On Being Alone

Thought for the day:  Language has created the word 'loneliness' to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word 'solitude' to express the glory of being alone. [Paul Tillich]

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There's a huge difference between reveling in the glorious solitude of an early morning walk on the beach, where we thoroughly enjoy our own company and feel at one with the universe...

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and the devastating soul-sucking feeling of loneliness. The sense that one has been deserted. Has no one. Is totally alone and unwanted in this world.

Solitude is not the same as loneliness. Solitude is a solitary boat floating in a sea of possible companions. [Robert Fulghum]

By contrast, I suppose the lonely don't believe there are any possible companions for them. Nothing but a sea of emptiness as far as they can see.

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My guess is you've all seen it: crowds of people with downcast eyes, fiddling with their cellphones while ignoring the flesh-and-blood people who are surrounding them. This isn't just a phenomenon that occurs among strangers, either. It happens within families.

From the boardroom to the bedroom, we're connected 24/7, yet loneliness is at an all-time high. More people are reaching for mobile devices than for the hand of someone in need. Where did our humanity go? [Elizabeth Kapu'uwailani Lindsey]

But we can't blame this disconnect on modern technology. Sure, the proliferation of cellphones has made the situation more blatantly noticeable, but the truth is, the disconnect pre-dates the advent of the cellphone.

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Why is it that people are more likely to react to a lonely dog with empathy than they are to a person?

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Why does a pitiful-looking kitten pluck on our heartstrings, while the sight of a saddened human being is more likely to make us look the other way? (If we even notice that person in the first place.)

It's as though we're all insulated in our own little worlds (i.e. our vehicles) passing thousands of other people, who are also insulated in their own little worlds. Separated. Disconnected.

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 How many of you would feel compelled to speak to a lonely old woman sitting by herself? To a laughing child? To a person of a different race, sex, or generation than you?

I confess. To me, strangers are just friends I haven't made yet. You could say I'm an equal-opportunity annoyer. That's how I acted as a kid, and I still haven't outgrown it. (Just between you and me, I hope I never do.) Smarticus is the same way. Some would call us extroverts, I suppose. Personally, I think we just have big yaps. No one is safe from our friendly yammering, and no matter how standoffish or surprised people may be initially, they've always come around and engaged in conversations with us in the end.

Know why? Because I think people are lonely. We NEED to feel connected to other people, and that sense of belonging is achingly absent in the lives of far too many people.

Loneliness can be a serious health condition, too, especially for the elderly. According to an AARP study, prolonged social isolation is as risky to a person's well-being as smoking fifteen cigarettes a day.

Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty. [Mother Teresa]

                                   And loneliness all too often leads to depression.

So why don't we reach out to each other more?  Are we introverts, or are we simply afraid of being rejected? Afraid of what that other person might think or how he might react? What if there were a safe place to interact with strangers, a place where you'd know ahead of time that the other person does, indeed, want to talk to somebody, and would welcome the opportunity to meet you?

Thanks to English policeman Detective Sargent Ashley Jones, these places do exist. He became aware of how devastating loneliness can be for seniors when an elderly widow who'd been bilked of more than thirty thousand dollars by a con man told him she didn't mind, because without the con man's daily phone calls, in which he pretended to be her friend, she wouldn't have spoken to another human being for weeks on end. She was lonely and that con man temporarily eased her profound sense of loneliness.

So the good officer did something about it. In June, he got permission to give special status to a couple benches in two local parks.

How are they special? They're called chat benches... and they have made a difference. So much so, ten more benches were added shortly after the first two, often in places where the elderly tend to congregate. Now, there are forty of these benches spread throughout the UK, and other countries are starting to  notice, like Australia and the U.S.

Isn't that fantastic???


                             Here's a short video to tell you a bit more about the benches:

So what do you think? Think this is going to be an idea that'll sweep the world and make a real difference in lives far and wide? I sure hope so. In a world of manufactured problems based on our perceived differences, how wonderful it would be if we all could learn to sit down and chat a spell with a stranger. Remember, (s)he's just a friend you haven't met yet... and even without a bench, each of us has the power to change that.

We can all fight against loneliness by engaging in random acts of kindness. [Gail Honeyman]

In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit. [Albert Schweitzer]

Try to be a rainbow in someone's cloud. [Maya Angelou]

If you light a lamp for someone, it will also brighten your path. [Buddhist saying]

If you meet someone without a smile, give him one of yours.

Give a stranger a smile. It might be the only sunshine he sees all day.

Making a person smile can change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world.

                                         Be the reason someone smiles today.

                               Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.