Thought for the day: Regret won't change the past. Anxiety won't change the future.
Hi-ya, guys. So how are things going with you? I know... I know... some days, it feels like a tsunami of anxiety is threatening to engulf the whole darned planet, but hang in there, okay? Just grab yourself a gnarly surfboard so you can ride that wave with a big ol' smile on your face.
So to speak.
I mean, we may not be able to change what's happening in the world... or in our lives... but we always always have the power to make the best of it. And we can always always search for the bright spots, the humor, and the hope. If it's too hard to smile, fake it. Whistle a happy tune, people, because we're gonna get through this. Really.
Me? I'm doing okay. I miss the crap out of my husband, but I don't reckon that'll ever change. There's a big ol' empty spot in my heart, but I still have the privilege of knowing a bunch of caring people, and the world doesn't feel empty to me at all. Just... different. It will always be... different. But the stark truth of it is, the long and beautiful saga Mike and I wrote together is over. The ending sucked, and he's gone, but it's time for me to write a new story. My own.
Yep, time to reinvent myself, because my life ain't over. Not yet.
Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. [George Bernard Shaw]
Mr. Shaw was a brilliant man, but I don't think I need to create myself so much as I need to figure out who the heck I am. See, I've been Mike's wife... or Mike's girlfriend... for well over half a century, and after decades of bending over backwards to accommodate him and keep him happy, I kinda lost myself in the process. Now I'm taking baby steps to find out who I am and what I want. Simple things like putting yummy mushrooms in the lasagna sauce... which he never liked... and getting rid of some stuff he liked... that I secretly hated. As stereotypically 1950s-like as I was as his wife, he was equally as 1950s-like stereotypical in his role, too. He took care of things. Fixed everything. Took care of the financial planning. Paid all the bills. And I've gotta tell ya, as scared as I was at being thrust into the position of suddenly having to do all of that stuff myself...rising to those tasks has given me a sense of accomplishment. I'm a tad surprised... but also proud.
I don't know how extreme my makeover is gonna be, but I think it's gonna be okay, and so am I. For quite a while, the changes are mostly gonna be in our house. My raison d'etre right now is getting rid of a bunch of stuff and simplifying everything so it'll be easier for my kids to handle when I shuffle off to join their dad. Oh, and I want to turn one of Mike's many storage areas back into a bedroom... and fit it with a couple of bunk beds. Then, the grandkids can stay with me from time to time. Once the coronavirus has passed and a certain amount of normality has returned to everyday life, there may be more changes. Like... I might like to join our local community theater group. Maybe take tai chi classes. Heck, maybe I'll even learn to tap dance. Who knows? It's a new adventure, and I can set my own path. (Hopefully, my woeful sense of direction won't prove to be too problematic...) The jury is still out as to whether the new me is gonna be a blogger... or a writer. I think so. Maybe. Then again, I might be too busy learning how to play the saxophone...
Heck, maybe we all need to reinvent ourselves to some extent. No matter how old we are, or what our circumstances may be, it's not too late to climb out of that rut to explore new things and learn how to bloom again. How about you? What new things might you try?
Don't ever feel like your best days are behind you. Reinvention is the purest form of hope. Make today your best yet. [Phil Wohl]
Okay, so I'll be Edison... who wants to be Tesla...?
Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.
Still feeling a little blah? This video's guaranteed to lift you up.
I suspect the emptiness will never go away entirely, but I like the way you're approaching this new journey. It's your life, to make of what you will. Tap dancing saxophonist, maybe?
Hi Susan. Good to see you blogging again, that's a good sign. I can imagine how you are feeling. But now you need to live for YOU! To reinvent yourself - that's a great project. You are strong and you will manage it. Love and hugs, Valerie
I know I have to reinvent myself... the process is already well underway... and just between you and me, I had no idea the "real me" was this strong. It was scary to stand on my own two feet at first, but now, it feels pretty darned good.
I'm glad to hear you are doing okay and ridding your house of things you never liked is a good beginning for the new you. It will be nice to have a space for grandkids to sleepover, just remember, little ones wake early, so be prepared.
