kinda like diary entries.

      Delete