A Tiny Park and Titanic Tatas

Thought for the day:  Portland, Oregon, won't build a mile of road without building a mile of bike path.   [Lance Armstrong]

Betcha thought we were never gonna get back to our virtual state tours, didn't ya? Well, here we are, better late than never, prepared to visit  the beautiful state of Oregon, AKA the Wet-Foot State. With as much as 180 inches of rain per year, it's understandable where that nickname came from, but with all the bike paths, hiking trails, and beautiful sights to see, it could just as well be called the Great Outdoors State. (when it isn't raining, of course)

The man of gold shown in the picture stands tall atop the state's capitol building. Called Oregon Pioneer, this statue, created by Uric Ellerhuson, pays proud homage to the spirit of Oregon's early settlers, a spirit which, one could argue, still exists in the heart of the state's hearty rain-soaked souls of today.

Okay, ready to check out some pictures?

This is Crater Lake. Isn't the color gorgeous? The deepest lake in the United States, it is literally located in a crater... yep, in the remains of an old volcano.

Not just the deepest lake, but also the deepest canyon is located in Oregon. Hell's Canyon, at 8000 feet deep, is the deepest gorge in North America.

Stuff doesn't just go down deep here; it also reaches for the sky. Mount Hood has to be one of the most picturesque spots in the state.

This is one of the waterfalls located in Silver Falls State Park. There are nine others located within this park, as well as a ton of forested trails, including 24 miles of hiking trails, 14 miles of horseback riding trails, and 4 miles of bike trails. Sounds like an outdoor paradise, doesn't it?

Sea Lion Caves, located near Florence, were first discovered in 1881, and are the largest known sea caves in the world.

Flowstone Cave, located at Oregon Caves National Monument. Pretty neat-looking, huh?

Not everything is Oregon is about the deepest, or the tallest, or the largest. Sometimes, it's about the smallest. Mill's End Park, in Portland, happens to be the world's smallest official park. It's two feet across, and was created in 1948... for leprechauns. Every St. Patrick's Day, it's the site for (ready?) snail races. In addition to the smallest park, Oregon also boasts the shortest river: the D River, measuring 121' feet long. (That's pretty darned long for a snail!)

The Darlingtonia, or cobra lily, only grows naturally in an area from central Oregon south to central California. The Darlingtonia Wayside, near Florence, is an eighteen-acre rare plant sanctuary and botanical preserve, featuring this plant and others.

The International Rose Test Garden is also located in Oregon. Here, roses from all over the world are tutored, so they can pass their high school equivalency tests. ( Just checking to see if you were paying attention.) At these gardens, located near Portland, more than 500 varieties of roses are cultivated.

There's plenty of things for history lovers to see in Oregon, too. Like Ft. Clatsop National Memorial, where you can visit a replica of the Lewis-Clark outpost of 1805-06.

Tired of all the outdoorsy stuff? Then, maybe you'd enjoy the Carousel Museum, containing the largest (of course!) collection of carousel horses in the world. Or maybe you'd prefer the Columbia Gorge Interpretive Center, where you can see the world's largest rosary collection, including the one carried by JFK during WWII.

Roses and cobra lilies aren't the only things cultivated in Oregon. So is an appreciation for Shakespeare. This Elizabethan Theater, located in Ashland, presents eleven plays a year on three different stages. Approximately half of them are Shakespearean.

I've saved a touch of whimsy for last. In Bend, Oregon, there's an unusual place called the Funny Farm, where you can find such things as a bowling ball garden, an electrical kaleidoscope that shows psychedelic Wizard of Oz images, a tire totem pole, and a dead Halloween mask burial grounds. Oh, and you can even buy bowling ball seeds in the gift shop, just in case you'd like to start your very own bowling ball garden at home. Too funny, huh? Care to take a quick trip to the Funny Farm???

Okay, ready to see what kind of cockamamie laws are still languishing on the books in the wild and woolly state of Oregon? Oh, by the way, as a point of interest, the Oregon state flag is the only one in the country that has a different image on the flip side. (It's a beaver.)