Thanks. Yeah, it feels good to get rid of some of those things. Mike was "all man" and a lot more militant than I am, so it'll be nice to live in a place that's softer and gentler.
HA! The kiddos may wake up early, but I guarantee ya, I wake up earlier. :)
It is WONDERFUL to see a post from you. Truly wonderful. And of course you hurt, and always will - it is a testament and a tribute to the size of your love. Just the same I am thrilled to hear that you are taking steps forward - and reclaiming mushrooms is a fine place to start. And space. You SHOULD feel proud. I am pretty certain that you have achieved some things which you thought were impossible. Hugs. Today and every day.
Thank you, sweet lady. It is WONDERFUL to get a comment from you. :) Truly wonderful. And again, thank you for the card. It still blows me away that you cared enough to send it.
Reclaiming mushrooms is great, but reclaiming space is even better. Not sure, but Mike may have been a bit of a hoarder. You wouldn't BELIEVE the stuff he saved. (I sure don't!) Or the things he HID. Took me six weeks just to find some of the keys I needed to get into all of the locked cabinets he left behind. (My kids think he did it on purpose to keep me busy,. If that's true, he succeeded!)
I really do feel proud of myself. Much to my surprise, it seems I really am "the captain of my ship," and at least so far, I'm still above water. Some days, the water's a little choppy, but it's never boring.
Have a wonderful weekend, dear lady. Lotsa hugs back atcha. Thanks for being you. We could use more of you in this world.
Of course I cared enough to send a card. You have become very dear to me (and others) over the years. I suspect that laughter will be your lifebelt in choppy waters - as it always has. Sadly, I cannot make your email me option work. Mine is in my profile if ever you want to use it.
Thank you. That's such a sweet thing to say. You're very dear to me, too.
Dunno why the email thingy isn't working... I'll look into it. (Which will be something along the lines of: "There it is." pause "Darned if it ain't...") In the meantime, my email address is af4fo (at sign) aol.com
What a beautiful and spiritually nourishing post. You've been in my thoughts often lately,Susan, and it's reassuring to know that you are channeling this dark crisis into a rainbow of positive thoughts and ideas.
I have no doubt that your new adventures in life will be rewarding and successful. And your optimism has inspired me - and helped extract me from the well of depression that I've been in for so long. Optimism and relentless determination are so important.
Take care, my friend, and keep us posted. Big Hugs.
Thank you. If it's even a teensy bit true that this post somehow helped lift you from depression, you've given me yet another "raison d'etre." (If it isn't true, thanks for saying it, anyway.)
Take care, fellow Sag. Big hugs back atcha.
One thing I've done... I actually spent a little time playing the piano! I hadn't played in YEARS... not since Mike retired. I've never had so much as a scintilla of your talent, so I didn't exactly create wondrous music, but it felt so GOOD!!! Bottom line, I truly truly hope you've been spending some time tickling your ivories. Talent like yours shouldn't be ignored. (And I guarantee, once you lose yourself in the music, you'll feel so much better.)
Thanks, Alex. It's humbling that you guys are still out there listening. :)
I've always believed that even though we may not be in control of our circumstances, we DO have the freedom to choose how we respond to them. I choose to be happy. And it shouldn't be TOO hard to find myself again... I know I'm around here somewhere... :)
very glad you surfaced sunny side up (except for the days when maybe there's a stress frown). You are strong and fabulous and you are still Mike's wife - he's just not there in person to contain you or say, "No, don't throw that away." (I understand that part and it's okay) Sax, accordion, learn the kazoo - that way when we meet to hang on that bench you can put down a hat and maybe folks will pitch in some money. Take good care!
Yeah, sunny-side up is my favorite way to be. (I'd never make it as a hard-boiled egg...)
Okeydoke, we can toss that hat down, but only if you dance while I play. Or vice versa. (Wouldn't it be FUN to learn how to tap dance?!?)
