Monday, February 20, 2012

Blowing in the Wind

Thought for the day:  Beans, beans, the musical fruit; the more you eat, the more you toot. The more you toot, the better you'll feel, so beans, beans for every meal!

Nope; it wasn't ME!
Have you ever wondered what makes something funny? What makes one person laugh uproariously at a comic, while the next holds his nose and says the routine stinks?  I mean, we all laugh at something. Even little babies laugh.

Music and laughter ... universal languages. Is there anything better than the sound of a baby's unbridled belly laugh? That in itself sounds like music. We cross our eyes and stick out our tongues and make all kinds of faces at them, tickle their chubby little bellies, and make weird noises, just to entertain them, hoping to see and hear their precious laughter.

And what does almost every baby in the world think is funny?

                                         Apparently, they're partial to farts ... those musical toots.

Please don't think lesser of me, but (gasp!) so am I. There must be something wrong with me. Maybe a twisted kink in my DNA helix has stunted my maturation process. That would explain it. Why else would a woman my age still think flatulence is so darned funny?

I know. Embarrassing, isn't it?

What three qualities matter most to you in the people you hang around with? For me, it'd have to be kindness, intelligence, and a good sense of humor. But lately, I've begun to question the quality of my sense of humor, because I must admit; few things are off-limits to me when it comes to cracking a joke or twisting words into a groan-worthy pun, and it doesn't take a lot to make me laugh.

Like last week. While talking to a  gastroenterologist's appointment nurse on the phone, I asked her where I should report. Upstairs, where my regular doc saw patients? No, I was to go downstairs. "Figures," I said. "In the bowels of the building." Nothing. (Tough audience.) So I apologized, and said she must hear that all the time. Nope. I was the first. See? Sick sense of humor.

Then there was the time my husband came home from a hunting trip and told me about a rather harrowing experience he'd had driving one of the other fellas to the hospital. (The poor guy fell out of a tree stand.) On the way to the hospital, my husband looked out his truck window and saw a wheel roll past. Turned out it was HIS wheel. Needless to say, he got everything fixed, and got the guy to the hospital okay, but what would YOU have said to him under the circumstances? Me? I sang. Uh-huh. I sang, You picked a fine time to leave me, loose wheel ...  See? Sick, sick, sick.  But not as sick as my penchant for potty humor.

Years ago, when our daughter was about eleven, she ... how shall I say this ... cut the cheese in church. Not noisily, mind you, but with an exuberant and lingering bouquet. Most normal mothers would have scolded her for not saving her stink for the bathroom, or at least given her a suitably disapproving look. Not me. I leaned over and whispered, "Gives a whole new meaning to church pew, huh?"

Fortunately, we weren't asked to vacate the premises.

This is an ACTUAL musical!
But I can't help it. I think the sounds of  flatulence are absolutely hysterical.

Call me gauche, but the very idea of a musical about a man's fartistic abilities strikes me as fall-down-on-the-floor funny. (I mean, really! Can you imagine a man on stage tooting his arse  like a trumpet?)

                                             Can you watch this video without laughing? I can't.

The end of last year, my husband and I encountered two little boys playing with toys they'd pulled off the shelf in the Dollar Store. Whoopie cushions. The more rude noises they squeezed out of them, the more they laughed. Um, me too. Matter of fact, I just HAD to get me one of those things. For one of our grandsons, of course. Didn't mean I couldn't entertain myself by squeezing it as we went through the store. (WHAT? I had to make sure it worked, didn't I?) Anyhow, the intended recipient of the grand gift didn't enjoy it nearly as much as his younger siblings. Especially the twenty-month-old, who would squeeze out a good one, wrinkle his nose, and say, "EWWWWW! Schtinky!" Then he'd laugh hysterically. Um, me too.

It was about then I began to wonder if some aspects of my humor weren't a tad juvenile. I mean, laughing at the same thing a twenty-month-old found amusing? The same thing that makes babies all over the world laugh?

But, as it turns out, I'm not alone. That book on the left? Belongs to my husband. Our daughter gave it to him. (Yeah, I probably ruined her with that pew crack.) The shameful truth is ... our whole family cracks up at bathroom humor.

And we aren't the only ones. The reason for this, I don't know, but many people find flatulence hilarious. Not burps, or hiccoughs, or sneezes ... just poots.

My husband emailed me a newspaper article recently about a little girl who won a speech contest with her speech about ... you guessed it ... farts. I even read an article in a scientific journal about a medical researcher whose major focus is studying ... you guessed it ...  farts. (Guess his lab is in the bowels of the building too, eh?) Sorry. And another about an Australian study to determine whether pooting in the O.R. could contaminate the field of operation. The conclusion? There's a minute possibility, but only if the perpetrator is naked and taking direct aim at the surgical site. But, don't worry about your surgeon eating beans. According to the study, flatus germs are as benign as the bacteria in your yogurt. Both of these article, I must say, although reporting on the results of serious studies, (or as serious as studies in this particular field can be) were full of puns, innuendos, and fart jokes. Y'know, like something I would've written.

                                                               Kinda made me proud.