• Drivers must yield to pedestrians who are standing on the sidewalk. (Um, or they could just drive on the street...)
• It's against the law for a driver to test his physical endurance while driving a car on the highway. (So... no running while driving, huh?)
• It's illegal to place a container of human feces on the side of any highway. (Well, darn...)
• It's against the law to carry a baby on a car's running board. (But, officer, the kid wouldn't stop crying...)
• Dishes must drip dry. (Drop that towel, lady, or I'm gonna have to take you in...)
• It's illegal to whisper dirty words in a lover's ear during sex. (Who's gonna tell?)
• Sorry, but you can't eat ice cream on a Sunday. (Well, now, that's just plain wrong.)
• It's illegal to buy or sell marijuana, but it IS legal to smoke it on your own property.
• In Eugene, it's against the law to show movies or attend a car race on a Sunday.
• In Hood River, juggling is strictly prohibited without a license.
• In Klamath River, it's illegal to walk down a sidewalk and knock a snake's head off with your cane. (Step off the sidewalk first, silly.)
• In Marion, you can't eat a doughnut while walking backwards on a city street.
• Ministers there are also forbidden from eating garlic or onions before delivering a sermon. (Yeah, I guess garlic and onions could give a whole new meaning to fire and brimstone...)
• In Myrtle Creek, it's illegal to box with a kangaroo. (But dancing is fine.)
• In Portland, it's against the law to walk down the street with your shoelaces untied. (One word: velcro.)
• It's also illegal there to hold a wedding at a skating rink, to wear roller skates in the restroom, or to whistle underwater.
• In Salem, it's against the law for women to wrestle. (Not even in jello?)
• In Stanfield, it's illegal for any animals to have sex within the city limits. (HEY! You dogs cut that out!)
• And finally, in Yamhill, it's against the law to predict the future, or to leave your cellar door open. (Can't let any fortune tellers sneak in on the ground floor, now, can we?)

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Okay, it's that time again, boys and girls. Time for (ta-DA!)

The Weirdest News Stories of the Week

circa 1941

***  London's oldest working fish smokehouse, built in 1880, survived WWII, but alas,  it may not survive a modern-day neighbor's complaint. A Luftwaffe bomb only shut the place down for a couple days, but a neighbor who's averse to the smoke and fishy smell may shut it down for good. But here's the thing: the complaining neighbor moved into apartments that were built next to the smokehouse just six years ago, and then he built a wooden studio type building--- right next to its chimney. Just for the halibut, I ask you: what kind of person moves next door to a fish-smoking facility, and then has the audacity to complain about the fishy smoke??? Never mind. I already know. The same kind of person who buys a house next to an airport, and then complains about the noisy airplanes. I hope officials are able to resolve the situation soon and the Purkis family can once again start smoking fish, because I tell ya what, London will be singing an unhappy tuna if there's a shortage of kippers.

*** Okay, so I know there's a stiff competition between news stations, and the naked truth is, the general public really does tend to be painfully unaware of what's going on in the world around them, but, is this the solution? Recently, on Swedish TV, while a news anchor blithely  interviewed a Moscow correspondent about the situation in Syria, a porn movie played on one of the screens behind her. For ten minutes. While the onscreen activity might have piqued the interest of certain members of the viewing audience, it's highly unlikely any of them heard a single word of the interview.

*** If ya got it, flaunt it, huh? Seems to be the strategy for at least one buxom beauty, anyway. I really wouldn't call it the breast way to make money, but the young lady is attempting to turn her titanic tatas into a treasure chest... by selling (you ready?) advertising space on them. I guess she figures, companies advertise on a bus... so why not on a bust? In her ad, which first appeared on a Czech Republic website, she says, Send me your message, and I'll send you a picture of it written on my breasts. Customers can rent one breast for five pounds, or get a two-fer bargain for only nine. No telling how many takers she's gotten so far, but after her ad got reposted (and reposted... and reposted...) to Facebook, one cheeky gentleman suggested a way for her to make even more money. He said he'd pay double... if she let him write the message himself. Sheesh. What a boob.

***  What a crappy thing to do. Thieves in Alberta, Canada, had the chutzpah to steal a man's outhouse right out from under him. Well, not literally. But they did take it. Just two months after a farmer and his son finished building the new privy, thieves came in the middle of the night and stole it away, leaving naught behind for the poor farmer to find in the morning but a gaping hole in the ground. He's offering a reward for the return of his toilet, but alas, the police have nothing to go on. And sadly... neither does the farmer.






Have a super weekend. Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.