Thank you so much for the letter you sent me. I'm so sorry I never got around to responding. It was such a sweet newsy kinda note, it made me feel like a young girl again, back in the days when I had a slew of pen pals. For that, I thank you. (It isn't often that I feel "young"... HA)
me dancing - that could be quite sad. and I think I said - no need to respond. If/when I write it's because I want to - I like that pen smear on my fingers. Cheers
You didn't choose this adventure, but you're on it now. Like you, I wouldn't know what to do with bills and stuff as my husband takes care of all that.
Yep, it's definitely a new adventure. I just have to pull up my big girl panties and see where it leads me.
I know you don't want to think about it, but I highly recommend that you learn more about handling your finances and stuff now. It would've been so much easier to transition into being "the one in charge" if I'd been more prepared. No, scratch that. If I'd been prepared at ALL.
Hi Susan - so good to see you ... and to know you haven't changed - same sense of humour ... and rarin to get out and about and do a few things ... love the idea of the tap dancing saxophonist ... I'd no idea what a kazoo was ...
... well it reminds me of a childhood 'favourite' blowing through a comb covered in hard loo paper ... sounds like it makes a similar noise - rightly or wrongly ... and having googled a very long descriptive sentence to find out ... I could have just used 'comb and paper'! The Beeb even made a video how to ...
Life is a wonderful world ... and you'll make it so ... for the family and for us, when you feel like a little 'adult blogger' chit-chat ...
Finding your way - you'll do fine ... presumably you can still call your 'hams' for help?
Mushrooms in a lasagne sauce and a house that's softer in the middle sounds a good idea - be at peace ... as Joanne says he's still there and no doubt laughing at your choices!
All the best - often thinking of you ... so this was great to see ... take care and stay sane in this covid world. Hilary xoxo
Hi-ya, Hilary. It's good to see you again, too. :)
Well... I HAVE kinda changed. I've lost weight, but I'm slowly putting some of the meat back on my bones again. And my hair! OY! My hair. It's way too long, and I'm way too old to pull off the Alice in Wonderland look. One of these days, I'll drag myself to the salon and get it cut, but for now, I content myself with merely trimming the front so it doesn't cover my eyes. (I'm too old to pull off the Veronica Lake look, too...)
Oh yeah. I forgot about making "music" by humming through a wax paper-covered comb. And yes, that's exactly the same way a kazoo works... sounds pretty much the same, too.
Yes, you're right. Life may be different, but it's still wonderful, and I'm happy to still be here. We have a TON of ham radio stuff around here, (No exaggeration!) and I'm sure our ham friends will be a huge help in finding new homes for it. Hopefully, some of the younger ones will help me with the towers and antennas. OY
Take care of yourself. In this crazy covid world... not to mention the bizarre way some of our politicians are behaving... sanity seems to be going out of style, but let's both hold onto it as best as we can, okay?
So happy to see your post today, Susan! And I always smile when I see you pop up over on my Goodreads feed. :)
I have no doubt you will be okay. The same? No. But okay? Definitely!
And I echo Alex's comment about your great attitude. You don't pretend the bad doesn't/didn't happen, but you choose to find the good, no matter how deep it might be buried. Always an excellent reminder for me. :)
Susan, I am so thrilled to see your Friday blog today. I hear so many things in this post and there is so much that I want to say and ask but your words are so important and honest and I want to just listen and tell you how much I am in awe of you.
Dang it, girl. Your comment is so sweet, it made me cry. Or as Sue would say, you made my eyes leak a little. Thank you.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I truly wish you were my neighbor. If you ever have more to say or ask, feel free to shoot me an email at any time. That "email me" badge in the sidebar makes it easy-peasy.
You have a wonderful attitude toward life and that will take you far. No sense in complaining about what we no longer have, but taking what we've got and making the best of it is the wisest way to go. Thanks for the upbeat post, we will make it through this. Life goes on and nothing ever remains the same.
I might be trying to scare the crap outta people but here you are making us all feel so much better, about everything! The world's cheerleader is at it again! I'm so glad! I can't wait to learn all about your journey. I know it'll inspire me to be the best I can be too! Thank you!