So, um bottom line, maybe I'm okay after all. Right. I'm a mature sophisticated woman. (Shut up. This is MY fantasy.) And maybe I'm not the only one with an inner child squealing I don't wanta pull your finger.

So, how's the wind blow with you? Fart jokes crack you up, too, or do they just plain stink?  And what's the most inappropriate thing you've ever said or done in the name of humor? Come on. You can tell me ...

                                There was an old fellow named Clyde
                                Who fell into an outhouse and died.
                                One day, his brother
                                Fell into another,
                                And now they're in-turd side by side.

                                 Until next time, take care of yourselves. And each other.


  1. I'll never forget when I saw the campfire scene in Blazing Saddles with my parents, and we were all laughing hysterically in the theater! I wasn't allowed to say the F-word (fart) at home, yet we all were rolling on the floor! Susan, I also make jokes while I'm wide awake during colonoscopies, and I think the doctor wants to knock me out so I'll shut up! I love your sense of humor! Julie

  2. Best to have a sense of humour about them, at some time we will all have an indiscretion.

  3. I think the reason babies laugh at farts is because it tickles. Turns out that it continues to tickle well into adulthood. I have always loved and been a sucker for slap schtick, but like you, I find that my attempts at such humor usually fall flat-u-lent! Har Har Har.

  4. I presume you haven't encountered Mr Methane.

    I hope the link works; if not just look for Mr M.

  5. Thanks for a great laugh -- that was a GAS!

  6. I'm afraid I find them seriously amusing, too. Hubs and I once spent an evening entertaining ourselves at this site:

    Why, yes, there may have been alcohol involved. ;)

  7. How could anyone not laugh at your jokes?!? Those were hilarious.

  8. Julie- Our family split a gut over that scene in "Blazing Saddles", too. (I wouldn't be surprised if our kids can still spout some of the lines from that movie word for word.) I wasn't allowed to say "fart" as a kid, either. It was always "stinker". Didn't stop me from making "stinker" noises by blowing on my arm, though. (Such a sweet little girl ...) I'm so glad we're on the same humor wavelength.

    Delores- Yeah, "indiscretions." That's it. And things can get REAL "indiscreet" if one eats a couple sugar-free cookies.

    Mr. C- Yeah, it does tickle the little ones, especially if they're sitting in a bathtub when natures let a little air out of their bottoms. But the fake poot sounds alone are enough to make 'em giggle, too. "Fell flat-ulent" ... good one!

    Cro- Thanks. That's hysterical. (I especially like it when he blows out the birthday candles!)

    Chris- Just call me "Jumping Jack Flash" ... (Glad ya liked it.)

    Linda- Oh, that site's hysterical, too! Um, yes, adult beverages do up the hilarity level of such things tremendously.

    L.G.- Oh, I'm so glad you thought it was funny. (I was a teensy bit concerned some people might be offended.)

    Y'all take care.

  9. That was hilarious! Gotta love a woman who can stare flatuence in the face...and laugh! :)

  10. Bottom burps keep you healthy. I am sure there is a study somewhere about proving that those with a laughing ass live longer.

    I love puns and when people groan at mine, I am complimented. It means they gave it thought. However, when it goes over their heads, I want to question their ability to think. I guess I need to be appreciated.

  11. DL- Glad you liked it. But I dunno about that staring it in the face stuff, though. (We don't wanta get TOO close ...)

    Arleen- Oh, "bottom burps"! That's a new one on me. Love it! Ditto the "laughing ass." Yes, you're right; it requires a certain amount of mental agility to "get" puns. So, why in the world are they considered the "lowest form of humor?" (But not by ME. I certainly appreciate your humor!)

  12. I love baby laughs.

    Your post reminded me of a scene in Dogs and Cats when they discussed how mature animals are because they take responsibility for their own toots.
    But our Lab doesn't. She just acts like nothing happened.

  13. Lol!! I am envious of your quick wit. I love it when people can come up with things like that right off the cuff. Still giggling about...bowels of the basement. ;-)

  14. Connie- There is NOTHING as sweet as a baby's all-out belly laugh. No inhibitions, just sheer joy. I came across a really funny video on Youtube showing a dog's reactions to "toot" sounds. Your lab may not claim 'em, but that dog in the video acted like the sounds emanated from his posterior.

    Tracy- Thanks. It's great as long as I remember not to say EVERY smart remark that pops into my head. (Some things are best left unsaid!)

  15. I'm laughing sooooo hard I might tootle. I laughed at the video. I laughed at Windbreakers. I laughed at the limerick. I can't think of the most inappropriate humorous thing I've done because there have been so many.


  16. Happened to run across this site via Stephen Fry on Twitter today. You're welcome.

  17. Susan, you're a riot. A month or so ago, my son came home with something gooey in a tube that made farting noises. I couldn't get him to stop playing with it.

    Love that bit about the wheel. I know it couldn't have been funny to him, but like you, I laugh at the weirdest things.

  18. My children (10 & 12) regularly quote the rhyme about beans.

    Coming from an Oxford education, some of our toilet graffiti was more refined, e.g.:

    Oh vitreous seat of sweet repose,
    With ambient air of fragrant rose,
    Now, from thy tranquil depths are heard
    The plop of my descending turd.

