Pssst... Need a News Fix?

Thought for the day:  If Thomas Edison invented electric light today, the news would report it as "candle-making industry threatened."  [Newt Gringrich]

Hi. My name is Susan. I am an information junkie and newspaper addict. How about you?

As anyone who reads a lot of newspapers can attest, headlines are sometimes written with some mighty questionable word choices. (I mean, come on! Do they even read what they write?) Sure, sometimes the wording might be an intentional play on words, like the headline a friend sent me recently. It's  from a June 14, 1996 Toronto newspaper, and reads, Marijuana issue sent to joint committee.

No argument... that'd be a rather appropriate place to send it, dontcha think? But was the wording intentional... or an inadvertent funny? I dunno. You decide.

It's been quite a while since we took a look at some newspaper headlines that tickle my funnybone, so we're gonna do that today. But first, let's take a quick look at some blogosphere news, shall we?

Remember the False Start Friday idea that Suze came up with last November? Participants got to resurrect a dead snippet of their old writing, dust it off, and then give it a new lease on live by posting it on their blog. Well, it's baaaaack. Only two dates slated for it this time, though: this coming Friday, and the last Friday in February. Wanta get in on the fun? It's probably too late to sign up for this week, but you could always give it a shot. (Might help if you can squeeze out a virtual tear or two while begging Suze to let you in.) If not this week, then how about next month? I promise: no one will throw stones at your baby. And you might be surprised... it just might turn out that you decide to keep that baby in the land of the living and do some more work on it. Who knows? It could happen. Um, I'm not sure why this particular picture is associated with False Starts,  but it doesn't mean you have to write sci-fi. Anything goes.

                                         [Don't trust atoms. They make everything up.]

Coming up next Monday is a blogfest sponsored by a fabulous (and international) foursome: Stephen Tremp, Mark Koopmans, Elise Fallson, and Carolyn Brown. The idea for that one is, obviously, to briefly introduce yourself to a bunch of bloggers who don't know much of anything about you (Maybe 100 words or so.) No telling what you might have in common with some of the other people you might meet through this fest. Kinda like speed-meeting. You can sign up on any of those four blog links.

[Hello, I love you, won't you tell me your name? Jim Morrison ]

This last blogfest I wanta tell you about isn't gonna take place until March, but telling you now gives you the opportunity to give it some thought. What it, you ask? Suppose you answer your front door one morning and find a box addressed to you... from you. More precisely, from a you ten years in the future. What do you suppose might be in that box? This fest has three super-cool hostesses: Suze... Nicki Elson ... and Mary Pax. Sound like fun? If you wanta take a fun trip back from the future, click on the badge in the sidebar, and register today... or tomorrow... or yesterday. Whatever. Just do it.

[Time travel used to be thought of as just science fiction, but Einstein's general theory of relativity allows for the possibility that we could warp space-time so much that you could go off in a rocket and return before you set out.  Stephen Hawking]

Okay, that's all the bloggie news for now. Ready for some interesting headlines?

Oh, yeah. Just one more thing. Today's thought for the day reminded me of something else. In 1845, Frenchmen Frederic Bastiat wrote a satirical letter to the French Parliament, expressing his tongue-in-cheek concerns regarding the candle-making industry. He wrote: We are suffering from the ruinous competition of a rival who apparently works under conditions so far superior to our own for the production of light that he is flooding the domestic market with it at an incredibly low cost... This rival, which is none other than the sun, is waging war on us... We ask you to be so good as to pass a law requiring the closing of all windows, dormers, skylights...    

                             Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.                                

Cold Enough For Ya?

Thought for the day:  It's been so cold in Texas, my brother's rooster ran into KFC and begged to use the pressure cooker.

[seniorark]

Okay, so I lied. Parts of Texas have been bitterly cold this year, (right, Jon?) but not where my brother lives, so none of his chickens have actually made a suicide run to KFC.

So sue me. I thought it was funny.