Thanks, sis. I'd happily accept the mantle of cheerleader, but I refuse to get on top of one of those cheerleading pyramids. My bones are getting too brittle... :)
My gosh, girl ... it's SO GOOD to 'see' you here. So many folks have already said what I wish I could. Your attitude's sure enviable. Perhaps a beacon for those who've walked your walk and are still floundering. (Move over, Dear Abby.) 'Hope you'll continue to take us along on your new journey!
I dunno why I'm not floundering, wearing sackcloth and covering myself in ashes. Probably because I had a relatively long time to prepare for the inevitable, and at the end, the inevitable was a blessing.
You have to keep trying new things, it's what makes life worth living and what keeps us alive and I'm sure your loved husband would want no less for you. Since my second wife left me I have given up smoking, drinking (well getting potted every night anyway), self published two books that no one has read but had a blast doing, started a blog, learned to play guitar (getting pretty not awful) took up golf again, improved my bowling, and married for the third and final time, this one a nice person on my same wave length.
Good for you! Moving forward and making changes isn't always easy, but it sounds like you aced the test. And as the saying goes, the third time's the charm. Ya done good.
Maybe you can play the saxophone and tap dance at the same time. The next Youtube hit. A great attitude to have though. And bunkbeds for the kiddos is a win too. Steal em, spoil em, and send em back lol
Reinvent myself? What a rhyming cat isn't good enough? A yappy dog better? haha
Susan, You are truly my hero. I can’t believe how much you’ve accomplished after such a devastating loss. Within a very short time, you’ve become a detective, accountant, carpenter, and you’re already on the verge of mastering even more tasks! Your children and grandchildren must be so proud of you. And I’m proud to call you my friend. I will live vicariously through you whether you decide to join a theater group, or take up the saxophone. xo
Thanks, Julie. Ya know, you don't have to "live vicariously" through me... there's no reason YOU can't join a theater group or take up the sax. :) (Or whatever the heck else you might like to do.)
You have such a great attitude, Susan. I'm amazed and I imagine Smarticus is sitting up there saying, 'That's my girl." Theater sounds like a great way to start since you could take on a role that suits, big or small. You go girl!
I hope Smarticus is watching over me. I talk to him from time to time, so it'd really be nice to know he's listening.
Yeah, I think getting involved with the theater group would be a blast, but it's been a LOT of years since I last sang or acted in front of an audience, so I dunno. Not sure if my rememberer is up to the task any more, but it'd be fun to find out. If nothing else, I could work backstage. Or (sigh) sell tickets...
Dear Susan, it's after 2am and I'm still trying to explore what I read here. Diana Krall's lovely lyrics...
"Whatever comes next There's no way to know I'll make it up as I go."
...seem to say --if not all, then-- all that can be said at times like these, or any times. Norma and I have a close relationship, but she's way healthier, more vigorous, smarter than I and will doubtless survive me like any other minor irritant. That's what I wish for in this REAL world: her happiness. Doubtless, Mike wished the same for you. Don't you dare go extinct.
Hi-ya, dude. I'm really glad you listened to the lyrics to that song. They do a great job expressing my feelings, and I think they're pretty darned appropriate for all of us these days.
Mike has always been the healthier one in our marriage, so I've always believed I'd be the first one to die. In fact, I prayed for just that, because I honestly didn't believe I could survive without him... and believed he'd be just fine without me. I guess God had other ideas.
Don't you be flirting with extinction, either. There's lots and lots of good things to come for you and Norma. I'm sure of it.
The other night, my husband pointed out that we have been a couple together for more years than we were individuals. I hadn't really thought of that. But like you and Mike, we have our give and takes. He takes care of me and I take care of him. I watch action movies, though I hate them and he'll watch royal documentaries for me. I suppose it's not so much 1950s as it is the necessary give and take of a happy marriage. I can't even imagine adjusting to a new normal. But I imagine if anyone can nail it, it's you. You're one courageous, wonderful lady. One day at a time. One step at a time and you'll get through. When my brother (then others) passed, some days I'd only feel like crying, so cry is what I did. I decided they deserved to be missed so there was no shame in the tears. Eventually, the tearful days were farther between and I reminded myself to live a life that honored them. I imagined reaching the Pearly Gates, seeing them again, and giving them an account of all that I did. Every time I felt like saying the hell with getting out of bed, I could hear my brother (he was the sassiest!) in my head say, "Don't put that shit on me!" But that's just my brother. I can't imagine losing my he-says-he's-better half. But know that you're in my thoughts and my prayers. Also, I would miss you bunches if you quit. Even if I've been a horrible blogger throughout the Covid season, I do love my bloggy friends.