  19. Wow. This is an amazing post, and very timely. My children are quite obsessed with fart jokes these days, especially my 6yo. I've been reading a lot of Super Diaper Baby and this other book called, I kid you not, Sweet Farts. Sigh.

  20. This was hilarious! Just tonight, my daughter was mad and stomping around, then she let one rip. I died. She got even more angry. If one of my boys had done that, he would have been rolling on the floor with me!

  21. I have to find them amusing or I'd be gassed out of the house literally.

    As for embarrassing...Once while shopping with my daughter and my significant other, I was walking along thinking I did the butt clench rather well - you know quiet farts.

    Turns out since I'm deaf, my tooting isn't so quiet after all. Apparently I was farting like a gunwale all through the store and getting a few horrifying looks. My cohorts, those crimey traitors were laughing so hard they may as well have been rolling around on the ground. Neither of them said a word of warning to me. *Shrugs* What are you going to do but join them.

    Unfortunately, if you make me laugh while I'm trying not to fart, I'll just end up tooting louder than ever. (Hugs)Indigo

  22. Our version of that poem starts, 'Beans, beans good for your heart, the more you eat the more you fart'.

    Our whole family cracks up whenever anyone farts. We laugh a lot!

  23. Janie- Glad you got such a good laugh out of this. And ya know, under the circumstances, if you woulda pooted, that would've probably made you laugh even harder.

    L.G.- Thank you! Too, too funny. And to think, now when you guys read anything about farts ... why, maybe you'll think of ... me! (Hmmm, not sure if that's good or not ...)

    J.L.- I hate to tell ya, but your son will probably never grow out of it. My older son is forty, and if he had a tube of gross gooey stuff that made farting noises ... he'd squeeze it, too! (Um, so would I.)

    Botanist- Oh, that has GOT to be the BEST toilet graffiti EVER! (I could hardly wait to share it with my husband!) Thanks for the chuckle.

    Sarah- I'll betcha your 6-year-old would LOVE a whoopie cushion.

    Adrienne- Is your daughter a teenager? Self-conscious teenage girls are the most likely to be embarrassed by the "indignity" of their own poots. (I would've laughed at her, too!)

    Indigo- Your comments made me laugh out loud. I think we're all familiar with the old "butt clench" trick, but the thought of those "silent-but-deadly" emanations not being so silent after all is totally hilarious. Thanks for sharing.

    Sarah- Laughter is good for the heart, too, right? So, bring on the beans!

  24. I still laugh at farts. I just can't help it. My boys think it's great.

    When I see the title of the latest Twilight movie, "Breaking Dawn," I can't help but think "Breaking Wind."

    I'm not a fan of the movies, but then again, I tried reading three of the books, and I'd rather have smelled a fart.

  25. Jay- Well, if this post has taught us nothing else, (and, uh, well, I suppose it hasn't been one of my more "educational") it's taught us this: It's OK to laugh at farts! (Gas masks are optional.)

  26. If your sense of humour is juvenial, than I'm afraid I'm guilty of the same thing because I enjoy a good laugh every time I come here!

  27. Kara- Super! (Actually, I believe it requires a superior intellect such as ours to have a real appreciation for high-brow stuff like Schweddy Balls.)

  28. Susan... my cheeks hurts -- no, not those ones!!! From giggling, I mean. I am actually relieved to hear you say/write this. I shall cancel my doc appointment immediately... there's nothing wrong with me! Wahoo! There's a song by the Cranberries that always cracks me up... "did you have to, did you have to, did you have to let it linger... "

    You're the best. :D

  29. Carrie- Hi-ya. So glad you made it by before the stink wore off. Nope, not a darned thing wrong with you. (I hope you checked out Cro's link for Mr. Methane, too.) Those song lyrics fit the bill perfectly.

  30. You got me with the laughing baby. :)

  31. Tonja- I'm glad. (It's impossible to be in a bad mood around a laughing baby, isn't it?) Take care.

  32. Hi Susan .. that's a long post about faaaaaaarting ... so funny though - and we do all laugh so much about it - and blame others.

    My mother and have had some hysterical times when she's been farting in the bed at the Nursing Home .. we just crease up - and it's so good for her .. good exercise! That's my excuse for farting!!

    That woman and cameraman must have had so much fun making that video ..

    Cheers Hilary

  33. Hi, Hilary. Yeah, it was a little long, but I'm glad you thought it was funny. And I'm glad you and your mom are still laughing together. Keeps us young. Okay, so maybe not "young", but we get old a lot faster when we stop seeing the humor in life.

  34. OMG! Reading this post was pure pleasure. "Bowels of the building"! LOL! Guess, I'm immature, too, because I'm sitting here laughing my head off (and that video? hilarious!). Maybe it's funny because it's just so basic. All of us fart. Along with death and taxes, there's no escaping it! I think it also says that we can laugh at ourselves. I love your sick, twisted sense of humor, Susan, and I say keep pushing that envelope!

  35. Intricate Knot- We're not immature. We're merely young at heart. I'm soooo glad you found this stuff funny, too. All us sick twisted humor folks have to stick together.