I don't know where that incredible ice storm picture I found at seniorark was taken, but I do know it's someplace I don't wanta be. How about you? Has it been a cold winter where you live?  I know some of you guys reading this are in the middle of a miserable summer heat wave right now, but most of us are in the middle of winter. Not that you'd know it around here. It was 76 degrees a couple weekends ago, and our daffodils look like they're gonna bloom any day now.

Nonetheless, I trust that some of you are feeling the cold right now, are seeing snow outside your window, and are already daydreaming about springtime. So these are just for you...

[seniorark]

How cold is it? It's so cold...

• Hitchhikers are holding up pictures of a thumb.
• A recorded message at the  911 center says to call back in the spring.
• I saw a squirrel throwing himself at an electric fence.
• My friend chipped a tooth on her soup.
• The old lady across the street couldn't believe how badly her teeth were chattering last night. They were sitting in a glass at the time. 
• Starbucks started selling coffee on a stick.
• When farmers milk their cows, they get ice cream.
• If you can believe it, politicians have their hands in their OWN pockets.
• I saw a dog over on Main Street. The poor thing was frozen to the fire hydrant.
• We have one of those new rain showerheads. I love it, but the other day, when I turned it on, I got hail.
• My husband and I ate lunch at a greasy spoon yesterday... just for the heartburn.
• EVERYBODY has a stiff upper lip.

[Morguefile]

So, let's chat. Wanta know why  cold weather is on my mind today? 

I'll tell ya. Because of Julie Flanders' hot new book with a super cool title:  Polar Night. 

And that's not ALL!

[Morguefile]

I'm plunging in to help her cover make a big splash!

                                                                   

                                                                   Ready to see it? 

                                                           

                                                            It is absolutely gorgeous.

                                                                     

                                                                     Chillingly so...

                                         

                                      WOW, right? Wanta hear something about the book?

                                                    Take it awaaaaay, Julie:

Book Blurb: When Detective Danny Fitzpatrick leaves his hometown of Chicago and moves to Fairbanks, Alaska he wants nothing more than to escape the violence and heartbreak that left his life in pieces. Numbed by alcohol and the frozen temperatures of an Alaskan winter, Danny is content with a dead-end job investigating Fairbanks' cold cases. That all changes when a pretty blond woman goes missing on the winter solstice, and Danny stumbles upon some surprising connections between her disappearance and that of another Fairbanks woman three years earlier. Forced out of his lethargy, Danny sets out to both find the missing woman and solve his own cold case.

The investigation points Danny towards Aleksei Nechayev, the handsome and charming proprietor of an old asylum turned haunted tourist attraction in the Arctic town of Coldfoot. As he tries to find a link between Nechayev and his case, Danny's instinct tells him that Nechayev is much more than what he seems.

Danny has no idea that Nechayev is hiding a secret that is much more horrifying than anything he could ever have imagined. As his obsession with finding the missing women grows, Danny finds his own life in danger. And when the truth is finally revealed, the world as he knows it will never be the same.

Bio: Julie Flanders is a librarian and a freelance writer who has written for both online and print publications. She is an avid animal lover and shares her home in Cincinnati, Ohio with her dog and cat. Polar Night, a suspense thriller with a supernatural twist, is her first novel. It will be published by Ink Smith Publishing on February 7, 2013. Find Julie online at her blog, on Twitter, and on Facebook.

******

There ya go. February 7 is the date to remember. Best wishes to Julie for a red hot launch next month.

******

Okay, I'm on a roll with this whole talking about cold stuff, so I'm gonna share one more thing with you before wrapping it up. You know how the people in some cities pride themselves on being able to handle frigid temperatures better than people in other cities? There have been quite a few funny pieces written along this line about various American cities, and you may have seen some of them. One of the truly cool things about amateur radio is how it opens the door to enjoying friendships with people from all over the world. So, thanks to amateur radio, and specifically to a funny Finnish amateur radio operator, here's a fun piece about cold-weather fortitude... with a bit of an international flair. All temperatures are in degrees Centigrade.