I suspect the emptiness will never go away entirely, but I like the way you're approaching this new journey. It's your life, to make of what you will. Tap dancing saxophonist, maybe?
ReplyDeleteNot sure if my multi-tasking abilities allow for tap dancing and playing an instrument at the same time... maybe a kazoo...? :)
DeleteHi Susan. Good to see you blogging again, that's a good sign. I can imagine how you are feeling. But now you need to live for YOU! To reinvent yourself - that's a great project. You are strong and you will manage it. Love and hugs, Valerie
ReplyDeleteHi-ya. Thanks. It's good to be seen. :)
DeleteI know I have to reinvent myself... the process is already well underway... and just between you and me, I had no idea the "real me" was this strong. It was scary to stand on my own two feet at first, but now, it feels pretty darned good.
Love and hugs back atcha.
I'm glad to hear you are doing okay and ridding your house of things you never liked is a good beginning for the new you. It will be nice to have a space for grandkids to sleepover, just remember, little ones wake early, so be prepared.
ReplyDeleteThanks. Yeah, it feels good to get rid of some of those things. Mike was "all man" and a lot more militant than I am, so it'll be nice to live in a place that's softer and gentler.
DeleteHA! The kiddos may wake up early, but I guarantee ya, I wake up earlier. :)
Take care, and have a super weekend.
It is WONDERFUL to see a post from you.
ReplyDeleteTruly wonderful.
And of course you hurt, and always will - it is a testament and a tribute to the size of your love.
Just the same I am thrilled to hear that you are taking steps forward - and reclaiming mushrooms is a fine place to start. And space.
You SHOULD feel proud. I am pretty certain that you have achieved some things which you thought were impossible.
Hugs. Today and every day.
Thank you, sweet lady. It is WONDERFUL to get a comment from you. :) Truly wonderful. And again, thank you for the card. It still blows me away that you cared enough to send it.
DeleteReclaiming mushrooms is great, but reclaiming space is even better. Not sure, but Mike may have been a bit of a hoarder. You wouldn't BELIEVE the stuff he saved. (I sure don't!) Or the things he HID. Took me six weeks just to find some of the keys I needed to get into all of the locked cabinets he left behind. (My kids think he did it on purpose to keep me busy,. If that's true, he succeeded!)
I really do feel proud of myself. Much to my surprise, it seems I really am "the captain of my ship," and at least so far, I'm still above water. Some days, the water's a little choppy, but it's never boring.
Have a wonderful weekend, dear lady. Lotsa hugs back atcha. Thanks for being you. We could use more of you in this world.
Of course I cared enough to send a card. You have become very dear to me (and others) over the years. I suspect that laughter will be your lifebelt in choppy waters - as it always has.
DeleteSadly, I cannot make your email me option work. Mine is in my profile if ever you want to use it.
Thank you. That's such a sweet thing to say. You're very dear to me, too.
DeleteDunno why the email thingy isn't working... I'll look into it. (Which will be something along the lines of: "There it is." pause "Darned if it ain't...") In the meantime, my email address is af4fo (at sign) aol.com
What a beautiful and spiritually nourishing post. You've been in my thoughts often lately,Susan, and it's reassuring to know that you are channeling this dark crisis into a rainbow of positive thoughts and ideas.
ReplyDeleteI have no doubt that your new adventures in life will be rewarding and successful. And your optimism has inspired me - and helped extract me from the well of depression that I've been in for so long. Optimism and relentless determination are so important.
Take care, my friend, and keep us posted. Big Hugs.
Thank you. If it's even a teensy bit true that this post somehow helped lift you from depression, you've given me yet another "raison d'etre." (If it isn't true, thanks for saying it, anyway.)
DeleteTake care, fellow Sag. Big hugs back atcha.
One thing I've done... I actually spent a little time playing the piano! I hadn't played in YEARS... not since Mike retired. I've never had so much as a scintilla of your talent, so I didn't exactly create wondrous music, but it felt so GOOD!!! Bottom line, I truly truly hope you've been spending some time tickling your ivories. Talent like yours shouldn't be ignored. (And I guarantee, once you lose yourself in the music, you'll feel so much better.)
Good to hear from you, Susan!
ReplyDeleteYour great attitude towards everything always amazes me. You will find yourself again, I just know it.
Thanks, Alex. It's humbling that you guys are still out there listening. :)
DeleteI've always believed that even though we may not be in control of our circumstances, we DO have the freedom to choose how we respond to them. I choose to be happy. And it shouldn't be TOO hard to find myself again... I know I'm around here somewhere... :)
very glad you surfaced sunny side up (except for the days when maybe there's a stress frown). You are strong and fabulous and you are still Mike's wife - he's just not there in person to contain you or say, "No, don't throw that away." (I understand that part and it's okay)
ReplyDeleteSax, accordion, learn the kazoo - that way when we meet to hang on that bench you can put down a hat and maybe folks will pitch in some money.
Take good care!
Yeah, sunny-side up is my favorite way to be. (I'd never make it as a hard-boiled egg...)
DeleteOkeydoke, we can toss that hat down, but only if you dance while I play. Or vice versa. (Wouldn't it be FUN to learn how to tap dance?!?)
Thank you so much for the letter you sent me. I'm so sorry I never got around to responding. It was such a sweet newsy kinda note, it made me feel like a young girl again, back in the days when I had a slew of pen pals. For that, I thank you. (It isn't often that I feel "young"... HA)
Take care, sweet lady, and have a super weekend.
me dancing - that could be quite sad.
Deleteand I think I said - no need to respond. If/when I write it's because I want to - I like that pen smear on my fingers.
Cheers
Thanks, kiddo. You rock.
DeleteYou didn't choose this adventure, but you're on it now. Like you, I wouldn't know what to do with bills and stuff as my husband takes care of all that.
ReplyDeleteYep, it's definitely a new adventure. I just have to pull up my big girl panties and see where it leads me.
DeleteI know you don't want to think about it, but I highly recommend that you learn more about handling your finances and stuff now. It would've been so much easier to transition into being "the one in charge" if I'd been more prepared. No, scratch that. If I'd been prepared at ALL.
Take care, sweet lady.
Hi Susan - so good to see you ... and to know you haven't changed - same sense of humour ... and rarin to get out and about and do a few things ... love the idea of the tap dancing saxophonist ... I'd no idea what a kazoo was ...
ReplyDelete... well it reminds me of a childhood 'favourite' blowing through a comb covered in hard loo paper ... sounds like it makes a similar noise - rightly or wrongly ... and having googled a very long descriptive sentence to find out ... I could have just used 'comb and paper'! The Beeb even made a video how to ...
Life is a wonderful world ... and you'll make it so ... for the family and for us, when you feel like a little 'adult blogger' chit-chat ...
Finding your way - you'll do fine ... presumably you can still call your 'hams' for help?
Mushrooms in a lasagne sauce and a house that's softer in the middle sounds a good idea - be at peace ... as Joanne says he's still there and no doubt laughing at your choices!
All the best - often thinking of you ... so this was great to see ... take care and stay sane in this covid world. Hilary xoxo
Hi-ya, Hilary. It's good to see you again, too. :)
DeleteWell... I HAVE kinda changed. I've lost weight, but I'm slowly putting some of the meat back on my bones again. And my hair! OY! My hair. It's way too long, and I'm way too old to pull off the Alice in Wonderland look. One of these days, I'll drag myself to the salon and get it cut, but for now, I content myself with merely trimming the front so it doesn't cover my eyes. (I'm too old to pull off the Veronica Lake look, too...)
Oh yeah. I forgot about making "music" by humming through a wax paper-covered comb. And yes, that's exactly the same way a kazoo works... sounds pretty much the same, too.