• +15 --- Spanish wear caps, gloves, and winter coats; Finns are sunbathing.
• +10 --- French desperately try to get their central heating on; Finns plant flowers.
• + 5 --- Italian cars won't start; Finns drive convertibles.
•    0 --- Pure water freezes; water in River Vantaa thickens a bit.
• - 5 --- First people are found frozen in California; Finnish midsummer festival ends.
• -10 --- Scots turn the heat on in their houses; Finns start to wear long-sleeved shirts.
• -20 --- Swedes stay indoors; Finns are having last barbecue before winter.
• -30 --- Half of the Greek people have been frozen to death; Finns start to dry laundry indoors.
• -50 --- Polar bears evacuate North Pole; Finnish army starts its winter training.
• -70 --- Siberians are moving to Moscow; Finns are furious, because their Kiskenkorva liquor can't be stored outdoors anymore.
• -273 --- Absolute zero; Finns admit that it is quite cold outside.
• -300 --- Hell freezes over; Finland wins the World Cup.

So, there ya have it. Time for a cuppa hot tea, dontcha think? Or maybe ...  a little nap.

    [Morguefile]

                                    Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.

Touchdown!

Thought for the day:  Both optimists and pessimists contribute to the society. The optimist invents the aeroplane, the pessimist the parachute.  [George Bernard Shaw]

USS Enterprise

After an illustrious 51-year career, USS Enterprise, the world's first nuclear-powered aircraft carrier, was put out to pasture last month. Actor William Shatner, who captained the other Enterprise, with which most people are a lot more familiar, was invited to the December 2 ceremony, but after much bally-ho, was unable to beam in for the auspicious occasion.

(Snap fingers.) Come to think of it, you've probably seen more of this newly decommissioned carrier than you realize. Did you see the movie Top Gun? If so, you saw the Enterprise, because that's where parts of the movie were filmed. Remember those hair-raising landings? If not, take a peek...

                                                   Whew, that's something else, isn't it?

 Guess what? Know what today is? It just so happens to be the anniversary of  the first time a pilot landed an airplane onto a ship. How about that? And just how long ago do you think that might've been? Think it happened with a sleek military jet? Think again.

Meet Eugene Ely, who set his Curtiss Model D Pusher biplane down on the deck of the U.S.S. Pennsylvania while she floated in San Francisco Bay... on January 18, 1911. That's right... just eight short years after the Wright brothers made their first flight at Kitty Hawk. His biplane, equipped with a 60 HP V-8 engine, flew a whopping 50 MPH.

Just a little over two months earlier, Ely successfully completed another experiment: he took off from the deck of the U.S.S. Alabama. But landing... now landing was gonna be a lot more problematic... and airplanes wouldn't be of much use to the Navy if they couldn't take off AND land.

Before Ely could take a whack at the second experiment, a temporary 133-foot long landing strip was built above the afterdeck and gun turret.

Okay, here he comes! Notice the sandbags lining the landing strip? Ely's plane was fitted with an experimental tailhook, and the plan was to stop the plane by snagging that hook onto one or two of the twenty-two ropes strung between those 50-pound sandbags. The ropes were a foot above the deck, and the bags were spaced three feet apart. And I'll betcha Ely's heart was pounding like a jackhammer on speed.

SUCCESS!









Captain Pond, Pennsylvania's commanding officer, called it the most important landing of a bird since the dove flew back to Noah's ark.

The conquering hero. (Still a little shaky, I'll bet.)





And so it was that the young Eugene Ely's name was entered into the record books. He was the first person in the world to take off from... and land on... a ship. The rest is, as they say... history.

[Unfortunately, he died in a plane crash later that year while performing in an air show at Macon, Georgia. This history-making pilot with a boatload of moxie was only twenty-four years old.]


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Landing on the ship during the daytime is like sex: it's either good or it's great. Landing on the ship at night is like a trip to the dentist: you may get away with no pain, but you just don't feel comfortable. [LCDR Thomas Quinn, US Navy]

The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. The night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life to experience all three at the same time. [an unnamed... but honest...  Navy pilot]

Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take-offs you've made. [another unnamed... but smartass... Navy pilot]

Flying is the second greatest thrill known to man. Landing is the first.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

                           Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.

[All of these public domain images come courtesy of the U.S. Naval History Center, the National Air & Space Museum, and good ol' Wikipedia.]