Yes, you're right. Life may be different, but it's still wonderful, and I'm happy to still be here. We have a TON of ham radio stuff around here, (No exaggeration!) and I'm sure our ham friends will be a huge help in finding new homes for it. Hopefully, some of the younger ones will help me with the towers and antennas. OY
Take care of yourself. In this crazy covid world... not to mention the bizarre way some of our politicians are behaving... sanity seems to be going out of style, but let's both hold onto it as best as we can, okay?
So happy to see your post today, Susan! And I always smile when I see you pop up over on my Goodreads feed. :)
ReplyDeleteI have no doubt you will be okay. The same? No. But okay? Definitely!
And I echo Alex's comment about your great attitude. You don't pretend the bad doesn't/didn't happen, but you choose to find the good, no matter how deep it might be buried. Always an excellent reminder for me. :)
Thanks! If I made you smile, my job here is done. :) For now. (As Arnie said, "I'll be Bach.")
DeleteYeah, I'm gonna be okay. Life's different, but it's still good, and I'm happy to still be here.
Take care, sweet lady.
Susan, I am so thrilled to see your Friday blog today. I hear so many things in this post and there is so much that I want to say and ask but your words are so important and honest and I want to just listen and tell you how much I am in awe of you.
ReplyDeleteWelcome back, Susan, Part 2.
Dang it, girl. Your comment is so sweet, it made me cry. Or as Sue would say, you made my eyes leak a little. Thank you.
DeleteI've said it before, and I'll say it again. I truly wish you were my neighbor. If you ever have more to say or ask, feel free to shoot me an email at any time. That "email me" badge in the sidebar makes it easy-peasy.
Take care.
You have a wonderful attitude toward life and that will take you far. No sense in complaining about what we no longer have, but taking what we've got and making the best of it is the wisest way to go. Thanks for the upbeat post, we will make it through this. Life goes on and nothing ever remains the same.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely. We'll make it through. You're my inspiration. :)
DeleteI might be trying to scare the crap outta people but here you are making us all feel so much better, about everything! The world's cheerleader is at it again! I'm so glad! I can't wait to learn all about your journey. I know it'll inspire me to be the best I can be too! Thank you!
ReplyDeleteThanks, sis. I'd happily accept the mantle of cheerleader, but I refuse to get on top of one of those cheerleading pyramids. My bones are getting too brittle... :)
DeleteMy gosh, girl ... it's SO GOOD to 'see' you here. So many folks have already said what I wish I could. Your attitude's sure enviable. Perhaps a beacon for those who've walked your walk and are still floundering. (Move over, Dear Abby.) 'Hope you'll continue to take us along on your new journey!
ReplyDeleteThanks, girl. It's good to be seen. :)
DeleteI dunno why I'm not floundering, wearing sackcloth and covering myself in ashes. Probably because I had a relatively long time to prepare for the inevitable, and at the end, the inevitable was a blessing.
You have to keep trying new things, it's what makes life worth living and what keeps us alive and I'm sure your loved husband would want no less for you. Since my second wife left me I have given up smoking, drinking (well getting potted every night anyway), self published two books that no one has read but had a blast doing, started a blog, learned to play guitar (getting pretty not awful) took up golf again, improved my bowling, and married for the third and final time, this one a nice person on my same wave length.
ReplyDeleteGood for you! Moving forward and making changes isn't always easy, but it sounds like you aced the test. And as the saying goes, the third time's the charm. Ya done good.
DeleteMaybe you can play the saxophone and tap dance at the same time. The next Youtube hit. A great attitude to have though. And bunkbeds for the kiddos is a win too. Steal em, spoil em, and send em back lol
ReplyDeleteReinvent myself? What a rhyming cat isn't good enough? A yappy dog better? haha
Not sure I'm coordinated enough to tap dance and play the sax at the same time... but it'd be kinda fun to try.
DeleteWell. MOST of us should consider reinvention. But there's not much room to improve on a sassy rhyming cat, now, is there? :)
Susan, You are truly my hero. I can’t believe how much you’ve accomplished after such a devastating loss. Within a very short time, you’ve become a detective, accountant, carpenter, and you’re already on the verge of mastering even more tasks! Your children and grandchildren must be so proud of you. And I’m proud to call you my friend. I will live vicariously through you whether you decide to join a theater group, or take up the saxophone. xo
ReplyDeleteJulie
Thanks, Julie. Ya know, you don't have to "live vicariously" through me... there's no reason YOU can't join a theater group or take up the sax. :) (Or whatever the heck else you might like to do.)
DeleteStill thinking of you at 1700hrs every day, friend Susan. Much love, cat.
ReplyDeleteThanks, sweetie. I appreciate it. Much love back atcha.
DeleteYES to all that! Sending a humongous cheer to you as you tap-sax your way towards a mushrooming child filled soft clear spacious future xxx
ReplyDeleteThanks. (Man, what a classy cheer!) :)
DeleteYou have such a great attitude, Susan. I'm amazed and I imagine Smarticus is sitting up there saying, 'That's my girl." Theater sounds like a great way to start since you could take on a role that suits, big or small. You go girl!
ReplyDeleteI hope Smarticus is watching over me. I talk to him from time to time, so it'd really be nice to know he's listening.
DeleteYeah, I think getting involved with the theater group would be a blast, but it's been a LOT of years since I last sang or acted in front of an audience, so I dunno. Not sure if my rememberer is up to the task any more, but it'd be fun to find out. If nothing else, I could work backstage. Or (sigh) sell tickets...
The hole will probably always be there, but you will find yourself. I like your attitude. Change is part of life. Might as well make the best of it.
ReplyDeleteIt's a little difficult for an old dinosaur like me to embrace change, but it beats going extinct.
DeleteDear Susan, it's after 2am and I'm still trying to explore what I read here. Diana Krall's lovely lyrics...
ReplyDelete"Whatever comes next
There's no way to know
I'll make it up as I go."
...seem to say --if not all, then-- all that can be said at times like these, or any times. Norma and I have a close relationship, but she's way healthier, more vigorous, smarter than I and will doubtless survive me like any other minor irritant. That's what I wish for in this REAL world: her happiness. Doubtless, Mike wished the same for you. Don't you dare go extinct.
Hi-ya, dude. I'm really glad you listened to the lyrics to that song. They do a great job expressing my feelings, and I think they're pretty darned appropriate for all of us these days.
ReplyDeleteMike has always been the healthier one in our marriage, so I've always believed I'd be the first one to die. In fact, I prayed for just that, because I honestly didn't believe I could survive without him... and believed he'd be just fine without me. I guess God had other ideas.
Don't you be flirting with extinction, either. There's lots and lots of good things to come for you and Norma. I'm sure of it.
This: Just... different. It will always be... different. This is truth. You're doing great. Enjoy whatever path you decide to walk.
ReplyDeleteThe other night, my husband pointed out that we have been a couple together for more years than we were individuals. I hadn't really thought of that. But like you and Mike, we have our give and takes. He takes care of me and I take care of him. I watch action movies, though I hate them and he'll watch royal documentaries for me. I suppose it's not so much 1950s as it is the necessary give and take of a happy marriage. I can't even imagine adjusting to a new normal. But I imagine if anyone can nail it, it's you. You're one courageous, wonderful lady. One day at a time. One step at a time and you'll get through. When my brother (then others) passed, some days I'd only feel like crying, so cry is what I did. I decided they deserved to be missed so there was no shame in the tears. Eventually, the tearful days were farther between and I reminded myself to live a life that honored them. I imagined reaching the Pearly Gates, seeing them again, and giving them an account of all that I did. Every time I felt like saying the hell with getting out of bed, I could hear my brother (he was the sassiest!) in my head say, "Don't put that shit on me!"
ReplyDeleteBut that's just my brother. I can't imagine losing my he-says-he's-better half. But know that you're in my thoughts and my prayers. Also, I would miss you bunches if you quit. Even if I've been a horrible blogger throughout the Covid season, I do love my bloggy friends.
I forgot to add that you're one of the best of those bloggy friends. You're one special lady. Hugs.
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